Except Veronika wasn't finished.
"If you slip away from me, that doesn't just look bad on you. It looks bad on me." She stalked over to the couch and knocked the remote out of my hand. "I had to explain to your parents why the person sworn to protect you at all times didn't know where you were."
This guilt was the last thing I needed. I already had more than enough of that hanging over my head. My father's illness. My half-truths and secrecy with Ally. I didn’t need Veronika laying into me as well, and I wasn’t in a mood to just ignore it, either.
I sprung up and towered over her, teeth gritted. "Don’t start with me now, Veronika. You’re my bodyguard, not my mother."
Her lips curled into a sneer. "I'm not your bodyguard if you don't let me do my fucking job!"
"The point is, you work for me, not the other way around. So stop acting like you can tell me what to do!" My voice had risen to a grand crescendo. I hadn't yelled this loud in months. Not in anger, anyway. Even as the words were spilling from my mouth, I was already regretting them. Veronika may be highly ranked within our most elite palace guard units, but I’d known her most of my life and despite her standoffish attitude, I considered her a friend.
Most of the time.
"No, I work for the royal family," she reminded me, but I could tell by the look in her eyes that my words and tone had stung. Her voice was still harsh, but it was quieter now. "I get paid by the king and queen. They were the ones that sent me on this mission. That means I answer to them, not you."
I remember how angry I'd been when they first put forward the stipulation that if I wanted to leave Caspierre, I would have to take along one of the palace guards. I hadn't even been allowed to choose which one, although I’d been happy enough to find out it was Veronika.
"Well I'm here and I'm safe. Happy?" I threw up my hands in exasperation, but I was still to angry to apologize. "I don't know why I ever thought I'd be able to find an iota of happiness out here. I should have just stayed in Caspierre and accepted the fact that I'd never be able to escape my destiny or live my own life." I sunk back onto the couch, too tired to keep fighting. "You can go to bed now, Veronika. I'm not going anywhere."
She crossed her arms and glared at me, but I just tilted my head against the cushions and closed my eyes. But there were no sounds of movement.
I cracked open an eye.
She was still standing there, arms crossed, watching me. The only thing that had changed was the expression on her face. She looked softer than I'd ever seen her. Even her skin seemed a little less tight on those razor-sharp cheekbones.
"What happened?" she asked.
At first I thought I must have heard her wrong. Was Veronika really asking me something personal?
Even more surprising, I opened up to her.
"Well, you already know everything that's going on with my father," I began. "They keep saying they'll let me know as soon as it gets serious enough for me to come back. Not if. When. As if they expect me to drop everything and run home, like this whole excursion was just a little joyride to America, a silly little experience they tolerated but were about to demand an end to.” I sighed. “Truth is, I feel guilty as fuck for being so hesitant to return—hell, I should probably be there already."
Veronika settled down next to me on the couch. Her rigid poise and stern expression hardly said "heart-to-heart", but at least she was trying.
"Then with Ally... Christ. I've been seeing the same girl for over a week. That's a new record."
"You saw Sonia for longer than that," Veronika pointed out.
I wrinkled my nose. "Thanks for reminding me. I meant that it's been the longest I've been seeing a girl over here."
"And you're worried she'll turn out like Sonia?"
"What? No!"
My first and only long term relationship, Sonia had ticked every box. She was charming and beautiful, and she never disagreed with me. I thought that was what I wanted, at the time. I thought we never fought because we worked so well together.
Later, I found out we'd never argued because Sonia carefully constructed each aspect of her personality to what she believed I would like. She never disagreed with me. She never aired grievances. She was willing to do whatever it took to become my wife and inherit my fortune. She was anxious to get married and start having royal babies, and I don’t know if she ever really cared one bit about me as a person. That one hurt.
A lot.
But Ally wasn't like Sonia.
"Then why haven't you told her?"
The voice could have been straight out of my own head. It was a question with many answers, but none of them completely satisfying.
"Lots of reasons," I shrugged, but the only one I offered was the one I knew Veronika would understand best. "I'm pretty sure I can trust that she's not after my money, but if I tell her who I am and things go south, she'll always be a liability."
Veronika nodded along, stony-faced. "Well, then she becomes my problem…"
26
Matthias
Veronika delivered the comment with such deadpan sincerity that it took me a moment to realize she was joking.
I grinned. "I don’t remember the last time I heard you tell a joke before, little cauliflower."
She shrugged. "Maybe I haven’t felt like telling you any, lately."
"Because you hate me?"
Veronika's expression flickered into something a little more pained, but she covered it up quickly.
"I don't usually hate you."
There was no lie in the words.
"But sometimes it’s hard to like you. You can be a royal pain."
No lie in them, either.
"That's odd," I mused. "Normally women are pretty fond of me."
"I know. Which is one of the problems."
I raised an eyebrow.
