by K. I. Lynn
“Mom’s got a new boyfriend.” It’s not a lie. “And I’m going to meet him, size him up, but I’ll be home in time for the party.”
“Not meeting up with some girl you were doing at Purdue?”
“Jesus, Kira. Do you really think I’d fucking cheat on you?” How the fuck did we get back on this subject? I know she’s trying to trust me and isn’t fully there. Doesn’t help that I keep hiding shit from her, but I don’t want her involved in case something goes bad.
“You’ve cheated before.”
I open my mouth to deny it, but then it hits me, like a punch in the gut. We didn’t have sex, but I fooled around with Kira when I was dating Amanda. It didn’t seem like cheating on Amanda, because the whole time I was with her, I felt like I was cheating on Kira.
Oh, fuck. “I never looked at it like that.” My stomach turns.
“How did you look at it?”
I stand, but that doesn’t make the nausea any better. “Like I was in hell, being tortured by having the one person in the whole world I need so close, but unable to be with her.”
My voice is strained, head spinning. I hate cheating. It’s a horrible thing to do to someone you claim to love. It’s one of the reasons I never wanted to fall in love, never be in a relationship.
As a child, I watched it destroy my family. I watched him destroy it. I vowed to never do it. Death was a better alternative. I gave my friends shit about it if they even thought of cheating on their girls. They looked at me weird, but they listened.
“Brayden, you’re pale.”
All strength leaves my legs and I fall down to my knees, my head shaking almost violently from side to side. Kira’s in front of me, her hands burning as they run across my shoulders. She’s speaking, but I can’t understand her.
I grab onto her face with both hands. My vision is warped. Harsh breaths expel from between my lips.
She’s worried. Not angry.
That doesn’t help.
“Never.”
“What?”
“I’ll never cheat on you, Kira.”
“Okay.” Her response is only to placate me, to calm the panic attack that’s taking over.
That’s not what I want and need. She has to understand how much it is the truth.
“No. Not okay.”
She nods. “Then tell me.”
“Never. Never. I felt like I was cheating on you when I was with Amanda.” I take her face in my hands, making sure she’s looking into my eyes. “I was using her to make me forget you, but there is no forgetting you. There never will be. I’m yours forever. Completely devoted to you.”
She blinks a few tears from her eyes as she nods. “I get it.”
My muscles relax. There’s no strength in me and my head falls down to her shoulder, hands to her thighs.
Jesus, this love shit is rough.
I thought she knew, understood, but I broke her so badly, I have to keep reminding her that she is all I want, all I’ve ever wanted.
“I still don’t like all the secrecy.”
I nod against her. “I’ll tell you, soon. I promise. Everything.”
I have to. The stress is too much and causing me way too many physical and emotional issues.
I could tell Kira was still a little leery when I left. She knows I’m hiding something, I told her as much, but hopefully my breakdown convinced her I wasn’t cheating on her.
It really surprised me when she said that and the epiphany that ensued. She of all people knows my stance on cheating. When my parents were going through their divorce, Kira was the one I confided a lot of my inner feelings and fears in. She knew what I wanted from my life and knew why.
I never knew at that time that I was waiting for the perfect woman. She still had some growing to do.
How was I to know the seventh grader sitting next to me would become my whole world? I should have, because she was from the moment I first saw her.
When I pull up to Mom’s house, she’s standing outside waiting for me.
“Everything okay?” I ask as I jump out of my car.
She nods. “Yes. I just need you to drive.”
“Okay. Why?” My gaze narrows on her.
“Because my car is in the shop.”
I lean a little closer. “Because?”
Her return gaze is hard, before she gives up, realizing she’s never going to win against me. “I was T-boned yesterday.”
My eyes pop open. “What?”
“I’m fine.” She waves her hand in front of me. “Really, just a little jolted.”
“Don’t you have a rental?” I ask as I look over her shoulder to the empty garage.
She shakes her head. “No. Tom’s been driving me around.”
I tense. “Tom?”
She rolls her eyes. “My boyfriend.”
I don’t like that she’s dating a guy I haven’t met. It’s not that I don’t trust her judgement, it’s that I don’t trust any man with my Mom. She deserves the world after being married to my prick of a father for so long.
“And when am I meeting him?”
She lets out a sigh. “Later. Come on, we have to get going.”
As she climbs into my car, I see that it wasn’t as small of an accident as she said. On her left hand is gauze, wrapped tightly around and moving up her wrist.
“What’s that?”
She purses her lips. “It’s just tweaked. I’ll be fine in a few days.”
“And the car?”
I back out of the driveway and make my way out of her neighborhood. She drove last time, but I’ve gotten to know my way around the area and it was a pretty easy path to Carrie’s.
“It’ll be back in a few days.”
“And when is your next shift?” I ask.
“They gave me the weekend and Monday off.”
I nod. “I should stay with you this weekend.”
“Brayden, I’m fine.”
“I’m not sure I believe that. How do I know you’re not just placating me so I don’t worry.”
