by J. Sterling
I blew out an exasperated breath as I shook my head. “What kind of fucked-up logic is that?”
“The only kind of logic I can live with. My pain is my punishment. I brought it on myself. I deserve to hurt since I hurt her. And I don’t deserve to have her after what I did.”
“Jack, you’re seriously whacked,” I whisper-shouted at him. “You know that, right? You could be with Cassie right now if you wanted to!”
His face was anguished as he said, “I can’t,” and I lost it.
Shoving up from my chair, I stood up and leaned into his face. “You’re still hurting her. Every day you aren’t with her, you’re hurting her. And following through with this stupid wedding is probably going to fucking ruin her!”
I stormed back into the house and slammed the sliding glass door shut so hard it rattled.
Back in the guest room, I was practically jumping out of my skin. I paced next to my bed, unable to believe that Cassie was here and that Jack wasn’t with her. No wonder he’d been late getting home tonight. But why hadn’t seeing her been enough to change his mind? Hell, if Cassie couldn’t convince him to call off the wedding, then no one could.
Knowing how much pain she must be in, I reached for my phone to text her. My fingers hovered over the screen as I rethought it, and I tossed the phone on the bed.
Nothing I could say to Cassie would fix the damage that was about to be done.
• • •
The next day, I sat in one of the private rooms in the church with Jack as we finished getting dressed. My Team Cassie shirt was underneath my white tux shirt, and I glanced at the mirror once more to make sure you couldn’t see the black lettering through the thin fabric. I had slipped it on while Jack wasn’t looking, not wanting to piss him off. Satisfied it didn’t show, I smiled. Wearing this without anyone else knowing was my own private rebellion.
“We could still bail,” I said to Jack as he adjusted his tie, meaning every word.
He turned to me but wouldn’t meet my eyes, and I’d never seen him look more miserable in his life. He looked like he was about to throw up.
“Jack?” I asked, trying to get him to acknowledge me. He raised an eyebrow, so I knew he was listening. “Seriously. Let’s go. You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to marry her in order to be a good dad.”
“Stop,” he said, his voice pained. “Just stop.”
“I’m just saying. You have a choice, damn it. You have options. I’m here. I support you bailing out, and I’ll drive the damn getaway car.”
He gave me a sad smile before frowning again. “We’d better go out there.”
Jack couldn’t have sounded less enthused, but I followed him anyway. Watching his slumped shoulders as he walked ahead of me, I wished that I was bold enough to throw him over my shoulder and run.
The church pews were filled with people I didn’t know and hadn’t met before. Apparently they were Jack’s new teammates, and Chrystle’s family and friends. I wanted to care—I really did—but I didn’t. I didn’t care about a single person here except for my brother and my unborn niece or nephew.
I probably needed to start factoring in that new family member as well. You couldn’t exactly hate an innocent little baby.
As I stood at the front of the church next to my brother, he tugged at his tie as if it was choking the life out of him. He shifted on his feet as the guests stared at us, stupid smiles on their stupid faces.
Thinking that reminded me of Melissa, but I put her out of my mind. I needed to focus on Jack now.
Soft music played, and Chrystle’s maid of honor walked down the aisle. We’d been introduced earlier, but I couldn’t remember her name. Again, I didn’t care.
The music changed, louder now, and the doors at the back of the church opened wide. Chrystle stood at the end of the aisle, wearing a white dress that left nothing to the imagination. Literally. I could see every curve, every muscle in her body.
I looked at Jack’s face as he watched her walk toward him. He wasn’t smiling like a groom should, and his eyes weren’t filled with love. His expression was hard and resigned, like a prisoner about to do time.
“We can still leave,” I whispered, and I swore I saw a glimmer of hope flash in his brown eyes. “Seriously, bro. We can go.”
He barely shook his head, but it was enough that I saw it.
I looked back at Chrystle just in time to see her lay a hand on her stomach with a smile focused at Jack, and I thought, This chick is good. She knew damn well Jack didn’t want this, and she knew what worked on him. Guilt. As long as she had his baby in her, she had him by the balls.
I stood by my brother’s side, prepared to do whatever he needed me to. But when the preacher read the vows and Jack repeated them, sorrow swept over me.
Weddings were supposed to be happy. Today was supposed to be filled with love, joy, and the promise of two lives becoming one. But this wedding on this day felt like a death sentence, one I desperately wanted my brother not to serve.
“Ladies and gentlemen, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Jack Carter,” the preacher announced with enthusiasm, and Jack’s face drained of color.
“You okay?” I whispered.
“I gave up being okay the day I lost Cassie,” he admitted in a low voice, and then his new bride yanked him down the aisle.
Starting a New Chapter
As I flew back to California after the wedding, I couldn’t get the fact that Cassie had flown there to see him out of my head. I still hadn’t talked to her, and I knew that Jack hadn’t told me everything about their meeting. It killed me to think that she came out to stop Jack, and he had still gone through with the wedding, despite it all. As much as it sucked for me, I could only imagine how much it had to suck for Cassie.
I wished like hell I had a time machine for us all to jump into. But I didn’t, and what was done, was done. I had to learn how to accept that. Or at least pretend to.
