I don’t want to stay here, and neither does he. But we have different reasons. He wants me all to himself 24/7. I don’t. I can’t commit to that.
It’s gotten to the point where I can’t wait until nightfall to see him, finding myself anxious all day out of my mind at work, which is unusual for me. Usually the adorable, playful dogs at the shelter can make me forget anything.
But not Isaac.
I feel guilty, knowing that I should be devoting my full attention to my dogs when I'm with them, but I can’t get my mind off Isaac. He told me I’m free not to think about him at work, but I can’t stop. He’s in my thoughts every waking second. All I can think about is pleasing him and becoming a better Slave for him. A better pet. His kitten. A small smile tips the corners of my lips up and my cheeks heat with a blush. I love how he calls me kitten.
Isaac wants me at his house under his command at all times, and he tells me every night that it would please him. I crave it, but I can’t pull the trigger. It’s so close to the fantasy I’ve been dreaming of, but I’m terrified that once I accept, it’ll turn into something terrifying. Something like my past.
The warmth leaves me, replaced with a chill that makes me hold myself, my arms crossed, my hands gripping my forearms. I can’t let that happen.
I make my way to the bed, my thin, see-through robe flowing out behind me, confident in where I’m going even under the dim light. I’ve been through these halls enough over the past week that I won’t get lost. The guards know me, and they know where I belong. Unlocking the door for me and letting me in to wait for my Master.
I suck in a deep breath as I take in my surroundings, enjoying the rich smell and all the luxurious materials in the room. I’m still not used to all this yet. It doesn’t seem real. I’m happy thinking of it as a fantasy.
I walk over and sit down on the lush bed, sighing as I gently place my palms on my upper thighs and wait for him. Isaac has forbidden me to be anywhere else inside the club without him until I wear his collar. I can only walk to his private room, and that’s it. I take in a shuddering breath at the thought of being collared again.
I don’t know why I just don’t accept his collar. He said he’ll give me one with a buckle at first. One that can be easily removed, and has no lock. But even that makes me feel uneasy. The light chain that hangs at my collarbone is bearable, but anything tight around my neck elicits more fear than pride.
I swallow thickly and try not to think about it as my mind turns toward tonight.
Yes, tonight. I’ve been looking forward to tonight.
My heart begins to race with excitement and my stomach twists with anxiety as I think about what lies ahead. Tonight Isaac’s showing me off. I’m going to be on the stage while he demonstrates subspace to the club. He’ll whip me for our shared pleasure, and bring me closer and closer to the intoxicating state. I claw my fingers into the lush bedding, needing something to cling to as my legs tremble with weakness. I’m more than ready for it. In many ways I’m excited, but in others, I’m terrified. I still have faint raised marks from the cat o' nine tails he used this past weekend. They’re nearly gone, but they’ll be replaced with new ones tonight. It’s odd how the thought of a collar causes fear, but the idea of being whipped and flogged only arouses me.
I have trust in Isaac. The pain is temporary, and quickly turns to pleasure. He doesn’t break my skin. He doesn’t hurt me to cause pain. It’s all for pleasure.
I bring a hand up to my neck as I think back to when Isaac took me to a level of pleasure so intense that I lost control of my consciousness. After over an hour of him playing with my body, doing whatever he saw fit, I was awake and aware, but I couldn’t react as I normally would. It was almost like being in a trance, my body humming with pleasure so intense that I was literally paralyzed. He commanded me not to cum anymore, but I couldn’t help myself. Worse, I couldn’t respond to him. I lay there limp on the spanking bench, feeling nothing but the tingling delight of the intense pleasure overwhelming me.
Isaac yelled at me and the whip ripped across my skin, but instead of the sharp spikes of pain I felt only moments before, I felt a rush of intense heat, lighting every nerve ending in my body aflame. My nipples pebbled and I moaned loudly attempting to move, but only weakly thrashing my head as my pussy spasmed and a warmth of fluid leaked from my hot core down my inner thigh.
