by Lucy Clark
As she let herself into her dark and cold apartment, Jordanne walked through to her bedroom, not switching on any lights. Dumping her bags at the foot of the bed, she threw herself down onto the pillows and allowed the tears that she’d held back so valiantly in the taxi to spill out.
She cried herself to sleep and woke at around three o’clock, feeling cold. She huddled beneath the covers, her misery once more bringing tears to her eyes. Two wonderful nights of having Alex’s arms around her and now here she was, alone and cold. She yearned for him—body, mind and soul—but at the moment the situation looked hopeless.
She reached for the spare pillow beside her and cuddled into it. ‘Alex,’ she whispered into the dark, her tone filled with despair. ‘I need you.’ The sobs came once more, tearing at her soul before they eventually subsided into small hiccups.
Taking a deep breath, Jordanne finally drifted off to sleep once more and was awoken by the buzzing of her alarm clock. Feeling as though her entire body was made of lead, she went through the motions of getting ready for work when all she really felt like doing was going back to bed and feeling sorry for herself.
During ward round and clinic, she and Alex ignored each other completely, their gazes rarely meeting. If they needed to speak, they used monosyllables. Jordanne wondered how many staff members picked up on their attitudes but then decided that she didn’t really care. The hospital grapevine could buzz all it wanted. Thanks to the doping at the IAS, she’d soon be out of a job and that meant out of this hospital—away from Alex.
Even as she thought about it, Jordanne felt fresh tears prick behind her eyes. After clinic, she decided the best thing to do was to get out of the hospital. Returning to her office, she grabbed her bag, locked her office and quickly walked out of the department and over to the doctors’ car park.
Her mobile phone rang as she climbed behind the wheel. She looked at the number of the caller which was registered on her phone’s screen. It was Alex’s secretary’s number. Jordanne put the phone down, letting the call go through to her message bank.
She ignored it until she’d pulled into the car park at the private hospital where Roberto Portatello was recovering after his total hip replacement. Listening to the message, Alex’s secretary merely told her of an appointment they had later that afternoon with the police to discuss the research project.
She pushed the thoughts from her mind and took a deep breath. She was a professional who was about to see a patient. There was no room for personal problems here.
‘You’ve had a lovers’ tiff,’ Roberto announced only moments after she’d walked into his room. Jordanne looked up at him, amazed. ‘I told you I was good at reading people. Do you want to talk about it?’
‘No, thanks.’
‘You’ll sort it out,’ he told her. ‘You and Dr Page were meant to be together.’
Jordanne looked down at Roberto’s chart and clenched her teeth to control her emotions. Taking a deep breath, she smiled up at him. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘As well as can be expected.’
She gave him a check-up. ‘Everything seems fine,’ she reported.
‘Good. Now, tell me what you found out with your research project.’ Roberto’s eyes sparkled with anticipatory delight.
Jordanne laughed and it felt good. Roberto nodded thoughtfully as she told him everything that had transpired in the past forty-eight hours concerning the pharmaceutical company.
‘That must have scared the life out of you, coming home to find your place in such a mess,’ he tut-tutted. ‘But desperate people do desperate things.’
‘That they do,’ Jordanne replied with a sigh. She wondered just how desperate Alex was to push her away. He’d said that he didn’t want to hurt her but couldn’t he see that he was hurting both of them by not giving their relationship a chance?
‘And you say the blood-test results were with you the entire time? Imagine their fury after turning both of your offices inside out and then your apartment and car and still not finding what they were looking for.’ This made Roberto laugh, a deep, rich rumbling sound that was contagious. Jordanne joined in. Yes, visiting her patient had been the tonic she’d required to help reorganise her thoughts.
‘I can see the looks on their faces. Where are those reports? Where has she hidden them? Is she onto us?’ He laughed again. ‘You would have had them in a right tizz. Good girl, I’m proud of you.’
‘I didn’t do it on purpose. At that stage I had no idea what was going on. I was just heartily confused.’
