by Blue Saffire
I stood in the doorway watching her balled up next to Mandy wishing it was me. She is so cute when she sleeps. She is so small and delicate, but perfect. At some point I stumbled back to the front of the bus and passed out on the couch.
The smell of bacon has my stomach reeling as I open my eyes this morning or afternoon would probably be right. I hear Mandy and Linc murmuring to each other and Mandy is trying not to laugh too loud. It’s sort of annoying that both Mandy and Crush are cool with this guy. It isn’t lost on me that I don’t hear Kitty. She has been held up in the room since we pulled off from the bar.
I have a sinking feeling in my heart she is over me. I totally wrecked things with her the last four weeks and overreacted last night. I know the whole thing with Linc coming along could have been handled better on my behalf but I was counting on having her to myself to make her mine. I know I should have apologized to her or something but I was too chicken to go to her, so getting drunk and giving Linc shit seemed like the next best thing to do.
Now my head is pounding and I still need to go fix things with her instead of handing her over to Linc on a platter. I groan and sit up scrubbing my face with my palms. Sleep comes and plops down next to me with a coffee cup held out in my direction. “Thanks man,” I yawn.
“Dude, drink that. Then get in the shower and get your ass in that room,” Sleep commands, he has a silly grin on his face as if he can read my mind and knows that she is the first thing on it. “She’s been peeking out every five minutes to see if you’re still alive.”
I nod and down the coffee as fast as I can. I grab a towel, from the basket Mandy has set up for everyone, and hit the bathroom to wash away the funk of last night. My thoughts are racing trying to put together what I will say to fix this. Nothing comes to mind because the anxiety of being away from her is the only thing I can focus on, effectively ending my shower.
I wrap the towel around my waist and stand staring in the mirror. I have always gone after what I want and Kitty should be no different. I want her and I know there was a time when she wanted me too. I just have to remind her of that time and get her to see how much I want her. It’s time to face the music.
When I enter the room she is lying on her side facing away from me. I lose all train of thought seeing her there in her white tank top and blue running shorts, those amazing legs looking as if she has run track for years, teasing all the sense out of me.
I sit on the bed beside her and reach for her legs. “Kitty,” I murmur.
“Yeah,” she answers not turning toward me.
“I think we need to talk,” I sigh.
“About what,” she sighs back but finally turns to face me.
“About us, baby,” I reply.
Kitty snorts and runs her fingers through her hair. “There is no us Rage. So there is nothing to talk about. Unless there is something I am doing on stage that you want me to change,” she shrugs. “We really have no words.”
I pull a hand over my face and groan. “Babe, you can’t mean that. Kitty, I know you feel this too. I want to give us a shot.”
Kitty laughs and pushes up on her knees to sit beside me. Her face looks hurt and confused as she watches me. I just want to pull her into my arms, but I have lost the right and freedom to do that.
“Why now Nolan,” she hisses at me. “Is it because Linc showed up or is it because we are going to be on this bus for two months and you are looking for a steady hook up. I don’t need this. You hurt me already and I won’t let that happen again.” I can see the tears gathering in her eyes. It breaks my heart. I never wanted to hurt her and I have.
Knowing I caused her pain breaks something in me. I have to be the one to fix it. She has to let me try. Watching her little body shake with anger and hurt guts me. Without thinking I grab her waist and draw her to me. Before she can protest I crush my lips to hers and kiss her the way I’ve wanted to for so long.
At first she just stiffens in my arms not responding, until I bite her bottom lip and suck it into my mouth. Then she becomes like liquid in my hands. Her arms go around my neck and she gives me access to her mouth. I let my tongue plunge into her warm mouth and we both moan. I place one hand on her plump ass and the other I lock in her hair, lifting her to straddle my lap. She moans again throwing her head back as I start dropping kisses down her neck sucking at the soft flesh and kneading her supple cheek at the same time.
“Baby, I’ve wanted you for so long. I just couldn’t,” I groan into her ear. “Things changed and now I want to make you mine.”