“Kitten,” I remember him asking me, his voice full of a threat. “Are you deliberately disobeying me?” He growled as he gripped the hair at the base of my neck and lifted my head up.
“No,” I breathed the word, or at least that’s what I think I said. Or tried to say. “Master,” I barely whispered, pleading for his mercy and understanding. If I could have felt fear, I would have in that moment. But all I could feel was the heated pleasure and the desire for more of his touch. He raked his teeth along my neck before crashing his lips against mine, and then he lined his massive cock up with my dripping wet pussy and slammed into me so hard I screamed.
I came over and over and over as he tore into me, fucking me like he owned me. And in that moment he did. And every moment since then.
He’s given me so much. But I’ve yet to give him the one thing he’s asked for.
“Kitten.”
I gasp, as I look up to see Isaac standing in front of me, dressed in a crisp black suit, looking sexy as fuck, his gorgeous green eyes watching me with an intensity that causes me to shiver. I was so engrossed in my fantasy, I didn’t even hear him come in. “Master,” I say reverently.
“You look beautiful,” he compliments me, his voice low and filled with desire, his eyes roving over my body.
A blush burns my cheeks as I softly reply, “Thank you, Master.” I want to be perfect for him; I want to please his every need.
So why won’t you wear his collar then? Why don’t you allow him to have you when he desires? a voice in the back of my head says. My inner voice needs to shut the fuck up.
He walks toward me, each step making my breath come in faster and faster. His fingers trail along my shoulder at the edge of the silk robe. He bends down, leaving an open-mouth kiss on my neck and then a sweet, chaste kiss on my lips. I have to work hard not to lean into him. I want more. So much more.
“You’ll show yourself on the stage,” Isaac says, holding my gaze, the look in his eyes making my skin prick. It’s a statement of a fact.
“Yes, Master,” I say obediently. In his proximity, I feel nothing but desire. Overwhelmed by the urge to please him and be rewarded.
“You know that it’s safe for you to do so, and that I would never ask you to something that would cause you harm.”
“Yes, Master,” I agree. It’s essential for the demonstration. And I don’t mind. I’m proud to be used by my Master in front of them.
Isaac runs a long finger along my jawline, stopping to hook my chin with it. “You’ll be perfect tonight,” he says and his voice is overflowing with ardor, and I’m getting even more turned on by the deep cadence, my sore pussy clenching with need. “Many of the members here have no idea how to perform this act. We’ll be doing them a service in teaching them how to to do it safely.”
I nod my head, my heart racing in tandem with the want that’s pulsing my pussy.
Isaac looks like he wants to say more as he brushes my hair behind my shoulders and kisses my neck, but then he lets out a sigh. “I missed you today,” he admits.
My heart swells at his admission. I missed him as well. I want to tell him that I’m sorry as a deep hurt settles in my chest. It’s my fault. I’m broken, and can’t give him what he deserves. Because of my past. Because of the Master who had me before him.
Isaac hooks my chin and pulls my lips to his, seemingly reading my mind. “You will only think of me when you’re with me,” he whispers against my lips.
“Yes, Master.”
He pets my hair, soothing me.
“Come, kitten.” Attaching a thin, matching leash to my chain, he leads me from the
room, to the stage.
Chapter 13
Isaac
“Dahlia is all wound up now,” Lucian says with a smirk. He’s been excited since he got here. I’ve never seen him so happy.
“It’s not as easy as it looks,” I warn him. He enjoyed the show last night. Everyone did. Subspace is a particularly alluring mental side effect of BDSM. Katia was a perfect example last night. At the end of the show, I only had to blow gently on her clit to make her cum. She’ll be sore tonight. I instinctively look toward the foyer as I put the cold beer glass to my lips.
“No shit. She also doesn’t have a pain tolerance like your kitten does.”
