The Utterly Indescribable Thing that Happened in Huggabie Falls

by Adam Cece

  The broom sighed and drooped slightly, and then it turned and dipped, offering its back for them to jump on.

  Cymphany winked at Tobias and Kipp. ‘Let’s go,’ she said.

  Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany leapt onto the broom, turning their heads to look at the silkworms in the golf cart, as the queen spun the cart’s steering wheel and the cart turned and skidded sideways towards them.

  The silkworms in the back yelled, ‘Yee-haw,’ as they hung out the back of the cart and released their lassos towards the escaping children. For a moment the lassos were right on target and it looked like Cymphany, Kipp and Tobias were doomed to stay in the Under forever. But the broom snorted like a wild horse and turned sharply through the air. Cymphany, Kipp and Tobias screamed, ‘Aieeeeeeeeeee,’ as the broom shot upwards, towards the pinprick of light in the distance, which was Mrs Turgan’s house, and the lasso loops swished past underneath, missing the broom’s bristles by millimetres.

  ‘Noooooooooooooooooo!’ the queen shouted, and she shook ten of her legs at them.

  The broom ducked and weaved between the many layers of silkworm webs, up and up, somehow without getting tangled in the sticky strands of silk.

  But the electric whirring sound filled the air again, and Tobias glanced back. ‘Oh dear,’ he said. ‘I’m not sure what kind of golf cart that is, but it looks like it has sprouted wings.’

  Kipp and Cymphany looked back too, and they saw that the golf cart had indeed sprouted wings and it was flying up through the layers of web behind them. It seemed to be gaining on the flying broomstick, and the silkworms in the back were twirling their lassos again.

  ‘Get them,’ the queen shouted. ‘By the end of this day we will have added children and a flying broom to our collection. Oh, what a glorious day this will be. Get them!’

  Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany ducked as a flying rope whizzed past above their heads.

  ‘Missed,’ Tobias said gleefully. But his glee was short lived, as a second lasso tightened around one of his shoes.

  ‘Ahhhhh, they’ve got me,’ he screamed.

  Now the silkworms squealed with glee and pulled the rope tight. The broom groaned as suddenly it was trying to carry not just three children, but also a golf cart and three silkworms. Cymphany scrambled in her satchel and found the scissors. She reached down and used them to hack at the rope.

  ‘Hurry,’ Tobias yelled, as the silkworms began to pull the rope in, dragging the broom down towards the cart.

  Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany were only a metre away from being pulled into the golf cart, when the rope finally snapped. The force of the recoil knocked the scissors from Cymphany’s hand, and the broom lurched upwards.

  The silkworm queen lost her grip on the steering wheel, and the cart almost crashed into a futon lounge suite, before the queen got control again and put her foot down on the accelerator, making the electric engine rev fiercely.

  But it was no match for Mrs Turgan’s broom, which shot up out of its reach.

  Kipp pointed at the rope dangling from Tobias’s shoe. ‘Good work, Cymph.’

  The broom angled upwards, and they rocketed through the final gap, just as the silkworms flung another lasso. It shot past the broom, then whipped back and caught Cymphany. And tore her straight off the broomstick.

  ‘Nice catch, Tobias,’ Cymphany said over the rushing wind. She was hanging in mid air. Tobias had caught her hand as she was ripped off the broom, but in doing so he’d let go of the broom himself. Luckily, Kipp had managed to grab Tobias’s hand and keep his other hand on the broom. Now they were a chain of people, with a broom at one end and a satchel at the other end, which had been lassoed by three silkworms in a golf cart.

  ‘Maybe I was wrong,’ Cymphany shouted up at Tobias, ‘when I said before that the only thing you were good at catching was a cold.’

  Tobias looked confused. ‘You never said that.’

  Cymphany stopped. ‘Oh, maybe I just thought it. Never mind, forget I said anything.’

  The silkworms were reeling them in, and they were doing it fast. The broom strained to keep pushing forwards and upwards, but it was being pulled back.

  It seemed hopeless, until Kipp noticed something. ‘Cymph,’ he shouted. ‘The lasso. It hasn’t caught you. It’s got your satchel. Let go of your satchel and we’ll be free.’

  Cymphany looked at Kipp with desperate fear. ‘But I can’t let go of my satchel,’ she yelled.

  Tobias grimaced. He was having trouble keeping his grip on Cymphany’s hand. ‘Cymphany,’ he said. ‘You have to.’

