by Cole Gibsen
Kim frowned. “Then you see why you can’t go home. She’s safer with you gone.”
Crap. He had a point. “I guess … ”
“Good.” He cut me off. “Then let’s get going.”
I followed him, but stopped short before walking into the lobby. “Wait!”
His shoulders slumped, as if bracing for another argument.
I crossed my arms. “How did you know I was here?”
“Truthfully … ” He appeared to search for the words as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “I’m not sure. I was sound asleep when a feeling of alarm woke me up. I don’t know how—but I knew something was happening at the dojo. When I looked out my window I saw a car in the parking lot. I walked over to find out what was going on, and I got attacked by some crazy person.”
I cocked my head. “So now you think I’m crazy?”
He laughed, and my body warmed like bathing in sunlight. “No more than I am, Rileigh. But how about a deal? Next time you want in, come get me. I’ve got a key.”
I turned away from him so he wouldn’t be able to see my cheeks burn.
He laughed again. “Let’s go.”
I followed him outside and around the building into the big grassy lot between his dojo and a small apartment complex. As we crossed the field, I admired the night. It amazed me how Kim and I were only separated by twenty miles, and yet his night sky was completely different than mine. My sky always looked like an out-of-focus photograph; the stars dull, like diamonds caked in grease. This sky was open, endless, the stars pulsing with life like lightning bugs lit on fire.
It wasn’t until Kim put his key into the door lock that I noticed we’d arrived at his apartment. That’s when my stomach sank to my knees. Just the other night I’d stood on my porch waiting for Whitley to kiss me. And now I was on a different doorstep, with a different guy and entirely different feelings.
Kim caught my hesitation. “What’s the matter?”
How could I begin to explain? Things were changing between us faster than I could figure them out. I felt overwhelmed, almost to the point of suffocation. I knew if I just moved closer to Kim, if I touched him, I would be able to breathe and the heaviness would subside. But that was wrong. That wasn’t me. I was independent. I didn’t need anyone, let alone ache to stand in their presence.
There had to be an explanation. Maybe the voice in my head was gaining more control over me, and like the overwhelming desire I had to fight Devil-boy, it was influencing my feelings toward Kim. But what if the longing to press myself against Kim’s chest and let his arms envelop me was my own? I couldn’t decide which scared me more.
Kim’s forehead knit into worried lines.
My pulse quickened. “You know, it’s late.” I held up my shredded hands. “This is no big deal, really. I’m sorry I woke you up and then attacked you. Really sorry. You don’t need to worry, though; I bet I can bunk with Q.” I turned from him before he had a chance to argue, but wound up almost bumping my forehead against his chest from the other side. Startled, I took several steps backward, which put me inside his living room. “How do you do that?” I demanded.
He frowned, ignoring my question. “Rileigh, you can go if you like, but I would feel much better if you’d let me dress your hands first. I have no other motive.” He held three fingers up and marked an invisible cross over his chest with the other. “Samurai honor.”
I tried to suppress a laugh, but failed. “Fine, but I’m just staying long enough for you to fix up my hands.”
“Deal.”
He moved past me and I followed him the rest of the way into his apartment, which, though small, made me feel like I was walking through an art gallery. The first thing I noticed was a colorful kimono, folded in half with the arms wide, laid out under glass and mounted against the wall over a plain brown sofa. Without invitation, I walked over to the kimono and placed my hand against the glass. I closed my eyes and could almost feel the lines of embroidery slide against my skin. I shivered.
Turning from the display, I examined the various Japanese prints that surrounded it. Large black brushstrokes portrayed majestic mountains overlooking a crystal lake. I could feel the crunch of rocks under my feet and hear the chiming melody of exotic birds. The next picture showed a peaceful creek twisting through a valley; the crash of rushing water sounded close enough to dive into.
The different noises collided inside my head, leaving me dizzy. The room swam in a mix of mountain breeze, rushing water, and chirping birds. My world tilted to one side and then the other. I reached out blindly for something to grasp, and Kim was suddenly there, cradling me in his arms.
