She didn’t want to be a casualty when he realized he’d never really love Ellie like he did his wife.
“I want to see if there can be something more for us.” He took her hand, and the warmth and strength of his touch melted her resolution just a little. She shook her head, determined not to let him break down her defenses, even though it was a little too late for that. Adam frowned.
“We can’t do this,” she said. “If things don’t work, living next door to each other would be awkward.” Okay, her excuse sucked, and she knew he thought the same when his right eyebrow went up, and the corner of his lips tilted just a little. “And I’m Sophie’s teacher, so it wouldn’t be professional for me to date her father.”
Not that that had stopped her in the past, though. Yeah, and look what came of that.
“Why does this sound like a very lame excuse to me?”
Ellie chewed her bottom lip, and a shiver ran down her spine when his dark eyes settled on her mouth. His hand gave a little squeeze that was enough to light a fire inside her body. She wanted to believe this wouldn’t ruin her, that it wouldn’t turn her into a weak version of herself she’d end up hating.
“What happened to you?” His warm voice wrapped around her like a blanket and pulled her to him like a magnet. His free hand went up to cup her face, and she couldn’t help leaning into his touch. “I have a feeling someone did a number on you in the past to make you this guarded. You can talk to me. You can trust me, Ellie.”
And that was the problem. Could she trust him with the real reasons why she was so wary of falling for him? Could she admit her mistakes and face the shame and guilt that still washed over her every time she thought of what she’d done?
One look into those soul-melting brown eyes, and all her defenses crumbled like a sand castle. She’d already lost her heart to this man.
“I did something stupid back in San Francisco. I crossed a line I shouldn’t have crossed, and it all blew up in my face. It was my first official job after I got my master’s, and I’d like to chalk it up to being heartbroken from the loss of my grandmother, who’d just passed away. But I guess I was just plain stupid.”
His fingers intertwined with hers, and when he gave a comforting squeeze, the words tumbled out of her mouth.
“I dated the father of one of the kids. I’d turned him down quite a few times, knowing it wouldn’t be professional, but he was relentless in his pursuit, and eventually I caved. In my defense, he told me he was divorced, although he insisted we should keep this from his son for the first few months, so it wouldn’t unsettle him. I thought he was putting his son’s well-being first, but he was just building a castle of lies. Eventually, it all came crashing down when I saw him walking hand in hand with his wife, kissing her and enjoying a day in the park like a happy family.”
Shame squeezed her stomach, guilt brought bile up her throat, and if Adam hadn’t pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, she would’ve crumpled to the floor.
“It’s not your fault. You believed him because you’re a loving person and you only see the good in people,” Adam whispered into her hair. Goosebumps tingled all along her spine as his warm breath fanned her.
“At least I was smart enough to never sleep with him. I told him it would be too soon, and I guess that was the reason why he went back to his wife at some point. He’d been making excuses about work-related conventions, but it turned out he was with his wife, instead.” She shook her head. How stupid she’d been! She’d wanted to believe a charming, successful dermatologist would give her the stable life she’d always dreamed of, and she’d ended up tangled in a web of lies and betrayals. “I should’ve just walked away from him and forget anything had ever happened, but no, I went and confronted him, told him I’d tell his wife what a cheating husband her awesome Spencer was. The following day, I was summoned by the principal and walked into her office to find him and his wife waiting for me. Apparently, he’d told his wife I’d come on rather explicitly to him and hadn’t accepted his rejections, turning into a crazy stalker.”
Adam’s arms squeezed a little tighter around her. The warmth of his body was comforting, and she leaned into him, inhaling the faint smell of his cologne and of fabric softener on his uniform.