“Nolan,” She moans out as she grinds against my lap.
I can feel the heat coming off of her and it is driving me insane. I pull her hips down on me showing her what she does to me and she moans again. Her small hand goes under my t-shirt and runs up my chest.
“Kelly,” I growl against her lips. “I’m so sorry baby I promise I’ll make it up to you.” She pulls away from me pulling her hand from under my shirt. I watch in horror as she retreats returning to her perch next to me. She looks confused and defeated. “What is it, baby? Tell me and I’ll fix it.”
“What changed, I haven’t? Why wasn’t I good enough before?”
“Oh baby, you have always been good enough,” I sigh wrapping my arms around her, turning while pulling her against my chest. “The guys and I promised each other that we would not touch whoever we found to join the band. I agreed at first but then things got out of control and I was spending more time with you. The guys got suspicious that time you slept over and they saw you walk out of my bedroom. They made me promise that after that day I would back off. It was killing me baby but I had to do it for the band. The guys saw how miserable we both are so they decided to back off.”
“Are you kidding me,” Kitty growls. “You all thought you should dictate my love life. Really?” Oh great this is not going well at all. She looks pissed.
“Kelly, please try to see it from the guys point of view. This band is everything to us,” I try to reason.
She pulls out of my arms again and this time starts to pace in front of me. I know it should have been the last thing on my mind but her little shorts are killing me. I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans waiting for her to say something.
She huffs and her shoulders slump. “Maybe we should start over,” she starts, placing her small hand to my chest as she stops in front of me. When I go to cut her off she shakes her head. “Nolan, first you have to understand this is big for me. I- I’ve been afraid to let anyone in. I don’t want to get hurt, but you are the first person I’m willing to try with. I do want you.”
Nolan, she keeps calling me Nolan not Rage, hearing her say it now I think I like it. It shows we have more of a connection than just the band. Pulling her closer, I kiss her forehead and press mine to hers.
“I want you too, Kitty,” I croon and lean in to kiss her.
I pull her back on the bed beside me as our lips began to learn each other’s. It starts out as a soft slow kiss until her hands move up my chest. I deepen the kiss while letting my hands slide over her curves, cupping her behind and pushing my thigh between hers. She moans and I roll her to her back as I take from her sweet mouth, her lips, her tongue exploring every inch of her mouth.
She whimpers into my mouth when my other hand searches out the curve of her breast, my thumb flicking across her erect nipple. Lost in the feel of her I start a trail of kisses across her face, down her jawline and began to place slow open mouth kisses down her neck.
Pulling one of her legs around my back I push my erection into her causing her back to bow off the bed. I want her so bad I can’t see straight. I reach for her other breast and cup it as I began to move my way toward her breasts with my mouth.
“Wait,” she pants. “Nolan, please wait.”
“Too fast,” I breathe back as I look up at her anxious eyes. She nods vigorously and sits up on her elbows to look down at my tented jeans that are doing very little to hide my arousal. Her eyes widen and she starts to
bite her lip.
I chuckle and roll onto my back pulling her down on top of my chest. I kiss the top of her hair and start to rub small circles on her back.
“Sorry,” she murmurs against my chest.
“For what,” I ask and raised my brows at her when she looks up at me. “We haven’t been together an hour yet and I tried to maul you. I should be saying sorry.”
“It’s just you’re used to girls -,” she alleges before I daftly cut her off with a kiss.
“You are not some random groupie to me Kitty. When I make love to you I want you all in, because that’s what I want Kitty. I want to make love to you.”
Her breath hitches and I kiss the side of her mouth, then drag my nose across her cheek to her ear. “When you’re ready Kitty. It’s your call when you’re ready.”
“Thanks,” she breathes into my neck and I feel her whole body relax against me. She then starts to giggle and props up on my chest. “Nolan and Kelly sitting in a tree K.i.s.s.i.n.g,” she teases.
