by Ashley Erin
Lia has everything ready for dinner and we sit at the table as Ryan sets the steaks down. My heart flutters when I see Dane looking at me contemplatively. I’ve known Dane since we were children and never reacted this way. Granted I was 10 the last time I saw him. Looking at him from under my lashes, I can’t help but get caught up in how utterly gorgeous he is. He could have anyone he wanted and even if he wanted me, the last thing I need is to complicate this relationship, especially as I live within sight of his home. I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
Dinner is spent catching up with each other. Ryan has his own farrier business that he runs out of Lia’s Equine Holistic Care Clinic where she does massage therapy on horses. Dane has focused entirely on the running of the property and feels passionately about their land. I am fascinated by hearing about all they have been up to over the years. My ears perk up when we start discussing relationships.
“Ryan and Dane are eternally single.” Lia grins at me with a wink. “Dane even has this ridiculous three date rule. Although, I was glad for it with Yvette . . .” Lia makes a face at me that tells me just what she thought of Yvette. “I on the other hand am not opposed to a relationship, but men seem to be off put by my drive and supreme awesomeness.” I laugh at Lia’s sassy outlook on her lack of a relationship, but I know that there is pain behind her words.
“Hey! Don’t judge my three date rule! It’s come in handy, as you just pointed out!” Dane protests with a grin. Ryan just sits there and rolls his eyes; I can tell this is an ongoing joke they have and I can’t help but laugh and tease along with everyone.
“What about you? How’s work? Do you have anyone special in your life?” Ryan asks. I quickly fill them in on taking a bit of a hiatus from writing in order to get settled here before writing the final book in my current series.
Blushing I skip over the boyfriend subject muttering, “There is not much to share on the boyfriend front that would be of interest to you. No one really special to speak of.” What I don’t say is that I don’t seem to have much luck with guys these days. The last guy I was seeing couldn’t handle being around me after my parent’s died and that fizzled out. Since then I haven’t bothered too much. I have dealt with it and feel better off immersing myself into my writing rather than focusing on meeting men.
I’ve been visiting with my friends for over three hours when I stand and ask them to excuse me. “It’s been a long day and I’m ready to crash.”
“Of course, why don’t you come for breakfast tomorrow and we can make plans. I’ve taken a few days off so I can help out if you need me.” Lia gives me a hug as we walk to the door. I wave at Ryan and Dane before closing the door.
Walking slowly back to my house, I tilt my head back so I can gaze at the clear evening sky. The setting sun fills the sky with vibrant color and I decide to sit on my porch instead of going inside. I want to enjoy the view while I call Alex back. Glancing back to the house across the way as I dial Alex, I notice a shadowy figure go inside.
“Hey.” He greets me as I let Chloe out of the house and sit on the porch swing, she takes off sniffing and I sigh a real sigh of contentment.
“I’m sorry again about not calling. After my little incident and the overwhelming emotions from the house it totally slipped my mind.”
“You mean you buried yourself into the practical work of unpacking rather than let yourself be sad.” He clarified for me.
I smile to myself. No one knows me better than Alex so I don’t bother denying it. “It was nice seeing my old friends again. It’s like we picked up right where we left off.” I filled him in on Lia’s holistic practice, Ryan’s farrier business and how Dane is running the ranch with Ryan’s help. They have been breeding Quarter Horses for several generations and have a high reputation in the community.
“I still can’t believe that my first time seeing Dane in 13 years and he witnesses me falling into a water trough. How humiliating.” I typically don’t let things embarrass me too badly and laugh stuff off, but for some reason this one has climbed the humiliation mountain to stake its claim. It’s difficult not to dwell on that, and I’ve decided to embrace my need to have a girly moment.
Alex chuckles, “Would you have been so embarrassed if it was Lia or Ryan?”
“O . . . Of course!” I stutter.
“Mmmm hmmm.” He doesn’t believe me, but lets my lie slide. There is a smile in his voice as he updates me on what he did since he saw me off this morning.
