by Jess Keating
“I know!” I said. “I didn’t think of that. But I really did want to help her. She had the wrong notebook…” I trailed off.
Ashley’s lips pressed together tight as she listened.
“She was only going to use her notes to help her—” Mom stopped short, turning the full force of her glare onto me. I shriveled down in my chair.
“Wait. What did you do? What do you mean the wrong notebook?”
Pretty sure her eyes were burning a hole in my forehead now. Humiliation spread over me again. I didn’t want to face it. But I was done being a wimp. I’d spent too long trying to be someone else, changing who I was to adapt to scary stuff in my life. If I wanted to be confident, if I really wanted to be myself, I would own the fact that I had been a super jerk, even if it was momentarily. That felt crummy, but I had the sneaking feeling it would be the closest thing to brave I’d been since summer started.
I glanced up at Ashley. My skin felt pinched from the salt water, but I was pretty sure it was because I was shrinking down to nothing. I wanted to disappear.
You have to be brave now.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen,” I said quickly. “I switched our notebooks, and then—” I sucked in a breath. Mom’s reaction made me wince.
“I realized it was a horrible, mean idea!” I rushed on. “It wasn’t me. I mean, I know it was technically me. But not really.” I struggled for the right words. Mom’s glare darkened as my story unfolded. Saying it out loud made it sound ridiculously dumb. “Obviously I was a gigantic jerk.”
I stared at my sopping wet shoes, but Mom wasn’t letting me get away that easy.
“And…”
“And when I saw you were about to read it, I got…I panicked,” I said, turning to Ashley.
Understanding finally dawned on Mom’s face. Her shoulders drooped. Shame crawled over my skin like a centipede.
“What was in the book, Ana?” she said in a low voice.
I shrugged. “Just some mean stuff I’d written.” I couldn’t speak above a whisper. “I was so angry!” A prick of tears tickled behind my eyes. Ashley was still staring at me with a tight frown.
“Since when do you behave in such a vicious way?” Mom said coldly.
The words sliced through me like knives. I knew it was true. I’d probably known it all along. But I especially didn’t want to hear it out loud coming from her. That made it real, and already I wanted to put that person behind me and bury her in a notebook that never got opened again.
“I know,” I said. “It was a dumb idea.”
The lines around Mom’s mouth seemed deeper than normal.
“Ana…that is appalling,” she said.
“I know! That’s why I had to stop it from happening! I messed up before. I know that! I did try to fix things. Only I didn’t know how!” I said. “All I could think of was to jump into the tank when I saw she was going to see it!”
Mom sank down onto the bench, like her legs were noodles. For a moment, she looked like she was going to yell at me again. She rubbed her temples with her fingertips. Clocks around the world stopped.
“You do realize you’re grounded right?” she said finally.
I nodded.
“And you should never ever do something so mean again, no matter how much you don’t like someone?”
I nodded again.
“And next time, maybe don’t pick the shark tank as a distraction.”
“Yes, Mom,” I said.
“I’m proud of you,” she said. I peeked up at her.
Mom kneeled in front of me and gripped me by the shoulders. “You’re in huge trouble, kiddo. But I’m proud of you. You made a big mistake, but you tried to make it right in the end. I think you owe Ashley an apology.” She stroked the wet hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“I know,” I mumbled. I had a feeling this was coming, but that didn’t make facing her any easier. Mom dragged Daz out of the room, but not before she shoved me in Ashley’s direction.
“Be honest,” she whispered hastily.
Ashley stepped forward.
“So,” Ashley said. Her mouth was turned up in a look of disgust. But could I blame her? “You wrote a whole book about why you hate me, huh?” she said plainly.
I forced myself to look at her. This was worse than facing a shark any day. “I’m really sorry, Ashley,” I said. “I didn’t want you to see it. I was super angry, and I thought being like that would fix things. I didn’t know what else to do to get you back.”
