by J. R. Tate
Michael leaned against the cabinet and folded his arms over his chest. “How serious was he, Eva?” She took over Darryl when he was pulled out of the fire. The girl was being treated for severe smoke inhalation and was transported by another ambulance.
He could see the fear written on her face. “Mikey….” She trailed off.
Letting out a sigh, he tried to compose himself. “Just be honest. You asked if I needed anything. That’s what I need.”
She bit her bottom lip and stared down at the floor. Just by her reaction to the question, Michael knew he wouldn’t like what she had to say. “From what I saw in the ambulance, he’s in pretty bad shape. He was unresponsive and he had suffered a lot of injuries that I can’t even assess on my own. That’s all I know.” A tear had gathered in the corner of her eye and Michael fought the urge to wipe it away.
He turned to walk away. He had a sensation as if he were floating. “Mikey, where you going?”
Michael didn’t even turn around when he answered her. “I gotta call his wife.” It was going to be the hardest thing he ever had to do.
Eva wished she had more answers for Michael. It was awkward to be around him for several reasons. She knew that the best thing to do was give him space, but also let him know that he had help if needed. She stood in the back of the waiting room, watching everyone. All of the firefighters couldn’t seem to sit still. They were all dressed in their turnouts, all covered with smoke and dirt. The stench of sweat hung over their heads. Everyone’s worry was on Darryl.
Usually calling an injured firefighters family was the Captain’s job. Michael probably felt compelled to do it since he was so close to them. She couldn’t help but admire him for that loyalty. She just wanted to take him in her arms and comfort him, to tell him everything would be okay.
But would everything be okay? She didn’t want to be pessimistic, but it wasn’t looking good.
Eva noticed Michael walking back down the hall. His body language made him look like a man who had been defeated. His shoulders were slumped, his brow furrowed, and his eyes were extremely sad. The black soot on his face had trails in it from the sweat and more than likely, tears that had streamed down his face. She hadn’t seen him sit down once since they had all been waiting, and it had been well over an hour. He was flustered and she wasn’t sure if he would be approachable or not.
“Michael, it’ll be okay.” She grabbed his arm to try and get him to stop pacing but he pulled away.
He raked his hand through his hair. “What in the hell is taking so long?”
“Sometimes that can be a good sign.”
Michael arched his eyebrow. “How so?”
“They could be in there doing surgery or something. It’s better than them coming out and not trying to do something for him.” She paused and released her grip on his arm. “I think you need some fresh air.”
He shook his head no. “I don’t want to miss the doctor. I’m fine. Please stop mothering me.”
Michael’s comment was like a punch to her stomach. The last thing she wanted to seem like was that. She had to take into consideration his state of mind at the moment. His best friend and mentor was hurt. To be honest, she was surprised he was holding it together as good as he was. She would have been a complete basket case. Eva backed off and gave him space. She had tried to help and Michael had quickly let her know that he was the type to be left alone for awhile. She wasn’t offended by his behavior at all. She had to deal with traumatic experiences everyday. This was nothing new.
Everyone froze when they noticed the doctor walking down the hallway. It was the moment of truth.
Michael felt bile form in the back of his throat. The doctor was walking the same way the doctor had when they were told that his father had died. He was even holding his hat the same way. He fought the urge to throw up. He had waited so long to hear the news and now that it was time, he wanted to send the doctor away.
The doctor paused at the front of the waiting room. “Can I see the Captain of Ladder Twenty One?”
Captain Rooker grabbed Michael’s arm. “Come with me, McGinnis. You have more right to be in there than I do.”
Michael almost declined but followed him toward the doctor. They were led into a private coffee room. Michael wiped his sweaty palms on his pants, trying to rid himself of the clammy feeling.
The doctor sat down across from them at the table. This wasn’t good. Michael could tell. He hated how long it took the doctor to actually speak, but he could sympathize. He was the same way on the phone with Darryl’s wife. It was almost like they had to rehearse the words in their brains before they could find a way to say it out loud. Regardless of how many times a person went over it, there was never an appropriate way to break the news.
“I’m Dr. Lannon. I am the on call physician for the ER tonight. Firefighter Young was brought in with multiple injuries and major trauma to his body. There were several internal injuries as well as broken bones. We tried to perform emergency surgery, but it was too much on him. He also suffered an extreme head wound.” He paused. “There was nothing more we could do. He passed away about ten minutes ago. I’m sorry for your loss.”
Despite the fact that Michael had expected that, he still wasn’t sure he had heard Dr. Lannon right. Was this real? Was he joking? Was Darryl really gone?
The Captain stood up and shook the doctor’s hand. “Thank you, Dr. Lannon. We appreciate you trying.”
Michael stayed in his seat and gripped the hand rests, unable to take it in. He stared down at the floor and replayed the words the doctor had said. ‘He passed away about ten minutes ago.’ Just like that, Darryl was gone. How could this have happened? It was a routine factory fire.
“McGinnis, you okay?”
Michael slowly looked up at both of them. They were glaring at him as if he was a psychiatric patient in a mental ward. “Uhh, yeah.” He pushed himself out of the seat. “I just…” He stopped himself from talking when he noticed how shaky his voice was. “I just wanna see him.” Michael wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to do that, but it was the first thing that he could think to say.