“Chandler’s leg is improving significantly and he will be ready to go when I am. My packing is coming along and the condo has successfully been sold, they take possession in a few weeks. I figure I should be arriving in about a month. Three weeks if everything flows smoothly.” That puts it into the end of June, first week of July.
“I hope you arrive sooner. I miss you, and Chandler.” I reply on a yawn.
We chat for a while longer as I describe the house and skirt over the rush of emotions being here has caused. After yawning for the fifth time, he says goodnight and I go inside. Thankfully I’m exhausted from the long day and fall asleep right away. As I drift off a pair of intense green eyes is the last thing I see.
Beep beep beep.
Moaning, I pull my pillow over my head hoping to drown out that irritating noise.
Beep beep beep.
Beep beep beep.
“Ugh . . .” Smacking my alarm silent, I toss my pillow to the side and grudgingly roll out of bed. You would think years of helping out on my parent’s ranch would prepare me for the early mornings, but they haven’t gotten any easier. Especially now that I’m running it and need to be the first one up. Even in the summer, I’m out of the house before the first light is even a sliver over the hills.
Looking out of my window at the stars twinkling before they are out for the day, my eyes are pulled to Emma’s. The house is dark and silent, a black shadow in the light of the moon. The guy that called her, Alex, my mind spits out his name like it is toxic. That’s an unexpected complication, yet she said she had no boyfriend so maybe he’s her gay best friend or something. The name rings a bell but I can’t think why.
Quickly dressing, I head to the barn to saddle up Charger and go check on the horses. Hopefully Samson hasn’t broken them out again.
A soft whinny greets me as I push the door all the way open and turn on the light. Charger pops his head over the gate at the end of the barn, ready to get started.
It doesn’t take long to have him geared up and on the trail. The morning air is fresh and I breathe deeply, enjoying the birds rustling as they wake up, a soft light building on the horizon.
The rolling acres of the ranch always give me a sense of peace as I ride in the morning. We have worked hard as a family to have one of the most prosperous horse ranches in Alberta. Our Quarter Horses are well-bred and highly sought after. Patting Charger with pride, I stop him at the top of the hill, admiring the small valley before us and the faint outline of the Rocky Mountains in the distance.
Kicking Charger into motion, we lope towards one of the wells. It was leaking and we had to shut it down until we could repair the pipe. I finally got word from the plumber that it was replaced late yesterday.
“Shhh.” I stop Charger and go to check the clipboard left inside the well-house. Looking over the work order, I make a note that I’ve turned the well back on. Now that it’s fixed and the fence is almost completely replaced we will be able to move the mares and their babies back in. It pissed me off having to replace the fence when we had so many foals, but Mother Nature had other plans. Thankfully none of the babies were hurt when the trees came crashing down during the last thunderstorm.
The rest of my morning rounds go quickly, my thoughts wandering frequently to the beautiful brunette living next door.
Spending the evening with Emma did nothing but increase my desire for her. I want to cleanse her of the sadness that radiates off her and make her smile all the way to her beautiful green eyes. Lia said she c
hanged a lot after her parents passed away and all I want is to help alleviate that pain.
Charger and I exit the trails and my eyes are drawn to movement in the pen where her horses are. Her mares are stunning and they are trotting together around the pen. As they turn towards me, I see Emma jogging in between them.
Heart pounding, I watch the woman who has never left my dreams. She waves as she slows to a walk, lifting my hand in acknowledgment I abruptly dismount and turn Charger towards the barn.
I have an idea.
Rubbing my eyes as I stretch, the fact that I slept fully through the night dawns on me. I’ve woken up at least three times a night since my parent’s accident.
The anxiety still holding onto me makes me feel weak and ashamed so I never told anyone about the nightmares, not even Alex. I was horrified when he found out one night. He had slept in my guest room and was woken by my screams and sobs.
He also knows about the car anxiety because he was witness to a full blown panic attack while driving me in his car one day. After that he had worked patiently with me so that I could drive in my truck with minimal anxiety and can sit in the front passenger seat of his car for short periods of time.
