So he wasn't independently wealthy. No surprise. That wasn’t something I ever cared about anyway, although I was disappointed that he was spending what little he had on expensive dates with me. He didn’t need to do that to impress me. If anything, it just made me feel guilty—even more so now that I saw how he was living.
Not that the guilt had been a factor in why I slept with him again. No, there was definitely no guilt involved in that decision. That was pure and primal desire.
I just wished I wasn't so inexperienced. Matthias pretended not to notice, which was very gracious, but I still felt like an idiot with no idea what I was doing half the time.
Like when he’d had me ride him for the first time, and I ended up ripping the condom when I tried to pull him out after we were done. He laughed it off, and eventually I was able to shelve my embarrassment and laugh it off too. But then not an hour later I accidentally elbowed him in the face just as we were starting to go again. We had to take a breather that time because we started laughing so hard.
It was fun, though. I couldn’t deny that. It helped that I could be real with him now, unlike at the party where I'd felt like I had to breeze over my inexperience. I might still be embarrassed at some of my actions, but at least I knew now that he wasn’t judging me. And when he laughed, it was with me, not at me.
We were just two people having a good time together.
I finally left his apartment the next morning with a smile on my face and an ache between my legs. Satisfaction had never felt so sweet.
18
Matthias
"Woohoo!" the birthday girl yelled.
Her friends joined in, and for a moment the room was filled with girlish shrieks.
I had to work hard to keep the irritation off my face. It was easy to make my body do what it was supposed to, but for some reason my expression wasn't mirroring the same feelings that my hips spoke.
What was up with that?
I tried to throw myself further into my dance, adding a couple flourishes to ground me more in the moment. The women gathered on the sofa in front of me sure seemed to enjoy it.
The birthday girl, a blonde with a pink party hat and a flirtatious smile, couldn't keep her eyes off my swinging cock. Normally I'd love that. The attention would have had me practically preening. In fact, right about now I'd normally be picturing her open mouth wrapped around my dick instead of simply hooting and hollering at me.
But not today.
Something was off, but I’d booked this party weeks ago and I was the only entertainment for the night, so I couldn’t just leave. I mean, I could, but it would be a complete fuck you to the party and probably ruin my reputation as a stripper. Not that I cared much about that, either, but it really was the best way I knew to pass the time and meet beautiful, horny women looking for no-strings-attached sex.
I finished the dance and started circulating with the guests. People often thought being a stripper involved nothing more than a seductive dance and getting naked. They were wrong. I was an entertainer more than anything else, and to entertain I had to be engaged. These women expected charm and wit to go along with my hot bod. I just wasn't sure I was going to be able to give it to them today.
I simply didn’t want to be there.
"You must have an easy time with the ladies," Birthday Girl said, coming to stand beside me while I grabbed a drink in the kitchen. "With a thunder stick like that, they must line up on their knees." She placed a hand on my ass and squeezed it through the towel I’d wrapped around my waist.
I looked down at her. Blonde. Big tits. Nice mouth. Pretty. She should have had me drooling to get into her panties. In fact, a week ago I probably would have sent a few probing fingers up her skirt right then and there, just for a taste.
But I wasn't interested.
More than that, I felt kind of guilty. The moment she touched me, Ally's face flashed in my mind. I didn't want this woman. In fact, her very touch was bringing up an entirely foreign sensation. Disgust.
I made some excuse about having to go check in with my manager, and stepped outside for some air. The nighttime breeze was a little chillier than I would have liked, considering I was practically naked, but it was better than being inside.
What the hell is wrong with me? I never get attached to the women I bang.
I let out a breathy exhale and stepped back into the house. The rest of the night passed slowly, almost painfully, and for the first time since I'd started stripping, I didn't have any fun.
I got home late, but it was earlier than normal for me. Veronika had been silent on the drive, but I knew even she was curious why I was acting so weird.
I wasn't ready to admit it to myself yet, never mind her. And since I didn't offer the information, she didn't ask. She floated off into her bedroom as soon as she'd done the initial sweep of the apartment, and then I headed off to mine.
I went through my email, trying to wind down for the evening. There was one from my parents. Normally I'd put off reading it until the next day, but I was curious to see how things were going.
I missed them. That wasn't to say I hadn't missed them before. I always did, in a way. But this was different. After reading the letter—just a normal description of what they'd been up to—I wanted to speak with them. I didn't even care that they were going to ask when I was coming home.
According to Skype, they were online, but that was always the case with them and didn’t mean they were in front of their computer. I knew they only left it on all the time in case I ever wanted to call. They preferred the online service to a regular call because they could see me.
Sure enough, they missed my call—but called back only seconds later.
"Matthias!" my mother greeted in our native tongue. "It's so good to see your face."
She and my father were sitting on the patio off of their bedroom. I could tell because of the twin palm trees that rose on either side of it. The azure sky stretched out endlessly into the distance. I could almost feel the salty breeze caress my cheek.
