by Lily Harlem
She dropped the gauze in the bin and tried to push down the desire to cry once more. Paul wasn’t hers. Had he ever been? Were the feelings all one sided?
Her heart was aching and her emotions bruised, as if they’d been in a fight and beaten up, too. She wanted to hide away, curl up in a ball, lick her wounds.
Soon Paul would be out of her life, and right now she couldn’t imagine what that was going to be like.
Chapter Nine
As Harry and Evan returned from the lake, Olivia watched them approach, praying some of the tension between them had lifted.
All she could do was hope. She was estranged from one husband, another two were bashed and avoiding their brother, which meant Harry and Evan’s continued friction was something she could do without.
Their strides were in time, and they appeared to be talking. Perhaps a few hours alone had done them good and helped them get back to how they used to be, before the kiss.
“Ah good, fish.” Raul threw some logs on the fire. “I am hungry.”
“Me, too.” She sat next to him on a camp chair and slumped forward.
“Are you okay?” He reached for her hand.
“Can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Si, of course.” He smiled then leaned over and kissed her. “But we just bonk up together and sleep, you are tired, you have bags under your eyes.”
She swallowed and hoped her emotions didn’t bubble to the surface.
“Hey,” he said, smoothing her hair. “Be strong until dark, then I will hold you and you can feel sad here.” He patted the left side of his neck. “This is good place to feel sad and safe.”
“I love you so much,” she said, pressing her hand over his as her heart swelled with her feelings for him.
“I know.” Again he kissed her, his new goatee catching on her chin. “Which makes us perfect together.”
Harry and Evan had caught two big fish, which fed them all well, and they had some left over.
Paul didn’t come to the tent. He stayed at the hospital with Lisa and Neil. Olivia didn’t know what they’d eaten. No one volunteered to take supper to them, and she had no intention of it, either. If they were starving they’d ask, in which case they could have some.
It was clear her men were angry with Paul. Each in their own way. And so was she, and hurt, sad, tearful.
Eventually, as dark crept around them, she excused herself, showered, and crawled into the bed Raul used.
Within minutes he was beside her, also freshly showered and smelling of his pine-scented soap.
He didn’t utter a word, just wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close.
She closed her eyes, clung to him, and tucked her face beneath his jawline, against his neck. It was then she let the tears come. They weren’t uncontrollable, or loud, but they spilled down her cheek onto his skin.
He rubbed her back gently. A few times he kissed her hair.
Losing Paul was painful, but she knew she’d be okay. She had good men to look out for her, hold her, and care for her.
Eventually she fell asleep. Her dreams were full of images of the road she’d traveled on that day with Paul, the bumps and jolts seeming to steal into her mind and body. The zebras were all around her, as was the dust. A tight feeling gripped her chest, her eyes stung. She had a sense of being lost and walked away from the Jeep in the hope of making her way back to the tent. She saw a face looming through the haze. It was Paul smiling at her, but then he morphed and became the shepherd whose big unblinking eyes didn’t seem affected by the sand. Fear bubbled up inside her, and she turned and ran. The sandy ground was heavy on her feet. She stumbled. Adrenaline pumped into her system. She couldn’t move. She was trapped there, sinking into the earth. The shepherd was going to get her, grind her organs to powder. Turning, ready to fight, she found a new face staring at her. The leopard. Eyes flashing, teeth bared, it pounced.
She screamed.
“Hey, hey, mi niña hermosa.”
Sitting bolt upright, she blinked in the darkness—completely disorientated and searching for the leopard.
“It is okay.”
A warm hand rubbed a circle on her back. She tensed, then realized it was Raul.
“What’s going on?” Evan’s voice came through the canvas partition.
“It is nightmare. Olivia’s nightmare. She is okay now,” Raul called back.
She was breathing fast, her limbs twitchy, as if she needed to run to use up the flight response in her veins.
“It’s okay.” Raul wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. “I have got you. Nothing will hurt you.”
“That was so vivid.” She leaned against him, and he drew her down to the bed again.
“What was it? In the dream?”
“Everything. Paul, the leopard, this creepy guy I saw who was staring at me. I thought he was going to take my organs, make them into powder for witch doctor medicine”
He stroked her hair. “Where did you get that idea?”
“Paul said—”
“Paul again…mierda.”
“That they like women with blonde hair and—”
“Shh, do not think of any of that nonsense. No one will make you into powder for medicine. He should not have said that. All it has done is frighten you and give you nightmares.”
She snuggled closer and tucked her face against the warm skin of his neck. His scent and warmth was comforting, and the images in her dream receded.
“Go back to sleep,” he whispered, curling his long legs around hers. “I will fight away any nightmares that come to you.”
“Thank you.” She sighed and closed her eyes.
Within minutes sleep had once again sneaked up on her. This time there were no dreams, just blackness.
When morning came, she was still cocooned in Raul’s arms. Content to stay that way for a while as he slept on, she listened to the movements in the tent. The other guys were up, showering, making breakfast, and there was a rumble of conversation about getting packed up and hitting the road.
Which was what she wanted to do. It was time to move on.