  ‘But,’ Cymphany cried out. ‘My satchel is what makes me, me. What if we need something from it? We always need something from it.’

  ‘Yes, yes, listen to your friend,’ said the silkworm queen.

  Kipp met Cymphany’s eyes. ‘Cymph,’ he said. ‘Maybe we will need something from your satchel. But we need you more, and Huggabie Falls needs all of us.’

  Cymphany spun around in the air. Her hand had almost slipped out of Tobias’s grip. She willed herself to make her other hand let go of the satchel, but she just couldn’t do it. The silkworms had reeled them in. In a moment it would all be over.

  ‘Sorry silkworms,’ Cymphany said. ‘Good b—’

  But before Cymphany finished her sentence she let go of the satchel and the golf cart jerked backwards, while she shot upwards along with Kipp, Tobias and the broomstick.

  So Cymphany’s sentence went like this: ‘Sorry silkworms. Good baieeeeeeeeeee.’

  Those of you who have read the first two books in the Huggabie Falls trilogy will know how ridiculous some expressions are. If I had my way I would ban all expressions. ‘A good expression is a banned expression’ is the only expression I would allow.

  One ridiculous expression some silly people like to use is, ‘Out of the frypan and into the fire’. This expression refers to the unfortunate sequence of events that might take you from a bad situation to a worse situation. Like trying to escape from a sizzling-hot frypan and jumping over the edge only to plummet into the fire that was heating the frypan in the first place, which would be even more perilous. Of course this only makes sense if you are cooking with your frypan on a fire. But most people these days cook on gas or electric elements on stove tops. So the expression should probably be, out of the frypan and onto the nice cool stainless-steel stove top. But then that wouldn’t be a problem, would it!

  Instead of using the outdated expression, out of the frypan and into the fire, you should just say that sometimes when trying to escape a perilous situation people find themselves in an even more perilous situation. Which is where Cymphany, Kipp and Tobias found themselves when they escaped from the Under on the back of Mrs Turgan’s broomstick. After all, they were being flown back to Mrs Turgan’s house, and most people who entered Mrs Turgan’s house ended up getting zapped and turned into toilet seats, or armpit fungus, or—in one particularly unfortunate example—a handkerchief that belonged to Huggabie Falls resident Bonita Bazoot, whose runny noses were legendary.

  Cymphany, Tobias and Kipp were bucked off the broom as soon as they arrived in Mrs Turgan’s house. They picked themselves up and went into the lounge room, not knowing whether Al Dark might still be there. Cymphany worried that this was the point that, now that they were out of the frypan, they landed in the fire.

  But all they found was Copernicus, sitting in an armchair surrounded by half-eaten objects, looking super-cute and weaving a basket.

  ‘Welcome back,’ he cheered, with a piece of doily hanging from his mouth. Then he looked intensely at Kipp. ‘My goodness, are you defying the laws of gravity, or have your legs become invisible?’ he asked, while stroking the adorable little tuft of hair on the end of his chin.

  Kipp frowned. ‘I’d rather not talk about it, please.’

  ‘Very interesting,’ Copernicus said, talking about it anyway. ‘The way your invisibility works is quite peculiar, and definitely improbable. I have a background in medicine, you know. I may be able
to help you. By the way, sorry about forgetting about that hole before.’

  Cymphany was deeply concerned for her rapidly disappearing friend, but she was more concerned about something else. ‘Where’s Mrs Turgan?’ she asked Copernicus.

  ‘Oh, her,’ Copernicus said matter-of-factly. ‘She left.’

  ‘Left?’ Cymphany said.

  Copernicus nodded. ‘Al Dark showed her the utterly indescribable thing, and she started going on about how Near Huggabie Falls has been voted the best town on Earth by the best town on Earth selection organisation, and I tried to tell her I was suspicious that organisation might have been set up by Al Dark, but she wouldn’t listen, especially when she heard that everyone else in Huggabie Falls has moved to Near Huggabie Falls. So she left. I would have gone with her, but I’m still investigating my hypothesis that Huggabie Falls is the centre of the universe and I’m almost finished weaving this basket. So I’m here by myself, with that silly broom, and all that broom ever wants to do is watch game shows on TV. Wait a minute’—Copernicus suddenly looked concerned—‘if no one is here, then no one will be cooking dinner tonight. Do any of you know how to cook steak tartare? It’s my favourite.’

