We were in there for hours just talking. I hardly even ate and that’s not like me. The waitress had to ask us to leave because they were ready to close and we were the only customers still in there. I hadn’t felt that connected to anyone in a while. He walked me to my car, opened the door, and helped me in. He even waited in parking lot until I pulled off to make sure I got out okay. I looked back in my rearview mirror just in time to see what he was driving. Black on black Camaro. It was nice and it fit him well.
On the ride home all I could think about was Darrin and how good our dinner went. Just as I pulled into my garage I received a text message from him that read, ‘It’s too late to call, but, I wanted to tell you goodnight. Text back please to let me know you got this and you’re ok’. Good conversation and he’s considerate. I was hooked. I didn’t think I could fall for anyone again after what happened with me and Jake. I had a good feeling about Darrin. I felt like it could work. It didn’t seem forced. Still I didn’t know if I was ready for a real commitment. It didn’t take long for me to make up my mind given the fact that he proposed six months later.
His little brother was graduating from High School and he decided to have a barbeque for him. All of our family and friends came. It was nice. It was actually the first gathering that we’d had with both families. Everyone got along as if they’d known each other for years. I was in the kitchen seasoning some meat for Dee to put on the grill when his mom walked in.
“You know”, she started out, “Darrin ain’t never done nothing like this. Doing stuff for the family like. He come ‘round when we have stuff but he don’t invite nobody to his house for nothing. I’d like to think it has something to do with you. Ever since he met you he been doing a lot of stuff he never did before. My baby is enjoying life for a change and in a good way. Thank you for what you doing for him. He done dated plenty women, now, but it’s something special about you. He like you”.
I couldn’t respond because I didn’t want to start crying in the middle of the kitchen, so I just hugged her. As she was walking back outside, Darrin came in for the meat. He smiled, kissed me on my nose and went right back outside. Little did she know, I liked him too. In fact, I was in love with him and I couldn’t imagine being with anybody else.
The party ended and Darrin had just walked the last guest to the door. I changed out of my shorts into an old sundress that I left over there one time before. All the leftovers were packed neatly and put into the refrigerator, and I was just about done loading the dishwasher.
“You don’t have to do that, baby”, he said walking into the kitchen.
“You know I’m not gonna leave this mess for you to clean by yourself, sir”, I replied.
“Who said you were leaving”?
“I have a hair appointment at five in the morning, on the other side of town and seeing to the fact that you’re not gonna get up that early on a Saturday, I think I’ll be leaving”.
“But what if I don’t want you to go”, he said as he wrapped his arms around me from behind. “I’ll be back when I’m done. Plus, you promised me a movie date anyway”.
He leaned his head around, looked directly into my eyes and said, “I don’t want you to go Kamerai”. I knew then that I wasn’t going anywhere. “You look cute in your lil old lady dress too”, he chuckled, “Gone get in the shower, you staying with me tonight”. I put down the dish towel, went upstairs and got into the shower. I was tired and I didn’t feel like driving way back on the other side of town anyway. I had fallen asleep by the time Darrin came to bed. He pulled me close to him and as I laid my head on his chest he said, “So, tell me, what would you say if I asked you to marry me?” At first I thought I was dreaming but just to be sure I asked him to repeat himself.
“I said, what would you say if I asked you to marry me?”
“I’d say Hell Yeah!!”, I replied thinking he was joking.
He reached under my pillow and pulled out a teal green box with a pretty white bow and said, “Kamerai Jai Lawson, will you marry me”?
“Huh”, I replied, trying to gather my thoughts.
“See. You said you’d never lie to me and you just lied. You said that if I asked you to marry me you’d say ‘hell yeah’. Huh sounds nothing like hell yeah”
“Hell Yeah I’ll marry you”, I managed to get out through my tears.
I can’t exactly tell you everything that happened that night, but, I definitely didn’t make that hair appointment or my movie date for that matter.
Yeah, that was an awesome night. I’m getting goosebumps now just thinking about it. I was really looking forward to marrying him next month, but, with everything that’s going on now, that doesn’t seem too likely. Some things are just too good to be true.
3
Sitting in my office, minding my own business, when my dad comes in and says he had some exciting news. He received a call from a potential client with a scouting agency in New York. They wanted us to help them expand their brand internationally. All I’d have to do was go to New York for a few days, meet with the CEO and seal the deal. I was good at sealing the deal. It was crazy because the client asked for me by name. I should have known then that something wasn’t right. Dad was talking like the check had already been signed, but, until it hit the bank there was still work to do.
I agreed to go, for one, it was New York City and two, it came with a pretty hefty commission. In other words, a paid shopping trip. There was one catch though. I’d have to leave the very next day. Darrin and I had planned to go to New Orleans for some last minute wedding stuff. But, duty calls. It ended up working out perfectly because he had to work as well. Darrin owns his own real estate company and ended up having to change the date of his closing. He couldn’t miss that closing because he had worked too hard on that deal; and not to mention it was a million-dollar sale.
