by Donna Alward
“I don’t know.”
“If there wasn’t this disease hanging over your head, what would you do?”
“But there is…”
“Forget it for a minute. If you were free of it…”
Luke looked down into her glowing face and felt something he hadn’t felt in over a decade—hope. He had been so afraid. Hell, he still was. But her question penetrated the wall he’d built around himself. If there was no chance of being ill? It was an easy answer.
“I’d ask you to marry me.”
She hadn’t expected that response, he realized, as her face paled and she dropped her hands from his arms.
He glanced at his watch, knowing he didn’t have much time. Liz and Cait expected him to be there soon and this might be his only chance to say what he needed to say. He’d wanted to make her understand that his reasons went far deeper than not wanting responsibility. Her ex-husband had destroyed so much of her confidence. If he could only give her one thing, it was that he wanted her to know that this was about him. That she had so much to offer someone.
But she was making him want things he’d convinced himself he’d never have. More than want. It was so close he could see it all within his reach.
“It occurs to me that in less than an hour from now I’m going to bury my father. And if I continue the way I’m going, I’m going to bury myself right with him, aren’t I?”
She nodded ever so slightly.
“You are the strongest woman I have ever met, Emily Northcott. No woman in her right mind would choose this. You should be running right now.”
“But I’m not.”
“No, you’re not.” His heart contracted as he realized the gift she’d truly given him. “You were strong for me when I wasn’t strong enough for myself. And I love you. But it doesn’t change the facts.”
“Then take the test.”
“As long as I don’t, there’s still hope…”
And as long as he didn’t, it would hang like a noose around his neck, slowly tightening. They both knew it.
“If I took the test…if it came back positive…would you promise to leave me?”
When he looked down at her face there were tracks of tears marring her makeup. “No,” she whispered. “I would not make such a promise. I would stay with you. No matter what the test says.”
“I don’t want this for you…”
“When you love someone you love all of them. Even the bits that aren’t perfect.” She smiled, though her lower lip quivered. “You know that, Luke. You knew it when you took in Homer. When you took in two lost strays like Sam and me.”
“You should have more children,” he continued, quite desperate now. “I know you want them. You said so when you talked about going back to school. I can’t put this on another generation, Emily.”
“Then you’d better have the test. Because you deserve to be a father, Luke. If not to your own…” she smiled up at him wistfully. “Sam adores you.”
“You’re asking me to make this permanent?”
“Yes. Yes I am. Either way. Unless you didn’t mean it when you said you loved me…”
Luke gripped her shoulders. “I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone!”
She smiled at him so sweetly he gathered her up in his arms and held on. “Damn, what did I ever do to deserve you?” His voice was ragged. Was it really possible? Could he possibly have a normal life? A wife and the son he’d always wanted? Sam was a gift. The son of his heart if not genetics. Over the last weeks, Luke had found himself listening for Sam’s laugh and missing it terribly. It had seemed that he should be there, playing with Homer, asking questions at the dinner table, tagging at Luke’s heels in the barn.
“Even considering this feels so selfish,” he admitted, pressing his lips to her hair.
“I know. Don’t you think I’ve felt it, too? But you deserve a chance at happiness, Luke. We both do. And I’ll be beside you every step of the way. If you’ll let me.”
“You aren’t afraid?”
“Of course I’m afraid. But you healed me, Luke. You made me see I still believed in love. In marriage. I want to grow old with you. And if that isn’t possible…I’ll take whatever time God gives us.”
She was right. He knew if he’d asked his parents, they would have said the same thing even had they known how their lives would be cut short. They had loved each other with a steadfastness that had been beautiful. Cait had found Joe and Liz had found Paul. Their relationships hadn’t always been easy. And neither was his with Emily. But he loved her. He wanted to spend his life with her. And if he were ever going to be selfish in his life, he figured he might as well make it count.
“What about school? Your job? I know your independence is important to you. I would never want to take that away from you, Em. Don’t get me wrong. I want to love you and provide for you and protect you. But I also want you to be your own person. To be happy. Whatever you want to do, the choice is ultimately yours.”
