Grumbling, she gestured at me in irritation. “You have none of even the usual markers in your light from adult sex. So I must assume you have no idea how to control your aleimi, much less any schooling in the more sophisticated arts. Ulai will teach you. So will the others we keep here for this purpose.”
“What if I don’t want to be ‘taught?’”
“Then you will begin seeing clients tonight,” Voi Pai said coldly. “We will tie you down for the experience, if necessary. You won’t fetch as high of a price, but we can pair you with experienced professionals who can at least redeem the experience somewhat.”
When I frowned at her, Voi Pai’s expression remained porcelain smooth. Even so, when she next spoke, I saw and felt real sincerity in her words, maybe for the first time.
“You would do well to take me up on the offer, Esteemed Sister. If you allow clients access to all of your light, it will be much more of a violation for you. If you are trained, you choose which areas they touch in you.” Grunting, she added, “If you have truly left your mate, you should know how to have sex like a grown-up, anyway. Clearly, he never taught you this.”
I felt my jaw harden. It occurred to me in the next instant that this was likely Voi Pai trying to be nice to me. Even as I thought it, Ulai squeezed my shoulder with one hand.
“She is not wrong, Esteemed Bridge,” he said, soft.
Looking up at him, I found myself nodding. I looked at the female seer, feeling a kind of resignation steal over me.
“So it’s rape or professional whoring,” I said.
Ulai winced. His hand grew heavier on my shoulder. “I will not let you get hurt, Esteemed Bridge. She has given me discretion in this.”
“Discretion in what?”
“In your clients, Esteemed Bridge. As well as your sessions with them.”
“So you’re my pimp, Ulai?” I said, giving him a hard stare.
He gave Voi Pai a kind of helpless look, but the female seer chuckled.
“Yes,” she said, folding the ends of her sash over one thigh before reaching inside the pocket of the dress. I watched her extract a hiri, that smile still on her red-painted lips. “That is precisely what he is, Esteemed Bridge.” She motioned towards the bed, clicking her fingers. “Begin now. I will remain, to oversee the bonding.”
“I don’t want you here,” I said.
“I don’t much care what you want in this, Esteemed Sister.”
“Leave,” I said. “I won’t do it with you here.”
She rolled her eyes, clicking in that odd, accented purr.
Ulai looked at Voi Pai, as if measuring her expression. Then he looked back at me, leaning down to speak more quietly to my face.
“You will have witnesses at times, Esteemed Bridge. It is probably best that you grow accustomed to that, too. And she is right, about the bonding.”
“Nice. So you’re going to loan me out for orgies?”
“Sell. Not loan,” Voi Pai corrected me. “And do not worry, Esteemed Bridge. Most will not be able to afford it.”
I tried to fight the anger out of my voice, but didn’t succeed. “You can drop the ‘Esteemed’ crap, sister. I think the threats of rape and forced prostitution make that redundant.”
Voi Pai tilted her hand in a shrug, holding a gold lighting coil to the end of the dark-skinned hiri. Exhaling smoke, she clicked the lighter shut.
“That ‘Esteemed’ is the difference between charging five thousand yuan for you and one hundred and five thousand yuan,” she said. “And this is our agreement, Esteemed Bridge.” She motioned at the bed, speaking to Ulai. “Proceed. Force her, if you must. I am not spending my day here, watching you educate a toddler about sex.”
Ulai paled, but I rolled my eyes, clicking loudly.
“Fine,” I said. “Whatever.”
Before Ulai could steer me over there with his hands, I walked the five paces deeper into the room and sat on the edge of the low-built bed. Leaning back on my palms, I planted my feet in the hanfu dress, waiting for him.
His brow furrowed, making a series of fine wrinkles on his forehead. I found myself wondering how old he was. With his short-cropped black hair and tanned skin, it was difficult to tell. Like most male seers, he was attractive, at least.
“I am three hundred and forty-six, Esteemed Bridge,” he said, sitting down beside me. “Is there anything else you would like to know about me?”
