by Alice Tribue
“What the hell are you doing here?”
“Of all the people to answer the door, it had to be you?”
“Just go back to New York, no one wants you here.”
“I’m not leaving this house without seeing Nathan. I don’t care if I have to tackle you to get in the house or scream bloody murder; I will wake up the whole goddamn neighborhood if I have to.”
“I’m calling the cops.”
“Good. Do that, they’re going to have to take me out of here in handcuffs, but I promise you, I’ll see him before that ever happens.”
“He might not even want to see you, you know.”
“I don’t care.” I shrug my shoulders, and I don’t. He barged in on me countless times when I didn’t want to see him and that never stopped him. Now it’s time for Nathan to get a taste of his own medicine.
“You’re so not good enough for him.” She shakes her head in disapproval.
“You really hate me, don’t you?”
“Hate is a strong word.”
I nod my head because I can’t say that she doesn’t have a reason to feel this way toward me.
“I don’t blame you. I let my anger, and my fears, get the best of me. Instead of processing what happened and being grateful for what he did for me, I turned my back on him.”
She may not be my favorite person right now, but I can honestly say that I respect her devotion to her family.
Jennifer breaks my train of thought. “Come on,” she says, finally allowing me in and I follow behind her as she opens the front door. Inside, the house looks professionally staged; minimal furniture, beautiful décor, and classic window treatments. It feels like a home anyone would want to live in…Hell, I want to live here, and that says a lot, seeing as I’ve spent so much of my life living in the city.
“Up the stairs, last door on the right.” I look at Jennifer who’s grinning now. She’s enjoying this a little too much. With an eye roll and a deep breath, I take the first few steps.
“Victoria?”
“Yeah?”
“Walk fast, the floorboards creak.”
I really hate her, I think to myself as I finish my ascent. When I reach the top, I throw my bag over my shoulder, and as quietly as I can, I tiptoe down the hall. As I reach Nathan’s door, I wonder how he’ll react to seeing me. I wonder if he’s really okay, or if he’ll want to see me.
I slip inside, trying my hardest not to make noise when I close the door, and breathe a sigh of relief when it clicks shut. The sight of a sleeping Nathan changes something inside of me. I walk closer to the bed and watch as his chest rises and falls, as he inhales and exhales, and I’m so grateful that he can still do that, that he didn’t die. That my actions didn’t lead to him no longer being here.
There’s no good way to handle this. I’m not sure what I should do or if I should even wake him up. I kick off my shoes and shrug out of my jacket; with an unsure sigh, I crawl into bed with him. Just for a minute, I need to feel his breath on me. I need to remember what it felt like to be near him. I rest my head against his chest and listen to the sound of his steady heartbeat. Life is fragile—growing up without a mother, I knew that—but maybe over the years and after all the walls that I put up, I just forgot. It isn’t until a tear hits his chest that I realize that I’m crying. I have so much I want to say, and I’m painfully aware that he might not want to listen. I startle as a hand runs gently through my hair.
“Victoria?” Nathan calls, the astonishment in his voice clear.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cry.
“What?” he questions, sitting up and pulling me with him. He cups my face in his hands. “What’s going on?”
“You almost died, and it would’ve been all my fault.”
“You heard about the accident.”
I confirm on a shaky breath and a nod of my head.
“I went to the hospital to see you, but your sister wouldn’t let me in.”
He grunts in obvious annoyance. “I’m going to fucking kill her.”
“It’s been killing me not knowing if you’re okay, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to see you.” I place my hand on his chest.
“I’m fine,” he reassures me stroking my hair. “It wasn’t your fault. Don’t cry, I’m fine.”
“How can you say that? You almost died.”
He smiles, trying to reassure me.
“But I didn’t. I made it through and now I’m fine.”
“I screwed everything up, Nathan. I made so many mistakes and it took your accident to make me realize that you were right. You gave up everything for me and I treated you like none of it mattered.”
“Is that how you really felt?”
“No. I was just scared. I was so scared to let you in again. Besides, I told myself that our worlds were too different. I knew your job would be jeopardized…”
“I quit my job, Victoria.”
“But you didn’t tell me that. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He chuckles. “Because we were always arguing.”
“I was a real bitch, huh?”
He smiles but doesn’t answer my question.
“What now then, hmm? You came all this way to make sure I was still in the land of the living. Now that you’ve done that, what? Do you go back to your life…”
I cut him off and complete his thought. “Without you?”
“Yeah.”
“Is that what you want?”
“No, we’re not playing this game. Don’t answer a question with a question. Tell me what it is you want.”
“I want you. I want to be with you, and I want you to forgive me, to love me again.”
“I never stopped loving you, but it’s not that easy.”
“Yes, it is,” I counter, my short temper starting to get the best of me. “We just go back to the way things had been before they blew up.”
“You want to go back to a time when we were both lying to each other? That’s what you want?”
