“You’re a sick fuck,” Ella said sharply before she could weigh the consequences it might hold.
“Well, you’ve got me there I guess,” he laughed. “Remember this though, Ella. I might be a sick fuck, but I also don’t give a damn anymore. Don’t give me a reason to make things worse than they already are.”
With those parting words, she felt him move away from her quickly and before she could gain stable ground she tumbled to the floor. She watched the back of him as he walked away from her, not looking back once.
She was on her hands and knees, her wet shirt clinging to her, and all she could feel was her heartbeat pounding through her body, radiating in her brain. She heard crying and knew the cries were hers, but she couldn’t register what was going on around her. She felt the concrete beneath her hands, the flat surface providing no comfort to her knees. She tipped over so she was sitting on her hip, her head hanging with her chin to her chest, breathing at a frantic pace trying to expel all the fear from her body with sobs. She must have been sitting there long enough for the other’s to start to worry because she eventually heard her sister’s voice over the music.
“She’s over here!” Megan yelled to someone. “Shit. Shit. Shit. Ella? Are you ok?”
Suddenly big, rough hands were on her face, pulling her up to look into the eyes that usually made everything better. Her heart dropped when she realized that right now, she felt the urge to push him away. She was tainted. Poison. She didn’t want him to get hurt because of her.
“Baby, what the hell happened? Are you hurt?” He ran a finger over her cheek that had been pressed against the wall and she cringed at the stinging. She couldn’t speak; she could only plead with her eyes for him to understand that she needed equally for him to hold her tight and walk away. The words she couldn’t say made their way out of her in the form of more cries and sobs.
He lifted her up by her arms and placed her back on her unsteady feet.
“What the hell, Ella?” He looked down at her shirt. She lowered her head and noticed that the drink had caused her shirt to become practically transparent. She watched Porter unbutton his shirt and place it over her shoulders. In the back of her mind, she thought about how good he looked in just the plain white tee shirt he was now wearing and how when they walked back through the bar all the women would begin to ogle him for it.
“Are you ok?” He asked, bringing her face up to look at him.
She said nothing.
He bent over and wrapped an arm under her legs and caught her upper body in his other arm, carrying her through the club. She let him take her and she rested her head against his chest. He passed Patrick on his way to the door.
“Patrick, make sure Kalli gets home safely, ok?”
“No problem. We’ll take her home.”
“No!” Ella screamed, all of a sudden coming to life. “You have to take Kalli home with you and Megan tonight. Please. Make sure she stays with you,” Ella pleaded, panicked to think that no one would be with Kalli. “Where’s Megan?” Ella asked as she tried to wriggle free from Porter’s hold.
“I’m right here, Ella.”
“Megan,” she said as she managed to get her feet on the floor. “Please, take Kalli back to your place tonight. Don’t let her go home alone or with anyone but you.”
“Ella, what’s going on?” Porter asked. Ella looked at him, but couldn’t bring herself to say anything to him.
“Promise me,” she begged Megan.
“I promise. But Ella, you’re scaring me.”
“Patrick,” Ella said, turning to him. “Take them home, now.”
Megan’s eyes darted back and forth between Ella and Porter. She looked just as confused as he did.
“I’ll go get her,” Megan finally resigned.
“I’m taking you home,” Porter said firmly. Ella wanted to run away, to make sure that everyone was safe, but that she was nowhere near them. She had brought on all the terrible things that had happened to them and now Kyle had threatened all of them. How could she trust that he would keep his word? How could she trust herself to do what he asked? Staying away from Porter would be an impossibility; even if she could manage to tear herself away from him, she was sure he’d never allow it.
“Maybe,” she began to say to Porter, trying to resist the urge to fall apart. “Maybe you should go home with them too.”
She’d seen a lot of things in Porter’s eyes before. Mostly she’d seen unyielding love, warmth, and affection. A lot of the time his eyes went chocolaty with lust and desire, swirling with passion. A few times she’d seen his eyes fill with annoyance or irritation. But she’d never seen the angry blackness that filled his eyes at her words.
