“Open the fucking door!”
Just then, the lock caught.
He heard the mechanism roll backwards, moving all of the cylinders into place on the back of the door. Twisting the wheel on the outside of the thick organic, he heard the seal give with a faint sucking sound.
He was still pulling it open when she was already past him.
She probably would have walked out of the room altogether, before he could get the thing closed and locked again, but he stopped pushing at its weight once it met the seal, raising his voice to stop her.
“Allie!” he said.
She paused on one foot. Then she turned, her expression empty.
Staring at the mask of her face, Jon swallowed.
“Al,” he said, at a loss. “What are you doing?”
She didn’t seem to understand the question.
Her eyes went blank in the pause, just before they shifted to Dorje. Then she looked back at Jon. The calm on her face unnerved him, more than any expression he’d seen in her eyes before, even when they’d glowed at him with that alien, pale-green light.
“Give him whatever he wants,” she said in Prexci.
Her voice remained as flat as her expression.
“If you need money now, let me know,” she said. “Otherwise, I’ll cover it later. Or he can, if you’re willing to wait. It’s going to take me a few days to get my name off all of the relevant accounts. You’re going to want to set up some kind of terminal so he can access some of his funds, without––”
“Al!” Jon cut into her words. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Her eyes grew cold, the color of a frozen stream.
Jon felt his breath catch. He didn’t recognize anything he could see there––anything at all.
“I said to give him whatever he wants,” she said.
“You really want us to put a prostitute in there?”
Her mouth quirked in a half-smile. Again, he didn’t know it, or the look in her eyes that came with it. She just looked at him, her expression unmoving.
“Which part of ‘whatever he wants’ isn’t clear?” she said. “You’ll have to pay to transport them here, and to keep the location secret. But if he likes a few of them, you can probably board them in the caves for awhile. Hell, I’m sure you can order them from the network channels, Jon. Give him a terminal. Let him pick whatever flavor he wants.”
“Al, that’s completely insane,” Jon said. “You know that, right? Let him calm down, all right? Both of you need to just calm down. You’re exhausted. You said it yourself.”
She shook her head, her eyes unchanging.
Jon tried again. “Allie––”
“Just do it,” she said. “Or find someone who will. I need to go and talk to Balidor about the Cass thing. I don’t have the time or the inclination to deal with this, too.”
Jon started to shake his head, but her voice grew dangerously quiet.
“That’s not a fucking request.”
When he started to speak, she held up a hand, her eyes sparking faintly with greenish light.
“And don’t bother me with it again. Talk to Poresh if you need help with the logistics. Or one of the others, I don’t care who. Just leave me the fuck out of it.”
Before Jon could think of a reply, she had already turned away.
He watched her disappear down the narrow corridor leading to the rest of the complex. It wasn’t until she was completely gone that he glanced at Dorje. The seer was looking at him, sympathy in his brown eyes.
After a pause, Dorje gestured towards the organic door.
“Lock the hatch, cousin,” he said softly.
Jon realized he still hadn’t locked the door. He held the handle, and the door was shut, but he hadn’t activated the new code, or spun the wheel to reengage the seal. He stared at the thick door, his mind still moving somewhere, sluggishly in the background, without being connected to the rest of him.
He looked past Dorje then, staring at the organic window into the tank. Through the green-tinted pane, he saw Revik sitting against the wall, his forearms resting on his knees.
His clear eyes stared at the ceiling, his expression unreadable. The silver chain with the ring dangled from the fingers of one hand.
Staring at him for another blink of time, Jon felt his hands clench into fists.
Before the thought fully formed, he jerked at the handle of the door.
“Cousin!” Dorje said. “No!”
Ignoring him, Jon stepped inside the green tiled room. Turning around once he was inside, he slammed the heavy door behind him, hitting the key for the lock.
He saw Revik look up, but didn’t meet his gaze. Without pausing, he walked directly to where the seer sat on the floor.