I took the first flight out the next morning completely blind to what I was about to walk into. I arrived at my hotel at about 9:00 a.m. My meeting was at noon so I had time to get myself together and rest before going in. I didn’t know who this person was, but, they sure knew how to treat a lady. They put me in the presidential suite at the Ritz Carlton. As I stepped into the room, I was greeted with smell of French vanilla candles burning, fresh white roses throughout, and a teal green box with a white bow on the bed. Everything was so beautiful, and the view was impeccable. The receptionist called to let me know that my ride would be to pick me up at 11:30 a.m. for my lunch meeting.
I walked over to the bed and opened the box which held a cute little charm bracelet, similar to one I had as a child. There wasn’t a note in it, but the only person who bought me Tiffany’s was Darrin so I just assumed it was from him.
The car showed up at 11:30 a.m. on the dot. A silver Rolls Royce with suicide doors and the words BJ Enterprises imprinted on the side. The driver was a tall Caucasian gentleman with a nametag that read, Joseph and the same words from the car printed on it. He opened the door for me, helped me get in and we were off. He didn’t talk much, which was good because it gave me a chance to meditate before my meeting. We pulled up to this tall building with lots of windows in the middle of Manhattan. The inside of the building was like something out of a magazine. The floors looked like you could eat off of them. Everyone was so neatly dressed, poised and polite. There was a huge waterfall in the center of the lobby with water that looked it had been stolen from Caribbean. And the smell. It was like breathing for the first time. Whoever was in charge had definitely thought this out and covered every single detail.
The secretary came down to the lobby to greet me and escort me to our meeting place. As we neared the office, I began to feel uneasy. I shook it off because I was determined to get the account. She led me to a large office on the west end of the building on the tenth floor. She opened the door and announced my presence to a tall, bald gentleman standing at the window with his hands in his pocket, looking down at the street. Strange man. He never even acknowledged my presence. This, of cou
rse, did nothing for my nerves. His office was just as amazing as the lobby. The smell of lavender filled the room. It was relaxing. Not a scent that I’d normally pick for an office, but, to each its own. There was a large glass trophy case just to the right of the door. It was filled with all kinds of plaques and awards. The curtains were drawn which allowed the sunlight to flow freely throughout the room. I sat my briefcase down on the small conference table to my left. There were two dark gray leather chairs (that looked more like living room furniture than office furniture) positioned in front of his large, espresso colored desk. The office had a warm feel to it; besides the rude gentleman standing on the other side of the room.
“Hello”, I said to him attempting to break the ice.
“Did you like the bracelet”? he asked
“Oh, so you sent the bracelet. Yes, it was nice; thanks. I actually had one like it when I was a kid”.
“Yeah, I know”.
The voice started to sound familiar, but, I was unsure because I hadn’t heard it in a while.
“You still look as beautiful as the day I first met you”, he said as he turned around to face me. He was all grown up with; full beard and all, but, if I knew nothing else, I knew those eyes.
“Jake”, I sighed, “Jacob Boykin. BJ Enterprises. How in the hell could I have been so naïve? Is this some kind of joke to you? The bracelet. How could I be so stupid”.
“Yeah, I remember I gave it to you for your twelfth birthday and somebody stole it out of your locker at P.E. It’s been a long time Kammie”.
“Don’t call me Kammie. Don’t ever call me Kammie again. You lost that privilege a long time ago. Like, what the hell Jake? I haven’t spoken to you in what, twelve years, and you bring me up here on a bum business trip, for what?”
“First off, this business is real. I needed sombody to help me expand my brand and according to my research you’re the best person for the job. Secondly, yes we haven’t spoken in years, but let’s not go pointing any fingers. I distinctly remember the plan being that I was supposed to get settled and then send for you, but little did I know, you were out here living foul. Did you think I wasn’t gonna find out?”
“What are you talking about? I was faithful to you from day one. You were the one with the hoe issues, remember”?
“Come on Kam. A picture is worth a thousand words and this right here tells it all”.
He hands me a picture of myself and Hershel, a guy I dated all but two weeks my sophomore year in high school. We were walking out of the abortion clinic. He had his arms around me, consoling me.
“So I guess this picture of you and your ex coming out of the clinic is nothing huh”, he starts back, “So, you get pregnant by this dude then get an abortion to try to cover it up and I’m the hoe. That’s messed up Kam. I would have never expected something like that from you. I wanted to kill him knowing he got you pregnant and then made you get an abortion. I know he made you do it ‘cause you don’t believe in abortions, so it had to be him. Only a coward would make a woman do something like that”.
“So, that’s what you think happened. That’s the thousand words that you got out of this picture? It’s obvious that you didn’t know me then and you definitely don’t know me now. What you see in this picture is a friend consoling me after I found out that I was actually pregnant. I took five tests at home and after each one I was still in doubt. His aunt worked there and agreed to let me come in to get the test. I didn’t want to go to my doctor because I was still on my dad’s insurance and I didn’t want him to find out. In this picture I was so out of it because I didn’t know how I was going to tell my dad and most importantly, I was scared that it would mess up what we, you and I, were trying to do. When I finally got up the nerve to call you, your chick from all the basketball games answered the phone. How ironic that she ended up in Brazil with you and was even answering your phone. She said that you were on restriction and wanted her to give me the message. I guess you’ve been on restriction all this time because this is the first I’ve heard from you since. I called you and left several messages but no answer. I even emailed you. So, if anybody is a coward BJ it’s you”.