When I saw Cassie at school the next day, she looked defeated. I couldn’t blame her. But when she read the front of my shirt, a smile tugged at her lips and she actually laughed. Realizing that I hadn’t heard her laugh in what felt like forever, I pulled her into a hug.
“Nice shirt,” she said, still smiling.
I glanced down at the black letters that spelled Team Cassie and shrugged. “I thought so.”
“Where on earth did you get that?”
Melissa popped up behind us. “From me!”
“Yeah. From that one.” I jerked my thumb in her direction.
Cassie looked between the two of us, and her smile dropped. “It’s a really sweet gesture, you guys.” She looked upset, and her eyes shone with unshed tears. “I’ll see you later, okay?”
Shit. “I didn’t think it would make her sad,” I said to Melissa as she hurried away.
“It’s not you. Everything makes her sad these days,” she said with a frown.
• • •
“Hey, bro, it’s early,” I said sleepily, answering the phone as I rubbed my eyes.
“Shit. I always forget the time difference. Sorry.”
“No big deal. What’s up?” I yawned, wondering why Jack was calling so early.
“Chrystle lost the baby yesterday.”
Shocked, I sat straight up in bed. “Oh God, really? I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” I didn’t know what to say. Would he be upset that she lost the baby, or would he be relieved?
“I will be,” he said.
“So, what now?”
My head whirled with the ramifications. If there was no baby, then there was no need to keep Chrystle. It was a harsh truth, but true just the same.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’ll get a divorce, right?” I whisper-shouted, not wanting to wake up Gran and Gramps. “You’re not going to stay with her now that there’s no baby?”
What the hell was wrong with Jack? How could he not be on the same page as I was?
“I can’t leave her right now, Dea
n. She’s devastated. She can’t stop crying.”
“So what? She’s a bitch. I’ll fly out today and help you pack,” I said, dead serious.
He laughed. “Even I’m not that heartless.”
“Does Cassie know?”
“No.”
“Are you going to tell her?”
“Not right now,” he admitted.
“Why not? What is going on with you? Leave Chrystle and come make things right with Cassie!”
This should be the easiest decision in the world, and to me it was. What he needed to do was so obvious. Why in the world couldn’t he see that?
“Not yet,” he said.
“What are you waiting for?” When he didn’t answer right away, I sucked in a sharp breath. “You’re not in love with Chrystle, are you?” Just uttering the words made me want to throw up.
“Are you fucking crazy? I don’t even know how to love anyone other than Cassie.”
“Just making sure.” I breathed out in relief.
“I’m gonna go. I just wanted to tell you. Can you tell Gran and Gramps, please, and let Gran know I’ll call her soon?” His voice sharpened as he said, “Don’t tell Cassie. She shouldn’t hear it from you.”
My heart sank. Another damn secret I had to keep from Cassie.
I sighed. “Fine. But you better tell her soon.”
After he hung up, I sat there processing the information. More than anything, I wanted to call Melissa and tell her the news, but I couldn’t trust her to keep something like that from Cassie. And I’d have to wait to tell Gran and Gramps later, when they were actually awake.
Until then, I tried to go back to sleep, determined that this was a good thing. Jack couldn’t stay married to Chrystle now. I had to make him see that.
• • •
Someone shouted my name as I was on my way to class, and I turned to see Cassie running to catch up to me.
“What’s up?” I said, trying to act nonchalant, as if the past few months had been no big deal and I didn’t have a huge freaking secret under my belt.
Cassie smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I just wanted to tell you that I got a job offer in New York, and I’m taking it.”
It was no secret that this was something she’d wanted to do, but I had a strong feeling that Jack’s rejection helped fuel her desire to get away from here. And honestly, I couldn’t blame her.
“Wow. New York, huh?”
“Yeah. It’s a pretty incredible opportunity.”
“When do you leave?” I asked, then realized that it was the middle of a semester. Would she leave school to do this?
She looked down at her feet. “In a few weeks.”
“But school’s not over.”
“I know, but I have to give this a try. I have to see.” She looked up at me, pleading with her big green eyes for my support. “You know?”
I nodded. “I get it. That’s awesome, Cassie. Really. Congratulations.” I reached for her and pulled her into my arms for a brotherly hug.
“Thanks, Dean. I just wanted to tell you myself, you know, before Melissa told you. But I gotta jet to class.” She turned and rushed off in the opposite direction, leaving me standing there, amazed at how quickly things can change.
I called Jack when I got home from school, knowing he was most likely at the field already. When he didn’t answer, I left him a message asking him to call me, no matter what time. As if he paid attention to the clock anyway.
• • •
“Dean, I’m getting moved up!” Jack shouted when he finally called later that night.
“What? To the bigs?”
“Yes! I’m going to the show! I’m headed to Arizona!” He cheered into the phone, and I cheered with him.
“Jack, that’s incredible! Congratulations!”
When the excitement died a little, he asked, “What did you need to tell me?”
His question reminded me why I’d called him in the first place. For a second, I contemplated not telling him at all, wondering if it even mattered anymore.
