by Megan Bryce
“And look, Olivia,” Mrs. Blakesley leaned forward,” with your own name, not some silly fake one.”
She looked up at her family, all smiling and happy for her, and bit back her retort. Not some silly fake name? This was exciting? The entire world was going to laugh at her. Oh, her family thought it fun that she studied the stars, but it wasn’t going to impress anybody else. It would just make them laugh harder.
She said numbly, “Thank you.”
Prudence nudged her. “Come, Olivia. Is that all you have to say? Your name! In a respected journal.”
Olivia looked down again, scanning her article, eying her drawings. She had hoped one day to find her work accepted. But the article had needed more work. And she definitely wouldn’t have used her own name!
“It’s overwhelming. I can’t think what to say.”
Her father smiled. “Let the poor girl get her head around it. It’s not every day the Blakesley name is put in print.”
Marcus slapped his knee. “Well, pass it around. Let us have a look at it.”
The children gathered around him and they loudly exclaimed at the drawings.
Mr. Blakesley winked at her. “Well done, Livvy.”
Olivia smiled, wondering how big a debacle this would create.
Mary slipped her arm through Olivia’s and steered her towards the trees. “You hated it. Even I thought you would be excited.”
“You thought I would like having my name bandied about?
“Oh, Olivia. No one will care a fig if you’ve published in a magazine. I doubt anyone will even know.”
“Did none of you think this would cause a stir in society?”
“Olivia, no one but you reads those dreadfully dull tomes. And no, I don’t think it will cause a stir. Why should it?”
“Because I am already odd man out, that’s why.”
Mary eyed her. “Are you worried about your Mr. Jenkins reaction?”
“Aaargh! He is not my Mr. Jenkins.”
Mary laughed. “Of course not. Anyway, everyone in the family is quite proud of you. Especially Papa. And I know you don’t care at all what society thinks of you anyway. We shall simply see if Mr. Jenkins is worthy of you, shan’t we?”
Fourteen
Olivia heard the murmurings as soon as she entered the ballroom. She hissed at Mary, “See. No one will care a fig, my ars–”
“Miss Blakesley, tell me is it true? Do you write for a magazine?” Miss Emily Mayes fluttered her fan. Oh, to confirm this scandal would be the height of the season.
Olivia took a deep breath. “I fear I don’t know what you are referring to.”
Miss Mayes slipped her arm through Olivia’s and walked her round the ring of on-lookers. “Well, according to Papa, there was an entry in this month’s star journal done by a Miss Olivia Blakesley.”
“Hmm. I would like to see that. But Miss Mayes, it’s not an uncommon name. Perhaps there is another Olivia Blakesley.”
“Who is batty over the stars?”
“That is a bit of a coincidence, but I assure you, I would never send an article to a magazine.” Under her own name.
Olivia bit back her anger. How dare her family do this to her. Was it not enough to be the black sheep of the family, did they have to advertise that fact?
Mary came to rescue her, expertly slipping between Miss Mayes and Olivia.
“Miss Mayes. Have you heard the news?”
“Indeed I have. Although Miss Blakesley is playing dumb.”
Mary looked confused for a moment, then waved her hand. “Oh, that. Diverting isn’t it, that there could be two Olivia Blakesley’s nutty over the stars? But have you heard about Caroline Drew? She has gone to the continent!”
Miss Mayes sucked in her breath. “No!”
Olivia slunk away, thankful for Mary and her gossip for once in her life. Poor Miss Drew’s exodus to the continent during the season could only mean one thing in the eyes of the ton. Poor Miss Drew had been ruined and she was leaving to hide the evidence. For one brief moment Olivia felt a little sympathy nausea for Poor Miss Drew. What if Olivia needed to escape to the continent?
Dear Lord.
“Hello, my dear,” a soft voice murmured behind her.
She turned unsteadily. “Mr. Jenkins.”