“Jon.” Revik watched him approach, his eyes startled. “Jon, what––”
Jon kicked him, hard, in the leg. Without a pause, he kicked him again, bending down to hit him in the mouth as hard as he could with his fist. Kicking him again, in the ribs that time, he grabbed his shoulder, slamming him against the organic metal of the wall.
Revik only cowered away from his blows, throwing up his arms.
“Jon! Cousin! Please… please!”
He hit him again, slamming his fist against the left side of his head. It hurt his hand, but it must have hurt Revik more, because he let out a gasp when it knocked him sideways. He held up his hands then, protecting his temples.
“Cousin!” he said. “Please! Stop!”
“Jon! Stop!” Dorje’s voice came over the loudspeaker, worried-sounding, strangely far away. “Stop, cousin! Please stop! I’ll have to gas both of you if you don’t!”
Jon found himself standing over the black-haired seer, breathing hard, every muscle in his arms and shoulders tensed. He stared down at the man who had been his friend, and the fury in his heart exploded out of him when he saw the other staring at the wall, wiping his bleeding lip with the back of his hand.
“You just couldn’t help yourself, could you? You couldn’t fucking help it, right?”
“I did her a favor.”
“Did you? Was that supposed to be a mercy killing?”
Revik stared at him. His mouth hardened.
“We don’t belong together,” he said.
“No shit!” Jon shouted at him.
Revik winced, staring up at him.
Jon took a step closer, fighting not to hit him again.
“What the hell do you think everyone’s been telling her for the past year?” Jon said. “What do you think she’s been hearing from every single person? Anyone she tries to convince you’re worth giving a damn about? Do you think the other seers have been supportive? That they’ve all been giving her high fives, for half-killing herself in here with you? Every goddamned one of them would shoot you in the head, if you weren’t bonded to her…”
Revik’s mouth hardened more.
“And you think she needs it from you, too?” Jon said. “You self-centered prick! She asked for a break. A fucking break is all. You couldn't give her that?”
Revik shook his head, his eyes cold.
“That’s not the point.”
“Then what is the point, exactly? What in God’s name was the point of that?”
“Maybe they’re right, Jon. All of those people.” Jaw hard, he gestured articulately with one hand. “Maybe I should die. Maybe we both should. I don’t see how we’ve done a hell of a lot of good for anyone since we got together.”
“Jesus H. Christ. So it’s a suicide pact? You're back on that kick again?”
“She’s the Bridge. Maybe she shouldn’t be here.” He glared up at Jon. “Maybe it’s not her time yet. Maybe us being here at the same time is only making everything worse.”
“Just what the hell kind of monster are you?”
“Monster?” Revik clicked at him in irritation, touching his temple with his fingers and wincing. He looked up at Jon. “That’s the most selfless thing I’ve done with her since I me
t her.”
“The most cowardly, you mean.”
“What’s your problem, Jon?”
“What’s my problem, man?” he said. “Did you really just ask me that?”
Revik’s eyes met his. “You know I’m right. You said as much. She’s better off without me. Hell.” He gave a short laugh. “Everyone thinks so. You said that, too.”
Jon just looked at him, clenching his hands in frustration.
“What did she ever do to you, man?” he said. “Seriously. That wasn’t just some brush off. It wasn’t even you trying to hurt her enough that she’d leave. You wanted her to stay, just so you could keep lobbing those fucking bombs at her. You were trying to hurt her.”
Revik shook his head, clicking louder.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt her,” he said, frowning. “She just tends to need to hear things in strong words, or she ignores them. I’ve tried being subtle with her. It doesn’t work. She needs to be hit by a two-by-four or it’s like I didn’t say anything.”
“Really?” Jon said. “You’re going there? With me? So she’s just a little thick, is what you’re saying? A little dim-witted?” When the seer wouldn’t look at him, his voice grew openly angry. “I'm not her, Revik. You can’t sell me the ‘Allie is stupid’ crap and expect me to buy it. I grew up with her, remember? Hell, I think she’s probably smarter than you. About everything but you, that is.”