I glanced at Voi Pai, then shrugged a little, human-fashion, as I looked back at him.
“Maybe later, Ulai.”
His ice-blue eyes studied mine. I thought at first he might kiss me, but he reached up, fingering the collar around my neck instead. Seeing the question there, I swallowed again.
“Oh, yeah. Of course. That needs to come off.” I glanced at Voi Pai. “One benefit of this little job, I guess. Although I don’t suppose you collar your infiltrators, either?”
“Not generally, no,” she said, rolling her eyes.
I shifted sideways, fighting nerves as I pulled my hair off my neck, allowing Ulai to reach the thumbnail latch that opened the retinal scanner at the back of the collar.
I glanced at Voi Pai. “You’re not afraid I might just make your head explode?”
She gave me a disdainful look. “I am working on the assumption, Esteemed Bridge, that you do not wish to die before you reach the halfway point to the first wall of my City. Also,” she added sweetly, exhaling smoke. “…If I’m not mistaken, having your husband the Sword die a slow death not long after you crumple to the dirt.”
My jaw hardened. Turning away, I conceded her point with a gesture.
“Fair enough.”
The retinal scanner clicked off. I felt the being inside the organic collar clench, then relax, unravelling swiftly from around my spine. The sensation made me shudder.
Grimacing, I glanced up at Ulai.
“Thanks,” I said. “I think.”
As far as I knew, collars could only hold one retinal imprint at a time, by design. Anyone but that one person had to cut the damned things off, rendering them useless, unless the collar was reprogrammed for them to use.
Apparently, for now anyway, Ulai was my one guy.
My light filtered slowly back around me. My nerves rose once it had, once I realized he was already turned on, that his light already felt charged and warmer as it coiled around parts of me. Fighting not to react, I flinched when I felt a sharp pulse of pain off him.
My light flared, opening without my willing it.
Immediately, his eyes widened. He’d been about to lower his mouth to mine, but he paused, meeting my gaze.
“No, Esteemed Bridge,” he said firmly. “Control your light.”
“Meaning what?”
He pushed at the center of my chest lightly with his fingers. It made me wince, but he was showing me something with his aleimi as he did it.
“You are opening too much,” he said. “Pull back, sister.”
I felt myself flush. Then I focused on what he was showing me. After a few seconds, I could see what he wanted me to do.
“Oh,” I said, my eyes still out of focus as I looked at my light through his. “So that’s… wrong?”
“Not wrong. But not for this.” He smiled, caressing my face. “That is for your mate, Esteemed Bridge. No one else.”
I met his gaze, feeling my throat tighten. I knew better than to argue the point.
I followed his light with mine instead, studying what it did, even as he began caressing the side of my neck. He was pulling on me, coaxing me to pull on him. When I did, I felt his approval, just before he slid deeper into my light, showing me another way to do the same thing, until I was fighting to keep my breath steady.
They hadn’t been kidding, I realized.
This wasn’t just some test ride to make me feel like a jerk. It wasn’t only to bond me with the group, either, or even to try and break me out of my inhibitions.
I was actually going to be trained in this.
&
nbsp; Voi Pai must have heard some part of my thoughts. She laughed, exhaling smoke.
“Your husband,” she said derisively. “Gaos. No wonder he kicked you out of his bed.”
My jaw hardened more.
Pain hit me at her words, but I didn’t look at her.
I forced my eyes back to Ulai’s instead, and the look there reassured me a little. He didn’t want to hurt me, at least. I could feel in his light that he wanted to make this okay for me.
“All right.” My voice came out gruffer than I intended, and I realized I was fighting tears. Worse, I realized it was from what she’d said about Revik. I fought it out of my expression, and out of my light, holding out my hands to Ulai in a seer gesture of surrender.
“All right,” I repeated. “Train me. I’ll try to learn.”
Ulai smiled. I saw a flicker of empathy in his eyes before he leaned down, kissing my mouth. He took his time, continuing to explore my light, tugging at it in slow pulls. It reminded me of Revik, and his mouth on mine made it difficult not to react. I tried to do as he prodded me; he coaxed me gently at first, then more insistently as he started to respond to my hands on him.
