“Are you okay?” Raven asks, with a concerned look on her face.
“God, I don’t know, it came on so fast. I’ve been fine all day. I mean I was tired, but I just figured it was from the strep and trying to heal my body.”
“Well, let me finish cooking dinner and you take it easy.”
The next morning I get up feeling good, maybe it was just a twenty-four-hour bug. I walk into the kitchen as Braydon is fixing breakfast and coffee. I sit on a barstool across from him, when I feel my mouth start to water. Braydon and I are in the middle of a conversation about school when I slap my hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom.
What the hell is going on? I brush my teeth and walk back out to the breakfast bar.
“Are you okay? Raven said you got sick yesterday too.”
Raven walks out of her room as Braydon and I are talking. “You’re preggers.”
“Preggers. No, I’m not, I’m on the pill, and I take it every day at the same time. I’ve never missed one and I haven’t ever been more than thirty minutes late taking it.”
“Okay, Florence Nightingale, have you studied pharmaceuticals yet?”
“Yes.”
“Riddle me this,” she says with a giggle. “What makes the birth control pill ineffective?”
“Oh, fuck me …”
Braydon looks at me, as I look at him. “Oh, shit.”
“Oh Braydon, I’m so sorry. I …” I’m in tears. What am I going to do? “Do you hate me?”
Braydon comes over to me, wraps me in his arms, and starts to rock me. “Oh baby, I could never hate you. You’re going to be the mommy to our baby.”
And my crying turns into sobbing. School is going to get ten times harder. I’ve heard about pregnasia—normally intelligent women, can’t even think for themselves.
Raven leaves the room and comes back with a pregnancy test. “Here’s a spare test. Take the test just to be sure.”
She hands me the box and I look down at it. I can’t believe I didn’t even think about using other birth control when I was on the antibiotics. If I can’t remember that, how am I going to be a good nurse?
I slowly walk to the bathroom. Maybe if I don’t take the test I can ignore it. No, I can’t do that. I need to find out as soon as possible and get the vitamins in me to make sure it will be healthy.
I pull the stick out of the plastic wrap and sit on the toilet, procrastinating. Then I just do it. There’s no reason to put it off, it just prolongs the torture of not knowing one hundred percent. I stick my hand between my legs and pee on the little stick. I pull it out, place the cap back on it, and look at my watch so I can time it. I set the test on a piece of toilet tissue on the counter, wash my hands, and walk out to the eating area.
Those three minutes are the longest minutes, even though I already know what it will say. “Baby, we’ll be fine. I know it will be harder, but we can still graduate on time. So we start our family a little sooner than we would have planned, things work out for a reason.”
I look at my watch and know it’s time to go and look. I walk into the bathroom and see the pink letters that spell out pregnant. I take a shuddering breath as Braydon puts his arms around me and kisses me. “Your parents already hate me; this will just push them over the edge.”
“You let me worry about my parents. Most people don’t let the news out until they’re out of their first trimester, so we don’t have to worry about it for a while.”
“I love you. How did I get so lucky?”
“That goes both ways, baby.”
As summer comes and I am further along in my pregnancy, I start to feel better. I am still tired, and it is hard to keep dancing and using the pole, but I’m still not really showing, so I decide to keep dancing until I can’t dance any longer.
Raven and I are planning the wedding. We found a dress with an empire waist that will work if my belly is big at that time. My official due date is February the tenth, so the likelihood of my belly being big is great. I’m getting excited now. Even though you can’t tell I’m pregnant, I can’t sleep on my stomach like I used to do—it’s like the princess and the pea. Baby is just tiny still, but when I lie on my tummy, it’s as if I’m lying on a cantaloupe.
Braydon and I tell Benny the news of our current condition so he will be prepared for when I can’t dance. Benny has been great to work for, he knows the three of us live together and we go to school together, so he is good at scheduling us to work together as much as possible. Although I don’t like working the closing shift. It’s hard to be on my feet that long, and with school early in the morning, we asked him if he would give us an earlier shift.
