Orlando brushed his hands together and bowed. The gang watched Snake-Eyes Melmott paying out to those who’d won.
“Hmm,” said Benny. “Well, at least we’ll get our winnings from the main bet.”
And while most of the guests were dancing or eating or drinking toasts to the newly engaged couples, a line of eager punters was forming at one side of the ballroom to get their money from Snake-Eyes Melmott. Everyone who’d put money on Dick was there, from Sid the Swede to the local vicar.
Thunderbolt could hardly contain his excitement. All that money! And beating Snake-Eyes Melmott!
But it seemed as if there was a problem. Thunderbolt stopped grinning and listened.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” Snake-Eyes was saying, “may I introduce the well-known and highly respected timekeeper Mr. Bell, known to members of the boxing fraternity as Ding-Dong. Ding-Dong Bell’s timekeeping is known to be immaculate, which is why I invited him along this evening to make a careful note of the proceedings in case there was any dispute about the finish. Mr. Bell?”
Ding-Dong Bell was a thin, scholarly-looking man with no less than three different kinds of watches. He placed them all on the table in front of him.
“Them watches,” he said, “was synchronized by me personal, to the chimes of Big Ben, at six o’clock last. And according to them, young Dick’s proposal, as noted by two independent witnesses, took place at five minutes past midnight.”
“Well, ladies and gentlemen,” said Snake-Eyes Melmott, “what a shame, what a shame! You all remember the terms of the bet: Dick had to propose and be accepted before twelve o’clock. So I’m afraid you all lost. However, the good news is, I’m opening a book on the likelihood of living dinosaurs being discovered in the South American jungle by the Royal Geographical Expedition. I can offer you a hundred to one against a pterodactyl—how’s that? Can’t say fairer than that. Hundred to one, gents! Any takers?”
With cries of disappointment and dismay the people turned away, tearing up their betting slips and shaking their heads at their own folly.
“We should’ve known,” said Angela darkly.
“I could’ve sworn we had him this time!” said Zerlina.
“We’ll get him yet. He’s not beating us like that …”
Thunderbolt and Benny looked at each other. Their disgust was almost too deep for words.
“Cor,” said Benny finally. “I mean to say, well, blimey.”
Thunderbolt couldn’t say anything. The future was clear to him: gambling, drink, loose women, ruin, prison, the gallows. If only he’d paid more attention to The Primrose Path, or, If Only He Had Known!
He gulped. It was going to be very hard to tell Miss Whittle that he couldn’t pay her; never mind telling Pa …
There was a slight cough, and they looked around. Mr. Whittle was standing there, with the Worshipful Master of the Ancient and Worshipful Company of Gas-Fitters.
“Young gents,” said the Worshipful Master, “and young ladies too, I understand. Commendable ingenuity and initiative. Daring and resourceful plan. On behalf of the Ancient and Worshipful Company of Gas-Fitters, I should be proud to offer you a reward of ten pounds each, and invite you all to partake of ice cream with His Royal Highness the Prince of Wales. If you would care to step this way …”
And everything was all right, just like that.
So the New Cut Gang sat down with the Prince of Wales, and watched Orlando dancing with Miss Whittle, and Dick dancing with Daisy, and the silver gleaming on the sideboard, and Mr. Miller showing three young men how to keep themselves cool by the application of cucumber, and everyone having a whale of a time.
“I think this is probably the social event of the Season,” said the Prince of Wales. “Thank you for inviting me to the Gas-Fitters’ Ball.”
“It was a pleasure,” said Angela. “By the way …”
“I don’t suppose you know where we can get a pterodactyl?” said Zerlina.
GLOSSARY
Pennies and pounds—some notes on money in Victorian England
guinea = 21 shillings
pound, also called a quid or a sovereign = 20 shillings
crown = 5 shillings
half crown = 2 shillings and 6 pence
shilling, also called a bob = 12 pence
sixpence, also called a tanner = half a shilling or 6 pence
threepenny bit = 3 pence
tuppenny = 2 pence
penny—pennies are coins, and pence refers to the amount of money they are worth. So if you have two pennies, they are worth two pence, or tuppence.
ha’pence = half a penny
farthing = one-quarter of a penny
barnet—hair
barque—a small sailing ship
batsman—in cricket, a player who handles the bat
bonce—slang for head
bouncer—in cricket, a ball that bounces high
celluloid collar—a stiff plastic collar that attaches to your shirt
chokey—prison
coining—making fake coins; counterfeiting
cor—an interjection like “God!” or “Oh, man!”
costermonger—a person who sells fruit or vegetables from a street cart
done a bunk—slang for escaped or ran away
dripping (jar of dripping)—grease; melted fat kept in a jar by the stove
dustcart—a garbage truck for ashes and other household trash
fly—knowing; sharp; streetwise
fug—a thick, stuffy atmosphere
gasper—slang for a cigarette
git—an insulting name; a worthless person; a jerk
gob-box—slang for mouth
gomus—an insulting name; an idiot; a blowhard
gossoon—slang for a servant boy, a lackey, or just a boy
greasepaint—stage makeup
haberdashery—a shop for small things related to clothes, like thread, ribbon, or buttons
heliograph—a device for signaling coded messages with a mirror
hokey-pokey—ice cream sold by street vendors
humbug—a kind of hard candy, like an all-day sucker
jape—a joke or jest
jezail—a long, heavy gun; an Afghan musket
jugged—put in jail
lampblack—black soot from an oil lamp
lucifer—a match
macassar oil—a kind of oil used to style your hair
majordomo—the chief butler or head servant
monocle—an eyeglass for one eye
naphtha—liquid petroleum; a flammable liquid used in streetlights
nick—slang for a police station
nicking—stealing (If you nick something, you’ll be taken down to the nick!)
nosh—a snack
omnibus—a large horse-drawn carriage that picks up passengers like a modern bus
peach—to rat someone out or inform on them
pince-nez—eyeglasses that balance on your nose without earpieces
pinched—stolen
plates—slang for feet
poodle-faker—a ladies’ man; a man who cultivates women, especially for the purpose of getting ahead in business
popinjay—a shallow or conceited person
punter—gambler
queue—a line you stand in
razzo—slang for nose
rozzer—policeman
sacked—fired from a job
schmutter—a piece of clothing; clothes
slummin’, slumming—passing fake money
smasher—someone who introduces fake money into circulation
snide—a fake coin; counterfeit money
snide-pitcher—a person who passes fake money
sockdologer—a knockdown blow; a terrific punch
spalpeen—slang for a child, a scamp, or a rascal
toff—someone dressed up; a swell; someone well-to-do
trollywags—slang for trousers
trotter-boxes—slang for shoes
ut
ter—to put fake money into circulation
utterance—the act of putting fake money into circulation
whey-faced—pale
wotcher—a greeting that means, roughly, “How’s it going?”
Two Crafty Criminals! Page 18