His pain worsened when I tried to comply.
I found myself fighting to follow his light, unable to focus on the kiss, until I realized he was untying the front of my dress.
I felt Voi Pai in my light in the same instant, and realized she was doing that bonding thing, somewhere in the middle of all this. I didn't feel as exposed as I had with Revik in those caves with his Rebels, but it was a close second. I felt the attention of most of the construct on me, even as I felt flavors of other members of the Lao Hu.
I felt some of them watching overtly, not hiding their interest.
A kind of panic hit me, but I fought that, too.
Ulai pushed me back on the bed, gently, but he was big enough that I found myself panicking slightly at that, as well. His light blew over mine, and in the next instant, I felt his pain pulse higher. I felt myself starting to open again, but he laid his hand on my chest.
“No,” he said, quiet. “Stop.” He switched to my mind. I want that, Esteemed Bridge. I want it very much… but do not give it to me. Or the others. You must learn. It is important for you.
His pain made the pulling worse, but I fought back my light, nodding.
He had his hands inside the dress then, which didn’t help. I was starting to undress him then, but he stopped me halfway through it, pinning me to the bed. Pausing, he looked down at me, his pale blue eyes shining faintly, lighter than his tanned face in the shadows.
“How many seers have you been with?” he said.
I stared up at him. “Is that strictly relevant?”
He pulled on my light, sending a pulse of reassurance through me that melted my limbs. His eyes never left my face, but his expression stayed serious.
“How many, Esteemed Bridge?” he said again. “Please. I need to know.”
I tried not to remember Voi Pai was listening to this only a dozen or so feet away, or that the rest of the construct could likely hear it by now, too. I kept my eyes on his as I shrugged, fighting to make my voice nonchalant.
“Three,” I said.
He gave me a faintly skeptical look.
“Two, really,” I said, feeling my face warm. “One of the three was a rape. The other was only one time. Really, mostly just Revik. You know… Syrimne. The Sword.”
I felt another flicker of pain on him, just before he rested his weight heavily on me, enough to make me react again. Sliding his light through mine in soft tendrils, he eased my legs apart with his. His pain worsened when my light started to respond, but he pushed it back gently, pushing me to use other structures in my light to control it.
“Ease off, Esteemed Bridge. You are doing it again.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said, his voice a gasp. “It is for you I do this… not me.”
He looked at me, his blue eyes on my mouth, then back on mine. I felt another pulse of pain on him, even as he pressed his weight, showing me how to pull back my light when I started to react again. His weight was a lot like Revik’s––too much. Even the length of his body confused me. Ulai kissed my throat, pressing down on me again, showing me how to control it when my light began to respond as if he were Revik.
“And he won’t kill me for this?” he murmured. “Your Sword?”
I smiled a little at his expression. I shook my head. “No.”
“You are sure about that?”
Realizing he was teasing me a little, I smiled again. “Pretty sure, yeah.”
“Pretty sure is… not that reassuring, Esteemed Bridge.”
He was pushing the dress higher on me as he spoke, caressing my thighs and hips, then my belly. I closed my eyes as he started pulling on my light again, showing me how to respond with mine. I fought to focus on what I could feel him showing me, to not think about––
His fingers slid inside me and I jumped, opening my eyes.
He met my gaze, eyes serious. Before I could speak, he was showing me more with my light, until I was pulling on his fingers, sliding light down his legs, to his feet. He nodded when I pulled it higher, up his back.
When I pulled harder, he closed his eyes, letting out a low groan. I felt him showing me where to move my hips, and suddenly I was panicking again. He sent more light, calming me, until I clenched my fingers in his short hair, fighting to relax.
“I’m going to enter you now,” he said quietly.
It felt too soon, but I bit my lip, nodding. “All right.”