But stepping from the tent, and climbing into the truck, would inevitably mean saying goodbye to Paul. Much as their relationship had gone on a downward spiral, it was still going to be hard to lose one of her husbands on a permanent basis.
Lucas stuck his head into the compartment. His lip was still swollen, and the bruise on his cheek had darkened. He spotted her awake. “Tea?” he asked quietly.
She smiled. “Yes, please, but I’m getting up now.”
“Okay, the guys are starting to pack their stuff.”
“I’ll do the same.”
He nodded and disappeared.
“Raul,” she said, kissing his cheek. “Time to wake up.”
“Mmm, what?”
“It’s morning.” She kissed him again.
He sighed and wound his arms around her. “A good morning when I wake up with you.”
“Are you going to travel with me, in the big truck?”
“Si, of course.” He winked. “You are so sexy when you drive huge vehicle. My sexy trucker wife.”
She laughed and climbed from the bed. “Whatever turns you on.”
“It does…you do.” He laughed, too, and slipped his hand beneath the covers to his groin. “More than you know.”
“I can guess.” She paused. “But we’ve got to get going.”
Soon Olivia was showered and dressed in a short skirt and t-shirt teamed with boots. After breakfast, she set about folding her clothes and packing them into her bag. She then headed to the big truck and threw it in the back of the cab and onto the bench that was designed for sleeping on.
The guys sorted out their work stuff, and Harry topped up the fuel tanks from the supplies they’d brought. She placed her tool kit into the back of the medical supply vehicle. It was sparse now, since Lucas has stripped it, and it smelled strange and musky. She didn’t linger—the leopard from her dre
am felt too real when she was in this van.
“You nearly ready?” Harry called.
“Yes, I’m done,” she said with a thumbs-up sign.
As they were leaving the tent and all its equipment, there hadn’t been much to pack up.
She spotted Mason and Lucas over by the hospital. They were talking to Paul. Judging by all of their relaxed body language, there didn’t seem to be any lingering animosity.
As if sensing her gaze upon them, they all turned to her.
Mason gave Paul a small shove on the shoulder.
Paul nodded then began to walk toward her.
Her heart rate picked up, and a tingle went over her skin. What did he want? What was he going to say?
She glanced at the tent and wondered about slipping in there. Then at her truck and considered jumping into the high driver’s seat so she could just be on her way.
But her hesitation cost her.
Paul was suddenly in front of her—he’d jogged over. He had a bruise on his nose.
“Hey,” he said with a grin.
“Paul.” She didn’t return the smile.
“You’re going back to Cape Town soon.”
“Yes. Very soon.”
“I’m sorry to see you leave.” His grin dropped.
“You’ll miss your brothers.”
“Of course.” He stepped a little closer. “But I’ll miss you, too, Olivia.”
She hesitated, then, “No you won’t. You made it quite clear yesterday what you thought of me.”
His handsome face crumpled, his brow creasing, and lines darting outward from his narrowed eyes. “Olivia, I think a lot of you, you have to believe that.”
She didn’t reply.
“It was just this whole marriage ceremony thing, you having six husbands, two of them my brothers. It just can’t work for me.”
“That’s okay, it’s up to you.”
“It’s up to me, yes, but it isn’t okay, though, not when you look so sad.”
“I’m sad because I thought we had something special, you and I.”
“We did.” He glanced at Harry and Evan, who were helping Raul with some boxes. “But you have something special with all of these men, Olivia, why am I different?”
“You are different, everyone of you is. You all give me something unique, in here.” She pressed her hand over her chest. “And you knew from the start that I wasn’t a one-man woman.”
“Aye, I did. So maybe this is all my fault. And I’m sorry, really I am…but…”
“But what?”
He pulled in a deep breath, his chest pushing against his white Global Medics t-shirt. “But stay, here. With me.” He’d blurted the words out.
“Paul.”
“Let the others go off to Cape Town, Spain, wherever.” He reached for her hands and squeezed them. “And you stay here in Kaskum. We have got something special. Let’s explore that, alone, just you and me.”
Her head spun. The idea was preposterous. How could he even think she’d let her husbands go without her?
“You can train to help the nurses and me. You’ve got a cool head in a crisis, you’re sharp, you pick things up quickly. We could use your help.”
“No. I—”
“Don’t just say no, think about it.” Again he glanced at Harry, Evan and Raul, then over his shoulder at Lucas and Mason, who were shaking out blankets.
She closed her eyes. Images of her time with Paul floated through her mind. They’d had fun, but it would never be enough for her to be willingly parted from the five people she loved so dearly.
“Olivia,” he said.
“I have thought about it.” She opened her eyes. “And I can’t, I won’t. I need to be with Mason, Lucas, Raul, Evan, and Harry, they’re part of me, they’re my life now…my husbands.”
“We could get married…properly…eventually, if that’s what you want.”
His words had shocked her. “How can you say that?”
“I just did.”
She tipped her chin. “The problem is…”
“What?”
“The problem is, Paul, you’ve never told me you loved me, not even at the marriage ceremony.”
