by Donna Alward
“There’s nothing to tell.” His voice was hard and his knuckles went white on the bottle.
“He’s in a special-care home, right?”
His head snapped up and his blue gaze flashed at her. “Liz has a big mouth.”
“Then make me understand what makes you so different from your sister. Because I’m guessing it had to do with the fact that you had to leave your childhood behind in a hurry to take over this farm.”
Emily went to him and put a hand on his arm. “Please, Luke. I shared bits of my story with you. Can’t you do the same? Maybe talking about it will help.”
“All the talking in the world won’t change things,” he bit out.
“But it might make you feel less alone,” she reasoned. “I know I felt better after talking to you. What happened to your father?”
It was quiet for several seconds and Emily didn’t think he was going to answer. But then his voice came, low and raspy, as if the words were struggling to get out.
“Dad had been acting weird for a while. We’d all noticed it, but after Mom died…it was clear there was more to it than simple stress forgetfulness. It wasn’t until he nearly burned down the house making eggs in the middle of the night that we couldn’t ignore it any more.”
“What happened? What was wrong with your father?”
“Early-onset Alzheimer’s. Dad’s been in a care home since. Over the years it’s got progressively worse. Not so much at first. Sometimes the fog would clear and we had good visits, you know? We could talk about the farm, the girls, my mom. But those times got fewer and farther between and lately…he’s really gone downhill. I don’t expect he’s got much time left.”
Emily remembered the pictures on the old radio in the living room. The first day, she’d seen Luke’s face turn sad as he looked at the picture of his parents. The bedroom upstairs, with its faded doilies and chenille spread, looking lost and abandoned…she’d bet now that no one had slept there since his father had been put in care. And he had given it to her. She felt a little weird about that, but honored, too. What a heart-breaking decision to have to make about your one remaining parent.
“Liz mentioned you having power of attorney. That means the decision fell to you, didn’t it?”
He lifted tortured eyes to hers. “Yes. As well as the day-to-day running of the farm, and looking after the girls.”
“But surely they were grown enough to look after themselves…”
Luke laughed, but it was laced with pain. “Cooking, laundry, cleaning, yes. But at fifteen and nearly seventeen, they needed guidance. I was twenty. My prized possession was my truck. I wasn’t ready to be a parent to two hormonal teenage girls. I wasn’t that much older than they were and I was trying to keep them from making mistakes. Trying to make sure they finished school, had opportunities, you know?”
“And so you sacrificed yourself.”
“What else could I have done? And look at them. They graduated, got jobs, met fine men and started families. You can imagine what a relief that is. Think if it were Sam.”
He’d been taking on responsibility all his adult life. And she’d been whining about her problems yesterday. Luke had been so understanding. More than understanding—caring.
She had been in danger of caring right back, and this new knowledge touched her, making her respect him even more. Making her grieve a little bit for the young man who had had to grow up so quickly. “And all this while you grieved for your parents.”
His eyes shone for a few moments until he blinked.
“What did you give up, Luke? You put the girls first, so what dreams did you put aside for later?”
Luke put the bottle beside the empty plate and placed his hands on his knees. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“I think it does. You were twenty, carefree and with your life ahead of you. That must have been cut short…”
“I worked on the farm for a year, but I’d planned on going to college. I wanted to study genetics so I could play with our breeding program. The idea of going away for a while was exciting. Even after Mom died, I only planned to stay a year to help and then I’d be off. But as things progressed with Dad, I knew I couldn’t leave. My responsibility was to the family, and to abandon them would have been the height of selfishness.”
He gave her a knowing look. “You know as well as I do that you put family first. You’d do it for Sam. You’re doing it for him now by making a life for him. But Emily, don’t give up on your dreams either. You give up on them and you’ll end up old and bitter like me.”
Luke got up from his stool, worry lines marring his tanned brow. He reached out for her arm, but seemed to remember the state of his hands and pulled back. Emily felt the connection just the same as if he’d touched her.
