by JD Nixon
“Good,” said Fiona, pleased with the response. “Now that the men are focused and got their minds off their dicks for once, let’s get down to business. I haven’t got all day and I’m gagging on the stink of cow shit already.”
“There’s only a handful of cows around here, ma’am,” I pointed out politely.
“Must be those Bycrafts I can smell then. Whatever. It fucking reeks in this town.” She turned to Bum. “Get your notepad out, dipshit! I want you to get your head out of your arse and do some work for once.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He scrambled to open his notebook and have his pen poised, ready to write. I almost felt sorry for him having to work so closely with Fiona, day in, day out. Almost.
She skilfully took us through the day’s events from when we began our community beat. When we reached the part about taking Lola Bycraft to the lockup, she stopped her questioning, an incredulous expression on her face.
“And which one of you numb-nuts thought that was a good idea?” she demanded, her sharp blue eyes scorching first the Sarge, then me. It was a test of sorts, because she knew it wouldn’t have been me.
I stayed silent, looking down at my bare feet, possibly the one part of me that currently wasn’t bruised. The Sarge spoke up without hesitation. “That was me, ma’am.”
She shook her head sadly. “Jesus! It’s always the fucking same – the better-looking they are, the dumber they are. And you, Maguire, are as dumb as a box of rocks. Tess!” She made me jump. “Why didn’t you tell Sergeant Shit-for-brains here that it was a stupid idea to lock up that old bitch-hag?”
I didn’t want to answer because that would be disloyal.
The Sarge jumped in again. “She did, ma’am, but I wouldn’t listen to her. I was angry that Mrs Bycraft spat on me.” We exchanged a glance and he gave me a small remorseful smile. I gave him a smaller one in return. I also gave him major points for owning up to a screw-up in front of Fiona and not blaming me for anything. He couldn’t have been more different to Des at that moment if he’d tried.
“Fuck a duck! Can you two save your lovefest for later in the backseat of your patrol car like the rest of us? Just answer the questions so I can get the fuck out of this backwards shithole before I start wanting to root a goat and marry my own brother.”
“Your brother’s pretty cute,” I reminded her, eyeing her steadily. “And we’ve got some real talented goats around these parts, if you know what I mean. You could do a lot worse, ma’am.”
Fiona’s mouth slammed shut and a rare, beautiful smile crossed her face, lighting up her features, making her look twenty years younger and sweetly pretty. She turned to the two men. “And that’s why I’ll always respect Tessie Fuller a hundred times more than I’ll ever respect any of you swinging-dicks. She makes me smile, and there’s not much in this arse-fucking world that can make me smile anymore, but she can.”
She dropped the smile and continued questioning me. She led me through the ambush at the station, even making me stand up and demonstrate exactly what I did and what they did, and that’s why she was such a good detective – she was thorough, never sloppy and never missing any information, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant. When she’d finished questioning me at home, she wanted me go down to the station and re-enact the assault.
When I groaned in complaint, she argued back, banging her fist on the armrest of the chair to stress her points. “Look Tess, I want a guaranteed [bang] conviction on these arsewipe [bang] Bycrafts, so we’re going to make sure our fucking case [bang] is absolutely solid [bang] and tighter than Red Bycraft’s arsehole when he steps back into prison [two bangs for extra emphasis].”
She sat back and fixed me with those bright eyes. “I really want to see Red Bycraft locked up permanently. He’s a cold-blooded predator and I want him off the streets of Wattling Bay as soon as possible before he attacks again. Jesus fucking Christ, Tess! If you’d seen the injuries he left on that young girl. She’s scarred for life, physically and mentally. She’ll never be able to trust a man again.” She glared at the Sarge and Bum accusingly as if they were both rapists-in-waiting and shook her head in genuine sorrow at Red’s last victim. The last victim he was locked up for, anyway. Poor Sharnee didn’t count officially.