I answered in French as well, although my parents were both fluent in English. Both were common back home, they simply preferred the official language. "It's good to see you too, mother." I nodded toward the king of Caspierre. "And you, father."
"How are things in America? Will you be coming home soon?" My mother was always first out of the gate with the same question.
This time, my answer wasn't an immediate no. I missed home. I missed my parents. And part of me felt guilty that I had run away from my obligations, despite the pressure and misery they had brought.
"Things are good," I said, avoiding her other question. "I've... uh... met a girl."
I hadn’t known I was going to tell them that until it was out of my mouth, and immediately I questioned the decision.
Why would I tell my parents about a girl if I wasn’t serious about her? What did it mean, that the words came tumbling from my mouth reflexively, like I was anxious to announce Ally to my family?
My father showed almost no change in expression. He rarely did. My mother, on the other hand, clapped her hands together with joy.
"That's wonderful!" she exclaimed. "You must bring her over to see us. We would come out to you, but..." She trailed off and looked at my father, who narrowed his eyes.
"But we have a country to run,” he finished. I could hear the unspoken accusation. “We can't all disappear from our duties whenever the fancy strikes us."
I was used to some form of subtle guilt from my father, but his words were uncharacteristically harsh. He must have realized this as well, because a moment later his face softened. "I'm sorry, son. I didn't mean that. We'd love to meet her one day."
I blinked, surprised. Had I ever heard him apologize before?
"Is everything alright over there?" I asked.
"Of course!" Mom chimed, perhaps a little bit too quickly. Or maybe it was just my imagination. "Now tell me more about this girl. What is it about her that you like?"
<
br /> Mentioning Ally was definitely a mistake. How could I talk about my feelings about her to my parents when I wasn’t even sure what they were in the first place?
"That's an awfully broad question, Mother." I shrugged. "I like all sorts of things about her. Let's talk about you instead though. I'm curious to hear about what the family. What has Juris been up to? Have you heard from Arris lately?"
If my mother noticed my redirect, she ignored it as she launched excitedly into telling me every detail I’d been missing. I was only half paying attention as I thought about her original question.
There were so many things I liked about Ally, but there was one thing my mind had been flipping back to lately, and was one of the reasons I’d been thinking more about home. Her desire to help others was inspirational. It made me want to be a better person myself. As a prince, I was in the unique position where I had the position and resources at my disposal to help a great many people. Yet for completely selfish reasons, I ran from that responsibility to come here and live my life, drinking and fucking the days away.
My mind drifted, thinking about all the good I could do if I went back home. And how nice home would feel.
I slipped back into the conversation just as Mother was updating me on Juris.
"He's just been acting very strange lately. Getting into trouble around the palace and never seeming to take any responsibility for it. I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately. He was always such a quiet child."
“Just remember, it's the first time he's been out from under my shadow. I imagine he's coming into his own."
She snorted. "He's certainly doing something! I just worry that he’s been spoiled. He needs to understand that even the actions of a prince have consequences."
I nodded. “He will. Eventually.”
“And still barely a peep from Arris beyond the occasional email that he sends. If he’s feeling particularly generous he sometimes attaches a picture. It’s the only reason we still know he’s even alive.”
I laughed. Arris was a wanderer. Always had been. Third in line to the throne gave him far more latitude than Juris or I, and he’d been happy to take it.
"And how have things been with you, father?" I think because as king, my father was always the center of attention in public, in private he preferred to let his wife do most of the talking.
He shrugged. "Things have been stable and happy in the country. That's the best I could ask for."
What an odd reply.
"No other news?" I asked.
He shook his head, and Mother quickly changed the subject by launching into another topic completely.
By the end of the conversation, I had a lot to think about.
I missed my home.
Ally made me want to be a better man.
And I was fairly certain something was going on with my father.
19
Matthias
I waited until the next morning to approach Veronika. Much as it was her job to be available at all hours of the day, she was a notorious grump when she didn't get her usual six hours of sleep.
I found her at the breakfast bar when I left my bedroom. She was posed over her cup of coffee with a newspaper, just like she was every other morning. Sometimes it felt like Groundhog Day around here. Especially now that I didn't have a different girl in my bed to differentiate the days.
"I need you to do something for me," I told her.
She glanced up, not dropping the newspaper.
I took that as my sign to continue. "I think something is going on with my parents but I don't know what. I'd like you to get a hold of some of your palace contacts and find out."
The only indication I had that this was an unwelcome task was the slight pinching of Veronika’s lips as she rested the newspaper on the countertop.
"Perhaps it would be easier for you just to ask your brothers," she suggested.
