“We’ll go back north in the morning. Your mother, Kath, and I. We’ll find a better place for a new home.”
Mari felt her jaw drop. “Father, you can’t do that! The countryside still isn’t safe. This road still isn’t safe! If you head north without a strong escort you’ll run into bandits before the day is out!”
“Don’t tell me what I can’t do!”
“In this case I have to! You will not be permitted to leave this column until we reach Pacta Servanda. Once there we can arrange safe transport north for you on one of my ships. But you will come to Pacta Servanda with us.”
Her father, his body tense, turned and walked out of the room.
Mari dropped back into her chair and lowered her face into her hands, wondering whether there was any possible way the conversation could have gone worse than it had.
She wasn’t sure how much time passed before one of the guards knocked again and looked inside. “Eireen of Caer Lyn, Lady. She says you wanted to see her?”
“Yes,” Mari said, taking deep breaths and trying to compose herself.
Her mother came in, sat down across from Mari, and gave her a sympathetic look. “How are you?”
“Rotten,” Mari said. “Thanks for knowing I needed to see you without me even asking. Has he always been like that?”
“No. Not that bad. But tension brings out the worst in us all, doesn’t it?”
“I tried to explain things to him, but he wouldn’t listen! Why is he so stubborn?”
Her mother shook her head. “It runs in the family.”
Mari tried to keep her glower going, but eventually let it become a rueful smile. “Guilty as charged. You always did act as a referee between me and Father, didn’t you?”
“You remember?”
“A bit.” Mari looked down, biting her lip and twisting her fingers about each other. “I can’t recall everything that I should. I spent so many years trying not to think about you two. Trying to pretend that I no longer cared about you.”
“Your father and I went through the same thing, you know, trying not to think about the daughter we had lost.” Eireen sighed. “But we never pretended not to care. Instead, we pretended that you’d come back some day.”
“Mother—" Mari felt tears starting and rubbed them away. “I did. It took too long. I don’t deny that. But I did come back. And I never would have if not for Alain, the man who my father refuses to look at or say the name of. He asked me to leave Alain! Why would he do that?”
Her mother looked to the side as if watching old memories, staying silent for a long moment before finally speaking. “Your father has always viewed the world in terms of certainties. Among those are that all Mechanics are arrogant and evil, and all Mages depraved and evil. It’s like the numbers he deals with for a living. A number is. Five will always be five, and will always mean five. That is how your father thinks. Then you were taken by the Mechanics to become one of them. Your father struggled with that. Were you the little girl he loved, or the arrogant and evil Mechanic he detested? He made a fuss about you wearing the jacket, didn’t he? I knew he would. It confuses his certainties. Are you Mari, or the Mechanic? He loves Mari, but she won’t fit into his neat categories anymore, and he is reacting to that by lashing out. If he drives you away, then he’ll no longer have to try to understand who you are. He’ll no longer have to try to understand all of the things you now are.”
Mari leaned forward, staring miserably at her mother. “He can’t handle change. My own father hates the Great Guilds, but also hates change as much as they do. Mother, what can I do?”
“I don’t know.” Eireen covered her eyes with one hand. “Giving him orders is probably not a good idea, though.”
“Mother, he said he was going to take you and Kath north in the morning! Just the three of you!” Mari waved a hand to indicate the outdoors. “My army and Tiae’s army have taken down the warlords in this area, but this country is still crawling with bandits and the remnants of the warlords’ fighters. I can’t let Father take you and Kath to ugly deaths just because he has a stubborn on!”
“He was probably just venting,” her mother said, lowering her hand and gazing at Mari. “Your father is very worried about Kath. When you came back to us, your little sister went from loathing the sound of your name to worshipping her big sister. Ever since then your father has feared she might be lured into the grasp of the Mechanics Guild.”
“If Kath wants to learn Mechanic skills she can do that now without going to the Guild,” Mari said. “I have schools already functioning that are teaching people those skills.”
“It’s the same difference to your father,” Eireen said. “And then Kath saw your soldiers and said she wanted to join the army!”
“That is not going to happen,” Mari said.
“Your father and I are worried that Kath won’t take no for an answer, that she’ll sneak off and try to join anyway.”
“If she does that,” Mari said, “I will have her assigned to a classroom in Pacta Servanda. My friend Bev runs the schools, and Kath wouldn’t get away with anything if Bev was watching her.”
Eireen smiled with relief. “You could make that happen? For certain?”
“Mother, it’s my army.”
“Your father doesn’t believe that, you know. He thinks you’re being used as a figurehead by the Mechanics and the Mages, and are too young and naïve to know better.”
