Adrenaline Rush

by Cindy M. Hogan

  Frankie’s eyes were bulging, and a myriad of emotions flashed across her face as she twisted and stretched to look back at us. What had I done?

  “You know,” Sterling said. “I use this room so infrequently I was thinking of turning it into something different or at least using it for Halloween. I guess that would have been a premature move. I will always need it. Yes, I will need it for people like you.”

  I couldn’t help myself. I had to plead for her. I couldn’t stand to see her in pain because of me. “Please, whip me 50,000 times. Leave her out of it. She’s innocent. She doesn’t deserve it. She’s done everything you’ve asked of her since she arrived.”

  “Yes. And that’s what makes this all the more powerful and meaningful. It’s quite poetic, don’t you think?”

  “Just shut up, Misha,” Frankie raved. “Shut up! You’re making it worse.”

  A man stepped into the room. He was tall and muscled. He held a whip in his hand. The whip had several leather strands hanging from the one handle. I counted five. My organs seemed to seize.

  “Give the one in the middle three before her friend receives ten. I want Misha to know what her friend feels.”

  I heard the man snap the whip in the air behind me. It made a loud crack. This was going to hurt. I stared at a spot on the wall, praying for the strength to endure. He let it rip against my back. I clenched my teeth. I did not scream. Yet. The second stripe knocked the wind out of me, and I gasped. A traitorous tear fell down my cheek. I clenched my teeth readying myself for the next blow. When the third blow hit, I screamed, long and loud. I was certain my jumpsuit had been penetrated.

  I prayed for Frankie, that she would have strength and that extra angels would be sent to watch over her and bless her. She screamed with the first crack of the whip. I threw my head back, looking for Dakota. His body was turned away. I wanted to scratch his eyes out. He had betrayed me twice, now. How dare he? He did cringe with the next crack of the whip. After the fourth blow, Frankie’s body went limp and the screaming stopped, but they didn’t. She received all ten lashes. I had to look at the torn up flesh on her back as he finished the final two strikes. I was numb. Beyond feeling. I watched them carry her limp body away.

  “Please, let her be alive,” I whispered. “Let me die instead.” It was hard to breathe or think.

  Over the next two days, we were in the doc’s office together. No matter what I said or did, she wouldn’t acknowledge my existence.

  We were tied to the beds on our stomachs and someone came every four hours to wash our wounds. They also put antiseptic on them and then covered them. The doctor said it was important that they not scab over. This would minimize scarring. Most of my time there was spent trying to win Frankie back over. It didn’t work. The rest of my time was spent cursing Dakota.

  We weren’t allowed painkillers because Sterling wanted me never to forget my indiscretion. I was in excruciating pain most of the time. Especially when my wounds were being cleaned. When the doc came to check on us after four hours, I begged him to give Frankie some pain medication. She had been hurt because of me. It shocked me when he did. Was there a bit of the subversive in the good doctor? Frankie was finally able to sleep. I cried.

  I was moved out of the doc’s office and into my room on the evening of the second day. Frankie stayed there. Her injuries were much more severe than mine. I could sit, but with difficulty. Most of the time, I was either on my stomach, on my bed, or standing. The nurses continued to fix me up every four hours. Sleep rarely came.

  My mind was one big jumble of despair. I would die here. We would all die here.

  I couldn’t see my way out of the fix I now found myself in. I stood completely alone. Frankie would never speak to me again. Dakota had betrayed me again, and Sterling no longer trusted me. Jeremy would never come because he had no way of finding me. Even the subversives didn’t really believe in me.

  I was in jail, in jail. It seemed impossible, but it wasn’t. I resigned myself to being here forever. My only hope was to win Sterling’s favor once more, and I had no idea how to do that. I couldn’t even find the strength to pray. How could God allow this to happen? He had deserted me in my greatest time of need. I would not be saving anyone. I couldn’t even save myself. Guilt swept over me. I had become Zoey, unfaithful and unbelieving. Hours passed with me constantly railing on my beliefs and God.