This made Roberto laugh even more. ‘Even better.’ Slowly he calmed down. ‘I love it when the bad guys get what they deserve.’ He reached out a hand to Jordanne. When she took it he said, ‘Thank you. Thank you for coming and sharing this with an old man and bringing a touch of colour back into my life.’ He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it briefly.
Jordanne felt herself begin to blush as he released her hand. ‘Let me check your wound site again. I hope you haven’t popped any sutures with all that laughing.’
‘Even if I have, it would have been worth it.’
Jordanne checked the site but amazingly everything was fine. She stayed a few minutes more before heading back to the hospital for the debrief. As she parked her car in the doctors’ car park, she saw Sally’s Mercedes parked across the way and realised that she, and probably Jed, were here for the debriefing as well.
‘You’re a few minutes late,’ Alex’s secretary told her as Jordanne rushed up the corridor.
‘I know. Sorry.’
‘They haven’t started. I’ve just taken the teas and coffees in and there’s one there for you.’
‘Thanks,’ Jordanne said as she pushed open the departmental conference-room door, apologising for being late. There was only one seat left and that was next to Alex. It would have looked churlish as well as suspicious if she asked everyone to shift around so that she didn’t have to sit next to him.
Senior Sergeant Dorne, who was in charge of the investigation, began the discussion by giving a brief background on the events so far. As the meeting progressed, Jordanne kept her gaze away from Alex and concentrated hard on what was being said, which was difficult, given that she couldn’t help but smell the scent of his cologne, which she’d become very accustomed to in the past few weeks.
When his leg accidentally touched hers beneath the table, Jordanne gasped in surprise, a spiral of desire coursing throughout her entire body. Dorne stopped speaking and everyone looked at her. She smiled, completely embarrassed, and cleared her throat.
‘You were saying?’ she prompted, and the debrief continued.
Jordanne glanced across at Sally, who was trying not to smile, and Jordanne lowered her head, her embarrassment increasing.
Taking a slow and steady breath, Jordanne moved her legs as far away from Alex’s as possible and forced her attention back to the topic at hand.
‘What’s the report from the Bransford Corporation?’ Alex asked Sally.
‘Senior Sergeant Dorne and I flew to Sydney this morning where we had a meeting with the investigators. Dad has had people working on it since I spoke to him last night. From what they’ve discovered so far, it’s one of the smaller research and development departments of the pharmaceutical company which was responsible for falsifying the data.’
‘The medication you’re using in your study is a…’ Dorne looked down at his notes ‘…non-performance-enhancing drug. Correct?’
‘Correct,’ Alex replied.
‘This company discovered that when the medication was given to people who hadn’t sustained fractures, it became a performance-enhancing drug,’ Dorne announced.
‘That means that none of those athletes the company recommended have ever had fractures.’ Jordanne nodded, the pieces finally falling into place. ‘That was why they had to falsify the X-rays and the test results.’
‘Exactly. Mr Bransford has agreed to give the investigation his full support and co-operation
so hopefully some time this week we’ll be pressing formal charges against those persons involved. I’ll make sure you receive a copy of the full report.’
‘If the athletes were being doped, then the coach would have been in on it, too.’ Jordanne nodded. ‘That would explain his attitude towards me.’
‘Just from the preliminary investigations,’ Sally said, ‘it appears they had an operative at the X-ray place and at the path labs. People who could easily get their hands on the data and change the names and dates.’
Alex shook his head. ‘The lengths they’ve gone to. What about Jordanne’s job?’ Alex was the one to pose the question and she wondered whether he was as eager to have her gone as she was to leave.
‘My father would like to assure you both that Jordanne’s position as research fellow will remain until the end of the contract as stipulated in the original agreement,’ Sally said proudly. ‘You can continue with your research into bone regeneration.’
Jordanne was shocked. She looked at Sally.
‘Aren’t you happy?’ Jed asked.
‘Uh…of course.’ Jordanne quickly recovered and remembered her manners. ‘Please, thank your father for me,’ she said to Sally.