“I talked to my boss, told her the truth, but the happy couple was one of the wealthy group of parents, so she couldn’t afford to have them all pull their kids from her school. Once they left the room, she told me she believed my version of what happened, but I’d have to leave the school all the same.” The sting of hurt and shame still pricked her conscience, but at least now she was miles away from the gossip that had followed those dreadful days after her resignation. “She promised she wouldn’t tell any of my future bosses who’d call to get references and wished me good luck. A few days later I got a call from my grandmother’s attorney, found out Spring Harbor had a preschool and called to see if they needed a teacher. Eventually, it all turned out for the best; I learned from my mistakes and promised myself I’d never mix work with private life ever again.” She let out a feeble chuckle. “And look how well that resolution has turned out.”
“I think it’s turned out pretty well, if I say so myself.” He pulled back, and his eyes locked with hers. She felt his stare reach down into the deepest recesses of her soul and wipe away the smudges of guilt and shame she knew were still there. “This is not the same, Ellie. You and me, we’re not breaking any rules, we’re not cheating on anyone. I swear I don’t have a wife hidden somewhere in my closet.” He chuckled, easing the tension that was still knotting her stomach. Slowly, her lips curled up. “The people in Spring have wanted me to find happiness again for so long, I’m sure they’ll be cheering for us. We’ll be the town sensation and will probably be featured in the Gazette. Maybe we’ll even get a town celebration with flags, fireworks, and a parade.”
“Aw, shut up.” She slapped her palms playfully on his chest, and he wrapped his fingers around her wrists. His smile was mischievous, just like the twinkle in his eyes, and when he leaned in and his lips brushed her ear, she nearly choked on her tongue.
“I can’t deny that what I’m feeling for you scares me to death, but I’ve let guilt keep me from living the last three years of my life,” he said, his tone soft and sexy. “I don’t want to let fear keep me from experiencing what could turn out to be something amazing.” He placed a soft kiss on her cheek, lighting the fuse of the fireworks inside her chest. “I’ve learned the hard way never to take tomorrow for granted, so now I want to live seizing the day, enjoying each new sunrise and every precious moment with my wonderful daughter. And with you, if you’d let me.”
Her heart swelled in her chest as warm, fuzzy feelings coursed through her, filling all the holes in her soul she thought she’d never be able to fill. Could she give herself a chance to fall in love? Could she let work and private life mix again without suffering from destructive consequences this time? Adam wasn’t Spencer. He wanted her to be part of his and his daughter’s life, to date her in the light of the day, in the town where they lived and where the gossip mill would turn them into the town sensation within twenty-four hours of the moment someone spotted them together.
Even though she knew he still loved his wife and probably always would, she wouldn’t be the other woman this time, she wouldn’t be labeled a home wrecker by a scorned wife, and that was enough to differentiate the two men.
“Would your family be okay? Would Hannah’s?”
Adam inhaled, squeezed his arms around her a little. “They want me to be happy, they don’t expect me to grieve forever. They know Hannah would’ve wanted me to move on. It’s what she made me promise just before she died in my arms.”
She leaned into his chest, as her throat constricted and her eyes grew damp. He’d been brave enough to open his heart to her, to try to stitch it back together so he could attempt to love again. The least she could do was trust him. And trust her heart, her instincts and, yes, maybe the jolt o
f love, too. After all, it had worked with her mother, giving her thirty years of blissfully happy life with Ellie’s father.
“I’m just as scared as you are, but you’re right,” she said. “We could have something amazing, and I want to give us a chance. Can we try and see where this leads?”
He didn’t reply, but his lips brushing hers was the only reply she needed… the only reply she’d ever want.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Uncle Ky!” Sophie dashed toward a tall, dark-haired man who stood in the middle of the Cavanaghs’ living room. His athletic, muscular body was accentuated by a pair of jeans and an electric blue sweater.
“Hey, little monkey. How’ve you been?” He picked her up in one swift motion, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, placing a loud kiss on his cheek immediately afterward. He smiled and kissed her back.
“Look, I have a puppy! Her name’s Meatball, and she’s my best fwiend.”
Meatball trotted toward Adam’s brother and let out a bark, standing on her hind paws as her front paws rested on his leg.
