“I’m not in a position to pay a lot right now, Venus. I can do something of course, but not as much as I would have normally. I’m starting over with my new career teaching. Let me tell you, it’s not for the person on the fast track. Money is sparse.”
Venus was too busy being shocked by his chosen topic of conversation to respond.
“I was in the beginning stages of my career when my two girls were coming up, just like now.” He turned away from the window for a moment and looked back at her. “This is déjà vu. Wanda made things difficult for me, you know all about that. We talked about that. I didn’t want to go down this road ever again.”
Venus swallowed hard dry gulps, still unable to respond. This road … children?
“If we could just agree to do the best we can, together.”
“Of course. Of course, that’s what I want, total agreement—”
“You say that now. But I know how it’s going to go, I’ll get the phone call one evening, you not feeling like things are equal. You’ll say I’m not doing my share. Day-care costs. Medical, preschool, it all adds up, Venus.”
“Airic, I can take care of Mya on my own. You know that I want you to—”
“What, Venus? You want me to, what—pick her up every other weekend, take her for walks in the stroller while you’re working, show up on birthdays and holidays with a pretty box that has something she’s not even interested in because I’m so out of touch with her life? Is that what you want?”
“Yes. Absolutely. I want you to be there. Memories, Airic, that’s it, that’s all we have. When it’s all said and done … in the end, memories are our most priceless possessions.” She swiped the tear that escaped down her cheek. “I want her to remember her father, her mother, grandparents, friends that came and went But money? It’s not about money. I’m so far past that. Possessions and time clocks, trying to keep up the pace with what other people have or what they think I should have. Been there, done that.” The baby jerked in her arms like she was having a bad dream, then a half smile formed on her small lips. Venus thought she was too young to know the meaning of a smile, but who could say for sure?
She turned her attention back to Airic. “It’s just about her, now. That’s it”
“Don’t fool yourself, Venus. This magical world you’ve dreamed of, the children, and family, it doesn’t work without money, and lots of it. The happy memories won’t happen without someone paying for them. All I’m saying is I fully plan to meet my obligations. I just don’t want it to turn into something ugly.”
“Me … turning it into something ugly?”
“Yes, you. This could have all been so simple.”
“Simple? How? How was any of this simple? You never wanted to marry me … not until you found out I was pregnant and don’t stand there pretending any different.”
“I’m not pretending. At least I have the decency to be straightforward. You seem to think there’s a fairy-tale world out there where people fall madly in love and stay that way.” He sat on the bed and pulled out his checkbook and pen.
“What are you doing?” Venus felt like kicking him off the edge of the bed but knew the jolt would shake Mya awake. She tried to stay calm. The rhythm of her voice skipped high and unbalanced. “This child is more than an obligation, do you understand? And if you’re going to make her feel that way in your presence, then you don’t ever need to come around.”
He stood up, pushing his wares back into his jacket pocket. He took a deep breath and exhaled relief. “One day you’re going to have to grow up.”
“If you’re an example, I don’t ever want to get there,” she said through clenched teeth, conscious of her tone. She didn’t want Mya to experience one moment of uncertainty. She watched as his brown loafers moved to the door. It swung open, then he was gone. Venus closed her eyes. Expectations, such a filthy word. She wiped the tears before they made it past the wells under her eyes.
“Way to tell him.” The voice came from the other side of the curtain. Then the blue fabric shifted to one side. Mrs. Cotter had eaten her cookies and was well on her way to recovery. She smiled, tired with sympathy. “Can I come over?” The neat line of cornrows tight against her scalp pulled her eyes back a bit. “Ain’t it a shame? We used to say, sperm didn’t make a daddy, we needed the money too; now we’re calling them checkbook daddies and that’s not enough. We want full partnership, well maybe a third.” She moved closer to the bed, leaning in to get a better look at the sleeping child. “What’s her name?”
“Mya.”
“I just had my third, a boy. No breast feeding for me. I’m taking advantage of my rest while I can. Make sure you do the same, ’cause you’re looking at at least three months of sleep deprivation.”