“Oh yeah. I just wanted you to know that Cassie got a job offer in New York, and she’s taking it. I figured you’d want to know.”
The line was quiet for a moment before he asked, “When is she moving?”
“A few weeks, she said.”
Jack cursed under his breath, and it sounded like all the wind had been knocked from his sails. I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling, and before I could ask, he ended our call.
I tossed my phone aside, recalling my thought from earlier about how everything seemed to be changing so quickly. In no time at all, Jack’s dreams had come calling, and now Cassie was moving across the country to follow hers.
As much as I embraced the change, I hated it at the same time. It scared me to think that Jack and Cassie were moving apart, instead of coming together where they belonged.
• • •
“Hey, little brother, I don’t have very long, but I wanted to call you real quick to catch up.”
Jack talked quickly when he called these days. He’d been busier than ever since he got called up to the major league, and his free time had dwindled down to basically nothing. Not to mention the fact that he learned Chrystle had never been pregnant in the first place—she had faked her entire pregnancy to get Jack to marry her. He caught her in the lie and then kicked her out of their house. My brother’s life was like a messed-up book you couldn’t write.
“What’s up?”
“You know we play at Dodger Stadium this weekend, right?”
I laughed and glanced up at his schedule taped to the wall above my bed, all of his games in the area circled in red.
“Really? Of course I know. The whole damn town knows.”
“I already talked to Gran. She said that she and Gramps would love to go to any game that I pitched, but the thing is, I have no idea if I will or not yet. So I’m not sure what to do about that.”
“I’ll talk to her. What else?” I said, figuring that Gran and Gramps would be proud to be there regardless of what Jack did.
“I’m leaving tickets for you, Melissa, and Cassie at will call for Friday night’s game. Try and get her to come, Dean. Please.”
I sucked in a quick breath. “I’ll try, but I’m not sure she will.”
“I know. I know.” He sounded defeated. “Just try anyway, please? I have to see her. I’m dying to see my girl. You gotta get her there.”
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“Get back to me about Gran, okay?”
“What if they want to come on Saturday too?”
“Then I’ll get them tickets. They just might be in a different section. Is that fucked up? That’s fucked up, isn’t it?” he said, suddenly stalling and unsure.
“We’ll figure it out,” I reassured him, not wanting him to worry about trivial things like that right now. He needed to focus on playing and playing well.
“See you Friday,” he said before hanging up.
• • •
When Friday rolled around, we were almost certain that Jack would be pitching at some point during the game. Gran was actually feeling under the weather, and as much as it killed her not to go, she decided she’d better stay home and watch it on TV instead. Gramps refused to go without her, saying that they were a team and teammates stick together.
I fired off a quick text to Melissa before I left the house to ask her if Cassie was coming or not. She replied with a frowny face, and I told her to try harder. My phone rang immediately following that text.
“You kidding me? You think I’m not trying hard enough?” she yelled into the phone. This girl was always yelling at me.
“I’m just saying. Jack wants to see her. She has to come,” I pleaded.
“I know all of that. But she won’t, Dean. She thinks that if she sees Jack, she won’t get on her plane tonight.”
I squeezed my eyes closed for a moment, completely understanding that Cassie was fighting for herself.
She needed to do this, and she knew exactly what was at stake.
“Okay. Well if she changes her mind before I get there, tell her we can leave early or something. I mean, doesn’t she want to watch him play?”
Melissa sighed into the phone. “Of course she does. She just can’t. I’ll explain it all to you in the car. Hurry up and come get me.”
She was so damned bossy.
When I pulled my car into the lot, Melissa was waiting for me outside wearing an oversized Diamondbacks shirt. I had planned to run upstairs to see Cassie and ask her myself, but realized when I saw Melissa that this was her way of protecting Cassie, knowing that I might be able to convince her to come.
She hopped into my car, buckled her seatbelt, and stared at me.
“What?” I asked, not knowing what she was looking at.
She smiled. “Nothing. Go.”
“No,” I said, surprised at my own stubbornness. Melissa was playing a game, and I wanted to play it back.
“What do you mean, no?” she asked as she folded her arms in front of her.
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I’m not going until you stop being so bossy and start being nice to me.”
“Nice, huh? What constitutes nice?” She raised her eyebrows at me in challenge, and I sat there dumbfounded for a second.
“A kiss. Kisses are nice,” I said with a big smile.
Without a word, she leaned toward me and planted a kiss on my cheek, but lingered there for a second. “Can we go now?” she asked, her lips just inches from my face.
When I turned to look at her, our lips almost brushed, and I swore I saw her breath catch.
“Yeah. We can go now.” Two can play at that game.
I turned away as if nothing had happened and stepped on the gas. “So, tell me what’s going on with Cassie. Why wouldn’t she come?”
“First of all, she’s packing. You know she leaves late tonight.”
“That’s not why.”
Melissa shook her head. “No, it’s not. She said she can’t see him. That seeing him would make her want to stay. And she needs to go.”
I nodded. “I get that, really, I do. But Jack’s not going to be happy.”
“No shit. He’s going to be pissed.”
I shook my head. “No. I think he’s going to be sad.”