There was no way I could argue with that, so the four of us trooped out of my house only to meet Jake walking up the front stairs, still in his uniform, his overnight bag slung over his shoulder. The Sarge and Bum tensed, shooting him overtly hostile glances that he returned doublefold, while Fiona regarded them all, hands on her hips, cynically amused half-smile on her lips. Her blue eyes were bright with mischief. Mine was the only welcoming face for him, but even then I secretly wished he hadn’t come.
“Fuck me!” Fiona said loudly. “Smell the testosterone spraying out around here, Tessie. The stench is unbearable. I reckon we’ll see a cockfight over you if we hang around long enough, there’s so much competition for biggest dick dominance going on right now. Someone better call David Attenborough fast. It’s fascinating animal behaviour.”
“Stop it, ma’am!” I remonstrated with sharp embarrassment, before turning to Jake. “What are you doing here, honey-boy? I wasn’t expecting you.”
“The boss let me swap my shift so I could be here for you tonight, Tessie.” He put his arm around me and gently kissed me on the cheek, his gaze sweeping over the other three with none of his usual friendliness. I guess he’d heard from his family about the arrests.
“I have to go down to the station with Fiona and Bum. I’m being interviewed.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No, you won’t,” said Fiona straight away.
That ruffled his feathers. “Why the hell not? Tessie needs my support right now and I’m going to give her that.”
She turned to me and shook her head in mock bewilderment. “Another one who’s too hot for words, but almost too stupid to breathe.” Then she turned back to him. “Because Jake – and I’ll try to say this in words of one syllable or less just for your benefit because you’re a Bycraft – this is an official investigation into an assault against our Tessie by four of your fucking repulsive relatives, who are now, thank Christ, safely in custody so they can’t hurt her even more. You are not welcome to join in the investigation. And fucking forgive me if I question your motives for wanting to join us in the first place.” She stamped off down the stairs, uncaring of how offended he was by her insinuation regarding his intent or her comment on his intelligence. She turned back to the rest of us. “Come on! Get your arses in the car. And I don’t mean tomorrow.”
The Sarge and Bum rushed to obey, both shooting Jake toxic glances as they did. I didn’t rush off, but stayed to hug him. “I have to go with them. What are you going to do, Jakey?”
“I’ll wait here for you and keep Trev company.”
“Dad’s not here right now. He’s at the pub.”
“Okay,” he sighed. “I’ll potter around then and make you dinner.” He looked down at me and tenderly brushed my hair away from the stitches on my forehead, undiluted love shining in his eyes. “Is that all right, my beautiful girl? Or do you think I’m trying to spy on the investigation for my family too?”
“The thought never crossed my mind,” I said honestly. Bum blared the horn and made us both jump. “I gotta go, but please stay with me tonight, Jakey. I really, really need someone to hug.”
“Course I will. I love you.” I smiled up at him, hugged him fiercely, and limped down the stairs as fast as I was able, before clambering into the backseat of the patrol car next to the Sarge. Jake watched pensively from the verandah as we drove down the driveway out on to the highway. I waved at him as we left, but I was the only one who did.
Chapter 18
“Why do you go out with a Bycraft anyway, Tessie? They’re nothing but animals,” asked Bum, meeting my eyes in the rearview mirror.
“Because Jake’s not an animal and he’s fucking hot, you dildo,” replied Fiona for me, loo
king out the window with boredom. She hated the country. “Haven’t you seen Tessie’s face after a night with him? He’s obviously a smoking hot screw, unlike you, you limp-dicked early-squirter. He’s giving our Tessie the ride of her life and he treats her like a princess to boot. And, besides, everybody knows the Bycrafts are all hung like horses.”
“Can we please stop talking about my private life? It’s nobody’s business who I go out with or why,” I insisted, annoyed that people still felt my relationship with Jake was a topic for casual conversation. Bum desisted, but continued to mutter about it under his breath all the way to the station, shooting me glances in the mirror.
When we pulled into the carpark and alighted from the car, Fiona looked up at the station and groaned.
