The Utterly Indescribable Thing that Happened in Huggabie Falls

by Adam Cece

  Kipp clicked his fingers. ‘Of all the wonderful things about Huggabie Falls.’

  Copernicus nodded. ‘Exactly. By the way, was building a giant vacuum cleaner really your best plan so far?’

  ‘No,’ Kipp said a little too fast.

  Copernicus turned his head towards the pad of paper on Kipp’s desk. It had a diagram on it of a giant vacuum cleaner sucking in a whole lot of Huggabie Falls residents. Across the top of the page was written: ‘My best plan so far’.

  Kipp was about to protest that he had meant to write his second-best plan so far, because he had already actually been thinking of another plan—which was, surprisingly, very similar to Copernicus’s—but Copernicus cut him off. ‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘That’s why I’m here. To help.’ And he toddled off.

  And this reminded Kipp that Copernicus still hadn’t told him the story of how he, a famous mathematician and astronomer living more than five hundred years ago, came to be a super-cute goat living in Mrs Turgan’s house.

  But Kipp didn’t have time to think about it at that moment. He had to draw up his new best plan, which was actually Copernicus’s plan.

  As soon as he was finished, he raced downstairs.

  ‘Mum, Dad,’ he said.

  His parents and Copernicus were playing Monopoly now, and as soon as Kipp burst in the room Copernicus nudged his little racing car ahead one place, and then he winced, because he had accidentally nudged it onto the ‘Go to Jail’ square.

  ‘I’ve got a plan to make everyone come back to Huggabie Falls,’ Kipp announced.

  ‘It’s a great plan.’ Copernicus smiled.

  ‘Unlikely,’ Kaedy called in from the lounge room, over the sound of cartoons blaring at full volume. ‘Knowing my brother, it probably involves a giant vacuum cleaner.’

  Kipp felt his cheeks get hot, but Copernicus laughed. ‘Hardly. Kipp is a genius,’ he said.

  ‘Oh, no he isn’t,’ Kaedy yelled out. ‘But check out this chicken—it just lifted up the Great Wall of China.’

  Kipp ignored his sister. ‘I need you guys to drive me to Near Huggabie Falls,’ he said to his parents.

  Kipp’s mother raised her eyebrows. ‘We would love to, dear, but your father and I are banned from driving. It scares people when they see a car hurtling down the street without a driver.’

  ‘There isn’t anyone left in Huggabie Falls to see you,’ Kipp protested.

  ‘But there is in Near Huggabie Falls,’ Kipp’s dad said. ‘And, let’s face it, if those people see a driverless car careering down the street, they’ll probably drop dead of a heart attack on the spot. I mean those people aren’t used to excitement.’

  ‘I’ll drive you,’ Copernicus said. ‘I’m sick of playing Monopoly anyway.’

  ‘Hey look’—Kipp’s dad pointed at the playing board—‘you’ve landed on “Go to Jail”.’

  ‘Like I was saying,’ Copernicus snapped, ‘that’s enough Monopoly for me. I’ll get the car keys.’

  Kipp’s mum laughed. ‘Copernicus, you haven’t got a driver’s licence.’

  Copernicus stared at her, which was quite impressive, as she was invisible after all.

  Kipp’s mum stared back. She stopped laughing. ‘Have you?’

  ‘What?’ Copernicus said. ‘Just because I’m a super-cute goat, I can’t have a driver’s licence?’

  ‘Umm,’ Kipp’s dad said. ‘Yeah, pretty much.’

  ‘I passed my test just recently,’ Copernicus said proudly. He produced a wallet from the chest pocket of his little waistcoat and took out a small plastic card, which he handed to Kipp’s dad.

  The plastic card appeared to hover in midair as Kipp’s dad took it and read it. ‘Well, I’ll be,’ Kipp’s dad said, before turning it around so everyone could see it. It was certainly a driver’s licence, and Copernicus’s photo on it was astoundingly gorgeous. They say you never look good in your driver’s licence photo, but Copernicus was not only super-cute but also very photogenic.

  ‘It says,’ Kipp’s dad said, pointing, ‘that Copernicus is qualified to drive cars, major trucks, mid-sized ocean vessels and small tanks.’

  Copernicus was a very good driver, although he did have a tendency to sing hip-hop while he drove.