She gave a small snort. “No kidding. Get back at me for what?”
I tried not to sound mean. I just wanted to tell her the truth. “For making it look like I left that lock open,” I said. “I mean, I know why you did it. I shouldn’t have said that awful stuff about you. I was upset too.” I let the words tumble out fast. “I was mad at you for doing that, and then I got really upset when Patricia blamed me for it, and well…that really sucked.”
Ashley’s eyes widened. “Ana, I keep telling you. I didn’t leave the lock open,” she said.
I blinked at her. “Seriously, Ashley, it’s okay. I’m not mad, and like I said, I was wrong. I never should have done that, and it was my fault for being such a jerk that Patricia kicked me out.”
“No! I mean it! I swear.” Her hand flew to her chest. “On my best pair of jeans, I did not leave that door unlocked.”
My jaw dropped. “But my name was scrubbed off the list!” I said. “And I know I had it coming, I—”
A loud commotion echoed outside the door, cutting me off. Men yelling. A woman shrieking.
Ashley’s head whipped around. “What the—?”
Chapter 22
Barracudas are capable of swimming at speeds of twenty-five miles an hour.
—Animal Wisdom
Ashley and I shoved the door open just in time to see Danielle, Logan’s perfectly perky and porcelain-skinned girlfriend, being marched away by two zoo security guards.
“Right this way, miss!” the guard said in a deep voice, while another held open the door for them. But Danielle wasn’t having it. She yanked herself away from him, stumbling through the crowd, trying to get away.
“Let me go right now, you jerk! I didn’t do anything! You have no right!” she wailed. In the throes of yelling her head off, I have to say: she didn’t seem that glamorous anymore.
Beside me, Ashley gripped my arm. “Oh my God!” she hissed. “I told you that girl was trouble! I wonder what happened?!” She giggled and gave me a sneaky grin of satisfaction. We both took a few steps closer to better hear what was going on.
The guard shook his head, getting a grip on Danielle’s arm. “Enough, miss. Ma’am, we’ve got her.” Danielle seemed to realize that struggling was creating more of a scene. Instead, she glared angrily as the guard steered her out.
Patricia nodded solemnly at the door. “That’s her. She was in here last night, fiddling with the locks,” she said.
I watched in awe as the two guards escorted Danielle out the door, navigating through the zoo visitors. It was the first time I’d ever seen someone in trouble with the police, and I have to admit, the whole thing was a little thrilling.
“What happened?” Ashley dragged me over to Patricia. Now that Danielle was out of there, everyone seemed to be pretty amused by the whole thing. Eye rolls and embarrassed smiles filled the room, and people went back to leaning over the shark tank and exploring the tide pool. To them, it was an exciting day at the zoo.
Patricia wrapped her arm around me. “Shep told me that we had cameras installed to document the exhibit being built. Guess who we saw unlocking the crabs when I checked the tapes?” She shook her head, disappointed.
“Danielle?!” I said. I darted a look at Ashley. “Why would she do that?”
Patricia’s eyebrows narrowed. “It seems s
he’s working on a little exposé of zoos for her college newspaper. Logan said she wasn’t finding a good story here apparently, so she thought she’d create one. He caught her in the back rooms alone earlier and got suspicious, then came to me once he figured out what was going on.”
Ashley glared at me, but it was more of a playful “I told you so, dimwit” glare, rather than a “you totally suck” glare.
Patricia’s face reddened. “I’m sorry, Ana. I know I blamed you for this, and I shouldn’t have. The police asked me not to say anything until we had apprehended her. We could have saved a lot of heartache for you, but Logan was positive she would show up today after I showed him the footage.” She squeezed my shoulder.
“It’s okay. I deserved it. I shouldn’t have blamed Ashley either.” I was starting to notice that the more I admitted this horrible truth, the easier it was.
“It’s been an exciting day, girls,” Patricia said. “You should go and enjoy the rest of it! And, Ana, you need a shower. You smell like shark food,” she joked, pinching her nose together.