He knelt on one knee on the porch, clasping her hand in his. “So will you marry me, Emily? Marry me and let me be a father to Sam and bring a family home to this ranch?”
Her bottom lip wobbled and he squeezed her fingers. “Everything else we’ll figure out as we go along. I will spend every moment making sure you don’t regret it. No one will love you harder than me, Em.”
“Oh, Lord, I know that!” She knelt in front of him, pressing her palm to his.
“Do you mean it? Really mean it?”
He nodded. “Every word. Marry me, Emily.” He smiled. The weight that he’d carried for nearly as long as he could remember lifted. He pulled her close and kissed her, tasting lipstick and tears.
She nodded as he drew back and touched her lips with his thumb.
The phone rang and Luke knew they were running late. But for once his family would have to wait. He let it ring, waiting for Emily’s answer.
“Yes, I’ll marry you,” she whispered, and then her smile blossomed. “As soon as it can be arranged.”
EPILOGUE
THE DRIZZLY AUTUMN day couldn’t dampen the celebratory mood as the Evans extended family exited the church. First Liz and her brood, dressed all in pink. Then Joe, holding a squirming Janna in his arms and Cait with a hand over her slightly rounded belly. Emily’s parents, beaming with pride and squiring a handsome Sam in a new suit between them. And finally, Luke and Emily, grinning from ear to ear. Baby Elina was nestled in Emily’s arm, the heirloom Evans christening gown draped over Emily’s wrist.
Back at the farm Emily, Liz and Cait laid out food buffet style. Once the kids had filled their plates, the adults followed while Elina was changed into a frilly pink dress and passed between grandparents, aunts and uncles.
Emily and Luke stole a private moment in the kitchen while Liz and Cait flipped through the family albums, the music from the old stereo creating a joyful noise throughout the house.
“Happy anniversary,” Emily whispered.
“I first kissed you in this very spot. Do you remember?” Luke pressed his forehead to hers and Emily closed her eyes, wondering how on earth she’d ended up so blissfully happy.
“You cursed before you did it, you know. You were reluctant about everything…”
“Then I am a very lucky man that you persevered.”
“I knew a good thing when I saw it.”
“I love you, Emily. And our children.”
Today the minister had performed two baptisms. Not just baby Elina in her silk-and-lace gown, but also Sam, who hadn’t been baptized as a baby. Today Luke had claimed both children, even though the adoption of Sam had gone through months earlier.
“I love you, too. Are you ever going to kiss me though? We’re sure to be interrupted at any moment.”
He was laughing as he pressed his lips to hers, holding her close. She gave back equally, twining her arms around his neck and standing on tiptoe.
“Hey, Dad, can I change out of this suit and show the girl
s the new kittens?”
Sam’s voice announced his arrival in the kitchen and Luke muttered a light curse as Emily laughed and loosened her arms.
“Oh. Yuck,” Sam said.
“Yes, go change,” Luke said. “And be smart. We’ll both get in trouble if the twins get their dresses dirty.”
“Yes, sir.”
The swinging door flapped shut as Sam ran out.
“He called me Dad.” There was a note of wonder in Luke’s voice and Emily smiled.
“Em…when I think of all you’ve given me…I never would have had the courage to take the test if it hadn’t been for you. Suddenly I had more to gain than I had to lose.”
“And was it worth it?”
“You’d better believe it,” he replied confidently. “I never thought I’d have this. Never thought I’d have love, and a family of my own. I know there are no guarantees, even if it did come back negative. I’m going to grab every last drop of happiness I can.”
Emily’s heart was so full she couldn’t hold it all in any longer. “Hey, Luke, you know how we talked about the big family I always wanted?”
He raised his eyebrows as a slow smile curved up his cheek. “You thinking of trying again?”
She grinned back. “I think it’s too late for that,” she answered.
He reached out and took her hand. “Oh, Emily.”
“Do you suppose we’ll break the girl streak this time?” she asked.
“Who cares?” He raised their joined hands and kissed her thumb. “Every day with our family is a gift, and perfect—just the way it is.”
ISBN: 978-1-4592-0809-4
A FAMILY FOR THE RUGGED RANCHER
First North American Publication 2011
Copyright © 2011 by Donna Alward
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