“We are going home, Ella. Let’s go.” He grabbed her arms and started leading her out of the club. She could have resisted, but she didn’t. She wanted to leave but she wasn’t sure she wanted him to be with her, for his own good. As soon as they made it out of the building and on to the sidewalk, she pulled her arm from his grasp.
“Porter, I’m serious. Go with Patrick. Or go back to Lincoln City. I’m fine. I’ll be fine,” she said through hiccups that were a leftover symptom from the crying. He moved so fast, she almost didn’t see him, but he was so close to her she had no room to breathe her own air. His face was nearly touching hers.
“Get. In. The. Truck. Now.” He demanded.
“No,” she whispered as she shook her head, still looking him directly in the eyes. He turned around and rested his hands flat on the hood of his truck. She could see his chest heaving in and out, trying to reign in his anger. She flinched at the loud bang that came when he slammed one of his balled fists against the hood, denting the very center of it. Her nerves were shot to hell and the loud noise immediately cause her yelp. She started crying again. He moved with superhuman speed again and her face was in his hands, his forehead pressed against hers.
“I’m sorry, Baby. I’m not trying to scare you. Please. Don’t push me away right now. Don’t. Please let me in. Let me help.”
She tried to shake her head but he still held it in his hands.
“What happened in there, Ella? Why are you so scared?”
She pressed her lips together, smashed them together so hard she could feel the indentions forming on the inside of her mouth from her teeth. Her instincts urged her to tell him, but the fear of something happening to him was the overriding factor that kept her from giving him what he wanted.
“I can’t be with you right now,” she whispered.
“I can’t be without you,” he whispered back.
She knew he wasn’t going to let her out of his sight. She sighed loudly and put her hands over his which were still on the sides of her face. She gently pulled them down until her face was free and she leaned away from him.
“It’s not good for us to be together.”
“Why would you say that?” She could think of no lie to tell him, couldn’t bring herself to utter something that wasn’t true.
“Because I love you.”
Chapter Fifteen
Porter
“Please get in the truck, Baby. Let me take you home.” Something had happened in that hallway; he knew it. What he didn’t know is why she wouldn’t tell him about it and why she was now nearly hysterical talking nonsense about them not being together. She looked at the ground and finally nodded her head in agreement.
“Do you have any of the pills the doctor gave you for your panic attacks?” He asked gently.
“No,” she shook her head. “But I’m not supposed to take them with alcohol anyway. Besides, this isn’t a panic attack.” She turned and headed towards the truck. He silently followed, racking his brain for anything he could say to try and bring her back around.
She was silent all the way back to her apartment and she sat as far away from him as possible, which killed him. When they finally parked in front of her apartment, he noticed that her breathing became hilted and quickened. He wasn’t surprised, seeing as
how sometimes just seeing her apartment triggered her anxiety. He slid across the seat to her side and she looked at him with wild and frightened eyes.
“It’s never going to end, Porter,” she said between labored breaths. “I’m trapped and I’ve trapped you.”
“Shhh, Baby. Calm down. We’re not trapped. We’re fine. Let’s just go inside and go to bed.” His concern for her was growing, and he thought he might need to find Dr. Evan’s business card and call the emergency number on it. If she didn’t calm down soon, he was going to have to do something. The ER wasn’t out of the question either. He was thoroughly and completely worried about her, but he didn’t know what to do about it besides hold her. “Do you think we could just go inside? We’ll lie down and try to just forget about everything for a little while and sleep? Everything will look better tomorrow, I promise.” She gave him a look that read ‘doubtful’, but eventually moved to get out of the truck.
He unlocked the door and opened it for her, flipping on the lights after she walked in. He watched her walk to the back of the apartment and go right into the bathroom. He exhaled loudly as he closed the door and rubbed his hands up and down his face. He walked into the bedroom and stripped down into his boxers then put on a pair of sweats. He sat on the edge of the bed and waited for Ella to emerge from the bathroom.