“Come here you nut. I’ve missed you,” I chuckle as I pull her down next to me and nuzzle her neck.
“Yeah, I’ve missed you too,” she sighs.
We’d fallen asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. Kitty’s small frame pressed tightly against me and my arms locked around her. My stomach growling violently is what wakes me. Kitty starts to stir in my arms and I reach down to brush her hair from her face.
I’m crazy about that little smile on her face. I peck her on the lips and my stomach roars at us both. Kitty frowns up at me and places her palm against my stomach.
“What can I make my man to eat,” she asks smiling up at me sheepishly.
“Your man is not picky at all, baby,” I murmur, as I stretch my arms above my head.
“Okay, so why don’t you cover up those abs and I’ll get you something to eat,” she smiles as she ogles my stomach that my raise shirt exposes.
“Am I distracting?” I run my fingers down her neck and feel the shiver that runs through her.
“Very,” she purrs.
I slap her ass and chuckle as she yelps. “Go make me something to eat woman then get back in bed with me.”
“Don’t push your luck Rage,” she hisses, narrowing her eyes at me while rubbing her stinging backside.
I lean over her and kiss where her hand is making circles. Then I nip the same spot with my teeth. Her eyes widen as a little gasp escapes her lips. My stomach makes another loud announcement and Kitty leaps from the bed.
“I’ll be back,” she breathes keeping her eyes to the floor.
I stand with a huge smile on my face. I realize it has been awhile since I’ve had a steady hook up girl. I haven’t had a steady girlfriend since junior high. But something tells me Kitty will be so much more.
I learned a few things about Kitty this morning. One my girl is scared out of her mind to let anyone in, something I want to understand more about. Second, my girl being a virgin is something that makes me cherish her all the more.
At first it was hard to believe with her age and that killer body. Even the way she responded beneath me as I explored her body was incredible, but the look in her eyes when she asked me to stop said a million words. Third, Kitty is shy about it but she is not totally against us exploring more about the things I’ll do to her body. I saw that in her eyes when I nipped at her backside.
I draw in a deep breath of satisfaction when I feel soft lips press to my back and hands wrap around my middle. I turn to face Kitty and she lifts on her toes to try to reach my neck. I bend to get closer to her.
“What happened to the food,” I ask after kissing her nose.
“Their getting ready to make a stop, everyone is going to eat at a diner together,” she explains.
“Mm…sounds good but would it be okay if we sit by ourselves, I want to talk, just you and me,” I request as I drop a kiss on her neck.
“Um, sure but can I ask a favor?”
I don’t like the nervous look on her face. I am tempted to tell her no for fear that this has something to do with Linc. Instead I shrug my shoulders and place my forehead to hers.
“Linc asked me to ride with him tonight and I kind of want to talk to him after, but only if you’re cool with it. It will be a quick ride just for a few miles ‘til the next rest stop,” she rushes out the last sentence as my shoulders tense.
Of course I was right. I just know that if I want to keep my girl I am going to have to deal with this a lot better. “It’s fine, everyone brought their bikes to enjoy the open road. I want this, us, so I have to trust you,” I reply and kiss her nose. I have to say I surprised myself. Kitty is turning me into a six foot four cream puff.
“Thanks,” she smiles and pulls my lips to hers.
“Get dressed, I’m starving.”
I release her and go to the mirror to fix my hair. I turn to ask Kitty a question and find her bending over into one of the drawers. My mind goes completely blank. Those little shorts she has on are riding up in places I have had all types of dirty dreams and fantasies about. I almost choke on my words and groan at the sight of her.
I close the distance in two quick steps and reach out to place my hands on her hips. She looks over her shoulder at me with a shy smile. “Kitty, you can’t wear these around this bus,” I growl.
“What?”
“Baby,” she straightens and turns to face me. I cup her plump backside. “These shorts are not for outside this room.”
“Well your sister dumped all my sweats out of my suitcase so my options are a little limited with nowhere to wash clothes and two months of being on this bus.”
