by Lucy Gordon
Josie was speechless with the wonder of her first sight of Disneyland. Her grandparents took charge of her, happy as kids themselves.
"Let me show you the shops," Luke said, taking Pippa's hand. To the others he called, "You go on. Don't wait for us."
"Should we do that?" Pippa asked.
"You think it takes more than two people to look after our daughter? Anyway, she's busy wrapping them both around her little finger. We'd only cramp her style."
"You're right," she said. "This is a good chance for a private talk."
"Why do I feel suddenly nervous?"
"Because you have every reason to."
"Pippa, do you know that your eyes are glittering? In the old days they only did that when you were good 'n' mad about something. Usually me."
"Well, ten out of ten for observation! How dare you tell your mother that you asked me to marry you!"
"But I did."
"In a pig's eye you did!"
"I asked you, and you said no," he protested.
"Luke, there are ways and ways of asking people. There's when you're desperate for them to say yes, and when you're desperate for them to say no. No prizes for guessing which one you chose."
"And you think you're a mind reader, huh?"
"I didn't have to read your mind. You told it to me right from the start. No marriage, no domesticity, no babies, no being tied down. You couldn't have been plainer. So I took the hint. When you raised the subject of marriage-at a safe distance of five thousand miles-I said what you wanted me to say, just as I always did."
"Well, I'll be-"
"And then you went and told your mother it was all my fault-"
"Pippa, she asked me why I didn't marry you, and I said that I asked you and you said no-which was true-"
"It was a half-truth at best."
"Okay, I'll talk to her, tell how exactly how it was."
"No, need. I already have."
"So that's what you were doing with your heads together, pulling me apart-"
"I'd like to pull you apart," she seethed.
"Gee, this is like the old days! You wouldn't listen to reason then, and you won't now."
"Reason? Hah! You talking reason? That I should like to hear!"
"Pippa, you wouldn't recognize reason if it hit you in the eye."
"You know the answer to that."
''If you aren't the most ornery woman-I'll swear I-oh, to hell with it!"
"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" Luke had grabbed her hand and was hauling her after him.
"This way," he called over his shoulder.
"Luke-"
"Hurry." The next moment he was climbing aboard a horse-drawn carriage, giving her no choice but to follow. His hands were warm and firm, pulling her aboard, then just holding her while he laughed into her eyes.
"No," she said, trying to be firm. "I will not let you shut me up like this. Do you understand?"
"There's Mom and Dad with Josie. Wave to them."
Josie was carrying a huge candy floss. She waved ecstatically, and Pippa could do nothing but wave back, smiling to cover the fact that she was fuming. "I'll get you for this," she muttered.
"Look happy, or she won't be happy."
"Considering I'd like to chuck you in the nearest fountain I'm looking amazingly happy," Pippa said through gritted teeth. "And just what do you think you're doing?"
"I'm sliding my hand around your shoulder, friendly fashion-even if you don't deserve it," he said through his smile.
"I feel as friendly as a python at the moment," she said through hers. "Remove your hand right now."
"Nah, they'd suspect something. It's more convincing if I just tighten it around your shoulder-''
"I'm warning you-"
"And then draw you closer to me-like this-''
"You let me go this instant-Luke!"
He mustn't kiss her, because if he did her heart would melt, and she would forget why she was mad at him. She wanted to stay mad. That was always safest with Luke.
But it was too late to tell him he mustn't, and he wasn't taking any notice, anyway. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his mom, dad and Josie, all laughing with delight. Then the carriage passed on and they were out of sight.
"They've gone now, you can let me go," she said.
"Nope."
"You can't kiss me in the middle of Disneyland."
"What does it feel like I'm doing?"
She gave up arguing. The feeling that was spreading through her was taking over, silencing thought. It wasn't desire, or any physical sensation. It was sheer happiness, of a kind she'd almost forgotten: the happiness of being with this one man, in his arms, with nothing else to worry about-at least for a brief time.