  Cymphany looked confused. ‘Copernicus, did you say everyone else in Huggabie Falls has moved to Near Huggabie Falls?’ she said. ‘Al Dark can’t have possibly shown the utterly indescribable thing to everyone in Huggabie Falls already.’

  Copernicus grimaced. ‘I feel like the answer you want me to give here is “no”. But, I’m really sorry, that wouldn’t be true. Now, no one answered my question. Can anyone cook steak tartare?’

  But Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany didn’t even hear Copernicus repeat his question. They were already out the door and running to the Huggabie Falls town square, which was usually the busiest place in all of Huggabie Falls.

  ‘There’s no one here,’ Cymphany said when they arrived. ‘Everyone’s gone.’ She turned back to Tobias and Kipp. ‘Copernicus was right.’

  They hurried to Cymphany’s house next. The Chan family car was not in the driveway and the front door was open. Cymphany found a sealed envelope with her name on it propped up against an empty jam jar on the kitchen table. She opened it and removed the letter from inside.

  Dear Cymphany,

  Have you heard? Everyone’s talking about it. Near Huggabie Falls is the most amazing town on Earth now, and miraculously your father and I have managed to purchase the very last house available in the seventh- and-absolutely-one-hundred-and-ten-percent-I-mean-it-this-time final-very-last-chance-no-more-houses-available-after-this-sale sale. Can you believe how lucky we’ve been? We’re so thrilled we’ve moved to Near Huggabie Falls already! I’ve left you twenty dollars, so you can go to the Huggabie Falls Submarine Station and buy a ticket to Near Huggabie Falls. We’ll meet you there.

  I’m so excited I can barely finished writing this let _____________________________

  Cymphany sighed and handed the letter to Tobias and Kipp, who already knew what it said, as Cymphany had read it out loud.

  ‘I don’t get it,’ Tobias said. ‘Your parents don’t even mention the utterly indescribable thing in this letter. Did they even see it?’

  Cymphany shook her head slowly. ‘I don’t think they had to.’

  Kipp frowned. ‘But if they didn’t see it, then why do they want to move to Near Huggabie Falls?’

  Cymphany shrugged. ‘With so many people talking about how amazing Near Huggabie Falls apparently is and how limited houses are there, it looks like everyone went into a frenzy. Everyone was too scared to miss out.’ She sighed again. ‘Including my parents.’

  She looked around her house, as if hoping it wouldn’t be the last time, before turning back to Kipp and Tobias. ‘Whose house shall we go to next?’

  Neither Tobias or Kipp said a word. It was obvious neither of them wanted to discover his family had gone too.

  ‘I find it very hard to believe there is any housing shortage in Near Huggabie Falls,’ Cymphany said as they walked dejectedly along Digmont Drive. ‘Considering I haven’t heard of anyone moving there, ever, before this. I certainly don’t want to live in Near Huggabie Falls.’

  They were on their way to Tobias’s house because Tobias had lost the decider game of Paper, Scissors, Rock, Catapult, Curling Tongs, Hot Air Balloon, Angry Hamster they’d played.

  Paper, Scissors, Rock, Catapult, Curling Tongs, Hot Air Balloon, Angry Hamster, is the unnecessarily complicated, but much more fun version of the game Paper, Scissors, Rock. This more advanced version is usually only ever played in Huggabie Falls. The rules of Paper, Scissors, Rock, Catapult, Curling Tongs, Hot Air Balloon, Angry Hamster are as follows:

  Paper beats rock.

  Rock beats scissors.

  Scissors beat paper.

  Angry hamster beats catapult, because it nibbles through the catapult’s ropes, and angry hamster also beats paper, for similar reasons.

  Curling tongs beat angry hamster—because they curl its hair and make it look pretty, so it isn’t angry anymore, and curling tongs also beat hot air balloon for obvious reasons.

  Scissors and catapult also beat hot air balloon. In fact, everything beats hot air balloon—hot air balloon is not a good option to choose in this game.

  Anyway, where was I before I described the long and unnecessarily complex rules of Paper, Scissors, Rock, Catapult, Curling Tongs, Hot Air Balloon, Angry Hamster. Ah, yes, Cymphany had just said, ‘I certainly don’t want to move to Near Huggabie Falls.’

  ‘I mean, I really don’t want to move to Near Huggabie Falls,’ Cymphany said. ‘Do you know what the number-one cause of death in Near Huggabie Falls is? Boredom! It’s a place where you can literally die of boredom.’