She met his gaze. The connection seemed to hum between them every time their eyes met, but she would not shy away from eye contact. She was stronger than that. “You are not old and bitter,” she whispered.
“Em…”
She swallowed. Luke was standing in front of her car now, his thumbs hooked in the front pockets of his jeans. For a moment she remembered what it had been like when he’d stepped forward and kissed her, so commanding and yet gentle. There could be no more repeats of that. He was right. She couldn’t give up on her dreams, even if right now that meant doing the right thing for Sam.
“Why don’t you go back and get your pharmacy degree?”
She pondered the idea for a moment. “It’s not what I want anymore. I have Sam now and want to be close to him. Going to school and trying to support us…he’d be in daycare more than out of it.”
“What about online learning?”
The idea was interesting. “Maybe. But not pharmacy. Not now.” She smiled at him. “Priorities change.”
He smiled back. “Don’t I know it?”
Her heart took up a strange hammering, a persistent tap like a Junebug hitting a screen door time and time again.
“Thank you for telling me, Luke. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”
“It wasn’t. But you were right. I do feel better, I think. Liz and Cait have different memories than I do. In some ways that is good. But it’s hard talking to them about it. I don’t want them to feel responsible for anything, and I think they will if I let on how hard it was.”
“Would you do it again?”
It was a loaded question, and one Emily had asked herself often since the disintegration of her marriage. Would she marry Rob again, knowing what she knew now? But then she thought of the good times, and about Sam, asleep in his room with the June breeze fluttering the curtain and the moon shining through the window. Nothing could take away the love she had for her boy. She knew her answer. What was Luke’s?
CHAPTER EIGHT
LUKE LEANED BACK against her bumper. What in the world had possessed him to talk to Emily this way? He never opened up to anyone, not even his sisters who had been with him all the way. He kept to himself, and that was how he liked it. And then Emily had blown into his life and turned everything upside down.
She had him talking. That was more of a surprise than his reaction to her. If he wasn’t careful, she’d have him wishing for all kinds of things he’d stopped wishing for years ago.
But her question stayed with him, and he looked at her, perched on the sawhorse, her cheeks flushed from the heat and her hair mussed from running her hand through it too many times. Would he do it again the same way? Sacrificing what he’d wanted to look after his sisters?
“Of course I would. They’d lost both their parents. They needed guidance and support. Who else would have stepped in?”
“What about support for you, Luke?”
Damn her eyes that seemed to see everything.
“I could say the same for you, Emily. Who is supporting you now?” She opened her mouth, but he cut her off. “Don’t bother, I know the answer. No one. You’re going it alone, too. What about your parents? Any other family?”
“I want to do this on my own.
I need to. I know they are there if I need them.”
“And then there’s Sam.”
Her eyes blazed and her back straightened. “Everything I do is for Sam!”
Luke smiled indulgently. “Calm down, I know that. Just as you get why I did what I had to for the girls. Choosing myself first would have been self-centered, especially when they needed me so badly.”
“You’re a good big brother,” she murmured. “Do the girls realize how much you gave up for them?”
He shrugged. “Does it matter? They are healthy and happy and I am happy for them.” He fought against the sinking feeling in his chest. He was happy for them with their strong marriages and beautiful children. He was thrilled they both had clean bills of health. He also knew that all three of them couldn’t be so lucky. Not that he would wish their father’s affliction on either of them. Of course not. But it stung just the same, seeing them with their picture-perfect lives and knowing the same wasn’t in the cards for himself.
It was a good thing Emily’s job only lasted until September. He would manage again after that. He’d put up with Cait coming and going and fussing. Getting closer to Emily wasn’t an option, not when he’d just have to push her away again.
“That’s all I want for Sam, too,” Emily said softly. “He’s essentially lost his father and his home and any place he’s belonged. Kids do better in consistent environments. Yanking him from place to place isn’t good for him. This is kind of like summer vacation for him. I know I’ve got to figure some things out and find us a more permanent situation.”
