“Thank you, Adam… for everything.” Her sincere words travel down through my soul. I feel appreciated and gratified that my presence means something to her.
I kiss her forehead without even thinking. “The pleasure is all mine. Good night, my dear.” She closes her eyes and says good night.
I step out of her room and make a glass of whiskey for myself. Since I already took a nap, I am not in the mood to sleep. It’s three in the morning, Toronto time. We’re somewhere in Manitoba and will be stopping at Winnipeg tomorrow evening. I never dreamt I would spend time with someone on a train for two days, and never want to end it. She is still a stranger to me, with her hidden secrets, but the connection between us is beyond what words can explain. For the first time in my life, I realize I have no friend with whom to share my feelings about her. I have no one to tell what an emotional ride I am on. What if I share my feelings with her? She is too vulnerable to emotion. I want her to be my friend, but she has already set her boundaries. I know if I ever dare to cross them, she will run away.
She has kept herself in a capsule for so long. Will she ever allow anyone to break it? Will I ever be able to find a passage to her heart? But why do I need to sneak into her heart? Am I looking for a long-term relationship with her, when she has clearly stated that she has nothing to offer me, not emotionally, nor physically? Why do I keep chasing her, though she has never encouraged me? Why do I ask her to help me find the light, when she has kept herself in darkness for so long? Who has done this to her? Was she in an abusive relationship? The thought of someone touching her and then hurting her infuriates me. I can’t imagine anyone would ruin her purity and innocence. I am lost in thought, eyes closed, when I feel her sit on the other end of the couch. I open my eyes and see her wrapped in the blanket, holding a jar of body butter.
“I couldn’t sleep, and I noticed you are not sleeping, either. My pill hasn’t taken effect yet.” She opens the jar. “And I can’t sleep with dry feet, either.” Her smile affects me like a drug diffusing in my blood, anesthetizing me slowly. I don’t know if it’s the whiskey or her presence, but I’m getting drunk and sleepy.
I hold my glass tightly to control my body’s reaction. If I don’t stop myself, I will lose her forever. She gently scoops some body butter out of the jar and starts rubbing her feet. I put the glass down and watch her intently.
“Do you want to try me? I can give you a foot massage.” I feel dizzy watching her. She smiles back at me and hands me the jar.
“I always avail myself of the opportunity for a foot massage.” Without any hesitation, she adjusts herself on the couch and places her feet on my lap. “You will be a very good friend if you massage me well, Mr. Gibson.” She winks at me cheerfully. So she is fond of foot massages. I take out the butter and apply it to her feet gently, massaging every part.
“Your feet are cold. You want me to get you socks?”
“No, they will be fine after the massage.” She closes her eyes, concentrating on my touch. Her feet start to get warm.
“Did anyone ever tell you, you have beautiful feet?”
“Have you seen any woman’s feet, other than mine?” she asks with a wicked smile. I purse my lips. She has a point.
I rub her heels, and she makes small sounds.
“Am I hurting you, Rania? If I am, please tell me.” I pause the massage for a moment. She opens her eyes instantly.
“No, not at all. I am enjoying the blessedness.” And she closes her eyes again. So, the sounds are of pleasure, not pain. I have read when a man provides pleasure to a woman, and when a woman makes sounds, when she is pleased, and indulges herself in pleasure, that’s what takes man to ecstasy. She is right. Her sounds are turning me on like anything. I feel her body warming up on my touch. Are her feet a starting point for turning her on?
Control yourself, Adam. If sounds can drive you crazy, what would you do when you make . . . fuck it off!
I shake my head to blow out all the dirty thoughts that are clouding my mind. I notice she has fallen asleep. The pill worked. She looks innocent and untouchable while sleeping. I shift her feet and adjust them on the couch, covering them with her blanket. I crawl on the floor, close to her head, and brush away a few strands of hair from her face. I know I will never get another chance to examine her so closely. As I immerse my soul in her beauty, I recall William Wordsworth’s phrases:
I saw her upon nearer view,
A Spirit, yet a Woman too!