Her hand lands on mine and she squeezes. “So many years, and you were the only man who ever cared about me.”
“I only have one mom, and she’s kinda awesome and is one of two women I love.”
“I know you two have had your ups and downs, and I’m also kind of biased here, but she’s lucky to have a man who is as devoted as you are.”
“If only that was enough,” I say with a sigh. It’s a fucking uphill battle for Kira to even consider looking at me like that.
She still hasn’t told me she loves me, which causes me more anxiety than it should. I know she does, even if she doesn’t say it. In the way she looks at me, the way she touches me, and in the way she wants to be around me as much as I want to be around her.
“The past is the past. It’s part of you, but not who you are. You learn from mistakes and move on. Forgiveness and trust are hard to gain, but quickly lost.”
“You’ve gone all spiritual kumbaya. It’s like those sayings people have on painted wood hanging around their houses.”
“Hey, I’m trying to impart valid words of wisdom here.”
“You’re a fortune cookie.”
She gasps and swats me with her wrapped hand, then cries out in pain.
“That’ll teach you to hit your child,” I say
“Pain in my ass,” she grumbles.
“I thought I was the light of your life.”
“You are, but you’re also a royal pain in my ass sometimes.”
We pull up to Carrie’s and I turn to her. “You ready?”
“It’s not my life that’s about to change. I’m just here for support.”
We walk up and I reach out to knock. On the other side I can hear footsteps just before the door swings open. Carrie stands in front of us, and there are dark circles around her eyes and her smile doesn’t quite reach them.
“Abby, Brayden, come in.”
“Are you okay?” I ask.
She nods.
“I took a second job a few weeks ago and it’s third shift.”
My eyes go wide. “What?”
“It’s only fifteen hours a week, but it’s from eleven to four in the morning.”
“Are things that tight?” And how can I help.
She shakes her head. “Christmas is coming up and I want to start saving for it now. It’s the only time I can spoil Emily, but it takes a toll on me for a few months. I’ve also got some car bills that popped up to pay off.”
It irks me that she has to work so hard because of the asshole.
“Brayden!” Emily practically screams when she sees me. She runs full force for the ten feet that separate us before jumping and wrapping her arms around my neck.
A chuckle leaves me. I love her enthusiasm. “You should try out for volleyball with that kinda ground clearance.”
We all sit, Mom, Emily, and I on the couch, Carrie on one of the sad dining table chairs. There’s no need to drag it out. We all know why I’m here, and I can almost feel the nervous energy rolling off Carrie.
“I haven’t opened it, I was waiting until I got here.”
I know the results. They’re obvious every time I even glance at Emily, but there’s still that small thread of doubt in the back of my mind. What if Carrie slept with other guys around the same time? What if the story she told was a lie?
But she didn’t start this process, Mom did. Carrie would have remained in this sad state, and I never would have known what my father did.
“Emily,” I start as I pull the envelope from my jacket pocket, “do you want to read the results?”
Her head bobs up and down furiously as she rips the envelope from my hand. It’s a struggle for her to get it open, and the face she makes with her tongue sticking out lightens the mood a little.
Papers out, she looks them over. It’s hard not to peer over her shoulder and sneak a peek.
Her brow scrunches and she looks up at me. “I don’t understand it.”
My heart is hammering against my ribs as I turn the paper toward me. It takes me a few times of scanning over the words to process them.
“Well, Carrie, you are Emily’s mother, and Mom, you’re my mom.”
“Tell us something we don’t know,” Mom says with a small smirk and a shake of her head.
“Hey, that’s just the order they put it in.”
And there it is. Weeks of worry, months of wondering, and I can actually feel tears burning my eyes.
“Brayden, please . . .” Carrie’s practically shaking.
“There is a ninety-nine percent match.”
A wail springs from Carrie as she falls to the floor, sobbing. Emily’s brow is scrunched, her chest rising and falling with deep breaths as she looks at her mother breaking down.
“What does that mean?” Emily asks.
I remember reading the paperwork. Anything below ninety percent is deemed inconclusive and inadmissible in court. Meaning anything under ninety won’t help us and it is all a waste.
But we’re ninety-nine.
No room for him to debate.
“It means you’re a Hunt.”
“A Hunt?”
I turn to her, relief and disbelief and so many other things exploding inside me. “You are my sister.”
A blinding smile covers her face as she leaps into my arms again. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tight.
My sister.
My baby sister.
Emily is my sister and now I have the proof.
I tried my absolute best to text Kira while in Indianapolis. Time flew while at Carrie’s house. The whirlwind of the results set us all into a tailspin and the next thing I knew, we’d been there for six hours.
When it was time to head out to meet mom’s boyfriend, I texted Kira to let her know.
I also text her a few more times while out to dinner with mom and her new boyfriend.
I wanted to focus more of my attention on getting a read on him.
Kira was taking her sweet time responding to my messages and I immediately knew what it meant.