Tonight is our last late shift, and I am so happy. I’m going to have to find something else to do here when I can’t dance. We have been saving our money, but with the medical bills we’ll have for the birth, I can’t afford to stop working yet.
Tonight starts like all nights, with Raven and me on different stages, working the crowd. Tonight’s crowd is light. It’s Thursday, and Friday will be the thirteenth, and there are a lot of people that just don’t want to be out on Friday the thirteenth.
I finish my performance and start to wait tables. Raven is still up on stage when a bunch of drunken-ass bad boys walk into the club and sit in my section. Braydon rings the bell for last call.
“Hi boys, the last call bell has been rung so order what you want now because this will be the last order of the night.”
“Hey gorgeous, why don’t we forget about all this drink shit and you take me to one of your back rooms and show me a good time.” Bad boy is pawing at my ass.
“Did you want to order, boys? Because you won’t be able to order anything else in five minutes.”
They give me their order and I hand it to Braydon. “You be careful with them.”
“I will. Thank God, this is last call. I wonder how many other places they have been.” I put their drinks on a tray and take them to their table. “Here you go, boys,” I say, as I set their drinks in front of them.
Loudmouth pounds back his like it’s a shot and asks for another one.
“I’m sorry, sir, but last call has been called. The bar is closed now.”
“Don’t tell me the bar is cl-closed, he’sss still there. I see him,” he says, slurring his words as he slaps my ass.
“Now, now, now, you know the rules, boys, no touching the dancers or the wait staff.”
“Oh come on and show me a little love, you have an amazing body.” He reaches up and grabs one of my boobs.
Within seconds, Braydon is at the table with a bat in his hands. “I’m going to have to ask you to pay your tab and leave. You know the rules and you’re breaking them.”
“Yo dude, she wants it.”
Braydon is hitting the bat against his hand. “You have one minute to pay this lady your tab and be out the door before I start swinging this bat.”
The other guys around the table start to throw money on the table for their drinks, getting up and starting to walk out the door. Asswipe takes his time, but is eventually out.
We finish cleaning the tables, mopping the floors, and restocking the bar.
It is about two thirty in the morning when we walk to our car. I see the drunken ass that caused the problems inside an hour earlier walking toward us. Braydon tells me to stay behind him. I glance over at Raven and she has her phone in her hand calling nine-one-one. Of course, his buddies are cheering him on.
Chapter Seventeen
Charlie
“I’M HERE to collect what’s owed me,” he slurs.
“And what do you figure that is?” Braydon asks.
“The bitch hiding behind you, just hand her over and we’ll be makin’ our way.”
“Then I think we have a problem because she’s my girlfriend and she isn’t going anywhere near you.”
Since I’m behind Braydon, I can’t see what’s happening in front of me. I just see the guy move, and Braydon looks as if he is hit in the stoma
ch, but he collapses to the ground and I see the blood. Braydon was stabbed and it looks like it hit an artery. I can’t stop the bleeding. I have a white T-shirt on over a sports bra that I pull off to use to try to stop the bleeding. I hold him in my arms talking to him, telling him how much I love him as he dies in my arms.
Then suddenly Raven is kicking a knife out the guy’s hand and bringing him to the ground. His friends scatter. I can hear the sirens. I look at Raven, and she looks as if she wants to kill the guy. In fact, she has his head in her hands. I know that it would only take a little flick to break his neck. I know what she is going to do. “Raven please no, I can’t lose you too. If you do that … Please, Raven no.”
The police cars pull into the parking lot. One of the officers calls for an ambulance with the radio he has on his shoulder, while the other one comes over and takes our statement.
We bury Braydon a week later, and the son of a bitch who did it gets his hand slapped; he’s out within nine months. I think he was a snitch.