  ‘I hear they have a really great ice-cream parlour,’ Tobias said.

  ‘Really?’ Cymphany said.

  Tobias shook his head. ‘No. Sorry. I was only saying that to make you feel better about moving there.’

  ‘Nobody is moving there,’ Kipp said, determinedly. ‘We’re going to stop Al Dark and this utterly indescribable thing somehow. Hopefully your parents haven’t seen it yet, Tobias, or got caught up in all this Near Huggabie Falls hype.’

  Tobias gulped. ‘Actually, I’m pretty sure they have. Look.’ He pointed.

  Motoring down Digmont Drive towards them was a car that looked like it belonged in the last century. This was probably because it hadn’t been driven since the last century. It was the Treachery family’s wood-panelled station wagon. The Treachery family had so many overdue debts and had done so many treacherous things that they hardly ever left their house, and they certainly didn’t drive their car all over town, where people could chase after them and throw rotten fruit.

  ‘This is a very bad sign,’ Tobias said.

  The car pulled in at the kerb, and the driver’s window wound down. Mr Treachery smiled at Kipp, Tobias and Cymphany, but it wasn’t his usual warm smile.

  Mrs Treachery was seated beside him and Tobias’s sister, Tish, was in the back seat, with her headphones on and her eyes closed. Tobias looked worriedly at the stuffed-full-with-bags rear section of the station wagon. It looked disturbingly like every single item from the Treachery house was in there.

  ‘Tobias, my boy,’ said Mr Treachery. ‘Great news. We saw something that convinced us Near Huggabie Falls is the greatest town on Earth. And, better yet, we were the last people to buy a house in the eighth-and-I-know-I-said-the-seventh-was-the-final-but-one-more-house-came-up-so-I-could-hardly-not-sell-it-could-I-but-this-really-is-the-absolute-last-one-very-last-chance-no-more-houses-available-after-this-sale sale. Can you believe how lucky we are? We’re moving in today. Hop in. We’re leaving immediately.’

  ‘Let me guess,’ Tobias said flatly. ‘This something you saw was utterly indescribable.’

  ‘No, I can describe it,’ Mr Treachery said.

  Kipp and Cymphany’s eyes popped open. ‘Really, Mr Treachery,’ Cymphany said. ‘You can describe it? That’s amazing. In
credible.’

  Kipp nodded in agreement. ‘It sure is. No one has been able to describe it so far. Please, please describe the utterly indescribable thing to us.’

  Kipp and Cymphany only noticed now that Tobias was not as excited as they were.

  ‘What’s wrong, Tobias?’ Cymphany asked. ‘Aren’t you excited? Your dad said he can describe the utterly indescribable thing.’

  ‘Which means we might still have a chance to stop it affecting all the residents, or ex-residents, of Huggabie Falls,’ said Kipp.

  Tobias sighed, as if they were all at a movie and he’d worked out the obvious ending and was just wondering why it was taking everyone else so long to get it. ‘Guys, this is my father we’re talking about. And what does my father always do?’

  The look of excitement dropped off Kipp and Cymphany’s faces. Cymphany turned back to Mr Treachery. ‘Are you lying, Mr Treachery?’

  Mr Treachery smiled, more warmly this time, and then shrugged his shoulders. ‘It’s what I do. It’s what I’ve always done. I’m not sure if I started lying, and it was just a coincidence my name was Treachery, or if I started lying because my name is Treachery. But, aside from Tobias, our whole family does it, don’t they, dear?’ he said, turning to Mrs Treachery.

  ‘No, they most certainly don’t,’ Mrs Treachery lied.

  ‘Anyway,’ Mr Treachery said. ‘Like I said, we are moving into our new house in Near Huggabie Falls today. We don’t want to wait a moment longer. In the car, Tobias. We’re off.’

  ‘Dad,’ Tobias protested, ‘we can’t move to Near Huggabie Falls. You’ve all been tricked.’

  ‘Not me.’ There was a groan from the back seat, which told them just what Tobias’s sister thought of Near Huggabie Falls.

  But Tobias’s dad just laughed. ‘It’s crazy, isn’t it,’ he said. ‘All this time Near Huggabie Falls has been so, well, nearby. And we never knew how amazing it was.’

  ‘But, Mr Treachery,’ Kipp and Cymphany began.