by J. R. Tate
Eva’s shy smile came out and she looked down at the ground. He put his index finger under her chin and brought her gaze back up to eye level, this time kissing her one more time. He hugged her tightly, bringing her body close to his, both oblivious to the outdoor surroundings. Eva was the first to pull away.
“Well, I guess we better call it a night, Mikey. Stay out of trouble. I’ll see you at work.” She pulled the coat off of her shoulders and handed it back to him.
“Okay, I’ll see you.” He watched as she turned away and walked up the stairs to the entrance. He kept his eyes on her until she was completely out of sight and then went back home. His mind raced with different thoughts, some of Eva, some of Casey and whether or not he was home yet or if he would be gone for awhile.
He got home and saw that all of the lights were turned off and that nothing had been touched. There was no sign that Casey had been back. Turning on the living room light, he jumped when he saw Casey sprawled out on the couch. He was either asleep or completely passed out, Michael couldn’t tell. He looked horrible. His hair was disheveled, his clothes tattered, and he looked like he hadn’t bathed in forever.
Michael stood beside him. “Casey? Casey!” He raised his voice to try to wake him but Casey didn’t respond. Reaching down, he checked him for a pulse. One was present. Sometimes Casey did sleep pretty heavily and Michael could only hope that this was the case. Grabbing his shoulders, he riled Casey. This caused him to open his eyes and mumble something. “Casey, wake up!” He fought the urge to slap him. He would feel horrible if something was really wrong and he inflicted more pain.
“Mikey? What the hell?” It came out in a low mumble but Michael was able to make out what he was saying.
“What is going on? You look like hell!”
Casey sat up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. From what Michael could tell, he looked to be coming down off of a high. His eyes were still glazed over and he was sweaty. His skin felt clammy and he was shivering.
“You go out with some old friends? Where you been?” Michael felt anger course through him. What a way to end a perfectly good night.
Casey’s teeth chattered together and he grabbed a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch. “It’s not what you think, man.”
Michael nodded and went to the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of water. He handed it to Casey and sat down on the coffee table. “Drink that. I don’t wanna have to take your ass to the ER.” Pausing, he looked down at the carpet, trying to compose himself before he blew up at his brother. “What did you take?”
Casey drank the water down in about two gulps. “C’mon Mikey.” His eyes were pleading with him and Michael could tell that Casey was scared of him. In a way he was glad but he also felt guilty about it. “I have nowhere to go, please don’t kick me out.”
Michael lowered his voice. “What did you take?”
Casey hesitated and leaned his head back against the cushion. “Crack. It was way earlier today. I came home a few hours ago to crash as I came down off of my high.”
Michael bit his bottom lip. It felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He was faced with a very difficult decision. Did he need to kick Casey out or continue to allow him to lie? There was only so much deception he could take before he had to shun his own flesh and blood. Their mother definitely wouldn’t help him and if he kicked him out he would just be out on the street, more exposed. Michael wouldn’t be able to live with himself if Casey ended up dead because he turned him away. But then again, Casey didn’t seem to want his help. He just wanted to use him when it was convenient.
“Mikey, say somethin’. You look like someone just walked over your grave.”
Michael balled his fists together. “How many times are you gonna lie to me? You came down to my work and swore to me that you were done with that shit. Do you realize how far I’m sticking my neck out for you or do you just not give a damn?”
“I couldn’t help it. An old buddy called, said he got his hands on some stuff. I was bored. You were asleep, I didn’t know what to do. I…I.” He stammered on his words.
“An old buddy? This same buddy who didn’t pay his half of the bills? Real good friends you have.” Michael stood up and walked to the kitchen, leaning on the bar, debating on grabbing the bottle of whiskey he kept over the sink. He needed something to calm him down.
“This was the last time. I just needed it.”
Michael didn’t even bother with a glass. He unscrewed the lid and took in two gulps, enjoying the burn down his throat. It tasted better than usual so he took another long swig. He had no idea what to do. He loved his brother but he couldn’t take this anymore. He was beginning to feel buzzed. He had several beers with Eva and now the whiskey and he had to sit down in a chair to brace himself. He fidgeted with the label on the bottle.
“Mikey, your silence is scaring me.”
Michael screwed the lid back on the bottle and carried it to his room, slamming the door behind him. His back slid down the doorframe until he reached the floor where he stayed for the time being. He sucked down more of the amber liquid, feeling it instantly go to his stomach. He had nothing to say to Casey at the moment. Maybe the whiskey would be his muse. He knew that he had to say exactly what he meant when the time did come to talk to him. Finding the right words would be the challenge.
He sat and stared at the whiskey and couldn’t help but notice how hypocritical he was being. He was riled up about Casey’s drug use and here he was turning to alcohol to help with this problem. He was no different than him. Standing up, he walked to the bathroom and poured the remainder of the drink down the drain, watching it swirl until it was completely gone. He had gone down the drinking path before and now wasn’t the time to start up again.
Chapter Four
Eva felt apprehensive. She went to bed not long after Michael had dropped her off but found it hard to sleep. She kept tossing and turning, trying to get her mind on other things, but it was impossible. Michael was on her mind. She truly cared for the guy. He was sweet, sensitive, very funny and kind, not to mention extremely attractive, but there was one flaw she couldn’t look past. Flaw probably wasn’t even the best word to use.