One eyebrow arched at her, funning her attempt at formality. “I thought we were passed all that, Olivia.”
She shook her head. “I have begun to rethink my actions in light of this latest news.”
“Come, Olivia. You don’t think an article in a scientific journal would make me think less of you?”
For an instant her anger resurfaced. “My damn family.”
Nathaniel chuckled. “Indeed, it must be slightly embarrassing for you, but you seem to be handling it. And, in all truth, the article doesn’t surprise me at all. I think you are capable of anything.”
“I don’t think that was a compliment, Nathaniel.”
He squeezed her hand. “You should take it as such.”
“But that wasn’t what I was rethinking. Poor Miss Drew has made me reconsider our agreement.”
“Aah.”
“Yes, aah. What if–”
“My dear, Miss Drew’s situation and your own have nothing in common. If the unthinkable happened, then I would simply kidnap you and tie you to a horse until we had reached Scotland.”
Olivia’s mouth dropped open and she stared at him. Why, he seemed quite cheerful about the prospect.
“Mr. Jenkins! You would do no such thing!”
“I would. I’ve been considering it already.”
Olivia had nothing to say to that.
Nathaniel said, “Shall we dance, my dear?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Oh? Do you think attracting everyone’s attention back to yourself after being so fortuitously diverted by Miss Drew is a better one? I shudder to think what rumors would circulate if we did not dance together. A falling out, perhaps? Or do I disapprove of my future wife having her name published? I can think of no better way to acknowledge your accomplishment, my dear.”
Olivia narrowed her eyes. “You have a serious flaw, Mr. Jenkins.”
He bowed, his eyes twinkling. He swept her on to the dance floor, holding her at a respectable distance.
He said, “Your brother-in-law is glaring daggers at me.”
She sighed. “I will have a word with him. I am sorry, Nathaniel.”
“I don’t think speaking with him will alleviate the situation, Olivia. I have taken advantage of you, I must make repairs. Or perhaps you would tell him that you took advantage of me? He might not believe you, but it is a generous offer.”
“You are being uncommonly cruel tonight.”
“I apologize. I am uncommonly frustrated. I was told you were stubborn, but I had not expected to find a mule in so becoming a bonnet.”
Olivia gritted her teeth. “And I had not expected to find a jackass in hat and tails.”
He quickly covered his guffaw with a large cough, smiling his apologies at the other couples.
He held her tighter for one moment, before letting her move to a more polite distance.
He said softly, “Marry me.”
“Why?”
“Because I have never found another lady who could call me vulgar names while waltzing. It’s intoxicating.”
“You are very strange, Nathaniel.”
“We are a perfect match then, aren’t we?”
Olivia bit back her answer. For one moment, she had almost agreed with him. “Nathaniel–”
“If you’re going to berate me, I’ll have you know it will do no good. I am just as stubborn as you.”
“More so, I would say. I was merely going to remind you of the No Marriage Rule. You agreed to not bring it up.”
He shook his head. “I don’t believe I did, my dear.”
“Yes, you did. When we began our tra–”
“If you call our relationship a transact
ion, I shall dump you on the floor.”
“–relationship, you agreed to abide by my rules.”
“I don’t believe I did. I agreed to listen to your rules and tell you if they’re complete twaddle. This No Marriage Rule is complete twaddle and I won’t abide by it.”
Olivia stared at him in frustration. “If we weren’t dancing I would bash you over the head with my reticule.”
“Then it’s a good thing we’re dancing. Are you free for the next one as well, my dear?”
A small growl escaped her throat and Nathaniel grinned down at her. “If I had any compassion at all, I would leave you alone. Alas.”
“You are deliberately goading me.”
“Yes. It livens things up a bit for me. And it confuses your brother-in-law. He doesn’t know who to glare at, you or me.”
Olivia had thought women were the diabolical schemers, the ones unable to think of anything but marriage. Nathaniel and Rufus would give the most intense mama a run for her money.