Her household motions light and free,
And steps of virgin liberty;
A countenance in which did meet
Sweet records, promises as sweet;
A creature not too bright or good
For human nature’s daily food;
For transient sorrows, simple wiles,
Praise, blame, love, kisses, tears, and smiles.
I kiss her forehead lightly, not wanting to wake her up, and whisper in her ear. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen.” I kiss her forehead again, and leave the room to let her sleep.
CLAIM
♀
“Yes, the property is worth five million. We need to get all the details about the area to see if it is worth buying or not. And yes, arrange the meeting with local hydro.” I hear Adam’s voice in my sleep. I get up from the couch with a clear mind. He is sitting on the bar stool with his laptop open, talking on the phone.
“Yes, send me the details. I will be checking my emails on and off… uh huh… no, I won’t be able to attend today. You guys carry on… no, not on Thursday either… I have some commitments already… yes… that’s better… and please, don’t schedule any meetings for the whole week… I am not available… bye for now.” I keep gazing at him, admiring the sight.
I realize why girls are crazy over him. He is very hot, charming, and a sin magnet. He is wearing light gray pajamas and a white t-shirt, which fit his body perfectly. He has beautiful strong arms and shoulders, which make me want to dissolve in him. If I were a normal girl, with no past, and if he had asked me out, I would have said yes. I wish I could tell him what he is getting into with me. I have started to trust him, though. I remember how he held me after my nightmare last night. How he promised he would be there to protect me. What if I tell him the truth? Would he still keep his promise? Till now, I have been enjoying the blessings God has bestowed on me.
Yes, Adam is a blessing to me.
He is engrossed in his office work, and I in him. While writing an email, he looks up and catches me staring at him. I avert my eyes instantly, not wanting him to know that I was admiring him.
“Hey, good morning, beautiful. I didn’t know you were awake.” He gives me his million-dollar smile and closes his laptop lid.
“Yeah, I woke up when you were talking on the phone.”
“Oh, I’m sorry I disturbed you.” He comes over and sits next to me. “You look beautiful in the morning.” His eyes watch me deeply.
“Thanks… I guess I overslept…” I check the time and it is noon. “I haven’t slept so long in ages. I guess your foot massage did wonders. Thank you.” I smile at him shyly.
“Hmm, I know. You fell asleep while I was massaging you. And you didn’t wake up after that?” I shake my head. “So, what would you like to have for breakfast? Other than tea and pumpkin bread.” He winks at me.
“You remember, huh?” I ask him, surprised.
“Of course I remember. The first time you ever fed me. You think I’d forget that? I couldn’t get the same bread, but we have other kinds here. Come, join me. I’m famished.” He holds my hand and leads me to the bar.
“I need to go to the washroom. I will join you in a minute.” He releases my hand and I escape.
After a few minutes, I rejoin Adam at the bar. The countertop is spread lavishly with breads, muffins and assorted breakfast food. “There is so much food. Why did y
ou order this much?”
“I didn’t know what you like, so you have a choice now.”
“Thank you, Adam, but I intend to eat a normal breakfast. For me, a slice of bread with tea is enough. Please don’t waste the food.”
“Okay, we will not waste it. Now, start your breakfast.” He hands me a cup of tea and bread.
“How do you know I drink this tea?” I am surprised to see a Tetley teabag.
“I saw it in your kitchen, before leaving on Sunday morning.” Oh, so he stayed whole night. He takes a sip of his coffee, watching me. How much has he noticed?
We remain quiet, concentrating on our breakfast. After a few minutes, his phone chimes. Since his hands are busy with food, he puts the call on speaker. “Yes, Sylvain. Any news?”
“Mr. Gibson, I have sent all the details to Mr. Fraser and they said they are interested in meeting you personally. I told them you are busy this week, but they—”
“Tell them I am out of town for a week. If they want to meet with me, I am available on Monday, but this week is not possible. I am booked already.” He looks at me when he says booked.