I can’t blame the girl for not trusting me. I’m convinced she loves me, but every time I see her near Austin I want to knock them both upside the head for being close to each other.
My past isn’t one that I’m proud of. I wish I could say I had my fun, and in a way I did, but the whole time I was running.
Consumed with an ache that followed me wherever I went.
There’s only so much fun you can have under those circumstances. So the reality is simple: I did what I did, caused her and others an untold amount of pain, left one mentally unstable bitch obsessed with me, and carry the stains of my past with me.
In the end, it was all for nothing.
Nothing.
I just wish there was a way that Kira could see inside me. Then she wouldn’t have to live with this mistrust.
I know I’m not helping the situation with my secrecy. She’ll know eventually. All of it. Just when it’s over. When all the cards are on the table.
I had dinner with my mom and her boyfriend staring mostly at my phone the whole time. Like the junkie I am, my leg bounced under the table, my body vibrating with the anxiety of no contact.
How the hell did I ever go a year without speaking to her?
Each reply took her nearly an hour to send.
When I tried to call her, she didn’t pick up.
So here I am, driving home at two in the morning, when I know damn well that I’m not going to be able to get into her dorm at this time.
If Kira doesn’t answer my calls, I won’t be able to get her to come down.
And that’s if she’s even home.
I’m already at my exit coming up on the school, when an idea hits me.
I drive past campus to my complex and pull into the closest spot to Ryan’s apartment I can find at this time of night and take off running to his door. He lives on the first floor with Dana. Dialing him, I start ringing his doorbell like a maniac at the same time.
“That better not fucking be you ringing my doorbell like that.”
“Get out here,” I say, tapping my foot impatiently on the floor. Tap. Tap. Tap. Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap.
A perfect echo of my rampant heartbeat.
Ryan flings his door open in a pair of shorts he probably pulled on when I started knocking. His hair is a hot mess. There are claw marks down his chest. A huge bite mark on his neck.
I envy him that. My Kitty has to be careful where she marks me. They can’t be visible, because people have to be judgmental and can’t mind their own goddamn business.
“Give me that.” I snatch his cell out of his hand.
“What the—”
I hold my finger up to silence him, hang up the call with me, and dial Kira’s number.
She picks up on the first ring.
And I hear what sounds like traffic and people laughing in the background.
“Hey Ryan, what’s—”
“Where are you?” I ask.
She falls silent on the other end.
“Kira, don’t make me look for you. Because I will.”
“Oh, my God. Fuck you. You don’t get to talk to me like that after how you’ve been acting.”
She wants to fight.
Okay. Fine. But we’re doing it face to face. “I’ll track you down. I swear to fucking God I will.”
She hangs up on me.
I let my head fall back and take a few deep breaths. Breaths that sound more like growls.
“What the fuck is going on?”
I ignore Ryan’s question. “Please ask Dana to find out where Jenna is. She’s probably with Kira.”
It’s a long shot, but it’s also a start.
Ryan takes his phone from me. Shaking his head, he heads back into his apartment. I stay out here, keys in hand, ready to fly like a bat out of hell to that woman.
He comes back less than five minutes later. “Dick’s Den. And you’re going to tell me what the fuck is g
oing on between you two. I’m not blind!”
He’s calling after me from the doorway because at this point I’m already at my car.
The only reason I don’t speed? Nothing in this world is going to get between me and Kira. Especially not some cop.
Kira’s standing outside the bar with Jenna when I pull up. Jenna sees me first and her eyes widen at the sight of me.
Kira turns to see what she’s looking at just as I slam out of my car. The outrage on her face is almost comical. “What the fuck? You don’t control me!” She stomps her foot to emphasize her point.
“You’re done drinking,” I snap, partially because it’s true, but also for show.
She takes a few steps backward away from me. “I’m not going anywhere with you, you asshole! And fuck Ryan for telling you where I am.”
I bend down and lift her up unto my shoulder.
Kicking, hissing, and screaming, but I get her on there.
Jenna steps forward. “Brayden, maybe you should chill with the big brother display.”
She’s trying to hint that we’re making a scene and people are watching.
As if I’m not aware.
“Good night, Jenna.” I open the back of my car, throw Kira into it, and close the door before she can scramble out.
She tries to open the door.
I’m already holding down the button to keep the doors locked.
Glaring at me like she hates me, she slaps on the window.
I ignore it and head back to the driver’s side. Using one hand to hold the key and the other to continue pressing on the button, I open the driver side door and hop in.
Kira tries to open the door.
I take off without even putting on my seat belt. Now I’m speeding. I have my cargo and I don’t give a fuck about anything but keeping her in the back.
She might want to kill me, but she’s not jumping out of a car going full speed.
“I should fucking slap you!” She kicks the back of my seat.
“Yeah? I should fucking spank the shit out of you. Now calm the fuck down.”
She kicks the back of my seat again. “You’re such a typical man. You can do whatever the hell you want. Lie to me. Leave me hanging. But when you want me to heel like a fucking dog, I’m supposed to just give in.”