And she had almost wasted that time in squabbling. Was she mad?
She kissed him back, then settled blissfully in the crook of his arm, feeling the years and the worries and the weariness fall away. Surely she could allow herself this one day?
"You're a scoundrel," she said. "But I forgive you."
"You always did. Not mad at me anymore?"
"I expect I am, really-only I forget why."
"It doesn't matter. Let's have fun."
"Oh, yes, please."
When the carriage halted he gave her his hand, helping her down as gallantly as any squire with his lady, and steered her straight into a shop where a collection of cooks were making chocolates before an admiring crowd. Luke bought a bagful and they strolled out again, munching.
"When I was a kid I used to bring girls here," he mused. "We all did. There was a set routine. You started with Sleeping Beauty's Castle to put her in a romantic mood, then you progressed to Thunder Mountain because when the cars went up and down she'd let you hold her tight. The clincher was the Haunted Mansion, because with any luck she'd hold you tight!"
She chuckled. "You're evil!"
"I know. It's been very useful."
They laughed together, and she slipped her arm about his waist.
"Shall we start from the beginning?" he asked, "and see if my technique's improved over the years?"
"No need. Let's take the early stages as read, and just wander."
"That sounds good."
As they strolled along Main Street he said, "I suppose in a sense we really have just met." There was a question in his eyes.
"Yes," she said, understanding him.
It was the perfect way. To meet again, without memories or pain, nothing in fact but the charm they had always had for each other: to meet practically as children, in an enchanted world.
Since coming to Los Angeles, Pippa had had a sense of unreality, as though she'd strayed into a hologram, and if she turned the wrong knob everything would vanish. Now that sense was heightened. She'd been given the chance to find Luke again in a dream, and when that dream was over the wounds would have healed, leaving her strong enough to face whatever she had to.
They stopped in a gift shop and he gallantly presented her with a Mickey Mouse necklace and a pair of earrings to match, assuring her solemnly that this had always "paid great dividends." Whereupon she made a sound that he called a snigger. She denied it, he insisted, and they were still arguing as they climbed aboard the railway.
When they left it they were arguing about something else in a manner that might kindly be described as "Yah! Sucks! Boo!" Josie chanced to come across them, and declared, enchanted, that she'd heard her father say, "So there!" although he insisted he'd actually said, "Take care," as Pippa neared a step. Pippa was unable to settle the argument as she was laughing too much to have heard what he said.
The two parties had lunch together. Josie, sporting a necklace and earring set that exactly matched Pippa's, talked nonstop. She was totally happy, not only with Disneyland, but with her new family, and Pippa's heart eased.
Afterward they split up again, Josie and entourage heading for Thunder Mountain, and Luke and Pippa for the calmer delights of the steamboat.
As
they leaned on the rail watching the water drift past, Luke said suddenly, "Pippa, can I ask you something?''
"Sure."
"If you could go back and wave a magic wand over the past few years-what would you change?"
Dangerous territory. The sun was so warm and the air so sweet that for a moment she almost admitted, "I would have liked to spend them with you." But to say that was to put emotional pressure on him, and risk everything she'd gained. Safer to pass it off lightly.
"I might not have wanted to run a guest house," she mused. "They're all lovely people, but it's the culinary equivalent of being exiled to Siberia. I created a new recipe once, a fruit dish with cherries and lemon and a mystery ingredient. I was feeling cross about being 'exiled' with all the stodge I had ft) cook, so I called it Siberian cherries. Josie loved it but everyone else thought I was mad."
"I wouldn't have," he said seriously.
"No, you'd have understood. I could always talk to you about things that meant a lot to me, and you picked it up at once. Other people just looked blank."
"It was like that for me," he said, much struck. "We talked the same kind of nonsense and understood the same kind of world, and we were almost telepathic. Do you remember how we used to finish off each other's sentences?"