“I told you I’d grow to, and I still feel that.” He paused. “I fall for you a little more each day…how could I not?”
“It isn’t enough.”
His jaw tightened. “I’m not enough, you mean.”
She paused. He’d spoken the truth. Much as she had strong feelings for Paul, had genuinely believed her love for him was growing to resemble the way she felt about her other men, there wasn’t enough there. “No,” she said quietly. “There’s not enough here in Kaskum for me to stay.” She blinked, willing the threatening tears to retreat.
He closed his eyes, swallowed, then looked directly at her. He released her hands and cupped her face. “I understand. How could I compete with all of them?”
“It’s not a competition.”
“It’s always a competition when it’s about getting the girl.” He leaned closer.
“Paul, I’m sorry. I still wish you were coming with us, but I have to go.”
“And I have to stay.”
He dipped his head lower, his lips now a whisper from hers.
This was goodbye and it hurt.
Suddenly a hand slotted between their faces.
“No, mi amigo, there is no kissing.”
Raul was at their side, irritation flashing in his dark eyes, and something else…possessiveness, anger.
“You gave up your right to kiss my wife when you removed the necklace,” Raul directed at Paul. “Now it is time for us to leave.”
“I was just saying goodbye.”
“Say goodbye with words,” Raul said, tugging Olivia away from Paul. “Not lips.”
“Er, okay…sorry, mate.” Paul poked at a stone with his boot. “Goodbye, Olivia, take care.”
“You, too, Paul.” Her throat was tight. Tears were welling again.
“And if you need me, ever need me, I’m here for you. The twins always know where I am in the world.”
Unable to speak for fear of her voice breaking halfway through a sentence, she nodded and allowed two tears to fall.
Paul shoved his hands into his jeans pockets and pressed his lips together. He nodded at Raul. “Was fun spending time with you. Look after her, okay?”
“I intend to.” Raul pulled Olivia closer. “Always.”
Paul nodded, then turned and walked back toward the hospital.
“Ah, you are crying, do not cry over him again.” Raul turned her to face him and wiped his thumbs over her cheeks. “He does not love you the way we do.”
“I know, but it’s still hard to say goodbye.”
He pressed his mouth to hers and pulled her flush against his body.
She clung to his t-shirt and kissed him back. There’d been no decision to make when Paul had asked her to stay. She’d always pick her men over everyone else. And the fact that he’d even asked, proved he didn’t truly understand her relationship with her husbands.
Chapter Ten
The long track back to the main highway was as bumpy and nausea-inducing as Olivia remembered. She was relieved when Evan—who was driving the second largest van with Harry keeping him company—turned toward Springbok and the relentless bouncing over potholes finally came to an end.
She glanced in her rear-view mirror and watched as Lucas also turned onto the main road. Mason was traveling with him.
“This is much better,” Raul said with a sigh. “As long as we have no problems with the vans we should be in Cape Town by the end of the day.”
“Yes, and we’ll go straight to the Waterfront and drop this thing off, shall we? I don’t want to have to squeeze it through the gate at the bottom of the villa’s driveway again.”
“Si, that was a tight fit.” He bit into an oat cookie that had chunks of chocolate in it then brushed several crumbs from his jean-clad thighs. “But it is lucky we can use
the villa again. It will be good to sleep in a proper bed.”
She rolled her shoulders. “I agree. Nice as the tent beds were, a real mattress is going to be so good for my bones.”
The road surface glistened in the heat as the hours passed. They circumnavigated Springbok as best they could then stopped at the same diner they’d used on the way to Kaskum. Olivia was glad of a cold cola, a sandwich, and the chance to freshen up.
They didn’t stay long, though, and were soon wandering over the lot. They were all keen to get the journey over and done with.
“You okay, babe?” Evan asked as she opened the truck door.
She turned to him. “Yes, fine…well, a bit sad to leave.”
“Anya?”
“Yes, I’ll miss her, she’s a good friend. But also…”
“Paul.”
“Yes.” She pressed her lips together.
He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Don’t be sad about Paul.”
She dipped her head and focused on the ground.
“Olivia,” he said softly.
“What?”
“Look at me.”
She did as he’d asked and stared into his eyes.
“He didn’t understand us,” Evan said. “Or you. He never did.”
“Are you glad he’s not with us anymore?”
He frowned slightly. “I’m not glad, he’s a nice guy, and the twins really like having him around, obviously.”
“But?”
“But I like it when it’s just us, the original crew.”
She nodded and rested her hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry if it upset you, me having a relationship with him.”
“It didn’t upset me while you were happy and he was respectful of you, but the moment that changed, then yeah, I was upset.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to be, it’s history now.” He swept his lips over hers. “It will be just us again at Nokuzola.”
“Yes, a few days there, at the villa, relaxing, will be nice.”
“It really will be.”
She ran her hand from his shoulder to the center of his chest. “Is everything okay with you?” She nodded at the van Harry was seated in. “And…”
“Harry.” Evan kind of smiled. “Yeah, typical men, I guess. We haven’t mentioned any of it again and are just settling back into how we were.”