“Rileigh?” His worried face loomed over me.
“Did you plan this?” I accused, at the same time willing myself not to throw up.
“I swear to you I did not.” His expression left no doubt.
I nodded and pushed myself out of his arms. “It’s a little intense here. Can we go somewhere … calmer?”
He led me by the hand toward the back of the small kitchen. As we drew closer to a rice paper screen, I could hear the screaming horses and samurai battle cries emanating from the war scene painted on it. The thundering of hooves grew so loud, I thought my head might burst. I squeezed my eyes shut and didn’t open them again until I felt the linoleum under my feet give way to carpet. The sounds of battle disappeared. I opened my eyes and a king-size bed lay before me. I turned to Kim, who had the decency to look embarrassed.
He gave my hand a tug. “It’s a small apartment,” he explained. “There’s only one bathroom and it’s in the bedroom.”
I started to follow him the rest of the way to the bathroom, but I caught sight of something that made me stop dead in my tracks. “What are those?” I gently pulled my hand out of his and walked to the foot of the bed. Mounted on the wall over the headboard, and crossed so they formed an “X,” were two of the most magnificent weapons I had ever seen. The first blade was a katana, but unlike any I had seen before. I clenched my hands into tight fists at my side, fighting the urge to touch it. The handle had been wrapped in gold thread, embedding a nickel-sized blue sapphire at the base. The second blade was identical, only larger. It appeared to be as long as I was tall, and then some.
Kim appeared at my side. “The larger blade is a nodachi.” He smiled, admiring the weapon along with me.
“Nodachi,” I whispered. The light filtering in through the thin screen reflected off of the blade, making it look like it was made from blue flames instead of steel. “It’s beautiful.”
“Yes.” He smiled. “It is.” He moved to the side of the bed and stared down the length of the sword. “It’s my favorite weapon. It was designed to kill the horses the enemies rode, but I found it more useful for beheading the riders when I fought from the ground.” His eyes were lost and I realized he was speaking to me from another place, if not another time.
I shivered, hoping that this artifact wouldn’t talk to me as the others had.
After a moment, Kim chuckled and shook his head. “Sorry. It looks like you’re not the only one getting swept away by the past.” He rubbed his hands together. “Let’s get you taken care of.”
I followed him into the small bathroom, which was as neat and tidy as the rest of the house. He closed the toilet lid and motioned for me to sit down.
While Kim rummaged through the small linen closet, I waited, sitting on the cool porcelain, staring at the crusty flakes of blood that had dried around my knuckles. Finally he emerged with peroxide, gauze, and medical tape in hand.
“I meant to ask you,” he said, kneeling in front of me and moistening a cotton ball with peroxide. “Before you tried to pummel me, why were you beating the snot out of my training bag?”
I smiled at his phrasing. “I’m not exactly sure. I was so worked up over everything that happened tonight. I thought I’d try to follow the guy who stole the katana, but he slipped away before I could get outside. I didn’t know what to do, so I started
driving. I didn’t set out to go to the dojo.” I shrugged. “I just ended up there.”
Kim nodded without looking up from the cotton ball. He dabbed the antiseptic against my tattered skin, and the pain that followed blurred my vision. I sucked in a quick breath to keep from yelping.
“Sorry,” he said, tapping the cotton ball lightly against my skin. “I’ll try to be fast.” He threw the bloody cotton into the trash and went about wetting another one. Before he went back to work on my hands, he asked, “What would you have done if you walked in on the intruder while he was in your room?”
I squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to keep them from tearing up. “I don’t know,” I hissed through clenched teeth. “Ever since this whole possession thing started, I never know what I’m going to do next.” When Kim frowned, I made a correction. “Sorry. I forget you call it an awakening. You say po-tae-to and I say po-tah-to.”