It’s been a month since we buried Braydon. I never thought I would ever want to curl into a fetal position and die, but that’s what I am feeling. I don’t want to eat, I can’t sleep. All I do is see Braydon in my arms telling me how much he loves me and apologizing for not being able to be there for our child and me, for waiting too long to get married. He says he wants me to find someone to love and to be happy. Oh God Why? Why would you put me through this? I don’t think I have any tears left in me to cry anymore.
Braydon’s family didn’t even talk to me at the funeral. They didn’t ask how I was doing or inquire about the baby. Braydon said he had told his parents. I guess they didn’t care.
Raven has been taking care of me, forcing me to eat, and reminding me that, even though I don’t want to eat, the baby needs food.
One day Raven got so mad at me she screamed at me. “Charlie, it’s not just you. You have to eat, dammit. It’s for the baby.” Her voice got quiet as she whispered, “Braydon’s baby. You don’t want to hurt it by not eating.”
Then I got it, Braydon’s baby, part of Braydon, lives inside me. I have to protect him. I have to fight for him. He saved me when he pushed me behind him. He said it the day we found out I was pregnant. Things happen for a reason. This is a way for me to still have him with me. All the tears that I thought had dried up and died with Braydon came back full force. They aren’t all sad tears, they are tears for the wonderful life I still have inside me, and every time I miss Braydon, all I have to do is look into the eyes of our baby.
Raven looks at me as if I’m going mad. “Charlie, honey, are you okay?”
For the first time in a month, I slept for almost fourteen hours, and for the first time, he was with me in my dreams. He lay beside me rubbing my belly and talking to our baby. He would stroke my cheek, telling me how much he loved me. I couldn’t believe how real everything felt, as if he really was there touching me, kissing me, as I ran my fingers through his hair. When I wake, I swear I can smell him on my sheets. There is no way I can tell anyone this, or they would think I had gone mad. I never feared falling asleep again.
Raven said she was scared and she would come in and check on me occasionally. I know I have something to live for, our baby.
From this point on, it is baby and me against the world … Well, and Raven too. I don’t know what I would do without her.
Raven cuts some of her classes out of her schedule, and I put my school on hold for another year. Losing Braydon and having the baby, there isn’t a rush to graduate any longer. After all, the only reason we were trying to graduate early was so we could get married. And with me not going to school any longer, we can work more to save up. I will be off work for a while, and it will only be Raven bringing in money. Raven pushed her graduation back six months, and she became my birthing partner.
We both are reading everything we can on babies. What to Expect When You’re Expecting, and numerous others. We start going to child birthing classes and take a tour of the hospital.
Benny puts me behind the bar when I get too big to dance, although there are some real kinky guys that ask me to dance for them. I have to laugh at that.
It’s February first and the countdown is on. I’m still working, but I have to laugh at how I mix drinks. It’s a good thing I have long arms, my belly is so big I have to be careful not to tip the bottles over.
We decorate a corner of my room in a non–gender-specific baby theme. It’s a safari theme. I paint a giraffe and lion on the wall and have a monkey in a tree, a toucan on a branch, and a hippo in the water. We find a cute crib online and buy a couple outfits to bring the baby home in, depending on if it’s a boy or girl. I know that Braydon wanted a little girl, but I am really hoping it’s a boy. I just think I am more boy material.
A week goes by and nothing. The doctor says that I am dilating, and to relax as much as I can.
“Can I get three beers for table nine? Are you feeling okay?” Raven asks.
I’m five days overdue and wee one is taking advantage of its nice warm setting. “My back has really been bothering me today, I don’t know if I slept on it wrong or what.”
“Maybe you should sit down for a while.”
“I’ll be fine, really, just a little tired is all.”
“You call me if you need anything, okay?”
“I will, I promise.”
I’m halfway through my shift when I need to run to the restroom, but a big group of guys comes in for a bachelor party. I think I will be here for a while.