She took a deep breath, as if preparing words that had been dying to come out for months. "Being given this assignment was a great honor. Everyone was thrilled, and some even congratulated me. I was excited at first. Going to America was always a dream of mine."
"But?"
Veronika paused, as if she didn't know whether she should continue.
“It’s okay, please feel free to speak freely. Always.”
She nodded, encouraged to continue.
"But, I never expected it to last this long. We've been here over a year, and so far all I've seen you do is sleep with American women and take your clothes off." She furrowed her brow. "The position of a lifetime turned into babysitting the royal playboy.”
Her eyes widened as she spoke those last words, fearing that maybe she’d gone too far.
I gave her a half smile of reassurance, letting her know I meant it when I said I wanted her to speak honestly. “I'm sure that must be very frustrating for you."
I'd never thought about how my actions affected Veronika. Back home, she’d been a highly-ranked member of the most elite squad of palace guards. It was a small group, made up entirely of women, that were tasked with being the personal bodyguards of the royal family. I could see how it would have initially been a great honor for her to be trusted as my sole guard during this trip, and then how much of a letdown it must have been to have to deal with me being such a pain in the ass.
"I'm sorry," I told her. Then after a moment, I added "Those aren't words I use very often, so hold them close while they last."
She smiled shrewdly. "I never expected an apology. This was the job I signed up for. Protecting a king, or even the crown prince, is like protecting two people—the concept of the ruler, and the real person wearing, or destined to wear, the crown."
"I get it. Still, I'm sorry to have kept you away from your family this long just so I could… I dunno, sow my wild oats, or whatever it is I’m doing over here. I should have realized how difficult it would have been on you."
"I'm making them all very proud," she said, stiffening her back again while at the same time puffing her chest out dramatically. "I'm the heir apparen
t’s personal and only guard in a foreign land. They don't need to know that I spend half my time chasing girls out of our apartment or silently fuming about you not putting the toilet seat back down. The vision of something is almost always more interesting than the reality."
"You want me to put the toilet seat down now?" I sighed dramatically. "When will these unholy demands cease?"
Veronika's laughter was unexpectedly bubbly. I liked the sound of it.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier," I said. "I've been pretty stressed lately."
"Two apologies in less than ten minutes? You must be feeling even worse than I thought."
I smiled. I had a feeling Veronika and I were going to start getting along better. It was a pleasant thought to have amidst all the other problems swirling around in my head.
"So, you were saying about Ally..." she prompted. "You want to tell her but you're worried about her telling others. And you don't think it would be appropriate to have her killed."
"No," I confirmed. "I don't think it would be appropriate to have her killed."
"Then what do you want?"
For the second time today, somebody was asking me what I wanted. It was a question I was so unaccustomed to anyone asking me with any sincerity. Most of my life had been about my obligations to my family and country. It was never about what I wanted. I thought I was the only one who cared about that, which was why I was here in America in the first place. But since no one ever asked me, I still didn’t have a good answer to the question.
"I’m not sure I really know… It seems like the more time I spend with Ally, the more I want her in my life and the less I want everything else that used to be important to me. I don't care for stripping anymore, because the only reason I did that was to meet easy, beautiful women to fill my nights with. But I don’t want anyone else anymore. I'm happiest when I'm with her."
"So you want Ally."
I furrowed my brow in thought. "I do, but I can't answer the question like that. When you ask me what I want, I can't say Ally. Because that's what Matthias the man wants. But Matthias the Prince can’t have her."
"So now you're transitioning back into Matthias the Prince?" Veronika's posture relaxed a little. She leaned into the cushions, shuffling back and forth as if she'd never had to get comfortable before.
"That's the thing—I don't know. If I go home, I won't be coming back. But if I delay going for too long, my father could die."
"There's always the option of not going back."
I blinked in confusion, studying Veronika's face. Her expression was unreadable.
"I thought you didn't like being here?" I questioned. "Why would you suggest staying forever?"
"I don't. But I'm just presenting options. I can always be swapped out for another guard if things become unbearable."
Did I want to stay forever? It would mean turning my back on my family. And my country.
Of course, that was the whole idea of running away in the first place. The pressure to marry, to produce an heir, to take over the crown… it had all been too much. Especially after what happen with Sonia. After enough time had passed for me to be able to reflect rationally, I realized that the signs had all been there, I had just ignored them. The pressures and obligations from my family had made me blind to what should have been obvious long before. Hell, even when I told my parents about her betrayals and lies, they didn’t seem to care. They seemed more disappointed that I didn’t make it work. Like just marrying someone, anyone, was more important than my happiness.
Which was when I decided I needed to live life for myself for a bit. Have some fun. Forget relationships, because they were impossible when everyone knew that by marrying you they would end up a princess. I couldn’t trust anyone. Leaving home seemed like the only choice.
But never returning? That was never a consideration, even if I figured that by leaving I may give up being king. That wasn’t so important to me, anyway. Especially if it meant having to resign myself to a miserable marriage to a woman I could never really trust.
