by Karen Booth
“Yeah. You could say that.” The words were like a rock lodged in her throat. “He broke off our engagement.”
Noah’s shoulders visibly dropped. “Lil. Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“It’s not exactly something that comes up during a job interview or in normal office chitchat.”
“Well, yeah, but I took you to Tiffany and bought you an engagement ring. Now I feel like an ass. I mean, even more of an ass than I felt like before. I’m so sorry.”
She hated hearing the pity in his voice. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault. And I dodged the proverbial bullet. He got married and divorced since then.”
“Yeah, but that day at the jewelry store had to have been uncomfortable for you. I never would’ve even known it.”
She shrugged. “I guess I’m really good at hiding things.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things from me. You know, no matter what happens, our friendship has become really important to me. It’s funny, I always used to think of Sawyer as my best friend, but it might actually be you.”
Lily felt like she needed to hold her breath, if only to hold on to this moment. Tears misted her eyes. “Now you’re going to make me cry.”
“Don’t do that. Come here.”
Noah pulled her into a hug and she sank into his embrace. Right or wrong, Noah’s arms were the only place she wanted to be. She felt safe, like nothing could ever hurt her. That was saying a lot considering the chaos in which they were currently living. He caressed her back and rocked her back and forth. It felt so good. Impossibly good.
“It’s okay to cry if you need to. You’ve been under a lot of stress. I’m sorry for that. I know my brother and I have been the source of a lot of it.”
She clung to him, not wanting to let go. If only he knew that this hug was about so much more than her painful past or a bad boyfriend—it was about having what you want within your reach and not being able to take it. She wanted him even more now than she had at the wedding. She wanted things to be uncomplicated. She wanted a chance at Lily and Noah. But everything seemed to be standing in their way—the business, her career, his reluctant heart.
It was difficult, but she extracted herself from the hug. Giving herself false hope was a one-way ticket to misery. “So? Dinner?” She discreetly wiped a tear away from her cheek.
“I have no clue what it’s in my fridge, but there’s definitely wine.”
“Good. I’m going to need that. Maybe a permanent IV drip.”
“Moving got you that stressed out?” He got up from the floor and extended his hand to help her.
“Among other things.” Now that she was standing, it took everything she had not to hug him again, but she didn’t need to tell him that he was most of the reason she needed wine. “I get to meet Marcy in the grand ballroom downstairs tomorrow afternoon to start planning our wedding.”
“Can we have a chocolate cake? I hate those plain vanilla ones.”
“You can have whatever you want.” She laughed, but her heart ached at the thought of what her words really meant. This wasn’t a joke. They were spinning a fictional web and it was messing with her head and her heart. She didn’t want to be pretending anymore. It hurt too much. “We both know the wedding’s not going to happen.”
Eleven
Lily liked spending time with Marcy Hannafort just fine, but she had been dreading their wedding planning meeting. She hated everything about this—pretending to have a life that she’d never have, with a man she could easily end up wanting forever, and now they were planning the one thing Lily couldn’t stomach the idea of—a wedding.
She did like spending time in the other parts of the Grand Legacy, though, so she tried to focus on the positives of that. She and Marcy walked around the grand ballroom, Marcy discussing seating and flow while Lily admired the glorious art deco glass ceiling and other historic details Noah and Sawyer had so painstakingly restored.
“Lily, darling. I feel like you aren’t really here with me. Is everything okay?”
Apparently, Lily wasn’t as good at faking some things as she’d thought she was. “There’s so much to think about. It’s overwhelming.” The truth was that it wasn’t overwhelming at all. If this were her real wedding, Lily would be organizing the heck out of it, exactly as she had the first time. No detail would be overlooked. The groom would have whatever flavor of cake he wanted. The guest list would’ve been set weeks ago. Lily would have her perfect dress, just like before. It would be a different gown the second time, though. The first had landed at a thrift store. Hopefully a bride-in-need had found it and her happy-ever-after.
“I don’t know, Marcy. This is stressing me out. I have a million things I need to do back at the office and we’re trying to make all of these decisions. This isn’t really my sort of thing.”
“Do you want me to take over? Because I can. I can promise you a beautiful wedding. It’ll be your dream day. Just like you’ve probably imagined since you were a little girl.”
Lily was instead stuck with the indelible vision of her nightmare day, of standing in the back of the church and never getting to walk up the aisle. Brides don’t get left at the altar. There’s no reason to even go into the chapel if the groom-to-be isn’t standing there, waiting. Brides get left in the lobby.
As Lily learned, canceling a wedding at the last minute was a horrific task. She’d had to break the news to her guests, standing at the front of the church about to fall apart and saying that she was so sorry they’d come for nothing. Lily had to suggest that everyone take their wedding gifts with them when they left. All the while, she was crumbling on the inside because the man she’d thought she would spend her life with had decided that wasn’t going to happen.