About forty-five minutes into the party, it feels as if I peed myself. I panic because I realize that wasn’t what just happened, and as if Raven could read my mind, she glances at me from the stage she dancing on. She jumps off the stage over a couple men’s heads and runs over to me.
“Let me get my sweats and I’ll tell Benny.”
I just nod my head. This is it Braydon, our baby is almost here.
I grab a bunch of bar towels as Benny comes to the bar to relieve me.
He kisses me on the forehead and whispers in my ear, “Good luck, baby girl. Go show Braydon what a beautiful baby he made.”
I start to cry. “Thank you, Benny, I love you!” I reach over and give him a hug. Benny’s great; he has to be the best boss ever.
I start to walk to the door as Raven meets me. As we get to the hospital, there is an orderly waiting with a wheelchair at the entrance. He wheels me in while Raven parks the car. He wheels me to registration where they put a patient bracelet on me. Then I’m wheeled into an exam room where a nurse helps me out of my dress and into a gown. She has me lie down on the bed and places a couple of heated blankets over me. Oh, they feel so good.
Raven walks in just before the doctor does.
“Hi, are you Charlize?”
“Yes, but you can call me Charlie.”
“Well hi, Charlie. I’m Dr. Brahms, and I was told that you thought your water broke.”
“Yes, I was at work and there was a gush. I thought at first I peed myself, and then realized what it was.”
“Well, let’s do a quick check to see what’s happening. Let me get a nurse in here.”
Dr. Brahms is very pretty, she has reddish-brown hair and pretty blue eyes, and she has dimples when she smiles, which also lights up her eyes. She looks like she is a little taller than me. A natural beauty.
She returns with the nurse. They pull the stirrups out of the end of the bed. “Okay Charlie, I need you to slide your bottom all the way down to the end of the bed and place your feet in the stirrups.”
I slide down and the doctor lifts the blanket up to the top of my knees. The nurse helps the doctor with her gloves, then opens the lid of some lube. “Okay Charlie this is going to be a little cold, and you’re going to feel some pressure.”
Raven is by my head holding my hand, as the doctor reaches in and feels for the baby, as a contraction starts.
Raven looks at me and focuses in on my eyes. “Take a big breath, in thr
ough your nose, out through your mouth, good, just keep focusing on me, and relax as you breathe.”
The doctor finished her exam once the contraction is over. “You are dilated to a six, and seventy-five percent effaced. We’re going to get you to labor and delivery so you can be in your own birthing suite.”
“Thank you, Dr. Brahms.”
She smiles at me and pulls the blanket back down. “You can slide back up onto the table now,” she says as she turns and walks out.
Another contraction starts; I follow the same routine with my breathing until the contraction ends. So far, they’re not too bad, but I know I have a ways to go.
I’m finally moved to labor and delivery, and a nurse comes in to greet us. She hooks me up to all the machines to get my vitals and oxygen levels, as well as the baby monitor. “I would like you to stay in bed for at least thirty minutes so we can see how the baby is doing.”
“I’ve had to pee for a while now, can I do that?”
“Oh, you poor thing, of course you can. Let’s get you unhooked from some of these.” She takes the other wires and carries them with me to the bathroom. As I sit on the toilet, I start to pee, but a contraction starts and there’s another gush of water and more pressure. I make my way back to my bed as another one hits. I sit at the edge of the bed as the nurse hooks me back up. I lie back into bed and try to get comfortable.
The time goes by quickly and I am trying to rest between contractions.
My doctor walks in. I’m so glad she was on call tonight. “Hi Charlie, how are you doing?”
“I’m doing okay, right now.”
“Let’s get you checked so we can see what has happened in the last couple hours.”
She goes through the same routine as Dr. Brahms did in the emergency room.
“You’re progressing well. You are one hundred percent effaced, and dilated to six and a half. I’ll come check on you in about an hour or so.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
The doctor and nurse walk out, and Raven looks down at me. “You are doing so well. What are you going to name him?”
Anchored To Love Page 8