She couldn’t get past the idea of him being a firefighter. She had worked alongside men and women in that profession for years. She had also lost many friends on the job. She was scared to get close to him. She was also scared to let him go.
When discussing why she became a paramedic she had failed to mention that as a teenager she had lost two friends in a horrific car accident. They had all been friends for years and she was extremely attached to both of them. Since their deaths, Eva had found it hard to get close to anyone, attempting to keep any new person she came into contact with at a safe distance. Only her family knew of her apprehensiveness to get close to anyone, and now she was in a situation where she was getting attached to a firefighter, a job where the question wasn’t if he’d get hurt, it was when. Her problem had kept her from making many great friends and she hated being this way, but she couldn’t help it. There was always the doubt of losing someone, and she couldn’t handle it again.
She pulled the covers up around her, glaring at the clock. It was a little past two AM. She had to be up in about four hours. Her thoughts drifted to him again. His gorgeous smile, his green eyes, his musky scent that overtook her as they danced. The amazing kiss. Did that kiss mark the beginning of a relationship or was he like most other guys who were only after one thing with no strings attached? No, Mikey wasn’t like that. If that were the case he would have already fought his way up to her apartment. He hadn’t even suggested it.
She feared the conversation if he ever brought up their future. How horrible would she seem if she shunned him because of his job? His father died on the job, everyone in the department knew about him and his brave act to save a fellow comrade. Michael had even been compared to him by other firefighters. Was she being selfish for not wanting to get attached
for fear of losing him? That’s how she would come across if she told Michael her fears about a relationship. She wouldn’t bring it up and hoped that he wouldn’t either.
Burying her head in the pillow, she finally dozed off.
Michael had a hard time waking up on time to get to work. He had hit the snooze several times before he finally crawled out from under his safe haven of blankets. The apartment was cold and his head pounded as he went to turn the thermostat up. He looked out of his front window down to the street below, noticing a thick sheet of ice and snow covering the streets. He was sure it would be a busy day, it always was when the driving conditions were bad. He had no idea there was even snow in the forecast, especially since spring seemed to be there in full force just a week ago.
He saw Casey asleep on the couch, his whole body wrapped up like a burrito in a comforter. He still had no idea what he was going to do about him. His achy body and extreme headache was a quick reminder of the night before. He rummaged through the medicine cabinet and took three Advil to help take the edge off of his hangover. After a quick shower he headed to work.
The walk was cold and he was thankful for the warm station house. Darryl was in the kitchen making breakfast. He handed him a plate full of eggs and bacon, which heightened his nausea. Declining the plate, he sat down at the table and unfolded the newspaper.
“Word is you went out with Eva again last night. C’mon man, what gives? You guys together or what?”
Michael tapped his watch and didn’t look up from the paper. “Darryl, it’s not even seven thirty yet. You gotta have something better going on than the topic of my social life.”
Darryl took in a deep breath. “Nope. Nothing comes to mind. I’m a dull married man. You on the other hand, are pursuing one of the hottest paramedics New York City has ever seen. Let me live vicariously through you. Besides, by the looks of things, you had a late night last night.”
Michael shrugged and took a long sip of coffee. It was just what he needed to cure his self-induced flu. “Believe me, it’s not what you think, nor was it fun. Just let me read the paper and shut up for two seconds.”
Before Michael could get to the next news story the alarm went off. They were dispatched to an apartment complex building. Michael was thankful that the conversation was over but was dreading the fire. He still felt like crap and hated going into a job without his A game. He downed the remnants of his coffee and slid down the pole, trying his hardest to get ready. They seemed to get a ton of fire calls at apartments during cold weather. So many families used space heaters to help warm their homes and it only led to tragedy.
Judging from the outside of the building, the fire looked to be contained in one corner on the third story. Michael jumped out as soon as they stopped and tried to observe the scene. Most people were crowded on the sidewalk, all with the same looks that most had when they watched their home go down in flames. It was a look he never got used to. He heard his fire chief yell for everyone to step back.
There was no word yet on if anyone was still inside. “McGinnis, take Harper and go inside, scout it out and see if you can find anyone. Let us know where the fire is and we’ll send in the hose.”
Michael grabbed the rookie’s jacket and pulled him next to him. “Follow me, don’t leave my side. If you see something, holler at me.” Pausing, he got right in his face. You split us up you split the team up, now’s your time to learn.”
The kid nodded and his eyes were wide with either fear or excitement, Michael couldn’t tell. He jogged up to the entrance, feeling the door before opening it. The first floor was engulfed in smoke and visibility was impossible. He queued his radio, “Captain, just heavy smoke on the first floor, going up to the second.” The stairs of the fire escape were clear except for a few pieces of rubble falling. Harper was right behind him and from time to time Michael would reach back to make sure.
The heat grew thicker as they made their way up. He yelled out hoping if anyone was still inside that they would respond. So far there was nothing. “Second floor clear, going to third.”