I can’t believe he’s arguing with me right now.
“No, I just want to go back to when we were together, and we were happy.”
“I just… I don’t know anymore. Things are different; my life looks a lot different now.”
“What do you mean? When are you coming back to New York? Let's start with that.”
“I’m staying here in Michigan; a buddy of mine from the Marines opened a security firm and offered me a job.”
“I see.” All of a sudden, I feel deflated.
“And this house…” He sighs, running a hand through his hair. “My parents are retired and the house is too much upkeep for them, so they’re moving to one of those adult communities and I’m in the process of buying this house.”
“That’s great, this is a beautiful house. It’s good, it’s good that you’re doing that.”
He places his head in the crook of my neck and inhales, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer.
“Fuck, I’ve missed you,” he says.
“I’ve missed you, too.” The tears start to fall again because he’s making his life here now, and I can’t ask him to give that up. He’s already given up enough for me. I run my hand through his hair and try to make light of the situation.
“Nothing lasts forever.”
He lifts his head, locking his eyes on mine. “Then you can be my nothing.”
“Nathan.”
“Stay.”
“What?”
“Stay, stay with me, be here with me. Forget New York. What’s so important that you can’t walk away?”
“My work is there, I have a successful day spa and another one opening any day.”
“You’re right.” The look of disappointment on his face is unmistakable. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it seem like that wasn’t important.”
“I know you didn’t, it’s just…”
“I can’t lose you now.”
“I don’t want to lose you, either.”
> “I’ll come back.”
“What?”
“I’ll rent out this house and look for a new job in the city. I may have to come back and forth for a while, but if you’re serious about wanting to be with me, then I’ll do it for you.”
I think back on the choices that I’ve made in my life—some of them good, most of them bad. My mom’s choices defined me; she chose every day to neglect me, she chose drugs and Johns over her child. Here, Nathan is doing it again, giving things up for me, choosing me and now I’m choosing a fucking day spa over love.
“I’ll stay,” I say softly, trying the idea on for size.
“What did you just say?”
“I said I’ll stay. You’ve sacrificed more than enough for me, too much, and now it’s my turn.”
“I don’t want you to do something that’s going to make you unhappy.”
“How could being with you make me anything but happy? Besides a handful of friends and work, there’s nothing for me in New York. My dad is only a plane ride away, and from what I’ve seen of it, I already love this house.”
“You want to live here?”
“Well, you wouldn’t have me move all the way out here and then live by myself, would you?”
He pushes me down onto my back and pins me down holding my hands above my head.
“Baby, I want you to live here with me.”
“You do?” I say on a shuddered breath.
“Yeah, and if you try to leave, I’ll tie your ass to this bed.”
“I might want you to do that even if I don’t leave.”
“Next time,” he says, practically ripping the shirt off my body.
“Aren’t your parents in this house?”
“I don’t give a fuck.” His lips are on mine, and it’s like the six weeks apart never happened. I’m his again, and he’s mine. Eric and Victoria, Nathan and Tori—it doesn’t really matter what we call each other, it’s just us. I whimper at the loss of him when he breaks the kiss as he quickly pulls off the rest of my clothing and his boxers follow. I take advantage and flip him onto his back, straddling him with my legs. There’s no time for foreplay, not this time—I need him way too much to wait. I slowly lower myself onto him until I’m completely full. I whimper at the feel of him inside of me, stretching me. I’m not sure anything can compare to this.
Our eyes lock onto each other, making this even more intense. I shake off the tears that threaten; tears of happiness and sorrow for the past, for the time we’ve lost because I couldn’t just let myself have what I wanted all along.
“I love you so much.” I’ll never be able to tell him enough. I’ll never be able to tell him how much I love him and how sorry I am for hurting him.
“I love you, too.”
We link our hands together as I begin to move, rocking my hips slowly at first, savoring every single minute of this. Enjoying what I’ve been missing for the last three months. He lets me have my moment of control for a little longer before flipping us so that he’s now on top.
“You belong to me now,” he whispers in my ear, sending a rush of heat throughout my body as he enters me again.
I wrap my arms around his neck for the maximum connection.
“Yes, I’m yours,” I tell him, kissing the edge of his mouth.
His gentle thrusts start to become more frantic. The spark between us is unmistakable; an energy with a life of its own and it eats up all of the space in the room.
“Fuck, baby,” he says, looking me in the eye.
I let out a cry, rocking my hips, needing as much as he can give me. He takes my mouth again, increasing the intensity as his pace becomes more and more frantic.
“Harder, baby,” I whimper, careful not to make too much noise.
I can feel the orgasm building from deep inside of me, and I run my hands through his hair, fisting it, needing something to grab. I bury my face in his neck to drown out my cries as the overwhelming swell of sensations push me over the edge. My orgasm hits hard, intense, like lightning. He calls out my name as he finds his own release, collapsing onto the bed next to me once it recedes, both of us panting, fighting for air.