Alex tried to convince me to try anti-anxiety medication, but I want to work through it on my own. He worries about me and I appreciate that but it’s not easy to talk about. The sympathetic looks people give you or when they see you and quickly walk in the other direction because they just don’t know what to say. It’s humiliating.
Alex is the only one who knows about my anxiety; I have kept it to myself and hope to continue to do so. I don’t want people to treat me differently or look at me with even more pity in their eyes; the poor broken girl who is scared of attachments, vehicles and has nightmares because she cannot cope with loss. No thank you.
Glancing at the clock, I’m glad to see I haven’t slept in too late. Throwing on some yoga pants and a tank top before walking to the window to look outside, I enjoy the scene before me. It’s a beautiful morning and I can tell it’s going to be scorching hot by this afternoon.
Turning away, I quickly wash up and brush my teeth before grabbing a banana on my way out the door. Chloe trails closely behind me as we are greeted by Serenity and Belle at the gate. I let myself in and start jogging.
It was shortly after my parent’s accident that I got in the habit of a morning jog with all three of my girls and Chandler. It gave me the opportunity to ensure they hadn’t injured themselves overnight, but it also cleared my head of the nightmares.
Despite the lack of nightmares last night I still love the whoosh of air as you run and the freeing feeling that comes with it. My legs begin to burn as we circle around the paddock for the third time and I feel a smile grow on my face, I haven’t felt this at peace in a long time and I know it’s being back at the one place I always considered home.
As I round back towards the gate I see Dane sitting on a magnificent horse looking at me. Faltering a step before attempting to casually wave a greeting at him, he waves back before dismounting and heading into their barn. Releasing a breath I didn’t know I was holding I hug Serenity.
“What am I going to do about this crush?” I whisper to her. She nuzzles me comfortingly and I promise her we will go for a ride after breakfast. Moving to stand next to Belle, I give her a long hug and whisper to her before calling Chloe to my side.
Together we head over to see Lia for our breakfast date. I’m hopeful she won’t have picked up on my crush. Despite only spending a very limited amount of time with Dane, he has forced his way into my core and is ever present in the back of my mind.
Typically not one to form quick attachments this has left me feeling overwhelmed. Hopefully I wasn’t too obvious in watching his movements and analyzing his looks. Lia knows me so well, I know it won’t be long before she figures it out but maybe, just maybe, I can contain it before she realizes I’m swooning over her big brother. Not that she would take issue with it; in fact she would jump on that bandwagon so fast we would probably have some effed up name combination like Danem or EmDane. As children she used to command me to marry one of her brothers so we could be sisters.
I knock on the door and scratch Chloe behind the ear cooing at her while I wait.
“Come in!” I faintly heard Lia holler. Opening the door I follow my nose to the kitchen. My eyes are automatically drawn to the table which is loaded with food and my jaw drops.
“How many of us are you feeding?” Reaching across the table to grab a strawberry, I peer at her wide eyed, before popping it in my mouth.
“First of all, never knock when you come over. Ever. You’re family.” She glares at me and elicits a grin as I chew. “And second of all, have you seen Dane and Ryan pack away the food? I’m used to cooking big.” Grabbing another strawberry I lean over and give her a quick hug. They are so lucky to have each other. As an only child, after I moved away I was so lonely until Alex moved in with us two years later.
“True enough. I’m only used to cooking for myself, or me and Alex. Speaking of my friend Alex, he is moving up here.” I wink at Lia suggestively. “I think you two would hit it off . . .”
Lia rolls her eyes at me and grins. “Who has the time?” Smirking at her, I call Chloe from her exploration of the house and get her to lie down beside me.
I start to stuff a piece of bacon into my mouth when I hear the back door open. Tensing as I turn, I can’t help the whoosh of a relieved sigh that sounds from my mouth when I see it is Ryan. Ignoring Lia’s inquisitive look, I jump up to give Ryan a hug.
“How’s it going?” He grins as I pull away.
“Good, except with all this food you’re going to have to roll me out of here.” He laughs and starts to load up his plate. Lia and I sit down and start discussing our day. We are in the midst of planning a trip to town when Dane walks in.