When he heard the door click open, he raised his eyes to the door to see her enter the bedroom. She had taken off all of her makeup, leaving her face raw from washing but also red from crying. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun, with strands falling down every which way around her face. She had taken off her clothes and was left standing in front of him in only panties and his unbuttoned shirt. He knew she was in the middle of some sort of crisis, but he couldn’t help his eyes from wandering up and down her body. Instead of becoming aroused though, which he was fully expecting, he become protective and possessive. Someone had hurt her tonight and he wanted to know who. Someone had caused the pain that he saw so clearly etched across her face.
She fidgeted with her fingers, playing with the buttons on his shirt.
“I took one of the valium the doctor prescribed to me. I don’t think I drank enough alcohol to really make a difference. Right now I just want to go to sleep and forget everything.”
“Ok,” he said, apprehensively, half expecting her to ask him to sleep on the couch. He wasn’t sure which Ella he was dealing with at the moment: the one who said she loved him or the one who said they shouldn’t be together.
“Do you think, I mean, could you…” her voice trailed off as she tried to formulate her thoughts. “Would it be ok if you held me?”
Porter let out, quite possibly, the biggest breath of his life. The love of his life was asking him to hold her while she slept. Relief coursed through him at her words and all he could do to answer her was hold open his arms. His relief was mirrored in her by the way her shoulders seemed to sag a little at his acceptance, as if a tight string that had been holding her up were snipped, allowing her to relax.
She came to him at the side of the bed and straddled his lap. Before he could reach around her she peeled away at the shirt she was wearing, letting it trail down her arms and float to the floor. Their eyes met for just a moment before she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her naked body into his chest. He felt her nose and mouth settle in the crook of his neck and he heard her inhale deeply. He used his hand to smooth the loose tendrils of her hair down and held her by the back of her neck, pulling her close.
After a few minutes, without breaking their connection, he slid to the head of the bed and laid them both down on their sides so their bodies were facing each other. She never let go of him and he didn’t want her to. She kept her arms around his neck, snuggled into his neck. He continually used his hands to sooth her, rubbing his hands along her back, stroking the nape of her neck, gently kissing the top of her shoulder. He couldn’t be sure how much time had passed, but he felt like they’d laid in bed for over an hour, and he was finally convinced that she had fallen asleep.
He kissed her temple, then gently and very slowly slipped out of her grasp. Her arms fell to the bed next to her and he took an opportunity to admire her while she slept. He examined the rough, red patch on her cheek that appeared after the incident down the hallway at the club. He traced a finger over it and it made him feel better to see that she wasn’t actually cut, but just scraped. His eyes traveled down her body, partly checking for injuries, partly just taking in her beauty. Although her body was undeniably attractive, at the moment he didn’t feel turned on by looking at her naked breasts or the creamy skin of her seemingly endless legs. Instead, he felt she was the most fragile and important being in his life. She was put in his path for a reason and he was going to do anything he could to remind her that if separated they would be undeniably miserable. The only way either one of them stood a chance at happiness was if they were together.
He climbed over her small body to lie behind her, trying his hardest not to wake her, although he figured with the valium and vodka in her system she was probably out for a while. He reached down and pulled the comforter up and over their bodies and then wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back to his front.
“You’re mine forever,” he whispered into her shoulder, then closed his eyes and let sleep take him away.
Porter woke to Ella thrashing in bed, her screams ringing through the silent and dark air. He ran to flip the lights on and was crushed by the sight of Ella curled up into a ball, hands gripping her hair at the sides of her head, screaming out pleas of mercy.
“Kyle, no! Don’t hurt him!” She cried and tears streamed down her face. Porter wanted to help her but didn’t want to add to her trauma by waking her suddenly. He crept over to kneel by her side of the bed. He tried to reach up and brush the hair gently from her forehead, but as soon as his fingers touched her skin she started thrashing around again, arms flailing, legs kicking. He was worried she was going to hurt herself. He saw an opportunity to restrain her so he jumped on the bed and pinned her arms down then flattened his body along hers, effectively immobilizing her. She still wriggled under him, crying out, and she sounded terrified.