‘When he learned that the research project concerned you and Alex, he was determined to make sure you kept your job. After all, you were the ones who had operated on him after his car accident.’
‘But it’s our job.’
‘Well, he sees it as part of his job to ensure the contracts his companies undertake are adhered to.’
‘All right,’ Jordanne said, nodding. Now she had to spend the rest of this year working with Alex. How was she going to cope?
There wasn’t that much more to discuss and when the debriefing was over it was almost time to leave for the day.
Jordanne said goodbye to Sally and Jed before hurrying to her office. She tidied up her desk and locked her drawers. When the knock came on her door, she braced herself.
Jed entered without a word and closed the door behind him.
‘Feel like talking?’ he asked as he crossed to her side. Protectively, Jed placed his arms around her and Jordanne relaxed against him.
‘You know, don’t you?’ she whispered, and leaned back to look up at her brother.
‘If you’re referring to Alex being unable to have children, yes. He told me on Monday.’
Jordanne broke free from his grasp. ‘He’s not even willing to give us a chance, Jed. I can understand his pain and I feel for him, I really do but he just shut me out. He says he won’t go through tests again. That he doesn’t want to have another childless relationship.’ Jordanne bit her lower lip to stop it from wobbling.
‘I love him, Jed. Almost from the first instant I saw him, I’ve loved him.’ Jordanne’s despair was evident in her tone. ‘I don’t know what we’re going to do. I don’t see how we can continue to work together for the rest of this year.’
‘Ah, Jordanne,’ he sighed, and gathered her into his arms again. ‘Do you want me to talk to him?’
‘No. I know you mean well and I know he’s your friend but if Alex loves me, really loves me, then he wouldn’t be doing this to us. He’d be accepting whatever we could have together.’
‘I don’t know what to tell you, kiddo.’
Jordanne leaned up and kissed his cheek. ‘Just being here is enough, Jed. You’re a good brother. Thanks.’
‘And what about that hit-and-run patient you had?’ Sally asked just after the waiter had refreshed their drinks. She was wearing a lovely navy blue dress made out of raw Thai silk but Sally was the type of person who could wear a garbage bag and still look incredible.
‘Louise Kellerman?’
‘That’s the one,’ Sally replied. ‘How’s she coping?’
Jordanne knew what Sally was up to. She was trying to keep her friend’s mind off the fact that Alex hadn’t turned up at her parents’ wedding anniversary party. It had been going now for a good two hours, yet still there was no sign of him. ‘Louise is doing well. The police have caught and charged the person responsible for the hit and run. It means Louise will have to testify in court eventually but she now has some very good support on her side.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘She’s in love with the ward social worker.’
‘Dean?’ Sally’s eyes widened in disbelief. ‘How does he feel about that?’
‘The same as Louise.’
‘I hope he’s transferred her care,’ Sally said.
‘Yes, he has. She has a few more weeks in traction because of the pelvic fracture, before being transferred to the rehabilitation hospital, but she’s progressing very well.’
‘Good for them,’ Sally said heartily.
Jordanne looked down into her drink. ‘Yeah, good for them,’ she said without feeling. She looked up at Sally and gave her a watery smile. ‘When is it going to be good for me?’
Sally put her drink down and placed her arm around Jordanne’s shoulders. ‘Everything will work out fine. Trust me.’
‘Do you know something?’ Jordanne asked curiously.
‘No,’ Sally answered honestly. ‘I just know that Alex does love you, Jordanne, but he’s just having a hard time coming to terms with what it means.’
Kirsten came over to them and put her arm around Jordanne as well. She was wearing a pair of black trousers and a stunning beaded jacket. With her auburn locks falling softly to the middle of her back, Jordanne knew that her friend had turned a few heads as she’d walked across the room.
‘Is this a secret meeting or can anyone join in?’
Jordanne laughed. ‘Only you and no one else,’ she warned.
‘Hey, how’s that gunman you operated on?’