“Oh, so you have a puppy, huh? I bet your dad’s ecstatic about it.” He quirked a dark eyebrow over bright blue eyes that stared in Adam’s direction with an amused twinkle.
Adam laughed, approaching his brother with Ellie in tow. His hand never left hers, so she followed toward the one Cavanagh she had yet to meet, her heart nervously pitter-pattering in her chest at the way those blue eyes scrutinized her.
She’d been a bundle of nerves ever since she woke up. Adam had insisted she should join his family’s Thanksgiving lunch, and she’d tried to come up with all the excuses she could think of. When he’d used his secret weapon, a pleading three-year-old, she hadn’t been able to say no. In such a short time, he’d already found her weaknesses and used them to his advantage. So eventually, she’d agreed to officially meet his family as his girlfriend, not just Sophie’s teacher, but she’d spent the morning worrying about what they would say, especially Kyle, who was the only family member she hadn’t met. Standing in front of him right now made her feel like a bug under a microscope.
“Good to know you could carve out a little time from your busy schedule,” Adam said, as he pulled his brother in for a quick guy hug. “Mom would’ve thrown a fit if her baby didn’t show up.”
Kyle punched his brother’s shoulder. “Ah, shut up. You’re just jealous ’cause I’m her favorite.” He looked at Ellie and smiled. “He’s never really gotten over the fact that he wasn’t Mom’s baby boy anymore after I was born. I’m Kyle, by the way.”
“Ellie. Nice to finally meet the legendary uncle who plays on TV.”
Kyle chuckled, then turned his attention to Sophie, who’d taken his face in her tiny hands and forced him to look at her. “Miss Ellie is my teacher. She’s weally nice. She lives next to us and she has a gway kitty. His name is Bobcat. Do you know she makes weally good makkincheese? Better than Daddy, but I don’t tell him ’cause then he gets sad. Her bwother is a soldier and he’s funny. We baked cookies when he was here, and he made me fly like a faiwy. I like her bwother. He pwomised when he comes back he’ll make me fly again. Can you make me fly too, Uncle Ky?”
“Whoa, there. Slow down a bit. When did you start talking a hundred words a minute?”
Adam laughed. “You’ve been away too long. You’ve got a whole baseball season of catching up to do, and I’m sure she’ll be happy to fill you in on the town gossip. Good luck, baby brother.”
He pulled Ellie away, leaving Kyle to deal with Sophie’s excitement all on his own. Adam’s fingers squeezed her hand just before they reached the kitchen, from where female chattering floated out. He kissed her temple and gave her an encouraging smile. “Relax, honey. They all love you already, just because you make me happy. I promise no one will bite.”
She smiled and nodded, but she pulled her hand out of his grip just in case. Hannah’s family would be here, apart from Lauren’s brother who hadn’t been able to come home from Montana, where he worked as a vet. It was obvious it would feel weird for the two women to see Adam holding a hand that wasn’t Hannah’s, no matter how much they wanted him to be happy.
There were no introductions, no “Meet my new girlfriend,” or stuff like that, and Ellie was grateful she’d already met them all before she and Adam had become a couple. In a way, it felt less awkward than the usual ‘meet the parents’ moment did.
Lunch was a happy family time that reminded her of the big family gatherings in her childhood, and she never for a second felt awkward or out of place. There was laughter, banter, teasing, and when they commended her on the vegetable lasagna she’d brought, she blushed a little, feeling self-conscious. Adam wrapped his arm around her shoulder from the seat next to her and pulled her to him.
“Since she’s half-Italian, she knows lots of awesome recipes. And I’m the lucky recipient of all the extra food she cooks, seeing as I live right next door.”
“I bet she probably just feels sorry for your lack of cooking abilities and deliberately makes extra portions so you don’t starve to death,” Kean said from the other end of the table.
Adam threw his napkin at him, glaring at his brother while everyone around the table laughed.
“This from the man who’s been eating Mommy’s food every single night even though he has a perfectly functioning kitchen in his house.”