My body tenses as he calls Katia by my pet name for her. It’s odd how I don’t mind a room full of capable, powerful men watching my sweet pet cum on command and get so lost in pleasure that she’s incoherent, yet the mention of her pet name by another man has me on edge. By my best friend, no less.
He raises his hands in defense. “Your kitten.” He emphasizes “your,” and my hackles lower some.
“You’ve been on edge lately,” he says softly. Lowering his voice, he asks, “Is it because of the,” he clears his throat, “the hit?”
My blood runs cold, and I shake my head. I hate even mentioning something like that once it’s done. “That went off easily, just like I told you.”
He nods his head, a grim look on his face as he takes a sip of his whiskey. “You’ll never know how much good that did for her.”
I looked into Dahlia’s uncle for Lucian. Killing that bastard did the world a justice. A man who hurts little girls doesn’t deserve to live.
“I’m happy to put her mind at ease.” I truly am. Life and death are two things I take with serious consideration. It was easy to find that prick. With a criminal record and a current location available in the databases because of his past conviction, he was an easy target.
I look down at my hands as I think about the men I’ve killed. I can count them all on both hands. And each deserved their deaths. But I hate it. I hate the man I am.
With all this blood on my hands, I’d never be able to keep a woman like Katia. She doesn’t deserve a murderer. But I can give her justice. I can heal her before I have to set her free.
The two men I’m searching for in Colombia for my kitten… they’re harder to find. Everything indicates they’re dead. But I won’t believe it until I see more evidence. I have friends in many places. Low and high both. And if they’re still breathing, I’ll find them. I won’t stop until I do.
Even if she never submits to me, I’ll make sure they pay for what they did to her.
“I’m sorry I brought it up.” Lucian sounds remorseful. “I can tell something’s bothering you.”
I sigh heavily. “You would be too if Dahlia denied you.”
I’m growing tired of it. She’s perfectly content living this way, but I need more.
Weeks have passed and each evening Katia comes and waits for me, with my chain around her neck. When I’m not there at the entrance to greet her, she denies everyone who gives her attention. She’s respectful, but she answers that she’s waiting for her Master.
It only took a few times of me fetching her and bringing her to the office for everyone to know she’s mine. She sits at my feet while I work and then I take her to the private rooms.
The playrooms are entertaining when I wish to mark her, but I feel hollow.
She won’t wear my collar.
She won’t let me take her home.
She has night terrors still. She tells me after the fact, but it kills me that I’m not there with her.
She’s denying me my role as Master… for this. I don’t even know what I’d call it. It’s like playtime. Yes, she’s obedient and I enjoy her company. But this isn’t what I wanted. It’s only a taste of what she truly needs. And barely a fraction of what I want with her.
But she won’t give me more.
I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Last night I punished her for denying me. I finally lost it. I have needs, and she’s to meet them. She’s my Slave, for fuck's sake! She can’t be that if she doesn’t see me outside of the walls of Club X.
I picked up the paddle and forced her onto her knees. Smacking the flat wooden paddle over and over against the flesh of her lush ass.
Right, left, center. Her pale skin turned a bright red. She screamed out the count of the hits and tears fell from the corner of her eyes.
Forty hits. Her skin was hot and blistering red. I know her ass is bruised.
She was hot and wet and ready for me when I was done. Angrily I took her, fucking her with every bit of anger I had. She wanted it. That’s what throws me off so much. She wanted me to punish her. She’d rather that than to give me all her power.
I hated it. She came over and over on my dick, but I couldn’t get off. Not like that.
I need something to change.
She feels guilty, and she wants this relationship, I know she does. But she can’t commit. She’s scared.
But I’m fucking tired of waiting.
I was restless as she lay next to me, nestling into the crook of my arm as I kissed her hair and rubbed soothing strokes over her arm. I don’t just want sex. Yes, she follows the rules, but what’s the point if I’m not there when she needs me?
I want more. But this is all she’s giving me.
Madam Lynn walks past us and I quickly stand up, nearly knocking over the heavy table. Lucian pulls back his drink and steadies it. His brow furrows as he looks at me questioningly, but I don’t respond. I need to go talk to her while I can.