“Yes, Mr. Gibson. I will schedule it for Monday. Thank you. Good day.”
Is he postponing all his business meetings because of me? I feel special all of a sudden. I wonder how long this feeling is going to last. His phone rings again. He checks the caller ID and his expression changes. He puts the phone on speaker again.
“Yes, Mrs. Moore.”
“Hi, Adam. How are you?” The woman calls him by his first name, which means this is not an official call.
“I am good. Why did you call?” I feel tension in his voice.
“I read the news. I am happy for you. The girl is pretty.”
“Yes, she is.” Adam speaks low, looking at me. Oh, they are talking about me. “Is that the only reason you called?” I notice he has stopped eating. He keeps his eyes closed and rubs his forehead.
“It’s nice that you finally found someone. Even in the picture, it’s obvious from the way you look at her.”
“Oh! So you can read my eyes, huh?” Adam sounds very sarcastic.
“Adam, I am your mother. Of course I can read my son.” What? It’s his mother?
“Did you want anything else, Mrs. Moore?” Adam asks annoyingly. How can he talk to his mother like that?
“I called to invite you for a family holiday dinner on Saturday.”
“We are not family, Mrs. Moore. You have your own family, and I suppose they will show up.” He keeps his eyes closed, but I feel how stressed he is.
“You are my family too, Adam. I was wondering if you could bring Rania with you—”
“We have already accepted an invitation somewhere else. I’m afraid we won’t be able to come.” When did that happen?
“You do this every year, Adam—”
“And you still call me every year. I will talk to you later, bye.” And he hangs up the phone. He remains quiet for a moment. I stand up from my stool and place my hand on his shoulder.
“Adam, were you talking to your mother?” He nods in silence. “Do you realize how you were acting? She was—”
“You don’t know anything, Rania.”
“No, I don’t know, but right now I can see that you spoke to her very rudely, and this is not the way to talk to her,” I scold him.
“What? You think I’m at fault?” He looks at me in surprise.
“I don’t know who has done what, but right now you are at fault. She called to invite you for the holidays, and you—”
“I haven’t seen her in ages, Rania. I can’t accept it now.”
“Call her and apologize,” I order him, crossing my hands over my chest.
“What? You expect me to call her and say sorry? For what?”
“For your behavior, Adam. This is not the right way.”
He stands up from his stool and shakes his head in frustration. “I can’t believe you are asking me this.”
“Yes, you will do it. We have accepted each other as friends, so in friendship you will listen to me.”
“What? Are you threatening me?” His eyes deepen on me.
“I am not threatening you, Adam, but you are wasting all your good deeds, when you are not good to your mother. God will not like it.”
“I had only one relative, and that was my father. Then God took my father from me, left me with nothing. And you say I should be grateful to Him?”
“But He gave you a good heart, Adam. You feed and provide shelter to so many people. He is watching you. You have a very powerful soul. Nothing will be wasted. You will be rewarded in life, maybe in a form of a stronger relationship. Or a more prosperous life.”
“I don’t want wealth and prosperity anymore. I have more than enough.”
“But don’t abandon the relatives that are left to you. Time doesn’t wait for anyone. I can’t believe you reject her every year, but see, she still calls you. It is only because her love is unconditional.”
“Oh yeah? Where was her love, when I was only six and she left me? She married a rich man, leaving my father and me in hard times. Where was love then?” He holds back his anger and I realize he is restraining his tears also. I put my arm around his shoulders and sit him back on the stool.
“Say everything you are keeping in your head. I am here to listen.”
He stays quiet for a moment, then finally speaks. “I haven’t seen her in so many years, except occasionally at parties, but it has been a long time. She calls me every year, but I always refuse. It’s very hard for me to confront her now, after so long. I can’t do it. I don’t know how I would react. I don’t know if I would be able to talk to her or not. That frustration comes out in the form of rudeness, every time I talk to her. I can never forget what she did to me, Rania. I needed her so much. We had no home, and when I used to sleep in shelters with strangers…” He doesn’t speak after that. I see pain in his eyes. He suffered so much in his childhood and there is nothing I can do to change it.