I try to get my head around how much has happened since I met Nathan, how much my life has changed, and the truth of it is whether he knew it or not, wanted it or not, he was the catalyst in my life that ignited change. I don’t just mean a change in career… no, it’s something bigger than that, something profound, a change from within that took me from a person who I didn’t like all that much to a woman whose shoes I’m proud to walk in.
What if we hadn’t met? What if he hadn’t been the one sent to investigate me? It’s entirely possible that I’d be in jail right now. Instead, he saw something in me that I could not see in myself and, in seeing that, he chose to protect me, to love me. He didn’t care what it would do to his life, to his career, to love someone like me, someone who could do nothing but bring him down…or so I thought.
“What happens now?” I question, snuggling into him.
“Now we put away the past, we leave it where it is, and we focus on this, on building a future together.”
I never imagined that I would have this, that I would have a love like this in my life because, with the exception of my father, building connections with people has always left me disappointed. Nathan changed that, he showed me that anything is possible when you have the right person by your side. Giving myself over to that idea wasn’t easy, and I didn’t make it easy on either of us, but in finally letting go and giving myself to him, I found the pieces of me that had been missing all along.
EPILOGUE
~NATHAN~
Eighteen Months Later
I remember in my early twenties when I was just young and cocky—I’d tell my friends that I would never let a girl lead me around on a leash. Fuck that, I’d say. I was the man; I’d be the one wearing the pants in a relationship. That went out the window the moment Victoria Powell walked into my life with her kickass, take-charge attitude. On the exterior, she was icy and standoffish, but once I was able to get past that, it was nothing but beauty, and that was what I fought for. That was what I wanted so badly to save, what I risked everything for, because I knew that if I could just make her see herself the way that I did, her potential would be limitless. She made me work for it though; I put up with a lot of her bullshit because I knew that she loved me. I understood that she was still that scared little girl that her mother left behind.
Some people might have looked at her and said, she wasn’t worth all the effort, they might have said she was nothing but a criminal—calculating, a little ruthless, and a lot frigid—but I looked at her and saw the façade. I knew there was pain behind all of that and I needed to know why before I could condemn her. I was right, there was a ton of pain, and what’s worse, there was a girl who didn’t know how to handle that pain, whose only outlet was to take what she saw happen to her mother and try to make it better for women in a similar situation. It might be considered a skewed point of view, a flawed plan, but I could see the logic in it. I could see that when it came to Victoria, things weren’t all just black or white.
After she had come back to me, we spent a lot of time getting to know one another, her as her and me as me. What we found was that a lot of it we already knew, because fundamentally, even when I was Nathan, the undercover cop, and she was Victoria, the Madam, the feelings that we shared with one another were very much real.
She didn’t move here right away. It took a few months for her to settle things in New York, to figure out what to do with her business, pack up her apartment, and put it on the market. I have to say I was a little shocked when she did that. I thought that she’d have wanted a place to go to when she visited the city or to have a backup place to live in case we didn’t work out. But when I asked her about it, she said that she was all in with me. Failure was no longer an option for us because we had both consciously chosen each other.
Victoria decided to hold on to the day
spas and oversee them from here in Michigan, but she left Ivy in charge of the day-to-day operations. That was not to say she sat at home all day—that was not her style. She’d be miserable doing nothing so she was in the process of opening up a spa in Ann Arbor. She still kept in touch with some of “her girls,” as she called them, making sure that they were okay, that they were all walking the straight and narrow. She couldn’t help them all, and I know it still haunted her at times; it hurt her that some of them chose to stay in that lifestyle when she was more than prepared to offer them a way out.
That was the real Victoria—a woman who would do just about anything to help and protect the people that she cared about. It was one of the things that we had in common; it was what I loved about her the most. I was not saying that everything was perfect from the start because it wasn’t. And our families played a part in that. Jennifer and Victoria didn’t get off on the best foot, and it took time for them to warm up to each other. In fact, it took some time for my parents to warm up to her, too. All they knew about her was that her past was shady at best and an argument with her was the cause of me being out on the road the night I had my accident.
Needless to say, they were pretty stunned when we walked downstairs hand in hand into the kitchen the morning Victoria came to Michigan. Though they pretended to be cordial, it was obvious to see that she wasn’t their first choice for me. Over time, they too came around and learned to accept her and even love her. Once they were made aware of some of the details of her past, it wasn’t hard for them to understand why she had acted the way that she did. Of course, I wasn’t totally without blame. I didn’t exactly make the best first impression on her father either, and it took me quite a while to get in his good graces. It didn’t help that I was taking his only child away from him and moving her halfway across the country. I think that after careful consideration, he came to the conclusion that a life out of the big city would be a nice change for his daughter. Really, I think he just wanted me to keep her out of trouble.