He continued to dab at the blood on my hands as the tendons on his jaw flexed slowly, like a horse chewing on a lemon. “So you would not have touched the sword? Even if your life depended on it?”
I shifted uncomfortably on the toilet lid.
Kim threw more bloody cotton away. “I will tell you a secret, Rileigh. I used to envy those who went through this life completely unaware, happy in their dormant mind state.”
That was a shocker. If anyone in the world could be a spokesman for transcending, I thought that person would be Kim.
He laughed at me. “You look surprised.”
“I am,” I answered. “Did the awakening disrupt your life, too?”
“Yes.” He smiled, but there was a heaviness to his eyes. He looked past me as he reached for a box of gauze. “But I guess I had time to get used to it.”
“When did you awaken?”
“I was three, almost four years old … ” He brought both of my hands up to his mouth and my heart froze inside my chest, waiting for the brush of his lips.
Instead, he blew lightly across my knuckles, forcing the breath from my throat. Only when he released my hands to get the gauze was I able to inhale again.
“What?” My voice cracked.
He nodded, his eyes focused on the gauze he wrapped around my hands. “It’s rare for it to happen to someone so young.” He shrugged before reaching for the medical tape. “I guess I was just unlucky that way.”
“I don’t get it. I would think it would be a relief to know right away, and so much less confusing.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he replied. “Some of the first memories of this life that I can recall are of remembering the old one. I was only a young boy, and to have all of those images … the battles alone.” He shook his head and cut the tape. “It was very difficult. I didn’t have a chance to establish myself.”
“What do you mean?”
Kim gathered the medical supplies and stood up. “Because I awakened at such a young age, this isn’t really a new life for me—it’s a continuation of the old one. I didn’t get to grow up like a normal teenager. I tried to date, but it was pointless. No one could measure up to the girl I lost in Japan—the girl that haunts my dreams, my heart, and now my toilet.”
I blushed and pretended to study the tops of my tennis shoes.
Kim continued. “I gave up on school too, because in my mind, school is for people who have choices. I have none—I am a samurai.” He sighed and turned away, but it was too late. I’d seen the pain in his eyes.
“What about your parents? Didn’t they want you to have a life and go to college?”
His lips pressed into a weary smile. “They died two years ago in a car accident. They never knew. I did everything I could to hide it from them.” He crossed the room to the closet. After placing the supplies back inside, he turned to me with a smile. “Don’t look so sad,” he told me. He walked over to me and crouched down in front of me, meeting my eyes. “I’ve made my peace and moved on.”
Liar. The sorrow that etched his smile and tightened his back was undeniable. “How do you make your peace with something like that?”
“My parents were wonderful people, and I am grateful for the time I had with them in this life.”
“But you didn’t have much of a life!”
He smiled again, but his eyes strained from the forced effort. “When I was a child, the memories of the past were difficult because they reminded me of everything I had lost. It wasn’t until after my parents’ death that I realized it didn’t have to be that way. I didn’t have to be alone. By meeting others like me—like us,” he corrected himself, “I learned that my friends, my family, all the people that I loved were still out there.” He sat back against the wall opposite me. “I just had to find them.”
I folded my hands together to keep from reaching out to him. “So you’ve spent your whole life looking for people from the past?”
“Well, mostly just for you,” he answered.
My throat tightened. I distracted myself by picking at the new bandages on my hands.
Kim continued. “I didn’t care if you experienced the awakening or not. It didn’t matter to me if you would ever remember me. I just wanted to find you and make sure you were happy.” He looked down at the ground. “There are many things I can handle, Rileigh, but not having you in my life isn’t one of them. Look, I know you barely know me, and you are dating … some guy.” His mouth twitched slightly. “I’m not asking anything from you, except that I could be your friend.” He tilted my chin and forced my reluctant eyes to meet his own. “That would be enough for me.”
The tension in the room had built to an overwhelming level, and I had to fight to keep from squirming. “Are you sure you don’t want anything more?”