“Oh Jesus! I’d forgotten what a third-world hovel this place is. You still got those Sunday-roasts-on-legs living in the lockup, Tessie?”
“No, ma’am, the Sarge made me move my girls out. They’re living at home now.”
“Good for you, Maguire. The only time I like animals is when they’re on my plate, swimming in gravy,” she said, stalking up to the front door, tapping her foot impatiently while the Sarge unlocked it.
“God,” she exclaimed derisively as she took in the simple surroundings of the counter area.
We took them to the back room that was in the same state of disarray as we’d left it earlier in the day.
“They really made a meal of you, didn’t they, Tessie?” Bum said angrily, looking around at the upturned furniture.
That was genuinely nice of him and I appreciated his empathy, but I was embarrassed. “The chair and the pot plant were me,” I confessed, everyone’s eyes on me. “And that dent in the filing cabinet too. I had a temper tantrum afterwards.”
“Anger’s good,” said Fiona mildly. “Better than tears.”
“There were those too.”
“Never mind, you’re only human,” she said, disappointed. “Now run me through the whole story again.”
So I did, performing for them a strange type of dance, choreographed by fear and pain, as I re-enacted my fight with those four men as best as I could remember. She shot questions at me the whole time, helping me recall even the smallest details, barking at Bum to write down this or that. The Sarge stood quietly to the side, leaning on the wall, arms and ankles crossed, watching me the entire time with an unreadable and closed expression on his face.
When I reached the part where I shot Red, I stopped. “Ma’am, I’m worried about getting into trouble for shooting Red Bycraft in the arm.”
“You should be worried. You’re in trouble with me about it already,” she snapped out.
I looked at her anxiously, waiting for a reaming or to be told I was going to be investigated by the police integrity unit. There would be an investigation of course, as there was after every police shooting, but I’d hoped it would be done close to home and not by anyone in the city who didn’t understand the local Bycraft situation.
Fiona continued, “You should have shot him in the dick instead while you had the chance. No, better still, in the fucking head. I know you’re a good shot, Tessie, so next time don’t miss, okay?”
I breathed out heavily in relief, my eyes closed. She came over to me, sliding her arm around my shoulder.
“You weren’t really worried about it, were you?” I simply nodded, not able to speak, close to those traitorous tears again. She noticed, as she would. “There isn’t a cop in Wattling Bay who wouldn’t want to plug a bullet into Red Bycraft’s skull if they had the opportunity and could make it look like an accident.” She gazed into my face and a fleeting affectionate expression crossed her features. “Tessie, you did a good job here today, and we’re all very proud of you. Once again, you showed those Bycrafts that you’re not going to lie down and die like they expect. We’re going to make sure those bastards get what they deserve. And don’t worry, I’ll be doing the investigation into the shooting and I’ve already decided that you have no case to answer to.”
Pep talk over, she hardened up and commenced interrogating me again. But by the second hour I was flagging badly. The painkiller the doctor gave me had worn off a long time ago and I was in great need of some dinner, more painkillers and a hug from someone. My head thumped badly and I couldn’t stop thinking about Jakey, hoping desperately that he’d still be there when I finally returned home. I righted the chair I’d kicked over that morning and plonked myself down in it, propping up my weary head with one hand, while Fiona made sure she had every little detail straight.
I would never dream of telling her that I was exhausted. You didn’t admit to human weakness around Fiona. She couldn’t be further removed from a sympathetic, maternal, loving woman, but I found her endlessly supportive of me, an inspiring mentor and a relentless champion. For some reason she’d taken a shine to me from the second we’d met when I was a critically injured toddler and she was a fresh-faced detective constable thrown into her first murder investigation – that of my mother’s. Being childless, maybe saw me as some kind of daughter-figure. And maybe, having been motherless myself almost my whole life, I saw some well-hidden hint of motherliness in her that I responded to. Whatever. It worked for us, and I’d always found her entertaining and enjoyed her company immensely. And I especially loved watching her dish it out to men. Being a young woman myself, I’d copped my fair share of chauvinistic behaviour since I’d joined the force, as I’m sure she had also at my age. To see her put arrogant men in their place with a few sharp words was priceless. I never grew tired of it.
