Adventure According to Humphrey

by Betty G. Birney

  But try as I did, I couldn’t imagine Mrs. Wright as a child.

  “Did any of the students admit to smuggling Humphrey on the boat?” Mr. Morales asked.

  Mrs. Brisbane shook her head. “No. I think Kirk and Richie felt so terrible, they would have confessed to it. But they didn’t.”

  “Maybe someone was jealous of their boat and did it to get them into trouble,” Mrs. Wright suggested.

  “Maybe,” said Mrs. Brisbane. “But I just can’t imagine any of my students doing that.”

  Mrs. Wright sniffed loudly. “I know you think all your students are perfect,” she said. “But someone had to do it. He certainly couldn’t have gotten there all by himself.”

  Suddenly, everyone turned to look at me.

  “I didn’t plan on going along,” I squeaked in self-defense. “It just happened.”

  Ms. Mac laughed her lovely, tinkling laugh.

  “He’s been known to get out of his cage before,” Mrs. Brisbane said. “But Bert fixed the door so he can’t get out.”

  Mrs. Wright stood up and clomped over to my cage. “Even if he could open the cage, you can’t tell me this little rat or guinea pig or whatever he is could possibly get down from the table, run all across the room and get in the boat by himself. Impossible! Simply impossible!”

  “I’m a hamster!” I squeaked back at her. “And it’s NOT-NOT-NOT impossible!”

  “BOING-BOING-BOING!” Og chimed in.

  This time everyone laughed, except Mrs. Wright.

  I guess Mr. Morales was sorry he’d laughed. “You have a point, Ruth.”

  Mrs. Wright sniffed again. Maybe she was allergic to hamsters. “We can’t have animals running willy-nilly around the school and the buses and on picnics.”

  “It was only one animal,” Mrs. Brisbane said softly.

  The bell rang again, and Mr. Morales stood up. “Look, Mrs. Brisbane has been handling her students and their problems for thirty years. I think she can handle this one. Let’s move on.”

  He left, along with Ms. Mac and Mrs. Wright. Just before my friends returned from recess, Mrs. Brisbane came over to my cage and jiggled the door. It was fastened tightly, of course.

  “Humphrey, I must say, life is never dull with you around.”

  “Thanks,” I squeaked. “That’s what a classroom hamster is for.”

  After school, when we were alone, I told Og the whole story. When I finished, I remembered something else.

  “I have to say, Og, that as I was about to sink, I thought of you.” It was strange to remember seeing his goofy face flash before me.

  “I know if you’d been there, you would have saved me because you can swim. And because you’re my friend.”

  I was surprised at how quickly Og responded with a BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING-BOING!

  “I’d do the same for you,” I continued. “I can’t swim, but I’d think of something. I guess we make a pretty good team after all. Maybe Kirk and Richie will, too.”

  Og dived into the water with an impressive splash.

  And with that, I crawled into my sleeping hut and slept soundly, dreaming about the high seas, pirates, best friends and yes, Ms. Mac.

  No more boat building. No more pirate talk. No more contests. The very next day, we were back to regular old school again, but after my close call with Davy Jones’s locker, I didn’t mind.

  Not that the subject of the boat race didn’t come up. Mrs. Brisbane began the day with a very serious look on her face. “Boys and girls, we still don’t know who sneaked Humphrey into that boat and onto the bus. If the guilty party would like to confess now, it would make all our lives a little easier.”

  There were some shuffling feet and a few cleared throats, but no one confessed. There was no one to confess, except for me.

  “I hate to punish the whole class . . .” Mrs. Brisbane began.

  I couldn’t take it any longer. “I did it! It was ME-ME-ME!” I squeaked as loudly as I could.

  Everyone laughed. Even Mrs. Brisbane.

  “I guess Humphrey has the last word for now,” she said. “If anyone would like to confess to me in private, I’d appreciate it. Meanwhile, we’re moving on.”

  Over the next few days, there were a few changes in Room 26.

  First of all, Richie and Kirk had to write letters of apology to each other. Then each of them had to give a speech to the class, apologizing for almost ruining the boat race.

  In his speech, Kirk said that teamwork was more important than winning and the team that works together always comes out ahead in the end. As usual, he ended with a joke. This time, it was one I’d already heard, about the scarecrow winning the award for being outstanding in his field.

  Richie made the point that two wrongs don’t make a right. At first I thought he was talking about Mrs. Wright, and I shivered a little just thinking about her whistle, though she’s a very good song leader.

  But then I realized that he meant just because Kirk treated Richie the wrong way didn’t make it right for Richie to break the rules and bring along the submarine.

  I cheered loudly for both speeches.

  Aldo changed back to his regular non-pirate ways of talking and cleaning, thank goodness. But every once in a while, he’d do a little hornpipe dance while he was dusting.