  ‘Maybe, we could turn the radio on,’ Kipp suggested, which was his polite way of saying, you sound like an orchestra where all the musicians have long fingernails and all the instruments are blackboards.

  Copernicus chuckled. ‘Oh, sorry, Kipp. I keep forgetting you’re here. Gosh, you really are invisible. Like totally invisible.’ He looked across at Kipp’s seat, which would have looked quite empty to him. ‘I don’t get it,’ he said, analysing the empty space. ‘How come your clothes are also invisible?’

  Kipp shrugged, although of course Copernicus couldn’t see the shrug. ‘I don’t know,’ Kipp said. ‘It doesn’t affect hats and scarves and gloves though.’

  Copernicus stared at Kipp for a few moments, which was wrong on two accounts. First, he was staring at nothing, because Kipp was invisible. Second, he should have been watching the road.

  ‘But,’ Copernicus spluttered. ‘How can invisibility spread to clothes? That doesn’t make sense.’

  ‘I dunno,’ Kipp said. ‘I’m not a scientist. And after some of the terrible scientists I’ve met, I’m quite happy about that.’

  While Copernicus still appeared to be incredulous, he said no more, so he must have decided not to push the issue, which makes sense—if you are a famous mathematician and astronomer, who should have died five hundred years ago and you’re now living as a super-cute goat in Huggabie Falls, you can hardly go round claiming things are not possible, can you!

  And, just like Copernicus, readers of this book should also not spend any more time thinking about how unlikely it is that an invisible person’s clothes also become invisible, and why, in turn, their invisibility does not spread to other things they are touching.

  Kipp and Copernicus approached the town of Near Huggabie Falls. They knew this because up ahead a sign appeared that read:

  Kipp asked Copernicus to drop him at the sign and he would make his own way from there. He wanted to sneak into the centre of town without anyone seeing him, which presumably wouldn’t be very difficult because he was invisible.

  ‘I’ll wait here,’ Copernicus said, reclining his seat and putting his cute hooves up on the dash. ‘If you need any assistance, you can call out, but, I’ll be honest with you, I probably won’t hear it because I’ll probably be taking a nap.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Kipp said. ‘I suppose.’

  Kipp left Copernicus, who was already snoring, in the Kindle family car, and walked into Near Huggabie Falls. He didn’t notice that behind him, in the car, Copernicus had stopped snoring and opened one sneaky eye.

  Soon Kipp was walking down the main street of Near Huggabie Falls, which was nothing like what he’d expected. He had only ever been to Near Huggabie Falls once, on a school excursion when the bus driver got lost.

  At that time, Near Huggabie Falls was a tiny town, and the most successful business there was the Centre for Lost People Who Want to Get Out of Near Huggabie Falls as Soon as Possible. But Near Huggabie Falls had transformed into a giant city, with attractive buildings lining the main street and giant billboards advertising Near Huggabie Falls and its world’s greatest and best attractions, like the movie theatre with the ‘world’s biggest screen’ and the ‘world’s greatest blockbuster movies’ and the ‘world’s biggest buckets of popcorn’, which the advertisement said could only be bought by pairs of people, as you needed two people to lift each bucket. Outside the movie theatre was a huge sign saying that its ‘grand opening’ was in one hour. There was a line of people clutching their tickets and waiting to get in. The line was so long it snaked down the street and out of sight.

  Every other attraction in Near Huggabie Falls seemed to be opening in one hour too. Like the Near Huggabie Falls World’s Greatest Amusement Park, which had the ‘world’s biggest a
nd fastest and loopiest rollercoaster’. You couldn’t see the actual rollercoaster because it had a giant tarpaulin over it, but it certainly looked very big and loopy. The line of people waiting to get into the amusement park was almost longer than the line for the movie theatre.

  And there were other long lines: outside the Near Huggabie Falls World’s Best Department Store, outside the Near Huggabie Falls World’s Best Lolly Shop, and outside the Near Huggabie Falls World’s Biggest Ice-Cream Shop, with ‘over eight million flavours, and two million toppings’ and even outside the Near Huggabie Falls World’s Best Maker of World’s Best Signs.

  I wonder why everything is opening in one hour, Kipp thought to himself.