"That's right." It was coming back to her. "I hated it if anyone else tried to do that, but I didn't mind with you, because you always got it right."
"So did you. Always." He straightened up, alert as though a momentous thought had come to him. "That's what we really had, wasn't it? The rest was…icing on the cake."
"Beautiful icing," she reminded him with a smile.
"The best. But underneath, we had a perfect cake, too." He took her hand and looked at it. "Wouldn't you change anything else?"
"No," she said after a moment.
"Nothing? Nothing at all?"
"What happened gave me Josie. And she's perfect. Thank you, Luke. Thank you for Josie. Thank you for everything. I've wanted to say that for a long time."
He was still tracing patterns on the back of her hand. "Nobody ever got to me the way you did."
"Nor me. We were very young and very intense about everything, weren't we? Too intense, maybe."
"I don't think so."
Something in his voice caught her, made her look up quickly, but he was still studying her hand, as though he feared to meet her eyes.
"Luke, I-"
There was a slight thump as the boat reached the landing stage. All around them people were getting to their feet, preparing to disembark. He raised her hand and kissed it and led her from the boat.
He kept hold of her hand until they met up again with the others, then let it discreetly fall. A riotous meal was followed by the fireworks display. Josie was openmouthed, staring up into the dark sky as it was flooded with brilliance. Luke's parents, too, seemed to be seeing it all for the first time.
Nobody was looking at Luke and Pippa. In the midst of that huge crowd they were invisible. Luke's hands were on either side of her face, his thumbs gently caressing her cheeks. His eyes were warm, and then his lips were on hers, as tenderly as a boy with his first kiss.
"Pippa," he whispered. "Pippa, my Pippa-"
He kissed her mouth softly, almost reverently. Her returning kiss was the same, loving rather than passionate. It was all part of the dream, and dream she would take it, not asking more, for that was when dreams died.
He seemed to understand that, too, for he drew back and rested his arms on her shoulders, his forehead against hers, his smiling eyes close to hers. Suddenly a tremor overtook him. In a shaking voice he said, "Oh, Pippa!" and pulled her close, not kissing her but burying his face against her neck in a bear hug. "Pippa, Pippa, Pippa!''
She hugged him back in the same way, her eyes closed as she guessed his were, so that the world contained nothing but their shared warmth and the tightness of their arms about each other. And neither of them saw the three interested pairs of eyes watching them.
It was midnight when they reached the home of Luke's parents, but they stayed for a quick snack. Pippa would have been glad to fade into the background and let Josie be the star, but Luke's mom had other ideas. She had called Pippa "my daughter-in-law," and it clearly hadn't been an idle remark. Now she treated her with conspicuous honor, and although she only repeated the dangerous words once, her feelings permeated the air. Pippa felt awkward, but Luke seemed surprisingly unfazed when she tackled him about it.
"She's a mother," he said. "It goes with the territory. She's been trying to settle me down with a good woman for years."
"Someone should tell her that good women give you a wide berth," Pippa replied crisply. "This is about Josie, not me."
"Well, she's not happy about the fact that her new granddaughter is going away in a few days," he retorted. "Maybe she's trying to tell you something."
"No, it's you she's trying to tell, and you ought to warn her off, Luke. It's not fair to anyone."
His mother called him at that point, so he didn't have to reply, but he gave her a strange look.
At last it was time to say goodbye, but only until the next night when the family was coming over to Luke's home to watch the show. His mother hugged Pippa fiercely. As they were in the front hall she seemed to remember something.
"Luke, before you go-"
"Yes, Mom?"
"Come here."
Obediently he went to stand in front of his mother, looking down at her, smiling. The next moment he was reeling back from the sharpest box on the ears she had ever given him.
"Hey, Mom!"
"That's for not telling us! Ten years of our grandchild we've missed. You should be ashamed."
"I am, Mom. Promise." He backed hastily from the martial light in his mother's eye.