“Jon,” he said, looking up. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
“Sure. Okay,” Jon said, still fighting anger. “So what about the bond, man? What about the fact the two of you literally can’t separate your light, or you’ll die? What do you plan to do about that? Or do you think if you’re a big enough prick to her, that will go away, too?”
Revik frowned. He clasped his fingers between his knees, the chain and ring still dangling between them. He focused on the ring, expressionless.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“You don’t know.”
“No, Jon. I don’t. But we’ll figure something out. You heard her. We can shield. We can find some way to––”
“Shield?” Jon said, incredulous. “You’re just going to shield your light, while you go back to buying sex… or selling it, or whatever it is you do? You can’t be serious, man.”
“What the fuck do you want from me?”
When Revik looked up, Jon lost his words, staring at the other man in disbelief. He stared at the tears in his eyes, lost in the expression on the seer’s face.
Before he could speak, Revik looked away, wiping his face, gripping his hair in his hand. For a long moment, Jon didn’t move, watching the seer sit there, his knees up, hands in his hair as his body hitched under his breaths. He wiped his eyes again as Jon watched.
“I fucking raped her, Jon.”
Jon frowned. “I know, man. I saw.”
Revik winced, clutching his hair harder.
“Then what do you want from me?” he said. “Why won’t you leave me alone?”
“Because that’s not what this is, man,” Jon said.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You didn’t do this for her. You are angry at her. Why?”
The seer didn’t move for a long moment. He sat there, staring out over the dark green room, his eyes out of focus. Tears still ran down his face as Jon watched, but the look in his eyes was anger again, an anger that darkened the longer Jon looked at it. Revik wiped his cheek with the palm of his hand, his eyes hardening more.
“She’ll never forgive me, Jon.”
“She might not now,” he said mildly.
Revik looked up, his eyes flashing with anger.
“You don’t know how she looked at me,” he said. “Every time, Jon. Every fucking time. After every session. I could see it on her face. Not just the people I killed. Whoever I slept with, whatever I did to the seers in my unit. What I did to those human women, in the town.”
“Revik, man.” Jon sighed. “What do you expect?”
“I don’t expect anything! But I don’t need that shit, Jon. It’s bad enough, her seeing all this. It’s bad enough having to remember it myself. I won’t keep explaining it to her for the rest of my life. I’m not going to do it! I won’t!”
Jon just watched him, his eyes holding a faint incredulity. “Seriously, man? That’s pathetic.”
“She’ll never let it go,” Revik said, wiping his face again. “She’ll look at me, and she’ll think I’m a murderer, a whore-monger, a little runt fuck, like I was when I was a kid. She’ll never see me the same, Jon. Never. And I’ll never be right. Not with her around, reminding me of what I was, every time I do a goddamned thing.”
When the seer looked away, eyes angry, Jon sighed.
“Jesus, man. You’ve got to give her time to deal with this stuff. You’ve got to give yourself time, too. And you’re wrong about her, anyway. That’s not what’s bothering her. She’s exhausted, Revik. And she’s worried about you… and Cass… and about a million other things. She’s doing her damnedest to be the good little soldier, to not get upset.”
Thinking about his own words, Jon frowned. “Look. She fucking cracked, okay? Is that why you’re mad? That she lost it before you did?”
Revik let out a hard laugh, his fingers in his hair again.
There was another silence.
In it, Jon found himself looking at the other seer with new eyes. Something clicked as he stared, until he found himself letting out a kind of understanding exhale.
“That’s still not all of it,” he said. “Come on. Let's have it.”
The seer shook his head, staring at the floor. His hand shook when he wiped his face with his knuckles, using his fingers on his cheeks.
“I’m not mad at her,” he said.