“If you can hold off on driving to town until tomorrow, we will all go.” He says as he starts loading up a plate and takes the seat next to me. It might just be my imagination but it seems like he pulled his chair closer to mine. Softly inhaling a calming breath as Dane’s close proximity shoots tingles up my arm, I look at Lia to ground myself and by the eyebrows lifting into her hairline; I don’t think I imagined it. She slowly grins as she looks between us.
Oh man, I can see the matchmaking plan building in her brain. Squinting my eyes in a suspicious glare, I shake my head, but she chooses to ignore me.
“Yeah, let’s all go together!” She agrees. Nodding slowly, I try to think of how I will convince them to let me drive.
“Can you please pass me the bacon?” Dane’s deep voice in my ear causes a shiver to run down my spine. I cover it up by grabbing the bacon and handing him the plate. His fingers linger over mine and my breath catches as heat runs through my body, heart picking up its pace. He pauses and I wonder if he felt it too. Making sure he has the plate, I quickly pull my hand away and resume eating as nonchalantly as possible, my fingers continuing to shoot tingling sensations up my arm.
“Tomorrow works fine, maybe today you can help me unpack some more?” I ask Lia. She nods and silence falls as we focus on eating. Dane’s close proximity is making it hard to concentrate so I try to casually shift my chair away from him. Out of the corner of my eye I see his lips twitch as they fight a smile. Damn, caught. This is not helping the torrent of feelings I’ve discovered since coming back into his life.
“What do you boys have planned for today?” Lia asks breaking into my thoughts.
“I have five horses to trim today then going to Mom and Dad’s to do some work around the yard.” Ryan says around his mouthful of pancake. I laugh at the look of disgust on Lia’s face before she turns to Dane.
Dane grins at her and makes a point of finishing his mouthful before responding. “I was thinking of asking Em here if she wanted to ride around the property with me.” He looks at me and winks.
I barely restrain my jaw from dropping. Is he flirting with me?! Doubtful,
he’s just being playful. Realizing everyone is staring at me; I shake off my shock and casually nod. I know if I tried to verbalize my agreement it would come out sounding all breathy and that would be mortifying.
He smiles wide at me and my heart flutters. Bad Emma, stop thinking of him that way. It’s never going to happen, even if he is interested. I smile back at him unable to help myself and finish my breakfast.
“So Lia, this afternoon why don’t you come over then and we can catch up?” I look up at her from my plate, catching her smug smile. She presses her lips together trying to restrain herself and nods. I know I’m going to be interrogated about my ride with Dane when she visits later. Ride . . . Dane . . . okay, seriously, I need to stop!
We wrap up breakfast and I help Lia clean up despite her protests. It’s the least I can do when she has fed me twice now.
As I’m finishing with clean up Dane says, “Em, I will meet you outside in 20 minutes, okay?”
“Great!” Smiling at him before giving Lia a quick hug and heading out the door. The thought of going riding with Dane makes me nervous, but underlying that, excitement floods my senses. It has been a long time since I have toured their massive ranch and it will feel good to be outside enjoying the grace and beauty of the land and horses.
Just thinking about spending the morning with Dane also has me a little giddy, but I try to tone that down. Simply contemplating pursuing him when he may not be interested makes me a little anxious, but the thought that the feelings could be reciprocated is worse. If anything were to jeopardize the easy relationship I have with any of the Hyatt’s, it would be getting involved with Dane.
History does not bode well for people being able to handle my anxiety, panic attacks and nightmares, case and point, Johnathan, the ex. He got up the morning after my first nightmare and said he couldn’t deal with my grief and anxiety; it was too much for him. Honestly, it was time for things with him to end, but that made me realize I needed to deal with my shit before being in a relationship was an option. With renewed determination to curb these feelings for Dane I get ready for our outing. Carefully choosing a pair of comfortable jeans and a light long sleeved shirt over top of a tank top, I mentally prepare myself to ignore the way he makes me feel.