“We can arrange that if you’d like.” Dr. Lannon opened the door for them.
The floating sensation was back and Michael’s stomach sank when he saw everyone in the waiting room, waiting patiently. He’d let Captain Rooker have the responsibility of telling everyone the news. Instead of stopping, he bypassed the area and walked toward the exit. He felt Eva’s eyes on him as he walked past. She knew from the beginning he wouldn’t make it. He couldn’t even look her in the eye. He wanted to be alone, away from everything and everyone. This all felt like a dream he would soon wake up from. He could only hope he would wake up flustered, in a sweat, in his own bed at three AM. Sadly, it was all too real at the same time. The walls were closing in on him and if he didn’t get outside soon, he would panic.
Chapter Twelve
Michael walked past the hustle throughout the ER, ignoring everyone. It was busy and hectic, but to him, it was as if everyone was moving in slow motion around him. He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or not, but it felt as if everyone paused to stare at him, their expressions sympathetic and sorrowful. He looked down at the floor and felt the cool air hit him. The sidewalk was damp and raindrops slowly fell from the sky. He inhaled a musty scent and looked up. The clouds were moving quickly, shielding the setting sun that peeked around the high-rise buildings. A distant rumble of thunder echoed. The passing storm was almost poetic. Darryl had always been fascinated with weather.
Michael leaned against the bricks and folded his arms over his chest. He had no idea what to do next. Darryl’s wife was in Brooklyn when he had called and said she would be on her way. Breaking the news to her was one of the hardest things he ever had to do, and that was just informing her that he was in serious condition. Now he was gone. He didn’t think he could take the sight of his family hearing the news.
He raked his hand through his hair. The ra
infall began to pick up. He watched as an ambulance pulled up. The paramedics wheeled out an old man hooked up to all different kinds of machines. Darryl would never experience being old. He’d never see his son grow up. Braden was eight now. Michael couldn’t help but notice the irony in it. He was fourteen when his dad passed. The poor kid was going to be so confused and angry. Michael could only hope to pull him aside and show him the way, but there would be a right time and place for that and it certainly wasn’t right now.
“Mikey, you okay?”
Michael looked up to see Eva walking through the ER doors, two Styrofoam cups of coffee in hand. She extended one to him and he took it. He was in no mood for coffee or anything for that matter. He didn’t answer her question. It was stupid of her to ask. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and took in a deep breath, inhaling the damp city smell.
“They said you can go in and see him if you want.”
Michael nodded and sipped the coffee, wincing at the bitter taste on his tongue. “Ya know, it’s gonna be awhile before everything I encounter doesn’t remind me of him.” He took the lid off of the cup and poured it out. He couldn’t think of anything else to say. That’s exactly what he was thinking about. The storm, the coffee, the lights and sirens of emergency vehicles; everything had Darryl written all over it.
Eva grabbed his hand and squeezed. “I know.”
Michael could feel a tear form in the corner of his eye and he quickly reached up to wipe it away. They both stood in silence, hand in hand for a few moments as the storm intensified around them. Lightning flickered, followed by loud crashes of thunder. The wind whirled and howled.
“I guess I better go in and see him before his wife gets here. She needs some time alone with him.” Michael released Eva’s hand and forced himself back down the hallways of Mercy Hospital, unsure if he would even have the guts to go in and see his fallen friend.
All of the other firefighters from his company were still in the waiting room. It got silent again as he walked past and he could feel everyone’s eyes on him. He felt a lump in his throat when he approached the area where Darryl was. A nurse was sitting at a table outside the curtain, writing on a folder. Michael paused.
“Are you Michael McGinnis?” The nurse looked up and smiled.
“Yes ma’am.”
She stood up and placed her hand on his arm. “I’m sorry for your loss. Your captain said you might come by. Go ahead and go in. Spend as much time as you need.”
“Thank you.” His hand ran down the fabric of the curtain and for a second, he almost decided not to go in. He wasn’t ready to see this.
The sheet was pulled up to his neck. His eyes were halfway open, like he had died in mid blink. Michael fought back the tears, but he lost the battle. Moisture ran down his face. He wiped them away with the back of his arm, the effort pointless as more ran down his cheeks. He reached out, attempting to close Darryl’s eyes all the way.
“I’m so sorry.” Michael whispered and ducked his head. “I should’ve never split up from you.” When he looked back up his vision was blurred. He wanted Darryl to wake up, to say that this was all a prank and he was fine. Touching his lifeless hand was an instant reminder. He was already cold. It was Darryl, but then it wasn’t. “It should be me.”
He gripped the railing of the bed and glanced up at the monitors that were all turned off. Darryl’s turnouts and fire gear were in a pile in the back corner of the room. Clothes he had put on that very morning, ready for the day, excited to get to work and do a job that he loved. A day where he always beat Michael to work and got the coffee ready and the newspaper out. A day where he knew not to talk to Michael before he had his cup of coffee and read the paper. A day where a call in the middle of a meal didn’t bug Darryl, it was just another call where he had the chance to save someone and get them out of harm’s way. Things that Michael considered inconveniences were merely part of life for Darryl, and now that life Darryl loved so much was gone.