  He came to the centre of the bustling metropolis of Near Huggabie Falls, where all streets seemed to converge. The whole area was brightly coloured, flashing and moving, promoting various Near Huggabie Falls attractions with fancy advertisements. There was a huge stage, with an empty throne on it and a sign at its base that read: ‘For Use by the Most Important Person in Near Huggabie Falls’. Above the throne was a jumbo flat screen, and all around the throne were big flashing arrows, pointing towards the throne, with flashing words on them that read: ‘The Most Important Person in Town’ and ‘Here He Is’ and ‘Can You Believe How Handsome He Is?’

  Kipp didn’t want to admit it, but he thought the Near Huggabie Falls attractions sounded pretty amazing. He doubted anyone in Near Huggabie Falls would die of boredom now, and he started to doubt if his plan could work. How could he convince people to move back to Huggabie Falls now that they lived here?

  And then Kipp stopped, startled, because walking straight towards him were his two best friends.

  Kipp watched them in a daze as they walked straight past him. He turned around and was about to reach out and tap Cymphany on the shoulder when she stopped suddenly, and so did Tobias. They both turned and looked in Kipp’s direction, and they both looked excited and pleased, and they said in unison, ‘Kipp?’

  ‘You can see me?’ Kipp said eagerly.

  As soon as he spoke, Cymphany lunged forward and hugged him. Tobias joined in immediately, making it a three-person hug.

  ‘Of course, we can’t see you,’ Cymphany said. ‘You’re invisible, but, we just sort of—’

  ‘Sensed you,’ Tobias said.

  Cymphany laughed. ‘Something like that. I mean, we’re not going to walk straight past our best friend, invisible or not.’

  Kipp was elated. ‘You guys are the best,’ he said.

  ‘Yes we are,’ Tobias said. ‘Now, do you want to tell us what you’re doing in the main street of Near Huggabie Falls? Were you looking for us?’ And Kipp told them about the invisible Near Huggabie Falls pamphlets, and how they were designed to create a fear of missing out, to make everyone move to Near Huggabie Falls as soon as they could.

  ‘It all makes sense now,’ Cymphany said. ‘Tobias and I have been trying to work out what the utterly indescribable thing is since we got here. Now we know why we couldn’t do it. We needed an invisible person to be able to see the invisible thing.’

  Tobias nodded. ‘We work best as a threesome,’ he said.

  Kipp grinned, and told them about his plan, everything except the bit about it actually being Copernicus’s plan.

  ‘That’s an amazing plan,’ Cymphany said, impressed, while Tobias nodded in agreement. ‘It’s marvellous. How did you think of it?’

  ‘The thing is,’ Kipp said, changing the subject, ‘I haven’t seen a single Near Huggabie Falls resident—only former Huggabie Falls residents. Isn’t that weird?’

  Cymphany sucked in a deep breath. ‘I’m not sure if anyone did live in Near Huggabie Falls,’ she said.

  One of Kipp’s eyebrows went up, although neither of his friends could see it. ‘What do you mean?’ he said.

  Cymphany continued. ‘My family and I couldn’t find the new house we bought, because the real estate agent we talked to on the phone didn’t give us the address. And we went to the World’s Best Real Estate Office only to find it doesn’t open for another hour. Everything in this town seems to be opening in an hour, so now my parents are waiting in line for the World’s Best Real Estate Office to find out where our house is.’

  Tobias nodded. ‘That’s exactly what happened to my family.’

  Kipp shook his head. ‘It’s all very strange. I think we need to talk to the person in charge around here.’

  Tobias brightened. ‘The owner of the Near Huggabie Falls World’s Best Magic Shop?’

  Cymphany smirked at him. ‘No, Tobias. I think Kipp means Al Dark. The mayor.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Tobias. ‘That makes sense. The Near Huggabie Falls World’s Best Magic Shop doesn’t open for an hour anyway.’

  ‘I know what we have to do,’ Kipp said.

  He had a plan, and this time it wasn’t Copernicus’s.

  For the plan to work, Kipp had to split from Cymphany and Tobias, which was sad because the three friends had only just been reunited. But for Kipp’s part of the plan you needed to be invisible, which Cymphany and Tobias weren’t.

  Tobias and Cymphany showed Kipp the way to the Near Huggabie Falls Town Hall, which like every other building in Near Huggabie Falls was an absolutely spectacular, fancily decorated building. But, surprisingly, when Kipp went in the door, the inside was far less grand, in fact, it had a dirt floor, and the interior was like a rather drab shed. There was no one at the entrance, and no one at all inside the first few rooms of the building, so Kipp could have just walked straight in without being seen even if he wasn’t invisible.