“Yeah, I’m already feeling it.” Venus yawned wide and unmasked.
“Okay, that’s my sign to let you nap. She’s beautiful,” Mrs. Cotter added. “Don’t worry, he’ll come around.” The curtain went back to its closed position. Venus never got a chance to add her own two cents to Mrs. Cotter’s statement about the checkbook daddies. She knew for certain not to hold her breath for Airic to change the way he felt. She’d witnessed it all along but had ignored the signals. He’d kept his distance from his other two daughters, basically feeling there was nothing for him to do but write checks and send unfeeling gifts. Most people saw what they wanted instead of what was really there. Venus was most people.
Once again she closed her eyes, not meaning to fall into a deep unshakable sleep, one that included a blissful dream, one of Jake smiling down on her, asking, “Did you miss me?” The slow rhythm of his words, the honest tone of his voice, she would have guessed it was all too real, especially when she felt his smooth lips on the bridge of her nose.
Yes, she’d missed him. She curled up the same way she did on the many nights they talked on the phone, his voice soothing and caring. Yes, she missed him deeply.
“You know what this means, don’t you?”
“What?” Venus found herself sitting up in the dream. He sat on the edge of the bed holding a soft mound in his arms wrapped in a blanket. So many things he was good at, so many things his natural ability. She couldn’t resist reaching out, touching him, tracing the line from his ear to the wide stance of his shoulder.
His smooth palm cupped her face “Means you finished something. Those lines in your hands … guess they finally connected.”
“What about yours?”
He put up his hand showing her his palm. She felt her hand rise in a high five, their fingers interlocked. “Finally met their match. A line for a line.” He looked down on the sleeping child. “Guess we’ll have to warn her when she grows up. Life isn’t always simple. Straight lines may be the quickest way to a destination, but think about all you’d miss in the middle.”
“So wise to be so young,” Venus chided, the tears swelling underneath her closed lids. She wanted to open them, but feared … it truly was only a dream.
“I love you,” he whispered in her ear.
“I love you, too.”
“Can you look me in the eye when you say that?”
Venus opened her eyes slowly. It was real. He was real. He held Mya in his arms as if she were his very own. This time it was she who breathed out a sigh of relief.
“You really are here.” She sat up slowly, pulling the sheet over the two large wet circles on her hospital gown.
He smiled, taking her hand in his. “Nothing works without you. I jumped on a plane as soon as Wendy called.”
“She called?”
“Early this morning. Don’t be mad. I struck that deal weeks ago.”
Venus couldn’t afford to cry. She needed every liquid in her body right now especially since every ounce seemed to be excreting from her engorged breasts. She’d made deals, pacts, and promises not to cry another tear, but one look into his tender eyes and she fell into a pitiful sob. Tears of joy, she wished she could explain, but there were no words that would come.
&
nbsp; “I see I have work to do.” He rubbed a thumb across her face, clearing the constant stream.
No, she shook her head. The work was already done.
“Hey, c’mon now. You’re supposed to be happy to see me.” He squeezed Mya within their embrace, holding on to both of them.
“I am, I’m happy.” She held him tight, then pulled away, concerned about Mya between them.
He pulled her back into a soft embrace, “Uh uh, I got you now … I’m not ever letting go.”
ALWAYS THE BRIDESMAID …
AFTER the breakup with Clint three years ago, Venus couldn’t have predicted the way her life was going to turn out, not even with a wild guess. But when she’d met Airic, it all seemed to fall into place. She’d gotten back on schedule for finding her perfect mate and living in her perfect home with her perfect two point five children. It had been a work in progress since the age of five. She’d always been a planner, but how things actually ended was another story.
She’d thought about it a lot over the past six months, from the moment Wendy had announced she and Sidney were planning to renew their vows. After seventeen years it was time for a re-do. “We need this to put things right, things that have been wrong for a very long time,” she’d said to Venus while they searched the rack at Neiman Marcus for an elegant gown that didn’t scream foul play. “First thing Sidney said was, I already married you once, the deal is sealed. Then I broke it down for him … the seal had a leak, a huge one, and it needed to be repaired.”