The third floor is where they met up with the flames. The fire was so loud that the roar was almost impossible to yell over. The flames licked the ceiling above and shot down toward them. Michael got down on his hands and knees, crawling as low as he could. The probie was right behind him but moving a tad bit slowly. “Move it Harper, we don’t have time.” He turned to his radio on his shoulder and pressed the button. “Cap, we gotta get a hose up here, this place is gonna collapse.”
“We got one on the way, McGinnis. Any sign of civilians?” His voice was tinny over the radio and Michael could barely hear him over the crackling flames.
“Negative. Still searching.”
Michael turned back around to check on Harper but he wasn’t behind him. Michael’s heart skipped a beat. “Harper?” His own voice sounded like a whisper to him and he knew the kid couldn’t hear him. He could contact him on the radio but he didn’t want to alarm everyone just in case he had just lagged behind. Michael backtracked but Harper was nowhere to be found. “Harper!” He took his mask off for a second to try and yell louder but the smoke was so thick that it sent him into a coughing attack. He replaced the mask instantly and crawled into one of the room. Still no sign of him.
“Shit.” He backtracked in hopes that he would come across Harper. Where were they with the hose? The fire was growing in intensity and he could tell that it wasn’t going to hold up much longer. Finally, in the third room he saw Harper crouched in a corner, his body motionless. “Harper, are you okay?” He scooted next to him. “C’mon, we gotta get outta here. They’re coming with the hose.”
The kid didn’t move. Michael grabbed hold of his coat and pulled him, groaning out. Pieces of wood were beginning to fall, one hitting him in the back. It felt heavier than just a two by four and it knocked the wind out of him. It took him a second to gain his composure. The wall they were against began to cave and he got on top of Harper to block most of the debris that began to fall. Michael’s vision went black for a second but he came to. Mustering up enough energy to call, he queued the radio again. “Ladder Twenty One,” pausing, he had to gain his breath. “I’ve got a man down on the third floor. The wall has caved in.”
“We’re on our way, McGinnis.” There was a lot of chatter on the radio that Michael couldn’t make out. He checked on Harper and he was awake. They weren’t barricaded in and could probably get out but Harper wasn’t there mentally.
Michael pushed some of the wall off of them, vertigo overtaking him as he felt the flames growing closer and closer. They had to get out now. He grabbed Harper’s arms, pulling him to a standing position. “Listen to me, we gotta go. This whole area is about to fall. You understand?”
Harper nodded, his facial expression blank.
“Lean against me if you can’t walk well, I’ll get you outta here.” They went to the stairs and Harper was like dead weight against Michael. Gritting his teeth, Michael fought through the pain and averted the probie down the stairs. He passed by the hose man on the way down, resisting the urge to lash out at him and wonder what took so long. Now wasn’t the time and it probably just seemed longer than it really was.
The fresh air hit them hard and for a split second, Michael was grateful that it was sub zero temperatures. It felt amazing against his face as he took his mask off. Several other firemen came to aide in getting Harper to an ambulance. Eva was on scene and she immediately went to work on the probie. He would be fine but it was obvious that he was in shock.
“McGinnis, do you wanna tell me how you got separated from the probationary firefighter?”
Michael turned around. He knew this was coming. Any time something happened to one it was the senior firefighter’s responsibility. “He was right behind me. I can’t help that he disappeared within a matter of seconds.”
“I was hoping Harper would be a little smarter than that. He just left your side?”
“Yes sir, one second he w
as right there, the next he was gone. I looked ahead to see where we were going and back and that was it.”
Captain Rooker nodded and looked up at the fire. “Okay, well go get checked out.”
Guilt settled in. Despite the fact that he had no control over the probie, he still felt bad. Should he have paid more attention? “I’m fine.” It was a whisper but he knew his captain heard him loud and clear. “Worry about Harper.”
“Your nose is bleeding, let’s at least get that cleaned up.”
There was no use in arguing with him so he turned away and went to the ambulance where Eva was waiting. “How’s Harper?” Michael grabbed the gauze out of her hand and applied it to his own nose.
“He’s fine, he’s just a little scared.”
“Good.” Michael wadded the cloth up and tossed it in the trash. “I’m fine, no need to waste your time on me.”
“Something’s buggin’ him.” He could hear Darryl talking as he walked off but was in no mood to even justify his comment with a response. He wasn’t sure why Harper hadn’t listened to him and yeah, that did bother him. If something had happened to Harper he would be the one to blame. He should have never taken him right into the belly of the beast his first fire out.
About an hour later the fire was called controlled and their secondary search was complete. All Michael wanted to do was get back to the station and stay away from everyone.
When they got back to the station, Michael showered and went up to the beds to lie down, hoping no one would follow him. It wasn’t just the probie and the fire that was getting to him. It was several things. Eva was on his mind. Normally by this time she had at least said hi to him. They had been busy from the get go and maybe that was the case. He had heard the EMS traffic on the radio and she had no time between calls. That had to be it. The dilemma with Casey was still hovering over him too. Despite the fact that the saying was corny, it was true. When it rained, it poured. Turning over on his side, he glanced at his watch. It was ten thirty. At least the fire had burned off some of the shift but it still felt like it should be later.