Nathaniel twirled them around the dance floor, keeping hold of her between dances, ignoring her token protest. At this point, no one would be surprised at two dances in a row.
He said, “I trust, my dear, you have no adventures planned for this evening?”
She scowled. “You trust correctly. While it was quite exhilarating, I found the ending not to my liking. I have no desire to run into Rufus again; no doubt he would be dragging a vicar along with him this time.”
She looked at him from the corner of her eye. “Do you have any adventures planned for this evening?”
“Perhaps. If I can find the fortitude to brave the cold, the hard, the unrelenting.”
Olivia shook her head, her eyes beseeching the heavens. “Fortitude may not be necessary; I am not out there studying the stars every night. Perhaps you will discover there is no one to share the cold and the hard with you.”
“A fate I would no doubt deserve.”
She said, “Indeed,” and he laughed.
Nathaniel escorted her back to Mary. Olivia glared daggers at her sister. She would not put it past Mary to demand Nathaniel’s declaration here and now. And Olivia feared he would oblige, professing his undying love for everyone to hear.
Thankfully, they remembered propriety, though Mary conversed with an evil twinkle in her eye. The headache that had weakened in Nathaniel’s company came back with force, and Olivia excused herself as soon as he left.
She found a quiet chair, hidden slightly by a tall potted plant, and allowed herself a moment to relax. She wondered briefly if she had the stamina to continue fighting Nathaniel and her family. She was finding them more wearisome than she’d expected.
Conversation flowed around her, easily ignored, until she heard a strident feminine voice say, “And there goes Mr. Jenkins. He’s done his two with Miss Blakesley.”
A second woman snickered. “And still no announcement. What is the delay, I wonder?”
“Someone must have an objection to the match, his mother perhaps? Her family must be over the moon. If I was Miss Blakesley, I would be pressing for an announcement soon. An angry mother-in-law would be worth the prize. She can’t afford to lose him at this point; who knows how she managed to snare him.”
The women wandered off and Olivia remained sitting behind her plant. She was not surprised by their conversation. She only felt sorrow that Nathaniel and his family suffered from such gossip.
She sighed, a heartfelt sound that seemed to encapsulate her predicament perfectly, and then rose tiredly to find her family. She could not bear to stay any longer.
Despite her threats, Nathaniel found Olivia exactly where he thought she would be. It was a clear night, after all.
She was sitting in her chair, her sketchbook lying at her feet. She glanced in his direction, then returned to her stars. He sat companionably at her feet, watching with her. A few clouds skidded across the night sky.
“Tell me why your father allows you outside any night you wish.”
“He really didn’t have any say in the matter. When he found I’d been sneaking out, he grounded me and took away my telescope. So I stole the house keys and locked everyone in their bedrooms while I went outside to paint.”
“Remind me not to forbid you anything you desire.”
He looked down at her sketchbook. “May I?”
Olivia nodded, trying to see her art with new eyes. Trying to see what the world saw. A hopeless hack? Or a passionate artist?
He flipped the papers, then looked back up at her. “Tell me why you study the stars so.”
Olivia pointed to a group of stars, sketching the shape with her finger. “That’s the great bear, Ursa Major. It always comes back to the same place in the night sky, but it’s always moving. Predictable, but not stagnant.”
Nathaniel watched her. “Olivia, I didn’t tell you the most important reason why I wanted to marry you.” She looked down at him. “I love you. Now that I have found you, I cannot live without you.”
She looked so sad, her faced bathed in moonlight. “I could never marry anyone other than you, Nathaniel, but I’m afraid.”
“I didn’t think you were afraid of anything. You sit outside alone at night and proposition strange men.”
She smiled slightly. “You were never strange. I knew you at first glance.”
“So what are you afraid of? You know me.” He pointed at the stars and grinned. “I’m always the same and predictable, but never stagnant.”
He rose to his knees, kissing her gently. “I love you, Olivia. Be my bright light in the darkness.”