“Well, that’s nothing new,” Ashley quipped as Patricia hustled back inside.
“So,” Ashley said, leaning against the outer wall of the Adventure Zone. She leaned her head back, sunning herself for a moment. “I have a question.”
“Yeah?” I asked. I rubbed my hair with a towel and tried to get the last of the shark water from my ear.
“You said you thought I unlocked that door to sabotage you.”
I winced. “Yeah. I did. It was stupid, I know.”
“No, it’s not that. I’m just wondering.” She bit her lip. “Why would you jump into the tank then? If you thought I did that to you, why wouldn’t you let me read your dumb book, then? You had no way of knowing it was Danielle…”
I nodded. “Even if it was you, I didn’t want to ruin your presentation. I might have even deserved it,” I said.
“I don’t get it.” Her face softened a notch.
“All this time I’ve been thinking you’ve been a jerk to me for years. And yeah, you sort of have been.” I tugged at the hem of my damp shirt, wringing out some of the water. “But I wasn’t seeing that I’d also been a huge jerk to you. I’m sorry about the whole crocodile thing,” I said. “At my first presentation, I mean. I shouldn’t have grabbed you from the crowd. I’m sorry you got embarrassed.”
I hesitated. There was something else. I didn’t want to miss this chance again. “And I’m sorry I call you a Sneerer,” I said. “I have no idea when I started that, but I’m sorry.”
She curled her lip. “I probably deserved it too.”
“Honestly, that’s why I thought you were here in the first place. To get revenge on me for how I embarrassed you in that presentation!”
Her eyes dropped, suddenly glistening with what looked an awful lot like tears.
“What is it?” I asked.
She straightened her shoulders, and the fiery look returned to her face. “I’m here because I didn’t have a choice.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“My parents saw your presentation that day,” she said. “At the end of school, I mean. They wanted me to be confident like you and said this would be a great place to do it. They wouldn’t take no for an answer,” she explained. “They said I could learn a lot from this place. And from you.” She tried to smile, but it got lost in her eyes.
I swallowed hard as she hastily swiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. I didn’t know what to say. I was proud, I guess. If Ashley’s parents thought I was cool enough to be around, then that was good, right?
But a big part of me was sad. I couldn’t imagine my mom telling me to be more like some other kid. That would make me feel rotten.
More than rotten. I’d just spent the summer trying to be someone I’m not and hating every minute of it, and here Ashley’s parents were encouraging it?
“I’m sorry,” I said. “For what it’s worth, you’re pretty much the most confident person I know, so…” I wanted to boost her up a little but had the feeling there was a lot about Ashley that I still didn’t understand.
She shrugged, facing me again. “I’ve had fun here. I didn’t think I would. Especially when Brooke and Rayna took off for the summer. I thought it would be smelly and weird,” she said. “Like you!” She smirked, but it wasn’t long until her face dissolved back into a genuine smile. “But it was seriously great.”
“I’m glad.”
“Your brother is insane,” Ashley added, swiveling her head to watch Daz file out of the Adventure Zone after Bella. He had a stuffed octopus on his head.
“You know,” I said, “that is something we will always agree on.”
Her eyes darted behind me. “Um, I have to go,” she said suddenly. She brushed off her shirt and started to walk away.
I blinked. “What? Why don’t we hang out or something?”
But Ashley shook her head and gave me a pointed look. “Maybe later,” she said. On her way brushing past me, she whispered, “Fluff your hair up.”
I gulped, whipping my hands to my hair.
There was only one person it could be.
I tried to look calm and collected as Kevin peeked around the sign to find me. For the record, it’s hard to act like you’re surprised to see someone when you’ve secretly spent the past fifteen seconds trying not to look like a drowned mop for them.