Mari tossed up her hands in frustration. “Mother, I wouldn’t have gotten this far if I was that naïve. And as long as Sien is advising me I know I won’t fall for any tricks.”
“Sien?”
“I’m sorry. Princess Sien. Ruler of Tiae.”
“You’re on an informal-name basis with a princess?” Eireen laughed. “Wait until Kath hears that! And your father, well…” She sobered, gazing at Mari. “And you, my little girl, who lived only in my memories for so long, and who I have to be careful not to forget to worry about now that she’s so much bigger. Even though you’re a person out of legend, leading her own army. Slaying dragons. Changing the world. A hero.”
“Mother—!” Mari began.
“But there is a shadow on you.” Eireen leaned closer. “A shadow in you. That young soldier whom Kath admired isn’t the only one with some scars inside her, is she?”
Mari paused, tempted to deny it or laugh it off, before finally making a weary gesture with one hand. “There have been…things…that are…difficult to remember. And…well, I told Father there had been three attempts to kill me in Minut. And two other tries. One of them involving a man who was convinced that I was a demon. There have been a lot of other tries to end my life. The Great Guilds are going to do all that they can to kill me, and if I fail the Storm will cause so many, many deaths. Even if I succeed…it’s a bit scary to think about what the future holds. Or how short it might be for me.”
Her mother closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, her distress clear to see, then opened her eyes to study Mari once more. “Why don’t I see fear? I know how frightened I am for you. I see worry in you, but not fear. Why not?”
Mari hesitated again, trying to put into words what she had rarely tried to explain. “Mother…my fears…the more I thought about them the worse they got. I couldn’t get rid of them. I couldn’t pretend they didn’t exist, even with Alain’s help to show me how Mages do it. Princess Sien gave me some advice, though. She helped me figure out how to do what a good Mechanic should do. I rebuilt the fears.
“I have an anvil. That anvil is what I know is right. It is all the lives that depend on me doing the best I can. And I have a hammer. The hammer is my determination to do the job, and to do it right, and not to give up, and not to fail anyone. I took my fears and I put them on that anvil, and I hammered them into a new shape, into a weapon and a shield. They don’t threaten to paralyze me anymore. Instead, they drive me on. When I should be the most scared, I become more unwavering in doing what I have to do. Because the only thing I am scared o
f now is failing.”
Her mother watched Mari for a long moment, then sighed heavily and shook her head. “Mari, there is going to be a cost some day for those suppressed emotions. You’ve found a way to redirect them, but they aren’t gone.”
“I know.” Mari shrugged, pretending nonchalance. “I’ll fight that war when I’ve won this one. Alain gives me strength when I need it. Mages draw on something they call power, and I’ve realized that I sort of do that, too. Only what I draw on when I really need it is the love of those who care for me. Alain, and you and Kath and—" She couldn’t finish.
“Your father. Please remember this,” her mother said, looking straight into Mari’s eyes. “Your father does love you. But that love is being chained by his stubbornness and his prejudices. If he can overcome those, he will show you that love again, if you have not helped burn all of the bridges between you two before then.”
Mari nodded. “I will remember that. I’ll do my best. Tell Father I’m sorry our conversation went so poorly. Don’t tell him that I think it was mostly his fault.”
Her mother smiled sadly. “We had almost that exact same conversation when you were six.”
“Really?”
“Yes. What was it you said? I’m sorry that Father is wrong. But just tell him I’m sorry. That’s what you said.”
“I was probably right then, too,” Mari said. She sighed. “I’ll do my best. I don’t know if Father will ask about that man we arrested in front of him today, but if he does, tell him that we asked a lot more questions and got a lot more answers he did not mean to reveal. You were allowed to escape Caer Lyn because the Senior Mechanics hoped you would lead them to me. That man was befriending you to find out exactly where I was staying and as much as possible about the security around me. And when the Mechanics Guild had learned enough and decided to strike, he would have acted as an insider to help their killers reach me.” She paused. “And Kath.”
Eireen stared at Mari, stricken. “They want to kill your little sister? Why?”
“She could also be a daughter. She could be like me. The Great Guilds want to eliminate that chance. But only after they would have used Kath to help get to me.”
“Your father will have to know,” Mari’s mother said in a low voice. “He’ll blame you, Mari.”
“Everything else bad in the world seems to be my fault, so why not?” Mari saw her mother’s worry and instantly regretted her words. “I’m sorry. You three will still have a special cavalry escort tomorrow and every day until we reach Pacta Servanda. I’m also going to ask Mage Asha to watch over you during the march. She will spot any threats that the cavalry doesn’t. You’ve already seen Asha. She’s the one who caught the spy earlier today.”