Never mind that Lily had never been convinced that Peter loved her. That was a realization that had taken a long time to reach. She was a solid choice, and he was, too. But there was no fire between them. Zero spark. Just safety and security. In many ways, their wedding had been a game of chicken. And Peter had the guts to end it first. Lily could be thankful for that now, since she couldn’t imagine a life with him, but it didn’t mean that it still didn’t hurt. She’d spent a lifetime as the girl who made a habit of seeking unattainable guys and it never working out. Just when she’d resigned herself to something more realistic, a man who wasn’t quite a romance novel hero, she’d managed to fail at keeping him, too.
“Maybe we should postpone the wedding,” Lily blurted. She was ready to try anything at this point. “You said it yourself. We have so little time.”
“Lyle seems awfully set on the publicity we can get out of the event. I’d hate to disappoint him.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” Never mind that Marcy’s reason was no reason at all to have a wedding.
Marcy shook her head and took Lily’s hand. “Do you have cold feet? Are you questioning your love for Noah?”
Lily almost laughed. She didn’t question her attraction to Noah, at all. She didn’t question her affection for him either. But love? She wasn’t there. Her heart and her head kept telling her those were treacherous waters. She would not fall in love with Noah, however much she had zero problem imagining it. Her pride and her future depended on staying wedged in practicality.
“No,” Lily answered. “I just don’t want to make a mistake.” That much was not a ruse.
“Do you mean the wrong man? Was that video about Noah really the truth?” Marcy shook her head. “I had a feeling there was something off about this. I told Lyle I had misgivings, but he didn’t want to hear it.”
Lily had to squash Marcy’s misgivings. “No. No. That video was not the real Noah. That much I can promise you. He’s a very sweet and caring person. He’s taken good care of me.” Financially, that was true, as well. “Maybe I need a night to sleep on it. Think over everything we talked about today.”
&nb
sp; Marcy nodded. “Sure, hon. That makes sense. Let me give you this list of the things we need to decide on. The guest list, the cake, the menu, the place settings and tableware, the chairs, the color scheme. Good God, yes. We haven’t even chosen a color scheme.”
Lily felt like Marcy was trying to drown her in details. “I have the list. I promise I will go through it and make some decisions.”
“Don’t take too long. We’ve got to get this show on the road.”
* * *
Noah had left work early. He couldn’t concentrate without Lily in the office, knowing that she was at her meeting with Marcy. Normally, it was Lily’s presence that was distracting. Today, it was her absence.
He tracked down Marcy and Lily just as they were leaving the grand ballroom. “There you are. How’d everything go? Did I get my chocolate cake?” The minute he started asking questions, he could tell from Lily’s face that things had not gone well.
“Chocolate has been decided. Everything else is up in the air, I’m afraid,” Marcy said.
“I wasn’t much help today. Maybe you and I can talk about it upstairs,” Lily said.
Noah took her hand and kissed her cheek. “Don’t worry. We’ll get it all done.”
The three of them wound their way through the back hall to the elevator. The lobby was straight ahead. “You know where you’re going, right?” Noah asked Marcy.
“I do, thank you. Lily, we’ll talk tomorrow? Maybe a good night’s sleep will help.” Marcy smiled at Noah. “Or no sleep might help, too.”
Noah laughed, wishing that was an option available to him. “Thank you for your help, Marcy. Lily and I both appreciate it.” As Marcy walked away, he punched the button for the elevator, which opened right away. He and Lily stepped on board. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She stared up at the numbers above the door and shook her head. “Not right now. Upstairs.”
Noah took her hand and her cue, staying quiet. He sensed she needed him right now, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t feel good. Having her move in yesterday had been the best and the worst thing that had happened to him in a long time. Last night had been amazing, the two of them staying up late and talking. He’d never done that with a woman. He’d never felt comfortable enough to open up. Lily was his safe place. Those two years of frustration over working together and not being able to touch her or kiss her or tell her everything going through his head had not been for nothing. It had built a solid friendship. It had established trust, and Noah understood just how important that was.
The elevator stopped on his floor, seventeen, and he and Lily ambled down to his end of the hall. As soon as he opened the door and they stepped into his foyer, she let loose. “That was a disaster.”
“That bad?”
“It’s a nightmare.” She marched right down the hall, past the kitchen and into the living room, and he had no choice but to follow. “There’s the cake that will never be baked and the dress I’ll never buy and the guests we’ll never invite.” She turned back to him, her face strained in a way he’d never seen before. “I can’t do it, Noah. I can’t. The lies, the standing there and chatting about place settings and DJs. It’s impossible. We have to say or do something to put her off.”
He went to her and held her hands, rubbing his thumbs over her fingers to reassure her that everything would be okay. She looked so stunning today in a simple black dress she’d worn to the office at least one hundred times. Her eyes were stormy and sad right now. He hated seeing her so upset. “Okay. We’ll come up with an excuse of some sort. I don’t know what. Come on and sit down with me and we’ll have a drink and we can brainstorm some reasons why people cancel weddings.”
Noah went to lead her to the couch, but Lily was frozen. “Lil. What’s wrong?”
“I...” A single tear rolled down her cheek. “I can’t.”
“Just tell me.” He wasn’t sure what the awful sensation in his chest was, but it felt like his heart was being torn in two.
“I’ll tell you why people cancel weddings. They do it when they decide they don’t love the bride. When they decide that she isn’t special enough or smart enough or kind enough or pretty enough to spend an entire lifetime with. That’s why people cancel weddings.”