“You’re a good mother, Emily. Did you see his face today at the garden? He’s having the time of his life. He’s enjoying the outdoors, the freedom. And for all Liz’s meddling, the twins are good girls. He could do worse for playmates. You’re doing the right thing.”
“I don’t want him to get in your way, though. I know you have a farm to run. This thing about the tractor…don’t feel obligated.”
Luke blinked in surprise. What was it about the tractor? Was she worried he’d get hurt? Or did she just not trust him with her son? “Did I give you the idea I didn’t like children, Emily?”
“Well, yes, kind of.” A mosquito buzzed in front of Emily’s face and she brushed it away. He couldn’t tell if she were blushing or not because the heat kept her cheeks flushed, but he saw her shift her weight on the sawhorse and wondered.
“You weren’t excited about the baby. In fact, you lamented the fact that the newest member of the family was another girl, and came right out and said you didn’t want a family. Liz’s kids were here today and you barely gave them a glance. You can’t honestly say you want him underfoot,” she challenged. “He would get in your way.”
Luke stilled, feeling as if he’d been struck. Was it that obvious? Did Cait and Liz feel the same way? That he didn’t care about their kids? He had kept his distance because it was a constant reminder of how different his life was. But he hadn’t considered that they might feel slighted. Unloved. Regret sliced through him.
And he would die before explaining why to Emily. It was bad enough he’d said as much as he had.
“I never meant to give that impression. Of course there are times he needs to be at the house, but there’s also no reason why he can’t come with me now and again. He can play with Liz’s kids. The Canada Day celebrations are soon. There’ll be lots of activities for the kids. Has he ever ridden a horse?”
She shook her head.
“I’m not very good at showing my feelings, Emily. That’s all. Don’t take it personally.”
“It is lovely here. The house is a joy and I’m loving the fresh air and freedom of it. I think Sam is, too. If he gets in the way, just tell me, Luke. He’s my son, not yours. My responsibility. You don’t need to feel like you have to…whatever.”
Her words shouldn’t have stung but they did. Yes, Sam was her son, and a reminder that Luke would never have one of his own. He would never burden a family the way he’d been burdened.
“Just enjoy the summer, Emily. Think about what you want to do when it’s over. Just because I had to give up my dreams doesn’t mean you have to give up yours.”
The fluorescent lights hummed in the silence.
“I should go in, it’s getting late.”
Luke cleared his throat. “Your oil is definitely drained. I’ll put on the new filter and be behind you in a few minutes.” He boosted himself away from the hood of the car and reached for a plastic-wrapped cylinder on the workbench.
“Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“Could you show me how to do that sometime? How to change my oil and stuff? I’d like to be able to do it for myself.”
After all they’d talked about tonight, the simple request was the thing that touched him most. She was so intent on being independent. And she trusted him. For some weird reason, she trusted him and it opened something up inside him that had been closed for a very long time.
“Next time we get a rainy day, I promise,” he said. “Now get on up to the house. It’s after eleven. And morning comes early.”
“Yes, boss,” she replied, but the tension from her face had evaporated and she smiled as she picked up his plate and empty bottle. She paused by the door. “Luke?”
He looked up from his position on the creeper. “Em?”
“Thanks for the talk. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She scuttled out the door, but Luke leaned his head back, resting it on the grill of the car and closing his eyes.
Emily had snuck past almost all of his defenses tonight. And if he wasn’t careful, she’d get through them all. And then where would they be?
Curses. Emily put one foot after the other going back to the house in the dark, the echo of a wrench sounding behind her in the stillness. His last word to her had been the shortened version of her name and it had sent a curl of awareness through her. She entered the dark house, left the dishes in the kitchen and felt her way up the steps, using the banister for guidance. In her room she paused, thinking about what had been said and what hadn’t. Luke had held back at times, and she wondered why. Now she was more aware than ever that the two bedrooms were only short steps away from each other. She’d be beneath her sheet tonight, listening to the breeze in the trees, and he’d be just on the other side of the wall, doing the same thing.