He moved his body up over mine. Then he had his hand on mine. Taking my fingers, he slid them down between his legs. I fought not to react, touching him when I felt his light ask for it. I felt him over cautiously, feeling my face grow hot even as I looked down at his prompting.
“You are not used to sex with strangers?” he said. “Not even humans?”
“Not without a lot more alcohol involved,” I joked, still looking at his body. I glanced up at his silence. “I’m all right, Ulai. Really.”
He groaned when I started caressing him again. He was different than Revik. More like Balidor, in that it curved slightly differently. Still big though, bigger than most humans. I wondered if the shape was an age thing, or a race thing, as in Sark versus Elaerian. It honestly kind of freaked me out. I’d barely gotten used to Revik.
I looked up at him again, and saw his eyes on my face.
“Is it all right?” he said.
“Do I have any choice?” I joked.
“Yes,” he said, frowning. “Of course.”
I met his gaze, feeling my chest tighten. “It’s fine, Ulai. Sorry.”
I felt him pulling on me again, then he was kissing me, holding my wrist in his hand. He did something to my light, hitting me in the chest and then in the belly almost urgently, in a way that nearly paralyzed me, forcing most of my muscles to relax.
As soon as he’d done it, I realized he was inside me. He’d done it while I was completely open––my body anyway.
I cried out, half startled and half from the pain that rose in me sharply.
He helped me control my light again. Then he was groaning, arching into me with long thrusts of his hips and back. After another moment, I had my arms and legs coiled around his, but I could barely move.
“You are shielding us,” he said, looking at me as I gasped, holding his arm. “Why?”
“The Sword,” I told him.
I saw understanding reach his eyes. He arched into me harder, making me cry out.
“You are blocking Voi Pai, too… and the others. She doesn’t like it. It will make the bonding more difficult.”
“Tough shit.” My voice came out angry, half from his words and half from the effort of controlling my aleimi. “She’ll like it less if he shows up here, pissed off because I can’t keep my light to myself.”
“You can’t do it all the time, Esteemed Bridge. You can’t al
ways shield. There will be times when––”
“We’ll cross that when we come to it,” I said.
Hesitating, he nodded.
Lowering his head, he arched into me again, forcing my back into a curve with his hands. I felt his pain worsen as his light relaxed, as he lost himself in the motion. He built a slow rhythm as I coiled my light into his, until both of us were gasping. I had my legs wrapped around him tighter as he pulled me into a different angle.
He was still showing me things with his light.
He coaxed me into subtleties of motion and friction, groaning when I got it right. Seconds later, he was showing me something else, trying to get me to replicate it exactly. By the end, he was sweating, holding me under him as I fought to answer his mind’s pull, to shift my body and light where he wanted it, to tense or relax where he wanted me.
By the time he came, he actually seemed to lose control. He cried out as he held me under him, extended all the way as his back spasmed in jerks under my hands.
I lay there, fighting off an almost paralyzing feeling of… I don’t know.
Guilt maybe. Maybe it was some form of self-disgust.
Whatever it was, it stayed with me, lingering in the background while he slowly brought his breathing under control.
I would have to do this again, I realized. With other people I didn't know.
I told myself the feelings were irrational.
Seers did this all over the world, male and female. Hell, it was pretty much commonplace. Half the seers I knew had done at least a short stint as an unwilling, apart from monks and those seers who’d been raised in the Adhipan. Even Dorje told me he’d been forced to ‘sell it’ for a time, as the seers generally phrased it.
I didn’t think I was better than them. I just didn’t want it to be me.
Maybe it was the human-raised part of me, thinking that way. Or maybe everyone felt like this at first. Maybe humans and seers really weren’t all that different.
It wasn’t until later, when I was alone and having what amounted to a delayed reaction to everything Ulai showed me, that I realized Revik hadn’t told me anything. He hadn’t taught me even basic things––like about angles, and friction, and what females could do to slow down males, where to pull on them to hold them at the edge, closer than I’d ever gotten Revik, even when I’d thought I was doing something similar.
Shadow (Bridge & Sword: Awakenings #4): Bridge & Sword World Page 52