‘He’s doing fine. Did you two get together and decide what topics would be best to keep my mind off the fact that Alex isn’t coming?’ Jordanne looked from one friend to the other. They both looked extremely guilty and nodded, confirming her suspicions.
‘Well, thank you,’ Jordanne said, not about to begrudge them. ‘You’re both fantastic friends but can’t we talk about something other than patients? This is supposed to be a party, not a departmental meeting.’
Sally and Kirsten laughed. ‘What would you like to talk about?’ Sally asked.
‘How about Joel?’
‘What about Joel?’ Kirsten asked as all three of them looked across the room to where Jordanne’s brother was in deep discussion with Jed.
‘It’s eight weeks since he had surgery to his knee, and from what he mentioned to me the other day on the phone he’s looking for part-time work as a locum GP.’ Jordanne looked expectantly at Kirsten. ‘Any chance you have some extra work you need help with at your practice?’
‘That’s right,’ Sally chimed in. ‘You said to me only the other day that you were thinking about employing a locum.’
Kirsten ummed and ahhed for a moment before saying, ‘The practice is at the stage where I either need to expand or contract.’
‘A bit uncertain about things?’ Jordanne asked.
‘Yes and no,’ Kirsten replied. ‘I’m still thinking things through. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a GP but…I don’t know. Things just don’t feel…right.’
‘I’m sure you’ll work it out, but from a personal angle I’d love to have Joel move to Canberra.’
Sally laughed. ‘Three McElroys in one very small state.’
‘Territory,’ Kirsten corrected. ‘The Australian Capital Territory.’
‘I stand corrected,’ Sally said with a smile. ‘But regardless of what it’s called, I’m not sure the good people of Canberra would be able to cope.’
‘It’s an invasion,’ Kirsten joined in as they laughed.
For the first time that evening, Jordanne grasped at the happiness she felt in her heart. So what if Alex wasn’t here! So what if he didn’t want to work things out! So what if he didn’t love her.
The last thought brought the melancholy back with a vengeance. Her
heart ached for him, her mind begged for the stimulating conversations they used to enjoy. Her soul was suffocating without him and her body longed to be held once more in his arms, his lips pressed firmly against her own—where they belonged.
‘Excuse me,’ Jed said as he walked towards them. ‘I’ve come to break up your tête-à-tête.’
‘I suppose you’ve shared your fiancée enough for one night, eh?’ Jordanne asked him.
‘That’s not why I came over,’ he said, although he took the opportunity to give Sally a kiss. ‘Actually, little sister, I’ve come to ask you to dance.’
‘Oh.’ Jordanne was surprised for a moment. ‘OK.’ She smiled at her friends as Jed whisked her out onto the dance floor.
‘How are you holding up?’ he asked, concerned.
Jordanne sighed. ‘I’m getting there.’
‘You have bags under your eyes and Mum is very worried. Why don’t you have a talk to her?’
‘Maybe you’re right. I could do with some of Mum’s wisdom right about now.’
Jed continued to dance her around the room. ‘I played squash yesterday afternoon with Alex,’ he said.
Jordanne’s heart rate increased and she gave her brother a wary look. ‘What did you say?’
‘Not at lot. He was in a rotten mood but he won every game.’
‘I don’t suppose he asked about me?’
‘No, but I ventured the information that you weren’t very happy and he only continued to smash that little black ball even harder. So, what are you going to do?’
‘I honestly don’t know. I told him that I’d be willing to have tests, that we could look at adoption—anything. Jed, we belong together. I can compromise. I can live a life without children.’ Even as she said the words, Jordanne felt a deep ache begin in her heart.
‘Can you? You don’t sound too sure, Jordanne.’
‘My alternative is life without Alex and I definitely know I won’t survive that.’ She wiped carefully at the tears before they spilt over her lashes, ruining her make-up. ‘I think I’ve had enough dancing, Jed.’ As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Jordanne felt a finger tap her shoulder and she turned around, only to gaze into Alex’s blue eyes. Her breathing increased and her knees started to give way but thankfully Jed’s strong arms came around her.