He got hastily into the car, rubbing his ear. As they pulled away from the curb he complained to Pippa, "If I'm not being bullied by her, I'm being bullied by you. If I'm not being bullied by you, I'm being bullied by Claudia. If I'm not being bullied by Claudia, I'm being bullied by my daughter. That guy who talked about the monstrous regiment of women sure knew what he was talking about." There was a giggle from the back seat. "And you can hush up!"
Josie made no answer, but after a few minutes Luke became aware of a strange sound coming from the back seat.
"Josie? You're not crying, are you?''
"Not really, it's just-we came all this way, and we don't have much time together, and…and you had to get mad at me…and-" She choked into silence.
Luke slammed the car into the side of the road. He was out in a moment, pulling open the rear door, flinging himself inside, taking his daughter in his arms.
"Honey, I'm sorry, I'm not really mad at you. Please…please darling, don't cry. There baby… please…I can't stand it…just tell me what you want, Daddy will make it right."
"Luke," Pippa said patiently, "it's like taking candy from a baby. Mind you, I fell for it the first few times, too."
"She's upset-" Another suspicious sound made him look sharply at Josie. The tears had magically vanished, and the child was making unconvincing efforts to control her laughter. "Why you…!"
"Oh, Daddy, if you could see your face!"
"You…?"
"I learned how to do it in drama class at school."
"You little wretch-come here!" He swept her up into a hug so fierce that she gasped. She returned it plus interest, her arms tight about his neck until he almost choked. Pippa rested her arm on the back of her seat and her chin on her arm, watching them with deep satisfaction.
She had all she'd asked for when she came here, including a return of the dream, for just one day. And now that the day was over, she had no complaints. She was far richer than she had been this morning.
Chapter Eight
By the time they reached home, Josie was fast asleep on the back seat. Luke carried her inside and laid her gently on the bed. Josie awoke just enough for Pippa to help her undress, then nodded off again at on
ce. They crept out.
Pippa yawned. "I'll just have some tea, and then I'll turn in, too."
"Not yet," Luke begged, sliding his arms around her and trying to kiss her.
"Luke, no," she said, pressing a hand against his chest.
"What is it?"
"Today was lovely, but we were on vacation-"
"Well, we still are." He tightened his arms and this time managed to touch her mouth with his own. She was shaken by the temptation to yield. It had been a lovely day. Couldn't it last just a little longer?
"Pippa, things have been very strange between us since you arrived, and I suppose they were bound to be. But today-it was different-something happened between us."
"Something happened between the boy and girl we were pretending to be, but that doesn't really count."
"It could if we wanted it to," he murmured, brushing her forehead with his lips. "Don't you want to?"
"No, I…I don't-"
His lips were caressing her cheek, her jaw. "Do you really mean that?''
"I don't know, but you're not being fair. Please, Luke, let me go. It's been lovely, but now we have to be sensible."
"Sensible?" he whispered against her mouth. "Us?"
"Yes-us," she whispered back. She couldn't resist softly touching his hair, wanting him even as she denied him. And the yearning little voice inside cried, "Just this once."
"No!" she said in alarm, pulling herself free of him. Trembling she turned to face him, seeing his shocked face, fighting not to let her feelings run away with her.
"I'm sorry, Luke, but can't you see it's too late? We can't put the clock back. We pretended for a day, and it was wonderful, but it's over now, and this is reality."
"Reality." Luke gave a grunt of mirthless laughter. "How I always hated that word."
"Yes, me, too, sometimes. And this is one of them."
"Then-"
"Darling, please. Everything's different. I'm different." She gave a wan smile. "I grew up and became sensible. I'm afraid there's no getting rid of it now."
"No," he said heavily. "I guess not. I'm sorry, Pippa, I guess I misunderstood-a lot of things." He seemed to pull himself together. "You're right of course. We can't put the clock back. I was out of line. Forget it. I'll make you that tea. I'm famous for my English tea."