“Madam Lynn,” I call out to her.
She graciously turns on her heels. “Yes?” she asks.
“I’m in need of your advice,” I say quietly.
“Is that so?”
“It is.” I’m irritated by how casually she’s speaking, but then again, I’ve been irritable for days now. “Katia is… content.”
“She has no reason to further the relationship.” I say to her.
“I see,” Madam Lynn says, her eyes falling to the floor.
“She needs to be pushed. She’s too afraid to give herself what she needs.”
“You knew when you took her that she may not be ready?” She says the statement as though it’s a question.
“Of course I knew, but she needs this. You know she does.” Anyone looking at her know she’s in need. I’m failing her as a Master because she’s denying me. I can’t allow it!
“That’s not for me-” Madam Lynn starts to say, but I cut her off.
“She still has night terrors. Do you know that?” I ask her with a harsher voice than I should, anger and desperation flooding into my voice. Several men turn to look at me, but I ignore them. It’s not okay. “Late at night she screams, and she’s alone. She doesn’t even message me!” I only know because I look into her messages online. She needs me. “She doesn’t realize how much she needs this.”
Or maybe she does. Lately I’ve been wondering if she’s denying herself this. If she knows that I can help her, but she’s choosing to avoid it in favor of the pain.
It may be unconscious.
It may be her way of punishing herself for wanting this lifestyle. It rips my heart into two. I hate it. I can’t fucking stand it any longer.
“Convince her,” Madam Lynn says to me. I huff a humorless laugh, pinching the bridge of my nose as a pounding headache takes over.
“How?” I ask her.
“The auction will seal her fate.” Madam Lynn’s words turn my blood to ice. I don’t want her to go up for auction. I can’t stand the fact that she would be seen as available to anyone else.
“I don’t see how-” I start to say, but Madam Lynn cuts in.
“I’ll see what I can do for you.” She gives me a small smile and nods, holding my gaze.
The auction. My heart beats slower as I picture her on the stage upstairs in the dark room, the lights on her. I don’t know
how Madam Lynn could possibly convince her. Katia has no interest in money.
But in this moment I trust her. I don’t know what else I can do.
Chapter 14
Katia
“Go get it, Toby!” I cry, throwing the squeaky stuffed lizard across the shelter’s backyard and watching Toby, a Golden Retriever, take off like a bolt of lightning to retrieve it. I let out an easy sigh as he reaches the toy and grips it in his powerful jaws, resting back on his haunches as he chews, making it squeal.
“Now bring it to me!” I command, gesturing at my feet. Toby understands my command, but he doesn’t move, the squeak of the toy blending in with the noisy cacophony of playful whines and barks of the dogs behind us. “Now!” I demand. Toby continues to ignore me, and I let out a groan, shaking my head and placing my hands on my hips and making a face.
He’s taunting me, wanting me to come after him. I don’t mind it though, I’ve been needing some playful bonding time with my dogs. It’s the only thing that helps my mood when I’m down. I gesture again at Toby, asserting my authority, but he’s stubborn, his eyes on me as he chews the toy. “Okay, if you want to play that way…” I begin to rush forward, but before I can take more than a few steps a dull throbbing pulses my upper thighs and ass, reminding me how sore I am.
Reminding me of Isaac.
A heavy weight settles over my chest as my thoughts turn inward, and I sink to my knees in the grass, letting Toby play with the damn squeaky toy on his own. I don’t want to think about my troubles today, preferring to just get lost in my work. But who am I kidding? I can never keep Isaac out of my mind, no matter how hard I try.
What’s worse is that I feel practically sick about it all. He’s upset with me. For the past week, there’s been an edge to his whippings, an anger that causes him to be more savage when he whips me. They’re true punishments. He always soothes me afterward, and the pain combines with the pleasure of his touch once he’s done with me, but nonetheless, they’re punishments.
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