The corner of his lip folded into an upside-down smirk. “The truth? I’ve wanted nothing more than to hold you from the second I saw you.” He shrugged. “I’m not saying that this won’t be hard on me, but I want to try if you’ll let me.”
Before I could answer, the cool wind stirred inside of my mind. Remember.
I shivered. It was as if a veil was lifted from my mind, just enough that I could see Kim for who he really was. I remembered. I saw his brilliant smile from across a garden of falling cherry blossoms. I felt his muscled arms pluck me off a blood-stained battlefield and secure me onto his horse’s saddle. I smelled the musk of his sandalwood cologne as we awoke every morning, intertwined like the branches of a tree.
I remembered how much I loved him. No, that wasn’t right. I curled my fingers around the toilet lid in an attempt to remain upright under the flood of memories. I gasped. That was it. While the experiences were memories, the feelings weren’t. My need for Kim, my longing, surpassed anything I’d ever experienced before. I wondered if my heart would break under the strain.
“No,” I heard myself whisper.
Kim flinched, and then lowered his eyes to the floor. “I understand.”
“No.” I stared at him, my eyes heavy with unshed tears. “You don’t understand at all.” I slid off my perch and kneeled on the floor. “I don’t want you to try to be my friend, and I don’t want to be yours.”
Kim reached out and traced my jawline with his thumb. The sensation made my breath catch in my throat. “Then tell me, Rileigh, what do you want?” His face inched closer to mine until I could feel the warmth of his breath against my neck.
I shivered, lifting my chin in invitation. He obliged, weaving fingers in my hair as his teeth grazed the tender spot below my ear. “I want,” I whispered, not quite knowing how to finish the sentence. It was suddenly so hot in the tiny bathroom, I couldn’t think.
I tried again. “I want—” But I never finished.
Kim’s arms were around me. One hand knotted in my hair, and the other pulled me onto his lap. I braced a hand against his unyielding chest, enjoying the sensation of hard muscles flexing beneath my fingertips. He kissed the skin beneath my ear, then worked his way along my jaw, into the corners of my mouth, and finally ended on my lips.
I felt my body ignite. The world seemed to move. I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck to keep us from falling apart.
Kim tightened his grip and I could no longer determine where he ended and I began. It was like we were melting together.
I pulled away with a gasp.
Kim grinned, and it was nothing short of heart-stopping. “I’m sorry, but I’ve waited a lifetime for that.” He reached behind me for what I thought was going to be another kiss, but instead lifted my hair up with his hands and let it spill through his fingers around my shoulders like a curtain. “This can’t be real. I’ve dreamt of this for so long. And now you’re here, my Senshi. I’m so afraid I’m still dreaming.”
“Yoshido,” I replied, then jerked upright and out of his arms. “Holy crap!” I dropped my forehead into my palm.
Kim snapped forward. “What is it? What is wrong?”
I shook my head. “Oh no. No. No. No.”
He frowned and reached for me.
I scurried to my feet. “Don’t you get it?” I asked.
His eyes widened, but he said nothing.
“That wasn’t me! That was the other girl. Senshi! She’s trying to take over, just like I thought!”
29
Kim slowly rose to his feet. “Rileigh, calm down. Tell me—”
“I’ll tell you!” I shouted, then took a breath to steady myself. “I would never call you Yoshido. I don’t know a Yoshido. I only know Kim.”
“Yes, you do. You know my name was once Yoshido.”
“No, I didn’t! Drew, Braden, and Michelle told me their names from the past, but I never knew yours. I had no way of knowing.” I struggled for a moment to make sense of the thoughts tumbling inside of my mind. “Senshi knew,” I whispered.
“You’re not making sense.”
My pulse skipped in my veins as I pulled the pieces together. “It makes total sense. Senshi knows your name was Yoshido so obviously she was the one who spoke it out loud. It couldn’t have been me, even subconsciously. I’d never even heard the name Yoshido until it came out of my mouth. It’s proof that I’m losing control!”