  The other change in Room 26 was something—or someone—wonderful. Ms. Mac came in to help Mrs. Brisbane for two hours every day. Then she would go to the library and help Mr. Fitch for another hour or two.

  She smelled so good, and she always remembered to bring me yummy treats like apple slices and strawberries. Having her around was a dream come true.

  One day, she asked Mrs. Brisbane if she could have lunch with her. They sat across from each other at Mrs. Brisbane’s desk and took out sandwiches and water and yummy-looking fruit and they talked.

  “I’m so glad it worked out with Humphrey,” Ms. Mac said. “When I left here, I wasn’t sure you’d like having a classroom hamster.”

  “I wasn’t sure myself,” Mrs. Brisbane admitted. “But he’s added a lot to the class.”

  “Good,” said Ms. Mac. She chewed on her sandwich a little more and then said, “I’m a little worried about what I’m going to do now that I’m back. I need to make some money.”

  “Funny, I’ve been worrying about that, too,” Mrs. Brisbane replied. She didn’t look worried, though. In fact, she was grinning. “And I have some ideas.”

  Ms. Mac’s big brown eyes got even bigger. “What?”

  “I don’t want to say yet, but you are a very talented young teacher, and I know of several opportunities coming up.” Mrs. Brisbane was being awfully mysterious. “You’ll find out soon.”

  “WHAT-WHAT-WHAT?” I shouted.

  The two women chuckled. “It sounds like Humphrey has a few ideas, too,” Ms. Mac said.

  “He always does,” Mrs. Brisbane agreed.

  “Speaking of Humphrey, has anyone confessed to smuggling him into the boat?”

  “Well, yes. You actually heard him confess.” So Mrs. Brisbane had understood me!!

  Ms. Mac glanced over at my cage. “Could Humphrey really do that?”

  Mrs. Brisbane looked my way, too. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, when it comes to Humphrey, anything is possible.”

  “BOING-BOING!” Og twanged, splashing in his tank.

  The two teachers burst out laughing.

  When they finished their lunches, they each gave me a treat. From Mrs. Brisbane, it was a small and crunchy carrot. From Ms. Mac, it was a soft, sweet slice of banana.

  I crossed my paws and hoped they have lunch in Room 26 more often!

  And then something really wonderful happened. Ms. Mac brought Mr. Fitch to Room 26 one day. He said that due to my bravery during the boat race and my contributions to the class, he was presenting me with my very own library card!

  And there it was: a lovely little rectangle that read, This card grants full library privileges at Longfellow School to HUMPHREY.
He taped it to the outside of my cage.

  Everyone applauded. Then Miranda Golden, my special friend, raised her hand. “But how is Humphrey going to check out books? He can’t get to the library by himself!”

  Oh, humans! There’s so much they don’t know. In fact, I was already planning to stroll down to the library later that night to see if there was a good movie I could watch.

  “We’ll just have to help him out,” Mrs. Brisbane answered. “Just like he’s always helped us.”

  “Hooray for Humphrey Dumpty!” A.J. suddenly shouted. My friends all joined in, and I even heard Og say, “BOING!” in agreement.

  “Thanks, mateys,” I squeaked back happily. “HOORAY-HOORAY-HOORAY!”

  Even a pirate can say thank ye, mateys!

  From JOLLY ROGER’S GUIDE TO LIFE,

  by I.C. Waters

  Humphrey’s List of Ten Things You Should Know About Pirates

  1. Many pirates wore earrings, not just for looks, but because they thought it made their eyesight better.

  2. “Going to Davy Jones’s locker” means losing your life at sea.

  3. Although Long John Silver kept a parrot as a pet, most pirates probably didn’t have parrots. Dogs and cats were often on sailing ships to help keep down the rodent population. (As a rodent, let me tell you that dogs and cats are VERY-VERY-VERY scary.)

  4. Food on pirate ships wasn’t very good. Pirates lived mostly on hard biscuits and a little meat. Sometimes they brought fruit like limes on board to prevent a disease called scurvy.

  5. There were some famous female pirates, like Anne Bonny and Mary Read. (Ms. Mac was not one of them. She’s much too nice to be a pirate.)

  6. A “piece of eight” was a silver coin that was worth eight of the Spanish coin called the Real. Really! A “doubloon” was a gold coin.

  7. A “landlubber” is someone who doesn’t know how to sail. I used to be a landlubber, but not anymore!

  8. A pirate says, “Thar she blows,” when a whale is spotted.

  9. The poop deck of a ship is the part farthest in the back, above the captain’s quarters. It does not have anything to do with poo!

  10. While it’s fun to talk and dress and pretend to be a pirate, they are not nice humans. Yes, there are still pirates today, so beware, me hearties!

  Oh, and yes, there really is a book called Treasure Island with Long John Silver and Jim Hawkins in it. It’s by Robert Louis Stevenson, and you can find it in your library. If you don’t have a card, get one!