by J. Sterling
“I’ll talk to her. See what I can do,” she offered, and I thanked her.
I’d take any help I could get. If Melissa and I weren’t a good match, I’d at least like the chance to figure that out.
“So Jack seemed good?” she asked, changing the subject back to the one that bonded us. “He’s been pitching really well.”
“Yeah. He said his arm feels good, and he feels good. Even though the guys he’s facing can and do hit him, it doesn’t intimidate him, you know? He’s so confident when he plays. You have to be tough like that in this game, or it’ll destroy you.”
Baseball was much more of a mental game than it was a physical one; Jack had taught me that much. Of course you needed strength and speed to run, hit, and throw, but it was so much more than that. And when you pitched, that was the toughest mental battle of all.
Your head had to be clear, focused, goal oriented. The second you let things get to you—fans in the stadium booing you, opposing teams talking shit, the batter glaring at you, shitty calls by the umpires, even your own insecurities—the moment any of those got inside your head, you were done for.
“I love knowing that he’s excelling. Not that I had any doubts, but still.” As if she’d just remembered, Cassie’s eyes lit up as she said, “Jack mentioned that you were going to start interning with his agents.”
“Yeah. I called them and basically said I’d be free labor as long as they taught me the ropes. It’s been just the two of them for so long, I don’t think they’d ever considered having an intern before. But apparently they can use the help, so I’m pretty excited.”
I was actually more than excited for the chance to work with Marc and Ryan. I had no idea if it would be something I would enjoy and want to pursue in the future, but just having something I was interested in was encouraging. Especially being around goal-oriented people like Jack, Cassie, and Melissa, who already knew what they wanted to do and were pursuing it.
I was younger than they were and the expectation level for me was lower, but still. Jack had always known that he wanted to play ball, and I was certain Cassie always knew she wanted to be a photographer. I just wanted to find my dream too.
“How’s your internship going?” I asked. “And how’s the new camera?”
Cassie sighed. “The new camera is unbelievable. The model he got for me was way newer than the one I had, and it has the ability to shoot in ways that my other one didn’t. I’m in love. With a camera. And my internship.”
“It’s that good?”
“It’s pretty good,” she said as Melissa walked back out of her bedroom and avoided looking at either of us.
Rather than stay there and make things any more awkward than I apparently already had, I decided to go back home.
“I’m gonna take off.”
Cassie whined a little about my leaving as I pushed up from the couch. Reaching for her hand, I helped her up, and she gave me another hug.
“Come over anytime.”
“You too,” I said, reminded her that she was just as welcome at our house as I apparently was at hers. Well, at least she welcomed me.
“Shit. I forgot to tell you guys that Jack bought me a car!” I blurted, suddenly remembering.
“What?” Cassie’s jaw dropped. “He bought you a car?”
“What kind?” Melissa asked from behind me. Apparently this was big enough news to stop ignoring me for.
“He didn’t tell you?” I asked Cassie. “You seriously didn’t know?” I had assumed that Jack kept very little from her, and it wouldn’t have surprised me in the least if she’d been involved in some part of his plan.
“No! I had no idea.” Her face lit up, as if Jack’s gesture made her proud of him.
“Apparently he bought Gran and Gramps one too, but it won’t be here until tomorrow.”
Cassie’s expression shifted, turning worried. “You don’t think he’d do that for me, right? I’ll kill him if he buys me something like that. He already bought me this camera, and I don’t need a car.”
I placed a hand on her shoulder to calm her down. “I’ll make sure he knows.”
“My car is here now. I convinced my parents to let me have it for the summer since I needed a way to get to my job every day.”
Melissa waved her arms at us. “Hello! I asked what kind of car? Why are you both ignoring me?”
I turned to face her. “Why don’t you come and see?”
Damn. This girl had suddenly made me channel all of my brother’s arrogance and confidence tonight.