“I can understand your pain, Adam, but it’s over now. You cannot go back and fix it, but you can make the most of what you have now. Did you ever try asking her why she left you? You have heard only your father’s side of the story.”
“I don’t want to listen to her. What would she say? What reason could there be to leave a child?”
“At least try to talk to her. She wants you in her life, Adam, and I know, deep inside, you want her in yours too. You are prolonging your pain and hers as well, behaving like that. Life is too long to hate someone, but it is too short to love.” I pause for a moment, then pick up his phone from the counter. “Now, you will call her and apologize and tell her that you will be joining her for dinner.”
“But she has asked you to come also.”
“I will come with you, Adam. Now that I have promised to be your friend, I will make sure you talk to your mother and sort out all your differences.” I smile at him, giving him his phone. “Call her now.”
“I can’t believe you’re making me do this. I didn’t know you could dominate… me.” He shakes his head with surprise.
“I am not dominating. I want to end this pain of yours, once and for all. It’s gonna hurt for a while, but then you will be free. Now be a good guy and call her.”
He picks up the phone and dials the number. She answers on the second ring. “Adam, you called back?” I hear astonishment in her voice.
“I called to say… umm… I’m sorry for my behavior…” He looks at me in confusion.
“Oh, Brian, my son has called me…” She is talking to someone, but I don’t know who. “That’s all right, my dear. You’ve called me; for the first time, that’s what matters most.” All mothers are the same. I smile to myself.
“I also called to say that we will join you for the holiday dinner after all.”
<
br /> “You will?” Mrs. Moore’s voice is filled with happiness.
“Yes, we both will come.” He looks at me with tenderness.
“Oh, Brian, he said he would come for dinner. I am so happy, Adam. I love you so much.” He is extremely quiet, so I move my lips for him to say, i-love-you-too-mother. He rolls his eyes at me and I give him one more warning look.
“I love you too… Mom.” He averts his eyes from me. Whom is he hiding from?
“Oh, Brian! He said he loves me too.” I feel a sense of achievement in her voice. It is a joy to hear.
“I will see you on Saturday. Bye.” He hangs up the phone without listening to any goodbye from her side.
I immediately ask him, “Who is Brian?”
“Her husband. Brian Moore,” he says blankly. He stands up from the bar stool and I follow him.
“Thank you for listening, Adam,” I say to his back.
“I need some time alone.” He doesn’t look back at me, and disappears into his cabin.
I know I made him do something against his will. I never really expected that he would listen to me and talk to his mother, when he has not talked to her in so many years. I decide when I go to dinner with him, I will make sure all grudges get resolved between mother and son. Adam has suffered so much, all those years, and it is painful to see him like that. In only a couple of days, since we have met, we have got so much closer. He has revealed so much to me about his past, his habits, his grudges, but soon he will expect me to do the same. Will I ever be able to tell him about my past? Will I ever get the courage to go back in time, along with him, and open all the doors that I have shut down for five years? He is giving me plenty of time and patience to build a bridge of trust between us, but one day he will expect me to walk down that bridge to him. If he asks for more than friendship, will I ever be able to give it to him?
He has told me he wanted some time alone. It is better to leave him in solitude for the time being, and not bother him. I settle by the window. The land is all white outside, but the sight is still breathtaking. I am blissfully enjoying the view and Adam’s company. Traveling in business class is something I never expected in my life. He has brought surprises to me every time we have met—from the dance performance and the Tiffany box to this travel upgrade. Was it asking too much to make him call his mother? Did he really want time for himself, or was he escaping me? I put all my crazy thoughts aside and open my ebook reader.
A Silent Prayer Page 13