Venus didn’t bother to tell Wendy that the leak she was referring to needed addressing at the nearest marriage counselor’s office. She didn’t see how a ceremony could fix anything. Ceremonies. Rituals. Beliefs of happy ever after.
Yet, here she was again, a bridesmaid, standing to witness a union, till death do they part, a solid oath of love and commitment that had an expiration date. Or worse, an out clause called boredom, gridlock, or just plain old-fashioned contempt. She tried to stay focused, knowing one lapse in attention; she’d see Vivica Fox at the back of the church. Her eyes drifted away from the preacher over to the bride and groom. They really did look happy. Wendy had her thick long hair pushed back and held in place with a diamondlike tiara fit for a queen. She’d ended up buying the gown at a small bridal boutique. It even had a train, something she hadn’t had the first time around. Being five months pregnant prevented formalities seventeen years ago. Wendy and Sidney had opted to carry out their ceremony in a judge’s office.
Wendy caught Venus looking her way and winked at her. For some reason that brought an anxiety she’d tried all afternoon to suppress. Venus held her breath, hoping the pastor had a closing in sight. He seemed to not want to end his performance, enjoying his nice white robe with the golden trim and tassels and all. How often did he get to wear his special robe? Venus closed her eyes with a special prayer for him to wrap this baby up, and quick.
“Wendy and Sidney, God offers us as many chances as we need to get it right. Even when it seems you’ve come to the end of your rope, never underestimate the power of God. Never feel like this union has no place to go. You have my complete admiration for knowing all things can be healed in God’s house. Today, you’ve become proof for all who stand before you that this is the doctor’s house. Now, if you will, please turn around and face your family and your friends as a testimony to the will of God.”
Venus was hoping that meant her, too; she didn’t remember this part from last night’s only rehearsal. She watched as Sidney’s brother, the groom’s man, turned slowly to face the crowd.
Yes, freedom was approaching. She just wanted to hold her baby. She looked out and zeroed in on Mya, her curly head taking in the sights, singing her own tune of life. She had a lavender dress on to match her mommy’s.
“Please repeat after me,” the pastor directed the order to the audience. “May God bless this union … in sickness and in health … and for all the days of their lives … Amen.” After the last bedraggled amen, he announced, “You, Sidney Westcott, may kiss your bride.”
Venus wore a huge smile that had nothing to do with the cameras’ flashing on and off. For the first time the nightmare, or day-mare in this case, hadn’t happened. An entire ceremony with no imagery of Clint leaving her at the altar. An excitement expanded around her chest. She was free. This time she was truly sure. The scar on her heart was healed.
She felt Wendy’s hand curl around hers. “I couldn’t have done this without you. Don’t worry, next time, it’ll be me standing by your side and you’ll be the bride.”
“Don’t worry about me.” Venus looked Wendy in the eye. “For the first time in my life, I know where I stand. There’s no alarm about to go off on this clock. I’ve got everything I want.” She wrapped her arms around her best friend. “Throw the bouquet to somebody who needs it, okay? To someone who really needs it, ’cause I don’t.” She let Wendy out of her embrace. “See that man over there holding that precious little girl …” They both looked out past the sea of people. Mya had her open hand against Jake’s mouth. He pretended to take a chunk out of her palm, sending the baby into a fit of giggles. Next to them were Pauletta and Henry; they’d flown out just for Wendy’s nuptials, happy somebody was getting married these days. “It doesn’t get any better than that.” Venus squeezed Wendy’s hand. “Just promise to visit often.”
“You know I’m going to be out there checking on my goddaughter.” Wendy blinked back tears. “I’m going to miss you that’s all. You’re going to have your mother and father, not to mention the best part.” She nodded at Jake and Mya. “I know you’re going to forget about me.”