“Nice presentation,” he said, gesturing inside the exhibit. He settled against the wall, keeping a couple feet between us. Already my mind was spinning, trying to guess his thoughts. Did he think I was an even bigger fool now? Did he forgive me for the head-butting?
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said.
I grimaced. “Oh, you know. I felt like a swim, that’s all.” I tried to act nonchalant, but with the dripping water everywhere, it was pretty hard to pull off.
His mouth quirked into a smile. “So I was thinking,” he said. “About that kiss…”
My heart began to pound. “Oh yeah?”
What do I do? What do I say?
“You really caught me off guard with the whole…uh, nosebleed thing.” He fiddled with his hands as he spoke, picking at his thumbnail. “I know it was Liv’s idea, and I don’t know if you actually wanted to…”
I cringed. I didn’t want to talk about that horrible nosebleed incident ever again, but especially not when I had overcooked spaghetti hair and reeked of sharks.
“But if you do want to, I mean…” He looked around nervously. “We can if you want.” His eyes brightened as he turned to face me. His cheeks were bright red. “I mean, what guy wouldn’t want to kiss the girl who was brave enough to swim with sharks?”
My jaw dropped. Did he just say what I think he said?! I replayed every word, making sure I hadn’t heard them in the wrong order or something because of the shark water in my ears.
OH MY GOD. BE COOL. BE COOL.
I couldn’t stop myself from beaming. He wanted to kiss me. The words skipped through my head like a pixie on a sugar rush. “It was hardly swimming,” I joked. “More like floundering pathetically.”
I gave myself a million points for getting that sentence out without completely flipping from excitement. If I wasn’t going out of my way to stand still, I would have been jumping for joy in a super-embarrassing victory dance right now.
He nodded. “I’m glad you’re okay. Like I said, I wanted you to know.” He brushed his hair from his eyes and gave me that funny little grin of his.
I smiled back, but despite how amazing it was to hear it, something about this didn’t feel right. And after the summer I’d had, I was getting a little too used to that feeling.
A strange calm settled over me as I realized what felt so off. I didn’t want to let Liv decide when I had my first kiss.
Or my first anything.
For the first time I wasn’t worried what he would think. I wasn’t worried about Liv, who was probably going to get her first kiss any moment with that Ryan guy in the movie theater, and I wasn’t worried about any stupid pact.
I knew what I wanted. I wanted to be me, and I wanted to kiss Kevin when I was good and ready.
And ideally without shark poop up my nose or anything.
Kevin laughed. “Yet you’re fine with smelling like a perfume explosion.”
I nudged him with my shoulder, leaving a wet mark on his shirt. “I know. I messed up a lot of things this summer. I don’t want my first kiss to be one of them, I guess.”
“I like you, Ana,” he said softly. “You’re an absolute nutcase. But I like you. I just thought you should know that, in case you’re wondering. I know I was,” he said, kicking at the dirt. “I mean, before the whole bookstore thing,” he added.
A hot blush of embarrassment washed over me, as I remembered how much I’d tried to change this summer. To get kissed for the kiss pact. To seem cool in front of Logan. But with Kevin, I didn’t need to do any of that.
I could just be me.
“And whenever you want to kiss? I’m okay with that.” He stared at a bird perched on a picnic table in front of us, pecking away at some abandoned fries. “Just don’t head-butt me or anything, okay?” His eyebrows lifted hopefully.
Now I was definitely blushing.
“I like you too,” I said.
Yep, my face was definitely boiling.
I know it wasn’t kissing, but hearing Kevin say he liked me was probably the coolest thing ever. It was better than a kiss right now because it was real and not forced and only him and me without anybody else mucking it up. I wanted to take this moment and put it in a jar and keep it forever, so I could pull it out and relive it a thousand times over.
“I should go,” he said, glancing back toward the door. “Your folks are waiting for you inside. See you at dinner tonight? They invited me out with your grandpa and Sugar.” He stood up and flashed me his very best dimply smile.