Jon whistled softly. “Yeah. You are. And not for any of the reasons you just gave. Tell me. Seriously. I’m not leaving until you do.”
Revik clicked in annoyance. “You’re making up stories, Jon.”
“I don’t think so. Come on. What’s this really about?”
Revik shook his head, not answering.
Jon waited, watching the angular face as thoughts clouded those clear eyes, as Revik frowned down at his own feet. After a pause, the seer shook his head. A thick laugh left his throat. He gripped his hair, clicking to himself.
“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t make any sense. It’s not real, Jon.”
“What isn’t?”
“I told you, it––”
“––Doesn’t matter. I know,” Jon said. “So why not just tell me, then?”
“There’s nothing to say.”
“Revik, Jesus. You accuse her of acting like a child––”
“She fucking left me here!” Revik snarled.
Jon flinched. He stared at Revik’s face, watching the seer breathe harder as he glared up at him. The anger in his face only worsened, until he was fighting clutching breaths, his clear eyes flashing with sparks of light, enough to make Jon nervous. The seer’s skin flushed, even as his long fingers clenched on his thighs.
“Just drop it, all right!” he said.
Jon swallowed, but he held his ground, folding his arms.
“What do you mean? When did she leave you?”
“Drop it, Jon!”
“No, I’m not going to drop it. When did she leave you? Because as long as I’ve known you, it’s been you pushing her away––”
“Just fucking leave it alone, Jon!”
When Jon only stared at him, his arms folded, the seer glared up at him, his eyes shining, but this time with tears. Anger hardened his mouth, even as he gestured with one hand, wiping his face as he growled out words.
“For years,” he said. “For fucking years, Jon. Do you understand? She left me to rot. She left me with them. For years. And now she’s going to judge me for how I am? She leaves me in…” He gestured again, frowning. “…in that. And she’s going to judge me?” He wiped his face with his other hand.
“Letting go of her, of that whole bullshit story… it was the only thing that helped. I was better after that, Jon. I was better.”
“Revik,” Jon looked at him, at a loss. “What, man? What are you talking about?”
“I don’t have to listen to any of that crap. Not from her. Not from someone who never had to deal with anything… who never bothered to show up, to even just be there, if only to help me with it. She can just go back to her fucking gods and her golden goddamned light ocean or whatever the fuck she wants. She doesn’t need me. She never needed me. And when I needed her, she wasn’t around.”
Jon stared at the seer’s face, bewildered.
He saw the anger there, but he also saw something else, a kind of desperate hurt, something he’d never seen in the Elaerian’s face before, not like that.
“She doesn’t get it,” the seer said. “She’ll never get it, Jon. And I don’t even care anymore. If she wanted to be with me here, she needed to get it. At least a little bit.”
“Get what?” Jon said. “What do you need her to get?”
Revik closed his eyes, resting his face back on his arms.
He gave a short laugh while Jon watched, shaking his head.
“I told you it didn’t matter,” he said. “Just forget it.”
Jon continued to look at him, though, frowning.
After the faintest pause, he let his knees bend, coming to rest in a cross-legged position in a single fluid fall. Still watching the seer’s face, he moved closer to where he sat, so that their legs touched. When the silence stretched, he laid a hand on his arm.
Revik wiped his eyes while Jon watched, still clutching the silver chain in his fingers where they wound into his hair. Jon found himself thinking about his words, turning them over in his mind. After another moment where the seer just sat there, Jon sighed.
“Revik. Are you angry that she wasn’t born until now?”
The seer’s jaw hardened. He didn’t look up.
After another pause, he exhaled, clicking. “That’s not the point. I’m not a better person with her around,” he said. “I’m worse. And so is she.”
Watching the seer’s face, Jon shook his head, feeling a sharp wave of unreality, mixed with a kind of exasperated compassion as he looked at the other man.
Shadow (Bridge & Sword: Awakenings #4): Bridge & Sword World Page 42