  Honestly, Kipp thought, what’s the point of being invisible in Near Huggabie Falls if you can just walk straight into places without being seen? But soon he heard voices from behind a door at the end of a hall, and he was glad he was invisible.

  The door was ajar and Kipp squeezed through the gap carefully and silently. There were three people sitting in plastic chairs around a desk, and it was all Kipp could do to stop himself crying out in alarm when he realised who they were.

  There was a mound of dirt in the corner, and Kipp darted behind it, brushing past the tattered curtains as he went. Al Dark was sitting behind his mayoral desk, which was just a few wooden crates with the words ‘Mayoral Desk’ scratched into them, and his head jerked in the direction of the curtains. Kipp held his breath, because Al Dark’s eyes darted left and right as though he wasn’t buying the fact that curtains could just move of their own accord.

  Kipp had expected to see Al Dark in the room, but he hadn’t expected to see the creepy scientist and the top-hatted scientist.

  ‘What is it, Gal?’ the creepy scientist asked Al Dark, who still had an eye on the curtains.

  Thankfully, after a few seconds Al turned away and said, ‘Nothing, it’s nothing. And for the last time, my name is Al.’

  Kipp held his breath for a few more seconds, just to be safe. He was wondering what the creepy scientist was doing here. This was the same creepy scientist who had been responsible for the extremely weird thing that happened in Huggabie Falls. She still had some tiny scars on her face from vegetarian piranha bites.

  And the top-hatted scientist had been responsible for the unbelievably scary thing that happened in Huggabie Falls. The last time Kipp had seen the top-hatted scientist he was being loaded into a police van to be taken away to jail. Jails obviously weren’t very secure these days, thought Kipp.

  Al Dark spread his arms out wide. ‘At last, after many attempts, I have finally convinced everyone to move to my town, Near Huggabie Falls—well, everyone except for one invisible family, and an incredibly cute goat, but no one ever counts those.’ He stood up. ‘Soon this will be the most famous town on Earth, and I will be in charge, which will make me the most famous person on Earth. Which means, my days of being ignored by everyone, including my own family—including my own mother—are over.’

  The top-hatted scientist and the creepy scientist smiled at each other. ‘Great work, Zal,’ the to
p-hatted scientist said.

  Al Dark slammed his fist down on his mayoral desk. ‘For the last time, it’s Al.’

  ‘Sorry, sorry,’ said the top-hatted scientist, looking like he wanted to crawl inside his top hat and hide.

  Al Dark strolled importantly across his shabby office to a bench, which had a few plastic cups and a cracked jug on it. ‘All these years I’ve been overlooked. Ignored. Forgotten.’ He twitched. ‘But now everyone from Huggabie Falls is going to live in my town, and everyone else in every other town is going to be missing out. This calls for a celebration.’ Al Dark picked up the cracked jug and poured some fizzy liquid into the first cup.

  The creepy scientist and the top-hatted scientist sat up straight, licking their lips.

  Al Dark turned around and held up the cup. ‘Cheers,’ he said.

  The creepy scientist and the top-hatted scientist looked confused, because usually when someone says cheers, it’s because you are all holding drinks and you can clink them together.

  Al Dark saw the surprised looks on their faces, and laughed until a bit of fizzy drink spurted out his nose. ‘You didn’t honestly,’ he said, giggling as he wiped his nose with his sleeve, ‘think I’d give you two dingleberries a drink, did you? You were both outsmarted by a bunch of kids. I’m the only one who deserves a celebratory drink here.’

  ‘Technically,’ the creepy scientist said, ‘it wasn’t a bunch of kids—a bunch implies four or more. A few is three. So it was a few kids—’ She stopped abruptly, and then mumbled, ‘Actually, that’s not any better.’

  ‘No it isn’t,’ Al Dark boomed, slamming his plastic cup down, which was supposed to be dramatic, but the plastic cup buckled, and liquid splashed out everywhere and drenched Al Dark’s sleeve, and then he just looked silly. He sighed. ‘But it doesn’t matter now. Because all of those Huggabie Falls fools were in such a desperate hurry to sign their contracts to buy houses here, that no one read the small print and they don’t realise that in’—he sniggered and checked his watch—‘forty-five minutes, they will be contractually obliged to stay in Near Huggabie Falls forever.’