Without another word, I walked out the front door into the night with the two girls trailing behind me, giggling and whispering.
“Jeez, where did you park? China?” Melissa asked as I walked past all of the normal visitor parking spots.
“I didn’t want any door dings,” I admitted, but wasn’t embarrassed by the fact.
“Well, you won’t have any because no one in their right mind would park this far—” She halted in her tracks, stopping mid-thought. “No way. Is that it? The Mustang?” Her voice was almost as excited as mine had been when I first saw it.
Darkness had fallen while we were talking inside. The car looked good under the streetlamps, but not as good as it did in the daylight. I wished that they could see it better.
“Wow, Dean. This is beautiful,” Cassie said as she stepped closer to admire it.
“Open it!” Melissa exclaimed, clapping her hands and hopping up and down like an excited little pixie.
How could she blame me for wanting to take her into my arms all the time when everything she did was so damn cute?
I pulled out the key fob to unlock the doors, and Melissa hopped into the passenger seat.
“Now would be a good time to kidnap her,” Cassie whispered to me with a laugh. “I’m going to go inside and leave you two alone.” When I gave her a grateful smile, she grinned at me before she turned around and headed back to the apartment.
I stared after her for a moment, feeling like a dick for being thankful. Then I shook it off and hopped into the driver’s seat.
“This car is hot, Dean. Hot like fire, hot!” Melissa said as she looked around and touched everything. She was so excited, I couldn’t even get pissed that she was leaving fingerprints on all my new hardware.
“Yeah. It was love at first sight,” I said, staring right at her as I said it.
When she saw my expression, she sighed, and her demeanor softened as she stared back. “Don’t say that.”
“Why not? Tell me, Melissa. Tell me why you and I are such a bad idea.” I’d never pushed her before, but it was getting old being clueless. I was dying where we stood.
“I never said we were.” She shrugged one shoulder and I leaned toward her, closing the space between us.
“Then why”—I brushed my thumb along her jawline and her eyes closed—“do you keep acting like it is?” I held her chin in my hand as her eyes reopened.
Melissa studied me for a moment, her eyes wide as they searched mine. Her face softened, her eyes turned hopeful, and I couldn’t stop myself.
I closed the distance completely, taking her mouth gently with mine, not wanting to scare her away. A small moan escaped her and I opened my mouth, hoping she’d do the same. When she did, the kiss deepened, our tongues touching and teasing as we explored each other.
My breath quickened and my pulse raced when Melissa reached behind my neck to pull me closer, giving everything she had to the kiss, deepening it, reveling in it. God, how I wanted to grab her by the ass and pull her body on top of mine, but I didn’t have the courage.
“Stop,” she said, surprising me when she tried to pull out of my hold. “Just stop.”
I froze, all of me releasing all of her. “Are you okay?”
“We have to stop.” She shook her head as if suddenly regaining her wits, and said, “Shit.”
“Did I hurt you?” I asked, not knowing what happened to make things change so quickly.
“No, of
course not,” she blurted before opening her door and hopping out of the car.
“Then what is it? What’s wrong?”
Totally confused, I jumped out and raced after her. When I caught up, I grabbed her by the arm, spinning her to face me.
Melissa looked up at me and her eyes seemed to glisten in the dim light, but I couldn’t be certain. Then she sucked in a quick breath and straightened her spine.
“Nothing. We . . .” She paused, stumbling over her words. “I just . . . We can’t do this.”
“I’m sorry,” I lied, not a damn bit sorry that I’d finally kissed her. It just felt like it was what I was supposed to say. “I’ve wanted to do that for forever, and I thought—” Mentally, I scrambled, trying to figure out what to say to make this right. “Hell, Melissa, I don’t know what I thought.”
“We’ll just pretend it never happened, okay?” she said, her voice trembling. “Good night, Dean. I’m sorry.” Then she hurried away from me without another word.
Pretend it never happened? Fat fucking chance.