  Darkness shrouded me. I went to bed, depression taking me over. I was vaguely aware of the nurses and someone else tending to my wounds. It could have been Zoey, or anyone for that matter. It probably wasn’t Zoey, I thought glumly. I’m sure she was roaring mad at me too. She really loved Frankie, and I’d almost killed her. I fell deeper into the darkness and shadows, as faceless bodies and faraway voices streamed in and out of my consciousness. I thought I heard someone reading to me, but then the voice moved away. Familiar smells filled the air. Was that Zoey’s voice? Had Frankie spoken? Was Dakota near?

  “Get up,” a faraway voice said. “Get up, right now.” Was that Zoey? “You are not going to wallow in your tears for one more minute.” She was insistent. I didn’t want to move. “I’m going to roll you out of that bed if you don’t get moving right now.” I didn’t, and she did.

  I felt the hard, tiled floor reach up and smack me awake. I shook my head and said, “Leave me alone. I’m a horrible person. Let me die here.”

  “Not on your life! A lot of people are depending on you. Now stand up!” When I didn’t, she grabbed my hands and pulled me up. I would have let myself fall back to the floor, but she kicked my shin and it hurt. I hopped around on one foot, holding the injured leg in my hand and crying out in pain.

  Zoey shoved me into the bathroom.

  “Hey! Stop it!” I yelled.

  She turned on the shower and shoved me in, shift and all. When I let my legs buckle, she climbed in with me, holding me under the freezing cold stream of water. I shivered and shook.

  “Look at me!” Zoey said. “Look at me!”

  I finally did.

  “I need you,” she said in a voice just loud enough for me to hear. “You can’t give me such hope and then check out!” Tears were streaming down her face. “You have to come back. Now. You’ve wallowed long enough. No more self-pity for you.”

  I found my feet and stood strong, cold water numbing my back. The abyss lightened.

  She grabbed my face. “I will help you pull it together. Then you will lead us out of here. You hear me?”

  I nodded, slowly.

  “Good,” she said, climbing out. “Now, wash yourself and get out. I’ll put clean clothes on the counter for you. Make yourself pretty and we’ll go to class together. Don’t dawdle. We only have twenty minutes to get there.”

  A tiny spark of hope rose in my chest as I washed. I fought the urge to fall back into the hole I’d been in. I made myself turn off the water and dry off. True to her word, Zoey had put clean clothes out for me. I couldn’t help myself, and I turned my back to the mirror to look at my back. Pink lines raced across it. They looked almost completely healed. How long had I been in my dark hole?

  I finished getting ready and noticed that my hair was longer by about half an inch. I couldn’t wait for it to hit my shoulders. I also couldn’t wait for it not to be yellow. It felt good to brush my teeth.

  Zoey met me with bagels smeared with cream cheese and some orange juice. I felt like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. I could only eat a few bites before I felt full.

  “How long have I been ‘gone’?” I asked, leaning back to stretch my stomach.

  “You don’t want to know,” she said. “It was as long as you needed.”

  “Come on. I can’t lose time and not know how much.”

  She cocked her head to the side, pressed her lips together and said, “Are you really ready for this?”

  “Yes!” I said, opening my eyes wide and looking at her sideways.

  “I’m not sure you are. I want to get you out of here and be well on our way to class b
efore I tell you. I can’t have you retreating back into your hole.”

  “Oh my gosh!” I said. “Just tell me.”

  She stood up and grabbed my hands. “Come on. Let’s go. I’ll tell you once we hit the green halls.” I played along. It felt funny to walk, and I got a bit winded.

  “Spill it!”

  She kept walking and grabbed my hand. “You’ve been out for an entire month.”

  I stopped in my tracks. “What are you saying?”

  “You’ve been in bed for a month. They were feeding you through an IV until yesterday. Sterling had them remove the IV early this morning.”

  I rubbed my arm where I’m sure the IV had been. It was still tender.

  “I had been keeping in contact with the nurses,” she continued. “And they told me Sterling was going to let you wither away and die if that’s what you wanted.”