And so the banter went on, the feeling of familiarity and coziness enveloping her heart, making her feel like maybe she really could belong to this happy group of people who’d welcomed her into their home and made her feel as if she were already a member of their clan.
Sometime after dessert was served, Ellie went to use the bathroom, and when she came out she nearly bumped into Lauren’s mother. Ellie returned her polite smile, but when she took a step to her left to let her pass, Jenna placed a hand on Ellie’s forearm.
“It’s good to see Adam happy again. It’s been so long since he’s been so carefree.” Her tone wasn’t quite a whisper, but not exactly the normal one she’d been using during lunch either. “Enya and I have been friends since forever, and we’ve always been one big family. Her kids were like my own kids, and vice versa.”
Ellie nodded. Yes, she’d heard the story already: from Adam, from Lauren, even from Adam’s mother the last time Ellie had been at the bakery. Why was Jenna telling her again?
“When I lost my daughter, I’d feared at some point I’d lose Adam, too. He was a shell of the guy I used to know, and I thought he’d never be able to go on without Hannah.” Jenna shook her head and stared at her feet. “They’d been together forever, even before they realized their feelings for each other, back in high school. They’d been play buddies and best friends before they turned into a couple. Seeing one without the other was nearly inconceivable.”
Ellie swallowed the bile that crawled up her throat. She knew Hannah was the love of Adam’s life, she knew she could never compete with her, since Ellie had known him all of a couple of months while Hannah had known him since they were born. They had a child together, and if she hadn’t died so tragically, they’d probably still be going strong. She didn’t need a lecture from Adam’s mother-in-law, or to be reminded how Ellie would never be Adam’s first choice.
“I know I probably shouldn’t be here today,” Ellie said, thinking once again that showing up at their family lunch had been a bad idea, especially since Hannah’s family was here, too. “I know I’ll never be—”
“Please don’t get me wrong,” Jenna interrupted, resting her hand on Ellie’s shoulder. She resisted the urge to flinch. “I don’t mean to make you feel unwelcome or anything. I guess I took the long way around when all I should’ve said was: thank you for making Adam happy, for bringing him back to life again.”
Jenna’s worried frown softened into a smile, and Ellie wondered if maybe she’d been too quick to judge her.
“I hadn’t heard him laugh in a long time. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard him laugh, a real belly
laugh, in the three years since Hannah died. Thank you for doing that to him.” Jenna took Ellie’s hand and squeezed it. “Seeing him happy again is like a balm for my heart. Hannah wouldn’t have wanted him to throw his life away, and neither do I. He’s got so much love to give, and I knew he only needed to find the right woman to show him his life wasn’t over.”
Ellie smiled, even as tears pricked behind her eyelids. She definitely hadn’t expected to be having this kind of conversation with Hannah’s mother, and now she felt silly for thinking the woman had been trying to scare her away.
“There’s only one thing I need to ask of you, and I hope you don’t think I’m overstepping my boundaries here.” Jenna bit her trembling bottom lip and inhaled deeply before meeting Ellie’s eyes. “If things between you and Adam turn serious, and I truly hope they will, I hope you’ll still let me be part of Sophie’s life. She’s all I have left of my daughter, and I couldn’t live without that adorable little girl.”
Ellie’s jaw dropped. Oh my God, the woman thought Ellie was going to turn into the evil stepmother and cut all ties with Hannah’s family. Was that the impression Ellie had given Adam’s family, too? Chills skittered along her spine at the thought she’d come off as a cold-hearted woman who wanted Adam all for herself.
“Jenna, you don’t have to worry about any of that.” She put a hand on Jenna’s shoulder and smiled. “Adam and I are still getting to know each other, so I can’t tell you if things will evolve into something more; but whatever happens, I’d never want to keep Sophie from the family who loves her so much. You can spend as much time with your granddaughter as you want, and I have absolutely no right to say otherwise. I don’t ever want you to think I’d ask you to stop being part of Sophie’s life.”
No End to Love: A Love in Spring Novel Page 20