Noah swallowed hard. The broken engagement. “Hold on a second. Are you talking about...”
Lily nodded frantically, her lips pressed tightly together, her eyes welling with tears. “He dumped me in the church, Noah. He didn’t want to marry me and it was the worst day of my life. And now I feel like I’m reliving every stupid minute I spent planning it. Only this time, the groom is you, which might be amazing if it were real, but it’s not. This wedding isn’t going to happen either.”
Noah struggled for breath as her words tumbled around in his head. Did Lily have feelings for him? It sounded like she did. If ever there was a time to come out with his own feelings for her, this was it.
“I have something I need to tell you.”
“I can’t take any more bad news.”
Just say it. “I’ve wanted you for a long time. A really long time, Lily. Probably since the moment you walked into our office that first day.” It was such a relief to finally come out with it. How foolish he’d been to keep it bottled up all this time. “So when I admitted at the wedding that I was frustrated, it was about far more than seeing you in a bathing suit or because we’d been holding hands and kissing. It was because I finally had a taste of what I’d wanted for so long, but I couldn’t have you for real. All because you were too good at your job to let me screw it up. I couldn’t let my brother down like that, but it’s been killing me. Slowly. Every day.”
She looked up at him, her eyes wide, traveling back and forth and searching his face. Her lower lip dropped. A puff of breath left her lips, but no words came out. It was torture to come out with his truth and have it met this way. Was she about to tell him once again that her job was too important?
“Talk to me, Lily. If you’re going to hurt me, it’s okay. I can take it. Nothing could be worse than the last two years. And if you need to forget that we ever had this conversation, we can do that, too. We can pretend like it never happened. By now, I think we both know we have a talent for putting on a show.”
“Will you just shut up and kiss me? For real. No more pretending.”
The words echoed in his head. “Are you saying that this is a good thing?”
The sweetest, sexiest smile broke across her face. “You aren’t very good at following directions, are you? I told you I wanted you to kiss me. For real, Noah. Kiss me like you want me.”
“But I do want you.”
“So show me.”
Everything in his body went tight as he pulled her close, lifting her to her tiptoes. Her lips met his, soft and giving. It felt like a second try at their first kiss. It was all new between them now that he was no longer burdened with the secret he’d been carrying around so long. He had so much to say to her now, every word crammed into a kiss. I think about this every day. I wonder about you. Do you want me? Could you want me? Her lips parted and he hoped like hell that was the answer. She bowed into him. Their tongues met and tangled, a return to that moment of bliss at the wedding when she’d wanted him the way he wanted her.
But it meant more to him now, and he had to know that she felt the same way. He could’ve kept going, he could’ve made his move and unzipped her dress, but he wasn’t sure he deserved to have her if she didn’t feel the same way. As much as he didn’t want their kiss to end, he broke it and settled his forehead against hers. “See? Do you get it now?”
She nodded slightly, her eyes only part open. “I have my own confession to make.”
“Tell me.”
“I’ve wanted you from that first day, too. I have fantasized a million times about you backing me up against the filing cabinet and kissing me. When I’
m standing there rubbing the back of my leg with my foot? I’m thinking about you.”
Noah’s heart was about to punch a hole through the center of his chest. “Tell me more.” Every muscle in his body flooded with white-hot need.
“When you sit on the edge of your desk? I want to walk up to you and stand between your knees and unbutton your shirt.” She popped one of his buttons. “Like this.”
Noah had never been more turned on. “That afternoon in the car, the day we went to buy your ring? I thought I was going to explode I wanted you so bad.”
“You can have me, Noah. Right now. For real. No more pretending.”
“There’s no going back if we say it’s for real.”
“I know.” She untucked his shirt and went to work on the rest of the buttons. He watched as she rolled the garment from his shoulders, spread her hands across his chest. “Your skin. It’s so warm.”
“It’s you, Lily. You make it like this.”
* * *
Lily had never had such a reversal of fortune in all her life. An hour ago, she’d been miserable. Now she was on cloud nine. Her fingers scrambled through the buttons on Noah’s shirt. She made quick work of his pants, too. He unzipped her dress and they let it drop to the floor right there in the living room. Of course, today, she was wearing stockings—black ones from France, with a seam up the back and a wide band of lace at the top. Noah groaned when he saw them, his eyes now half-closed with desire.
“Is it possible to keep those on?” He reached around with both hands and grabbed her bottom.
Lily laughed as her lips trailed over his cheek. “Anything is possible if you believe in yourself.”
“Good.”
He took her hand and tugged her over to the couch. He sat down, his legs spread, his glorious chest and shoulders on full display. She could also see exactly how ready he was for her and it made her absolutely ache for him. It had been only a few days since they’d made love, but even that had been far too long. There were also quite a few things they’d never gotten around to in Florida, and she was keenly focused on pleasing him right now. He’d been so sweet to her the last few days. Lily dropped to her knees and caressed his erection through his black boxer briefs. She smiled up at him and he returned the expression, but it was clearly hard for him to keep it together. His head was bobbing. He was floating between pleasure and paying attention.