“I couldn’t survive anywhere without you, especially not in L.A. Don’t you dare cry. Your makeup is going to be ruined and you still have a full night ahead.” Venus kissed Wendy on the cheek. “Go. Sidney is getting pummeled over there.” She turned the bride in the direction of her husband.
Wendy was effortlessly swept away by the crowd. Venus looked again in the direction of her small family. They were no longer sitting in the same spot. She looked around and began to nudge her way through the crowd, eyeing everyone until she reached the outside of the church.
It was a perfect day for a wedding. The sun shone directly overhead in an endless blue sky. She saw no one except the limo driver smoking a cigarette. He threw it down and stepped on it when he saw Venus. “Time to roll?” he said, straightening his tuxedo jacket and adjusting his sleeve cuffs.
“Soon,” Venus yelled before turning to go back inside. She picked up her dress and hiked up the long stairs of the chapel. When she reached the doors, they were locked.
She’d just come out this way, hadn’t she? She leaned her ear against the smooth wood. There wasn’t a sound to be heard, no buzz of happy people who had free champagne and cake to look forward to. She stepped back, confused. These were the same doors, she was sure. She pushed them again and they gave way.
What she saw shocked her. The audience was sitting down again, half on one side and half on the other. The pastor was standing at the end of the aisle, his arms resting at his sides with the open Bible in one hand. Wait a minute. This had already happened. Like a strange glitch in Matrix, she blinked again, trying to put herself back into real time.
“Step inside, young lady, we’re running over schedule.” This seemed to amuse the crowd. A few snickers echoed in the front of the church.
Venus looked around dumbfounded, her mouth still hung slightly open. A renewal of the renewal … had Wendy or Sidney fallen off the wagon in less than ten minutes? She tried to sort through the faces staring at her. She blinked, trying to focus on her mother and father. They were sitting in the front, smiling. Her feet began to move as the pastor had insisted, we don’t have all day, young lady. One unsteady step after the other, he continued to wave her toward him, signaling her to speed it up. Before Venus reached the end, Jake came out the side door carrying Mya.
Oh, right, it was a perfect time to take advantage of a chu
rch full of people and a pastor eager to keep the party going, a baptismal ceremony. Her mom and dad were here. Why didn’t she think of it? Venus smiled and stretched out her arms. Mya jumped, her little body landing firm against her breast that had shrunk to disappointing AA’s, one cup smaller than she’d started out.
Jake kissed her on the lips a little too passionately for her taste in front of this group … for a baptism? Venus wobbled on her thin high heels. She felt Mya being lifted from her arms and turned to see her father smiling. “Ill hold her for you, Precious. You’re going to need your strength for this one.”
Now she was scared.
“Venus,” Jake said as he took hold of both her hands. “Since the day I met you I’ve never been happier. I’ve never felt like I had more to live for than myself, until you came along.” He paused and moved a finger across her face, lifting the weight of her hair and putting it behind her shoulder. He reached into his pocket. The small black box appeared. Venus cupped her hand over her mouth. Stay calm, she screamed in her head, but she knew her knees were about to give way.
Jake opened the velvet box to a gold band with three diamonds across the middle. “I don’t want to wait another day, not even another minute. I want to know that every morning I wake up will be with you. I couldn’t imagine this life without you in it. Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife, right here, right now?”
Venus felt her mouth move, but no sound came out. She felt a nudge at her left elbow. “Say yes,” Wendy whispered.
“YES!” Venus shouted too loud. Chills ran up and down her body. She threw herself in his arms and hugged him fiercely. “I love you.” She said it again and again so he would understand, so he would know it was more than a reply. A declaration she wanted to make to him and to the world. “I love you,” she whispered over and over. She pulled back and looked him in the eye … “Jake, you didn’t have to—”
He put a finger to her lips. He understood about her doubts, her questions. Why now? That was the beautiful part about it; she was willing to spend her life with him whether he signed on the dotted line or not She trusted him, wholly and completely. And he trusted her. There was no ulterior motive … no underlying fear … no hidden goal. Just love.
Would I Lie to You? Page 30