  “And I would have, had you not saved me just now.”

  “And don’t you forget it.” She smiled her big smile.

  “Did I get you in trouble, Zoey?”

  “No.”

  “I’m so glad. What happened with Frankie?” A chill swept over me.

  “She’s okay, but don’t expect her to welcome you back. She’s changed.”

  “I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me.” A fierce pain shot up my back remembering what Sterling had done to her because of me. “How has she changed?”

  “She totally loves Sterling. She’s with this new guy, Rakon, though. I’m hoping he turns her around. He’s a subversive.”

  Rakon. My Internet genius.

  “She just needs time. And if she’d open her eyes, she’d realize it was Sterling who did that to her, not you.”

  We arrived at the poisons classroom and walked in. She went to be with the Blackies, and I moved hesitantly toward my group. It was as if I wasn’t even present. No one made eye contact with me. From the things they said, I could tell they all were fully on board the Sterling train. I became a distant observer. One month of my absence, and Sterling had changed them. Without my constant reminders to stand strong against him, they’d embraced him.

  I sat alone at lunch. No one wanted to be anywhere near me, and Zoey wasn’t allowed to be. It was okay. I was plotting. The small dot of hope that had popped up this morning grew into a quarter-sized ball. I would please the heck out of Sterling and win him over so that I could get the heck out of here.

  The weekend rolled around, and I was lonely. Zoey was the only person who would talk to me, and she was busy helping with the activity this week, the play Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. Though I didn’t feel much like going, I went to the play to be supportive. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw both Payden and Anna in the play. Payden was one of the brothers and Anna was an extra. I stared at them, unable to believe any of it.

  They were in the hallway lined up for all of us to talk to them. I found Anna first and grabbed her up into a hug. We couldn’t even talk. It felt like a knotted cloth was blocking my windpipe. Payden tumbled his way over to us and joined the hug. They looked exhausted, dark lines were visible in the hall light. The joy I felt bubbled over, and I tried to ask them a million questions at once.

  “Are you happy with your assignments? What do you do all day? Have you seen Lunden or Maddie?”

  They answered as best they could, but the crowds wanting to see the tumbling master forced me to leave them.

  I decided to go for a long run and start getting my muscles back up to par, but first, I went back to an alcove where Sterling had found Dakota and me together. I retrieved the letter I’d left there. I glanced at it and then tore it into tiny pieces and divided the pieces between three trash cans and a drain. As I stretched and warmed up, I analyzed the letter in my mind. They were still looking. I wasn’t to lose faith. I let a few tears drop, allowing a moment of weakness before wiping them away and setting my jaw firm. They would find me, or I would escape and go to them.

  I was so weak; I was winded before running a few yards, but I pushed through the pain and kept running. While I was at it, I looked for weaknesses in Sterling’s security that I might have missed. Someone was shooting on the range. I thought it was probably that Whitie that threatened me that one day. As I ran closer, I realized it wasn’t him. It was Dakota. The moment I saw him, he turned quickly and pointed the rifle at me. I flinched back to hide in the trees.

  “Misha,” he called after me. I ran. My legs didn’t want to work right. Push. Push. Escape. Away.

  He caught up with me. It was easier these days. I didn’t stop, though. I continued to run.

  “Misha, stop,” he said. “Please stop.”

  I guess he got the message that I wouldn’t be stopping because he tackled me instead. We toppled over and over down a small hill. He was out of breath and so was I. I was tired. I hit at him, trying to get out from under him. His knees pushed on my arms and pinched my skin. His butt sat on my pelvis so I couldn’t kick at him. I probably didn’t have the strength anyway. I needed to work hard and build it up again. I couldn’t stand that I had become so physically weak. I felt vulnerable not being able to shove him off me. It had been a long time since I truly couldn’t hold my own. I hated this feeling. He shook his head from side to side as he held my shoulders to the ground. He was heavy and strong. I had no body strength left so I hit him with my words.

  “Let me go, you backstabbing traitor.”

  “I know you think I made things bad for you, but I actually made them better.”