She grabbed his hand, willing herself not to cry. “Nathaniel. You have been so patient, waiting for me to realize how much you love me, how much I love you. And I do.”
He kissed her, his eyes shining.
“But I will not change my mind. No matter the advice my family heaps on me, no matter how kind-hearted you are, no matter the promises you make. Marriage and I do not mix. I can’t marry you. And it has been cruel of me to keep you. Your sister told me that you deserved a family. Wife and children and a happy home. You do. More than anyone I have ever known, you deserve to be happy.”
Nathaniel stared at her, his face closed. “So you wish to continue with this, then? Sneaking about, hard grounds, whispers behind fans. You enjoy this?”
Olivia stood, clutching her sketch pad to her chest. “No. You have taught me passion, and lust, and love. Everything I wanted to learn. It was never meant to go on forever. I believe our transaction is over.”
He flinched, his jaw clenched, and he looked past her shoulder.
Olivia willed the tears not to fall. She could not marry him, and she could not go on as they were. The humane thing was to let him go, let him live his life without her.
She said, “I hope you find a–”
“If that is your last word on the matter, I will leave you to your stars. Goodbye, Miss Blakesley.”
He strode from her angrily, his hands fisted. His eyes met hers as he descended down the ladder and she saw what she had always feared. Hate. Loathing. And hurt.
She whispered, “Goodbye, Nathaniel. I hope you find someone better than me.”
Fifteen
Olivia watched sadly as the last of London flew by. Her last season, her last trip to London, the last of balls and rumors and dirty air. She would not be coming back, and for a moment she grew wistful. This year had been different. Nathaniel had changed everything. For once she had not been the object of pitiful stares and fearful comparisons. For once she had not been laughed at. She, Olivia Blakesley, spinster extraordinaire, had been normal.
Except for the article. That hadn’t been normal. But Nathaniel’s obvious unconcern had shortened the life of the scandal considerably.
Olivia’s reputation would be even more infamous now. In the eyes of the ton she had either lost or rejected Nathaniel’s suit. She would take odds that no one thought she had rejected him. What sane woman would? What sane spinster would?
<
br /> She sighed, dropping the curtain, and settled back into her seat. Thankfully, she need never hear the whispers, the rumors, again. She would go back to her quiet house and her quiet stars and paint. She would live her life as she planned it, with no distractions, no surprises.
With no Nathaniel.
She had done the right thing. No matter how it hurt to let him go, he deserved better. In a few months, after they had spent time apart, they both would realize their affection for each other had been passing.
She would remember for the rest of her days what it had been like to love and be loved. That was all she had asked for. A moment. Not a lifetime.
That was enough for her. And she would continue to tell herself so until she believed it.
Her father cleared his throat quietly. He had sat across from her in the small confines of the coach reading quietly until now. “I hear Mr. Jenkins asked for your hand. And you refused.”
Olivia glanced at him. “Yes. I wasn’t sure you knew; you didn’t say anything.”
“I knew. Your mother has been quite distraught.”
She smiled slightly. “Yes, I’ve heard her. All of London heard her. But Papa, it will work out fine. I’ve planned it all, and no one should worry. The spinster’s life will work well for me. I’ll have plenty of time for my studies. And I can run the estate just as well as you can. Marcus will let me stay here after you and Mama have gone.”
She touched his arm, apologizing for bringing up a sad subject.
He said, “I do not doubt that you will run the place better than I. But that is not what I’m concerned about.”
He looked out the window. “The greatest pleasures I have had in my life have been at home. With my wife and children surrounding me.” He sighed. “When you children were young, the house was filled with noise and activity. Scraped knees to be kissed, tears to be dried, dolls to be admired. Looking back at my life, I realize those are the memories I return to time and again. I would not want you to miss that, Olivia. You, of all my children, study and watch and listen. You have great insight into the human condition.”
“I like to make sense of life, Papa.”