Michael had so much to say, but couldn’t let it out. Stammering, he tried to compose himself before leaving the exam room. His wife would be here soon and he didn’t want to be in the room with her just yet. She needed her alone time just like he needed his. Michael squeezed his hand again. “See ya soon, buddy.” He wiped his face again, knowing that it would be obvious that he had been crying. There was no shame in that, but he still felt the need to be strong.
As he exited, the nurse looked up at him. Michael appreciated her sincerity. A little compassion helped.
After Darryl’s wife had been in the room with him and taken care of all of the formalities with the hospital, Michael was finally able to approach her. Seeing her sitting in a chair, her head buried in her hands brought back way too many memories for him. She looked just like his mother had years ago. He sat beside her, and after some hesitation, put his arm around her and allowed her to lean against him. He could feel her tears soak through his shirt and her body shutter as she sobbed. Neither spoke for what felt like the longest time. Most of the waiting room was empty now. Everyone had dispersed back to the station. Michael didn’t feel right to leave with Janice still up there.
“Do you need me to do anything?” He finally composed himself enough to speak, his shaky voice catching himself off guard.
She looked up and wiped away some mascara with a tissue. “Mikey, hon, thank you for offering. I really appreciate you being here with me.”
He reached out and offered her another tissue. The one she had was in shreds. “Where’s Braden at?”
“With my parents. He doesn’t know exactly what happened yet, but he’s smart. He knows.”
Michael bit his bottom lip, remembering exactly how he felt that horrible night in his past. He knew before his mom actually told him too. “Yeah, he does.”
“Mikey, you don’t have to stay. I’m actually gonna head home too. They’re done with me here. I know this is the last place you probably wanna be.”
Michael tightened his sideways hug around her, not wanting to let her go. “I’m here for you, Janice. I’ll only leave if you want me to.” He felt like he owed it to her. He had failed Darryl by splitting up the team. He couldn’t bear to think about making Janice face this alone.
“You look exhausted. Go home and get some rest. I’m just gonna head over and get Braden.” She paused and wiped a tear away from her face, bracing herself. “I really appreciate everything.”
Michael knew he wouldn’t get any sleep at home. He hugged her one last time, allowing himself to cry. He didn’t want to let her go. The pain he was feeling was immense and he could only imagine what she was going through. To lose her other half had to be devastating. Pulling away, he forced a smile.
“Call me. I’m pretty sure Captain Rooker isn’t gonna let me work for awhile anyway.”
“Thanks, Mikey.”
Eva wasn’t sure if waiting for Michael was such a good idea. Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him exit the side ER doors, turnouts in hand. Hesitating, she approached him. “You need some help with that?” She reached for the smoky clothes, but he pulled away, his glare empty. “I don’t mind helping, that’s a lot to carry.”
He slung his boots and fire jacket over his back. “I carry them all the time. I’m fine.”
She stood still for a few seconds, allowing him to walk ahead a few feet. It was obvious he still wasn’t up to talking much just from his body language and tone of voice. There was no bounce in his step. No brightness in his eyes. His expression was dull and lifeless. Of course, she couldn’t blame him, but it still hurt to see him that way. She couldn’t help but wonder how much time he was going to need. He had just lost his best friend. She couldn’t fathom the idea of what she would go through if she had lost someone as close as Darryl was to him. She was hurting too. Darryl was a fun guy, but she hadn’t gotten to know him like Michael had.
“Mikey.” Her voice trailed off. She was thankful to see him turn around in mid step, his eyebrow arched.
�
�Yeah?”
“You’ll let me know if you need anything, right?”
He shifted the boots on his shoulder and ducked his head. “Thanks Eva. I just want to be alone right now. It’s not you.” He turned back around and crossed the street, weaving in and out of a traffic jam. Eva watched him until he was out of sight, a heavy feeling weighing deep inside of her.
Michael stared out the window of his apartment, watching the rain patter against the glass. People on the street below were running in every direction, dodging the random storm that popped out of nowhere. In the midst of all Darryl’s death, the situation with Casey and Viper had slipped his mind. He hadn’t heard from either in several days. It was about time that either might show up on his doorstep again.
He stayed at the window, leaning his forehead against it. The condensation was cool and moist on his skin. He had never taken the time to people watch. There was a woman with a man. They laughed as they sprinted to get under the awning of the bodega right next door to his apartment. On the other side of the street a man was helping a young boy jump over a puddle. Michael swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. They resembled Darryl and Braden. He closed his eyes, hoping they would be gone when he looked back out. His breath left a fog that he ran his fingers through. Lightning flickered, brightening his dark living room. He didn’t feel like turning the lights on. Being in darkness helped solidify the mood he was in. After a few more seconds of staring, Michael pulled the blinds shut and made his way to the cabinet where a new bottle of whiskey waited.
He took a sip and sifted through his mail. Most were bills, along with a random envelope that had no return address, just his name written out in bold black letters. He quickly ripped it open and saw identical handwriting on notebook paper.