“You can have at my boxers if you want babe but these shorts stay in this room,” I state. I am absolutely not giving on this one.
“Fine,” she sighs. “Can I get dressed now?”
I release her and step back to sit on the edge of the bed while she wiggles out of the shorts and pulls on a pair of jeans. This has just turned into the hardest two months of my life for a whole other reason. She sits down next to me to pull on a pair of boots.
“Ready,” she chirps when she is done and the bus comes to a stop.
My stomach answers for me. I tuck my girl under my arm and pull her through the bus to put some food in our bellies.
~B~
“This place is not so bad,” I say as I settle into the booth and Nolan slides in beside me.
“Nope, unless you think about the fact that this is our first date,” he replies.
I smile up at him. He is so cute like this. His grey eyes are twinkling at me and he has this incredibly sexy smile on his face that shows off his sexy little dimple. I feel so small sitting next to him but perfectly safe. He places one of his huge ripped arms around me and kisses the corner of my mouth.
“I’ll give you a pass given the circumstances,” I offer.
“Thanks babe,” he chuckles. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,” I reply.
“You said you were afraid to let someone in. So I was thinking…when was your last relationship,” he quizzes.
Thank God the waitress shows up right at that moment. I am not ready to answer this particular question because it would lead to me talking about some things I have a tight cap on. I am not sure I am ready to be that vulnerable to him.
“How y’all doing tonight? My name is Anna and I will be serving y’all tonight,” the waitress says looking only at Nolan, with her large brown eyes and faded blonde hair. “Can I start y’all with drinks?”
I would say I can’t blame her for staring at Nolan but the dismissive vibe she is throwing my way is not helping my mood. I guess Nolan feels my mood change because he reaches for my back and starts to rub soothing circles on it.
“I’ll have a beer and my girl will have pineapple juice with sprite if you have,” Nolan answers. I am so thrown. I know we have been out to eat tons of times before but I didn’t know Nolan paid enough attention to know what I always order to drink.
“You ready to order or you need some more time,” she asks this time looking me over.
“I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries,” Nolan orders. “She’ll have the same but with onion rings and coleslaw on the side. Make sure her burger is well done.”
The waitress takes the menus away and goes to get our drinks. I turn to Nolan beaming. This is turning out to be a great first date.
“What,” Nolan laughs.
“I didn’t know you knew me so well,” I reply.
“I pay attention,” he smiles.
“I see,” I laugh. “What else have you paid attention to?”
“Let’s start with the fact that I notice when you are uncomfortable with a topic. Like right now you are avoiding my question.”
I sigh knowing he is very right. “You are my first boyfriend,” I murmur at the table.
“So no relationships before me,” he asks, reaching for my chin and lifting my face to look at him.
“No,” I shake my head.
“That is so hard to believe as gorgeous as you are. Can I ask why? I mean I understand you have reservations on letting people in, but you never found someone the least bit attractive?”
I exhale; I will have to do this sooner or later if I want to really give this a chance. The waitress appears again with our drinks giving me time to think of the best way to answer this.
“I was sixteen when I lost my parents. Before that I spent so much time with my music and with Linc that I really didn’t think about boys. I had a crush or two,” I look up nervously with my next words. “I had a crush on Chris for a little while but he broke my heart and then my parents died a few days later.”
Nolan tenses and narrows his eyes at me. That is the reaction I was afraid of. He searches my face for a moment before reaching to push a hair away from my face.
“It was a stupid crush and a stupid misunderstanding at a really bad time in my life. We’ve talked about it and I am completely over it now,” I add quietly.
“What happened,” Nolan asks.
“With Chris?”
“With everything,” he asks.
“It was a party at my house. Chris had been drinking and he kissed me. I was just happy he was looking at me that way and not like a little sister. He passed out shortly after the kiss and I was embarrassed about the whole thing and found Mandy to let her know he had passed out. They called you and you came to pick them up while I hid in my room.