But eventually even Fiona had asked every question she needed to. By then I had laid my head in my arms on the table and closed my eyes, wearily mumbling answers to her.
“Inspector,” spoke up the Sarge finally. “Tess has had a traumatic day and she’s exhausted. I think I should take her home to bed.”
Fiona stiffened and spun around to face him. “Excuse me, Maguire? Did I just hear you correctly? Fuck me, but you’re bold! Tessie, wake up!”
I sprang up, eyes wide. “I’m awake! I wasn’t sleeping, I swear.”
“This man,” and she pointed at the Sarge, much to his surprise, “is talking about getting you into bed. I swear to Christ that’s all he thinks about when he’s near you.”
“What?” the Sarge and I said simultaneously, glancing at each other askance.
“He didn’t say –” I started.
“I didn’t mean –” he started.
“The Sarge is engaged,” I told her, as if that resolved the matter entirely.
Fiona directed her terrifying gaze on him. “Engaged? Who the fuck bothers getting engaged these days? It’s like being half-pregnant. Either you’re married or you’re not. None of this ‘engaged’ shit. My Ronnie and I met at a nightclub, banged each other’s brains out the entire weekend and got married four weeks later. Been married for over twenty years of happiness now. When are you getting married?”
“We haven’t settled on a date yet,” he said edgily, clearly not wishing to discuss his personal life.
“Why not? How long have you been engaged?”
“With all respect, ma’am, I think that’s my business, not yours,” he said, displeased with her aggressive inquisitiveness. He straightened up and was about to become bolshie with her, I could tell from his antagonistic stance.
I stood up and yawned, stretching as much as I could with all of my injuries. “I really do need to go to bed, Fiona. I’m whacked. And Jakey’s waiting for me at home.”
It did the trick and she turned her attention back to me and away from him, coming over to me and hugging me tightly. The Sarge shot me a grateful glance, conscious of my diversionary tactics. “Of course you’re whacked, sweetheart.” She let me go and turned to the Sarge. “Maguire, take Tessie home now. And don’t you fucking try anything on with her or you’ll have me to answer to, got it?”
“Yes, ma’am. Clear as glass,” he said, his tone bordering on insolent. They exchanged an icy
stare, sheer dislike in her eyes. He returned it twice over. She let it go, although I knew that she had made a mental note of his attitude.
She turned back to me. “Tessie, I’ll be in touch. To take your mind off this shitarse day you've had, you go home and get Jake to fuck you so hard that you scream. And not just once. Make him get it up it a couple of times. You won’t even be able to remember your own name afterwards, let alone what you’ve been through. Always works for me.”
It was excellent advice, but I was cringing with embarrassment yet again about how blunt she was being in front of the two men. I didn’t want them thinking about me being intimate with Jake. I didn’t dare look at either of them, sensing that they were both eyeing me speculatively, Bum overtly, the Sarge more discreetly. They were probably wondering how Jake was going to go about such an energetic activity with such an injured woman.
The Inspector spoke again and we all jumped to attention. “Come on, Bum! Move your arse. I want to get back to fucking civilisation before they get the banjos out. A high-maintenance pretty boy like you isn’t going to last long out here in Survivor-land surrounded by sex-starved mouth-breathers.”
“We have shops here you know, ma’am,” I reminded her. “We even have a school. It’s hardly Survivor territory.”
She snorted with scorn and they jumped into their unmarked and sped off into the night back to Big Town.
“Let’s take my old bomb home,” I said to the Sarge. “Then you can pick up the patrol car.” I stopped suddenly in alarm and he ran into the back of me, grabbing my arms to stop me stumbling forward. “My keys! I don’t know where they are! I dropped them earlier.”