Dreams to Nightmares
I’d replayed every moment of that kiss for days, wondering what happened or where it went wrong. I was still no closer to an answer today than I was the day it happened. The only thing I could think of was that there was something holding Melissa back, but I’d be damned if I had a clue as to what it could be.
Summer was in full swing, and I’d started interning with Jack’s agents a couple of weeks ago. I had no idea the amount of work and detail that went into being an agent, but I was fascinated by it all. The fact that the guys I worked for seemed to want the best for all their clients didn’t escape me. I knew enough to know that there were agents out there solely focused on getting whatever lined their pockets the best, with no regard to what their client wanted or needed. Marc and Ryan didn’t conduct their business that way, and I respected that.
They kept me running around, delivering contracts to players’ houses, picking up office supplies, searching the Internet for new talent. I learned to create spreadsheets like I’d been doing it my whole life. Side note—I hadn’t. I found myself thriving off the chaos, and the constant state of being busy gave my brain little time to think of anything but work. I loved it.
Cassie had been visiting Jack upstate this past weekend, and was on her way back home tonight. I’d done my best not to text either of them, knowing they didn’t have enough alone time as it was. I’d been half tempted to call Melissa and take her out while she was at her apartment alone, but the other half of me was too scared to hear her tell me no.
If I was more like my brother, I’d force her to give me a chance, and would refuse to take no for an answer. But I wasn’t like him when it came to matters of the heart. If girls rejected me, I walked away, believing it was what they wanted.
I figured that if Melissa wanted to see me, she had my number and knew how to use it. And so, in order to lessen the sting of her rejection, I simply avoided going over there or seeing her.
But the problem with that was she never seemed to leave my thoughts. I found myself hoping that our kiss in the car plagued her the same way it did me.
My phone blared, waking me up from a nap. Between school and work, I was exhausted, and had started taking random afternoon naps on the weekends the same way Gramps did.
Bleary-eyed, I looked down at my ringing phone and noticed Jack’s name.
“Brother,” I answered sleepily.
“You’re not sleeping, are you?” he teased.
“Well, not anymore.”
“Wake your ass up. I have something to tell you.” He sounded excited, way too happy for Cassie having just left.
Intrigued, I rubbed at my eyes and perked up. “What?”
“I got called up to Double-A. I leave in two days.”
“Shut up, man. Jack, that’s awesome! Congratulations. It’s only a matter of time before you go all the way.”
“Don’t jinx it, brother! I just had to tell you. I’m gonna hang up and call the house. Don’t tell them. Let me.”
“I won’t. I’m proud of you,” I said with a smile I wished he could see.
“Thanks. Talk soon,” he said before ending our call.
I waited, listening for the sound of the house phone before hearing its shrill ring echo down the hallway. Gran’s excited voice rang out, and I rolled out of bed to celebrate with them when they hung up.
• • •
Jack’s new location was in Alabama, playing for the Double-A Diamondbacks team. The next stop was Triple-A, and then it was on to the major leagues—or “the show,” as the players called it. My brother was one step closer to the show, and I knew in my gut that it was only a matter of time before he’d make it there.
The best thing about him being drafted was that all the Double-A games were broadcast online, so I could watch them with Gramps. Tonight was no different, with the exception of the fact that I was on the edge of my seat. Jack had pitched six innings so far without giving up a single hit, a walk, or hitting a batter. No one had gotten on base.
I fired off a text to Cassie, making sure she was watching this too.
Dean: He has a perfect game (but I’m not supposed to talk about it). Tell me you’re watching.
Cassie: I’m watching. What’s a perfect game?
Dean: When no one from the opposing team gets on base. Don’t talk about it anymore. Just watch. And pray it lasts three more innings.
Cassie: Okay! :)
Gramps and I sat glued to the damn computer, our faces inches from the screen as we held our breath with every pitch Jack threw across the plate.