  “You did? You did?” I screamed. “You lied to your dad to save your butt. You sent Frankie to be whipped, and I’ve lost her forever. I got whipped. You watched. You effectively turned Sterling and everyone against me. You led me on. You betrayed me.”

  “Listen. The most important thing is that my dad doesn’t suspect us. We have a chance now. He trusts me and knows that we’ve met. He believes there couldn’t have ever been anything between us because I turned you in. Now we can move forward with our relationship as you work with him on your first assassination. He won’t be looking for anything between us. He’ll trust us to be together. That’s huge.”

  “You left me to die in my room. Zoey had to save me. You think I want to be anywhere near you now?” Unwelcome tears fell to the ground.

  He grabbed my hands and kissed them. “I read to you every night. I got the techies to disable your feed while I was in your room. I hated watching you waste away. You wouldn’t even acknowledge me.”

  I vaguely remembered someone reading to me. That was Dakota?

  “I didn’t know what to do. It was so hard. I figured it was God’s way of punishing me, making me pay for my many mistakes. I’ve been lost without you. I’m so happy you’re back.”

  He believed in God? Guilt washed over me remembering how I had lost my faith after seeing Frankie whipped. I shook my head and said a silent prayer for forgiveness. I needed faith and belief more now than ever.

  I knew he hurt, but I had too, so I kept punching with my words. “Why don’t you take all that happiness you have and watch your best friend get whipped into unconsciousness? Then see how bright your happiness is.”

  “I’m so sorry about that,” he said through clenched teeth. “I had no idea he would pull Frankie into this. All I could think about was saving you.”

  “Oh, you saved me? The scars on my back might disagree.”

  I saw anger and an old sadness rise in his eyes. “It killed me to see that happen to you. But, you don’t know my dad. This really was the best thing for the long-term.”

  He truly believed what he was saying. I scowled at him and yelled, “Get off me.”

  He rolled off. “Sorry. I had to talk to you.” Sincerity pulsed from him. “I’m sorry I had to throw you under the bus like that, but if I hadn’t, it would have been a lot worse. If my dad even suspected there was anything going on between us, he would have truly made your life miserable. We just need to wait a little longer. My dad doesn’t want me with anyone. Espe
cially someone he sees as his prized protégé.”

  “If he once thought that, he no longer does. He doesn’t even trust me.”

  “Besides his upcoming assassinations, you are the only thing he talks about. You should hear him. He talks constantly of his prized Blondie.”

  “I need to get back,” I said.

  “I was so worried you wouldn’t make it. Rest a little while longer.”

  I looked at the forest I would have to trudge back through and said, “This compound is huge. Why hasn’t anyone ever found it?”

  “It’s in a no-fly zone.”

  “No-fly zone?”

  “Yep,” Dakota picked at some twigs. “My dad used environmentalists to help push his request through. By making it a no-fly zone, he’s supposedly saving fragile plant and animal life that could be drastically hurt by plane noise and exhaust.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” A new sense of foreboding and helplessness washed over me. No wonder Jeremy hadn’t been able to find us.

  “I know, but my dad has a way of getting what he wants. I wish I could get you out. I can’t tell you how much I wish I could. Why did you do it? Why did you go with the Avengers?” Dakota threw his hands out, palms up.

  “Why do you keep asking me that?” I asked.

  “You’re so stubborn. I wish you would have listened to me. I thought I’d be able to help you after your first kill, but I’ll probably have to wait until after the second, now. Things really start relaxing after that. My dad is watching your every move right now. He got up and danced when he saw your ‘dot’ leave your room. He’s probably looking at your ‘dot’ right now, wondering what you’re doing and hoping you will go visit him of your own accord.”

  “I know he is,” I said, picking at tiny strands of grass. “But I also know that if I didn’t go explore, he’d know I wasn’t being true to myself or that I was hiding something. He has me raw and exposed, and I’m showing him that. Help me get out of here, Dakota.” I grabbed his hands.

  “He has his claws in me just like he has his claws in you. I’m as much a servant of his will as you are.”