No crown was worth that.
"No. I need to go home. I just don't know when."
"Well, then I wouldn't leave it too long. Your father wasn't well enough to speak on the phone when I called."
A fresh pang of guilt cut into me. "Thanks, Veronika."
She smiled and rose from the couch. "You can call me petit chou-fleur if you want," she said in English. "I'm thinking it has its charm."
I laughed. “As you wish.”
As she started to walk down the hall towards her bedroom, she paused and turned back. "Out of curiosity, did you tell Ally that you stopped stripping? If so, won’t that make her wonder how you’re paying your bills or where your spending money comes from?"
"She already does wonder," I replied grimly. "I fear I’ve already made her suspicious on that point. She brings it up a lot. But no, I didn’t mention it. That’ll just make those questions worse."
She frowned, then simply nodded and disappeared down the hall. I heard her bedroom door softly slide closed. I suspected she'd eaten up her word quota for the day and wouldn't be available to talk again until the morning. I didn't blame her. Apparently, I was a lot to handle.
But her final question echoed in my head—or rather, my answer did. It was yet another thing I was holding back from Ally. Another piece of myself I couldn’t share because of the secrets I held.
It made sense when I thought Ally was just another fling. When I foolishly believed all I wanted was to fuck her one more time. But I was done lying to myself about that. I wanted far more from her than simple access to the sweetness between her thighs. Which meant that every secret I kept, every lie or half-truth that I uttered, was for more dangerous than usual, because it put all of that at risk.
And for what purpose? I was laden with guilt, risking the trust of the woman I was falling for, just because I didn’t want to tell her who I really was? What was it that I feared? Certainly not that she was only going to want me for my money or title. I knew her well enough already not to fear that.
No, it was time to end this charade.
I had to call Ally and tell her the truth.
27
Ally
My phone rang from where I'd left it on my bed. I tried to lean back on my office chair to grab it, but ended up almost tipping and falling. A few rings later I managed to snag the device and looked at the call display.
"Hey, Matthias," I answered. "Miss me already?"
Even the discontentment I'd felt about our evening had been blasted away by the good news I'd just gotten in my inbox. He could be as cagey and suspicious as he wanted—for tonight, he had carte blanche.
"Is this not the pizza place? I must have called the wrong number."
"Pizza? Does that mean you’re starting to let your body go?" I coughed. "Ugh, looks like I'm sick. Can't see you again. Ever."
He laughed smoothly. Even through the phone, it set my hair on end. "I called with a purpose, actually. I've got something to tell you."
"Me too! I've got great news!"
Matthias paused. "You go first."
I launched happily into an explanation of the interview request I'd just received from one of the state's top youth welfare societies. I'd been so certain I wouldn't even hear from them at all after applying weeks ago, that I was abuzz with energy.
"I'm really proud of you, Ally. This is the first step toward your dream career."
"I know! Isn't it amazing?" My grin stretched from ear to ear. I probably looked like a maniac, but I was alone so didn’t care. "It's not great pay, but the money isn't important to me. It’s enough to live on, and it means I’ll finally get the opportunity to really make a difference and help people."
"You help people at the library," Matthias reminded me. "That old man would be lost without you."
"Yes, that one old man," I said dryly. "How will he ever get by without me there to help him order ridiculously high numbers of fish sticks each wee
k from his online grocery store?"
Matthias chuckled. "Seriously though, Ally, I'm truly impressed. When's the interview?"
"Tomorrow morning," I replied. "Bright and early. I don't know if I'll be able to sleep, though—I'm so excited!"
Matthias was silent on the other end of the line, which reminded me that he'd been the one to call.
"What did you want to tell me?" I asked.
The line was silent for so long that I almost thought he'd hung up. Then he cleared his throat. "Nothing," he said. "Or, at least it seems like nothing now."
Confused, I pressed him. "Just tell me. I can be the judge of whether it's nothing or not."
More silence. "I really enjoyed seeing you last night. I'm glad you figured out whatever it is you needed to figure out."
Though the sentiment made me all warm and gooey inside, his chosen "confession" raised an eyebrow or two. I decided not to question it, if for no other reason than the fact that I was in too good a mood, and far too nervous about tomorrow to dwell on more Matthias mysteries.
Three minutes early, hair perfectly done, makeup applied tastefully without being too overwhelming.
I was ready for the interview.
Well, about as ready as I'd ever be.
This may not be my absolute dream job, but it was definitely moving me in the right direction. A stepping stool to greater things. Everyone had to start somewhere, and this would be a great place to begin.
My phone buzzed and I read the message on the screen. It was from Candace.
You’re going to do great! Can't wait for our celebration dinner!
I slipped the phone back in my pocket, smiling at the thought of the day to come. After this interview, I had the whole day to relax and unwind before Candace's dinner party. She was pretending it was a "celebration dinner", but really it was a thinly veiled excuse for us to have a double date.
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