I shook my head. "I have no idea how to contact Arris, and Juris and I haven't spoken in a long time. Until I know what exactly is going on, I’d rather not talk to him about it. If it’s something he shouldn’t know about, I’d rather not be the one to tip him off. If it’s something I’m not supposed to know, I don’t want to risk him going to my parents about it behind my back. If I’m just seeing ghosts and there’s nothing going on at all, then I don’t want to worry him or make him think I’m paranoid."
Veronika studied me. I wasn't sure if she was trying to determine how serious I felt the issue was, or if she was merely staring out of habit.
"Fine." She lifted the paper back up and flicked it straight. "I'll ask some of the questions."
I didn't correct her English this time.
Veronika didn't move nearly as quickly as I would have liked her to. She assured me that she was working on it, but didn't have any news for me by the time it got too late in Caspierre for her to continue contacting anyone.
Which left me to speculate, something I hated to do. I had to find some way to occupy my mind, which happily coincided with my overwhelming desire to see Ally again.
Thankfully, we'd exchanged numbers last time, which meant I didn’t have to go back and try renting out her entire library again. Not that I wouldn’t do that if needed.
Yeah, I was obviously in this way too deep. It was no longer just about the sex, and probably never was. I’d been fooling myself, but I did my best to thrust those thoughts from my mind to deal with later. I had enough to worry about at the moment.
Luckily, Ally had the day off and didn't have any plans, although she seemed surprised by my last-minute suggestion of a get together. Still, she eventually agreed and I suggested we head to the beach.
"Ally's going to drive," I said to Veronika after hanging up the phone. "Maybe you can just sit this one out at home.”
The look she returned told me that option was off the table.
Well, I tried.
Veronika took her job as my personal bodyguard very seriously, no matter how often I pointed out that no one in America even knew who I was, which meant I was quite capable of taking care of myself. Allowing her to follow me around was the one concession I made to my parents after telling them that I was leaving Caspierre.
“Fine, just take my car and follow behind. But don't be so obvious this time."
Veronika raised one sculpted brow and finished off her coffee. It was her third of the day. She rose from the sofa, where she'd been reading a book of French poetry, and stalked into her bedroom to get ready.
Ally looked like pure sunshine when I slid into the passenger seat of her car. She wore a floppy straw hat and wayfarer sunglasses, which matched the casual shorts and tank top. I'd never seen her look so relaxed and comfortable.
"Any beach in particular you want to head to?" She pulled out onto the road and started heading toward the highway.
"Surprise me."
She smiled. "I'll take you to my favorite one then."
With no further discussion, we took off on our route. The radio blared crappy top forty tunes between commercials for department stores and restaurants. The further we got from the city, the more the sunshine sang on my skin. Before long, my worries had slipped into the back of my mind.
"So… I didn’t expect to hear from you today. What made you want to the beach?"
We'd just reached a small coastal village called Shaw Town. I assumed we were close.
"I just needed to get away," I replied. "Usually there isn’t much that can’t be fixed with a little sand and salt water."
She cast a curious look my way. "What is it you need fixing?"
"Stop here," I announced. "There's a gelato store. I want gelato."
Ally pulled into the parking lot unquestioningly. I knew she'd noticed the deflection, but I appreciated that she didn't try to dig further.
After we'd both gotten little cups of gelato, we got back in her car and continued down the winding road. The businesses began to thin out until there were only a few houses dotting the landscape. Then Ally
took a turn and drove up a small incline. As we crested it, the ocean and sand spread out before us.
It was a good choice of beach. Though California didn't measure up to Caspierre in terms of natural beauty, I was always amazed by how much I had to discover.
"Nice, huh?" Ally grinned at me beneath her sunglasses. "I found this place in my senior year of high school. I used to come here all the time."
"For beach parties?"
She snorted.
"Didn't think so."
We parked and Ally retrieved a blanket from the backseat. She’d thought ahead far more than I had. My thought process had been simply about getting here, not about what to do once I did.
Thankfully, Ally was more organized.
"Any chance you’re ready to talk about what's got you so messed up that you wanted to hang out with me outside of a bedroom?" Ally asked.
I furrowed my brow. Was that all she thought this was about?
Of course, that was all I wanted it to be about originally, but I had no idea she was aware of that. What about now, though? Was I looking for something more? I still wasn’t ready to delve to deeply into that line of thinking, but I already knew the answer. So as usual, I deflected.
I flung an arm around her shoulder, nearly unbalancing her so much that she tripped over a piece of driftwood as we walked.
"Are you kidding, chérie? Only unimaginative minds are limited by the confines of a bedroom."
My little librarian turned bright red in the face, just as I'd suspected she would.
"Really, I just want to relax," I continued. "All work and no play makes Matthias a dull stripper."
"Funny, it didn't look like you were working too hard that night I saw you perform."
It had become a lot harder since that night. All the fun was gone from it, with Ally being the only thing I could focus on. Another line of thinking I wasn’t willing to pursue.
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