“I’ll leave. I’ll go. Don’t take him from me,” she sobbed.
“Ella,” Porter whispered in her ear as gently as he could. “Wake up, Baby. It’s me. It’s Porter. Come back to me.” The only part of her that could move, her head, continued to thrash back and forth. She wasn’t crying anymore, but her face looked pained and worried. He brought his mouth to her neck, trying to get her to hold still, and pleaded with her against the crook of her shoulder. “You’re safe,” he said. He felt her slowly relax against him, the tension in her arms eased, the muscles of her stomach went lax, and her breathing slowed. He still remained atop her, hoping the contact would sooth and calm her. He loosened his grip on her wrists and she slid her hands up his arms. He could still feel her hands slightly shaking, obviously the adrenaline still coursing through her from the nightmare.
He stilled as her hands continued down his back, slowly grazing her fingers down the canal that formed over his spine. She continued until he felt her hands cover his ass and she gripped him firmly, pulling him against her. He instantly hardened, but felt uneasy about it.
“Ella, tell me what you were dreaming about,” he said against the skin of her neck. She raised her hips up to grind into him and shook her head at the same time. He was confused about where her mind was going, but his body was responding to hers. “Tell me what happened at the club,” he said as he slid his teeth and tongue along her shoulder. Again, she shook her head, but her hands pulled his hips down into her again. A hiss left him as he continued to fight the urge to take her as she was offering.
She reached down in between them and palmed him, obliterating any restraint he might have been holding on to. He pulled back to look in her eyes, trying to figure out what she wasn’t telling him.
“Did someone at the club hurt you?” He w
hispered. She answered simply by biting her lip. He took a deep breath in and rested his forehead against hers. His muscles went rigid at his next thought, and his blood pumped faster through his veins.
“Was Kyle there? Did he find you?” Silence was all he heard. He pulled back to look at her and her eyes were closed. He could see the wetness brimming through her fanned lashes, and she was still gnawing on her lip. “He was there, wasn’t he?” He said with more insistence. “Did he touch you? Did he lay a hand on you?”
She opened her eyes, fighting back the tears in her eyes, and brought her hands to his face. She reached her lips up to his and kissed him.
“Please, Baby. Tell me what’s going on.” He slowly flipped his nose against hers, trying to convince her to trust him with whatever she wasn’t telling him. “I can’t help you unless you talk to me.” She reached her hands down his back again, but this time slid her hands under the waistband of his sweatpants, her palms gliding over his ass, pushing the pants down his thighs. He growled in aggravation, knowing what she wanted – what she was doing. His mouth finally gave in and began to lick along her collar bone, splaying kisses along the skin that was salty from sweat. The sweet vanilla scent she always carried mixed with the tantalizing musk of sweat and sex was enough to cause his heart to beat powerfully in his chest.
He used his legs to kick his sweatpants the rest of the way off, and she helped, frantically trying to get his clothes off of him. She was naked except for panties and he decided to leave them in place for now.
“Even after everything we’ve been through, Ella, you still won’t trust me,” he said with an edge to his voice, just slightly masking his growing anger and frustration. “You make everything more difficult when you keep things from me.” He moved down her body placing kisses and small bites along her abdomen. When he reached her belly button he kissed it lightly. His hands gripped her at her waist, his fingers digging in, trying to reign in his aggravation.
“Ah,” she moaned, sounding to be a mixture of pleasure and a bit of pain from his grip, but it was the first sound she’d made since she woke and he viewed it as a triumph. He was going to make her talk, make her tell him. He continued down her belly, stopping at the border of her panties. He used his teeth to pull them down, but only until he could see the top of her mound. She ground her hips up to meet his face and he gave as good as she did, running his nose along her sensitive cleft still covered by her panties.
Never Far Away Page 21