Damn.
She could do this. She refused to fall for Luke Evans. Maybe they’d reached a new understanding of each other tonight, but that was all. She had to put Sam first, and that didn’t include fooling around with the boss. What she needed to do was appreciate what was good about the situation. All the great things about living on a farm could be theirs for the next few months.
Then there was sitting across from Luke at the table, seeing his face morning, noon and night, washing his clothes, smelling the scent of his soap as she hung up his damp towel in the morning. She swallowed. That was the problem. She didn’t want to be attracted to him, but she was. She couldn’t not be. He was one-hundred-percent strong, virile male, hardworking and honest.
But attraction and acting on it were two very different things. As she lay in the dark, listening for him to return to the house, she thought about what he’d said about school. There was merit there. Perhaps she could talk to her parents after all. It would do Sam good to have family around him more as she got back on her feet. And with her summer’s earnings she could buy a laptop and take a few courses.
She was still waiting and planning when she finally drifted off to sleep.
Luke squinted up at the sky, watching the broad roll of clouds balling up in the west. They were still a long way away, but as he wiped the sweat trickling off his brow, he knew they were thunderheads. The forecast had been right for once, though he wished it hadn’t. He turned the wheel of the tractor, making one last pass with the rake, watching the Orrick boys work the baler. Hail would wreck what was cut, making it good for nothing. They’d finish, by God, before the rain came. They
’d finish if it killed him.
It was a race against time and no one stopped for a lunch break as they worked, dirt mixing with sweat on their brows in the sweltering waves of heat. The thunderheads piled on top of each other, reaching to massive heights and creeping their way eastward to Brooks, Duchess and everywhere in between. He thought of Emily and Sam back at the house. He should have brought his cell. He had no doubt Em could handle a thunderstorm, but he would have liked to hear her voice, to make sure she wasn’t out somewhere when the storm hit. To ask her if she’d brought in the hanging baskets. If Sam was okay.
He shook his head. When had he started to care so much? How was it that she snuck into his thoughts no matter where he was or what he was doing?
The thunder was just starting to grumble when the last bale was rolled. James and John Orrick took off their caps and wiped their foreheads, looking up at the sky. The sun still beat down relentlessly but it was coming. There was no sense denying it. “Just in time,” James commented, putting his cap back on his head.
Luke scanned the field. The surface of the huge round bales would protect the hay on the inside. Nothing would be lost today. As long as it was just a thundershower. Tornadoes weren’t common, but they happened now and again. And if he’d learned anything over the last nine years, it was that you simply had to accept the weather and roll with the punches. He thought of Emily and Sam again. They would be safe in the house. But he wanted to be home with them. To know they were there—warm and dry and safe. No matter how much he hadn’t wanted the responsibility of them, he felt it anyway. It would have been easier if it felt like a burden, but it didn’t. It felt right, and that was what had kept him up at night.
“Might as well head in, boys. Go home and shut your windows.”
Everyone laughed, but it was a tight sound. The air had changed, bringing a shushing sound with it. It was a restless sound, like the wind holding its breath.
They made their way back to the farmyard. The hanging baskets were off the hooks and tucked under the porch roof, their leaves limp in the midday heat. So Emily was aware of the impending storm. Luke’s stomach growled since he’d missed lunch, but at the same time a whicker sounded from the corral; Bunny and Fred and Caribou were still outside, nervous just like anyone else at the change in the air. Luke thought about letting them out into the pasture, but then scanned the clouds. If there was hail, he wanted them to be indoors. He forgot about lunch and went to put them in the barn, secured them in their stalls and soothed them with pats and fresh water. Back at the house, all was quiet. Sam was sitting at the table with a coloring book, scribbling busily at a picture of one of the latest superheroes.