Gran walked up every so often to ask for an update before scooting away again. She’d been spending an awful lot of time in that new car she hadn’t wanted, making excuses to run to the store or pick up dry cleaning when we didn’t dry clean anything. Gramps and I both laughed at her, knowing exactly what she was doing, but neither of us was crazy enough to call her out on it.
With each inning that passed, my nerves stretched even tighter. If I was this wound up sitting in my house just watching the game, how the hell did my brother stay so damn relaxed pitching it?
Gramps and I both knew the rules and superstitions about baseball, and we abided by them religiously. When a pitcher had a no-hitter going, on his way to a perfect game, you didn’t talk about it. You didn’t even mention it. I could only pray that my text message to Cassie hadn’t counted. Even the rest of the team stayed as far away from Jack during their at-bats as they could, making him the most isolated player in the game. No one talked to him, not wanting to risk jinxing it.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, I held my breath as the last batter entered the batter’s box. Jack was one out away from pitching a perfect game, something most pitchers never accomplished in their entire career.
The first pitch was a curve ball. Strike one.
Two more, big brother. You got this.
The next pitch was low and inside. Ball one.
Anxiety twisted my stomach as the next two pitches went by, one of them a foul ball that shot behind the dugout like a cannon.
Jack leaned down to read the sign the catcher gave him. He nodded, agreeing with the pitch choice. He released the ball and the batter swung as I held my breath, hoping like hell the batter would ground out if he made contact at all.
The ball slammed into the catcher’s glove as the umpire screamed, “Strike three! You’re out!” and the batter slammed his bat against the dirt.
“He did it! He pitched a perfect game!” I yelled at Gramps as if he hadn’t just been watching the same thing I had.
We jumped up from our seats and hugged, shouting with excitement. From the look on his face, I knew Gramps was wishing we were there to celebrate with Jack in person as much as I was.
Gran walked in. “What’s with all the yelling?”
“Jack pitched a perfect game, Ma,” Gramps yelled before grabbing her and swinging around the floor, spinning and dan
cing.
I fired off a text to Jack that simply read, Congratulations, as one from Cassie came in saying how excited she was.
It was a good night to be a Carter fan.
• • •
My cell phone rang early the next morning and I grabbed it, silencing it before it woke up the entire house. I looked at the clock, noting how damn early it was before answering.
“Jack? Do you know what time it is here?”
“Dean. Ah shit, Dean.”
I immediately sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes. He sounded weird, which couldn’t be good.
“What’s wrong? What’s the matter?” My mind raced, wondering if he’d gotten hurt, or in a car accident. I couldn’t have prepared myself for what was about to come.
“I fucked up, little brother. Shit, I fucked up so bad.” He breathed into the phone, and I thought I heard him crying.
Chills raced down my body as worry and confusion ripped through me.
“What happened? What did you do? Jack, tell me what happened.”
He sucked in a breath, the sound raspy in my ear. “I slept with some chick last night,” he said, and my head started to spin. “I woke up this morning, and she was in my fucking bed.” He sounded beyond disgusted.
“You what?” I shrieked. “Tell me you’re kidding. Tell me you’re fucking kidding, Jack.”
I was instantly sick to my stomach. In one night, Jack had gone from having the greatest game of his career to completely obliterating his personal life. I knew it, and he damn well knew it too.
“I don’t know what to do, Dean. I don’t know what to fucking do.” He sounded borderline hysterical, like he was going to lose it, and I didn’t know what to tell him. What could I possibly say that would make what he’d done last night better?
“How can I fix this?” He sounded desperate, broken, and it fueled my sudden anger.
“Fix it?” I said with a sadistic laugh. “Yeah, right. Cassie will never forgive you for this.”
“I know. You think I don’t know that?” he shouted, but pulled himself together. “Sorry, man. I’m beside myself right now. I can’t believe I let this happen.” The sound of his footsteps in the background told me he must be pacing somewhere.