Jake leaned back against his desk seemingly startled by this new information. He stared into the sky for a moment. It took a while for him to say anything.
“Wait. So, what you’re telling me is, because you couldn’t get in touch with me you took it upon yourself to kill my baby. Our baby? You killed our baby, Kamerai? Why would you do that”, he yelled.
“I tried calling you. I left you messages. I tried everything that I could think of to get in touch with you. You cut me off, remember? Instead of talking to me like a man, you let somebody put in your head that I was a whore and you ran with it. I thought that we were better than that Jake. And no I didn’t kill your baby. I had a miscarriage. The doctor said it was because I was under too much stress”.
“I should’ve known that girl was foul. You told me she was foul. She’s the one who gave me the picture. That’s why I didn’t return your calls. I thought you were trying to play me. I had just signed a big contract, for more money than I had ever seen in my life. I guess I was scared. I should’ve known better than that. You always had my back. I’m sorry Kammie. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you went through that and it was all my fault. I caused you to lose our child. Man, I love you Kam. I never stopped loving you. My life has been hell without you.”
I realized that I had been holding in that bitterness for all those years. That’s why I had a wall up. I started bawling like a new born baby; nose running and all. Jake pulled me in to him like he did when we were kids and all of those feelings came right back. He kissed me on the forehead and wrapped me in his arms. It was such a familiar place. I lost myself in that moment. I closed my eyes and embraced what was happening. I felt safe with him. I felt secure. “I lost you once, Kammie, I’m not losing you again”, he whispered in my ear.
And then I remembered that I was engaged. I slowly lifted my head, wiped my eyes and walked over to the conference table on the other side of the office.
“I’m engaged, Jake. My wedding is next month”, I told him as I gathered my things, realizing that I needed to get out of there and fast.
“Engaged”, he responded, “Well, you’re not married so.”
“Don’t even try it. I’m engaged and I’ll be married in a few weeks. What we had was good but it’s in the past. I have a whole new life now. I can’t just throw that away. Darrin and I are building a life together and that’s where I wanna be”.
“That’s bull Kammie and you know it. We’re meant to be together. It was fate that brought us back together like this.”
“No! It was you being deceitful that brought us back together like this. I gotta go Jake. I can’t work on this account. I’ll let my dad know everything that happened”.
I didn’t wait to hear his response. I walked out of the door, went down to the lobby and had the receptionist call the driver. He took me back to the hotel and I planned to leave on the first thing smoking. There wasn’t a flight out until the next morning so I’d have to wait. I needed to tell Darrin what happened but there was no way that I could tell him over the phone, so, when I talked to him that night, I pretended like everything was just fine. After getting off the phone with him, I laid in the bed and just cried. Yes, I missed Jake and yes, I still loved him, but, I was in love with Darrin and I wanted to marry him. Just as I was starting to fall asleep, there was a knock at the door. To my unsurprise (I made that up), it was Jake.
I let him in and we sat on the sofa and talked. It felt like old times. He confided in me about some of the things he encountered while playing overseas. Drugs, alcohol abuse, sleeping with multiple women, waking up not knowing what he had done the night before. He said it was his way of dealing with our breakup. He hadn’t been in a committed relationship since he and I dated and was not looking for one until he ran across my picture on the internet (insert side eye). He wanted to reach out
and this was the only way he figured he could get to me. He was right, because, had I know from the beginning that this was him I would have said no without question.
He looked at me with those eyes and told me how sorry he was for hurting me and that if I was happy that he would have to respect it and move on. Those damn eyes. He reached in to hug me and that was it. His scent took me back to that blue chaise sofa in his bedroom. I guess it did something for him too because I felt his little man pressing against my thigh. Then he began kissing my neck. I tried to push him away, but, I was too weak. Mesmerized by his touch and those damn eyes. It was my first time all over again.
“You want me to stop”, he whispered in my ear.
I was speechless.
“I love you Kammie”, he said as he pressed himself inside of me.
I was lost in the moment. Nothing else mattered. I knew then that this was going to be harder to get rid of him than I expected. They say everyone has that one person that they will always go back to no matter what. Well, he was mine. He was my kryptonite. He took me places sexually that no one else did. It was so much more than just a physical connection. I couldn’t explain it; I just knew it was something else. Maybe we were meant to be. I gripped his bare back and pulled him in closer. I could hear his heart beat and it was like music to my ears. He lifted me off the sofa and carried me into the bedroom. I happened to glance at him as he laid me on the bed and noticed ‘Kammie’ tattooed on his forearm. It was then that I realized, he wasn’t gonna let me go without a fight. He meant it when he said about me not being married yet and him still having a chance. He wanted me and was willing to do whatever he had to do to get me.
It's Complicated Page 2