Her mother stared at Mari. “That beautiful blonde? She’s really a Mage?”
“Yes,” Mari said. “She’s a very good Mage. And a very good friend. If Kath wants to speak with her, Mage Asha will be happy to talk. She won’t look happy or sound happy, and she’s still learning small talk, but Asha will enjoy it.”
“Oh, that would thrill your father!” Eireen smiled half-heartedly. “Then he would start worrying about Kath wanting to become a Mage.”
Mari managed a smile in return. “Why can’t Kath follow whatever path her heart leads her to?”
“Because life is rarely that simple, Mari,” her mother said. “Sometimes life demands we take other paths. Like the path you’re on right now.”
“Alain calls that fate. He says fate gives us choices. We’re free to decide which of those choices to make, but our decisions drive the next set of choices.”
Eireen nodded. “I hope your father comes to see how fine a man your Alain is. Oh, I wanted to ask if you had a spare knife I could borrow. We had to leave so precipitously that I forgot mine, and it has been no fun being on the road without a good knife.”
Mari pulled the knife from her belt and offered it. “You can borrow this one until we can find you another.”
“Thank you.” Her mother looked it over. “Is this a sailor’s knife? Why are you carrying a sailor’s knife?”
“It was given to me by sailors,” Mari said. Her mother looked a question at her, and Mari bowed to the inevitable. “After I…became a pirate.”
“A pirate?” Eireen examined the knife again, then shrugged. “You’ll have to tell me about that sometime.”
“Mother, I’m getting this awful feeling that nothing I do would surprise you.”
“Nothing that you would do would surprise me,” her mother corrected gently. “Because I know that my Mari would not do anything I would not be proud of once I learned the hows and whys. But for the time being, I’ll avoid mentioning to your father why you have this knife. I’ll see you in the morning, Mari.”
“Thank you, Mother.” Mari sat for a while, feeling better, but still thinking about the choices she had made this day and wishing she could revisit a few. And wishing she didn’t have to deal with this when everything else was going on and…
Alain came in and she got up and held him, breathing deeply. “Can you forgive me?”
“For what?” Alain asked.
“I was sitting there feeling sorry for myself because I was having trouble with my family, or just my father really. And I finally remembered how much you would give to have family troubles, how much it would mean to you to have your parents alive. I shouldn’t be so self-centered.”
“Self-centered?” Alain gazed back at her. “No one thinks more about others than you do. Who else would have saved the life of a Mage she had never met?”
“You’re going to keep throwing that in my face, aren’t you?” Mari said, smiling despite her upset. “I’m still sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t convince my father that I am doing all right, and that you are…the best man in the world.”
He managed a smile for her. “Words will not convince him. We will show him, he will see who you are, and your father will learn just how wise his daughter is.”
“His son-in-law is pretty wise, too,” Mari said, kissing him.
Alain’s words stayed with her. She slept calmly that night with her arms about him.
* * * *
As they walked their horses down the road the next morning, the dust not yet too bad, Alain listened as Mari and Mechanic Talis talked to each other, Mari telling Talis about what was happening in Tiae, and Talis telling Mari about events within the Mechanics Guild.
“We’ve all heard rumors that you’re using banned technology,” Talis said. “The Senior Mechanics absolutely deny it, say it’s impossible, so most of us figure there must be some truth to it. One thing I knew before I bolted for Tiae was that the Senior Mechanics wanted to find out where you could have gotten access to it, because even while they said you couldn’t possibly have it they kept asking us to report any rumors or specific information about the tech, especially any copies of plans.”
“I’ll bet they want to see copies,” Mari said. “They want to know who is getting them to me.”
Alain could easily see that Mari was unhappy with deceiving Talis to protect the true source of the manuals, but the other Mechanic couldn’t tell. “Yeah, but since the only available source is in the vaults at Guild Headquarters,” Talis said, “it’s strange that the Senior Mechanics keep asking where you got them.”
Something had been bothering Alain since yesterday, but he had been unable to sort out what it was. As Mari and Talis talked, though, he gradually realized the reason for his concern. And as that realization hit, Alain had trouble managing his Mage composure.
The Imperials and the leaders of the Mechanics Guild were on the trail of Mari’s greatest secret—and might have already discovered the answers they were seeking.
Chapter Five
Talis finally left to rejoin the other Mechanics. Alain made sure his voice was composed. “Mari, we must speak of something.”
She clenched her jaw. “I hear you using your Mage voice, which means you’re upset. I hope this isn’t abo
ut my father. I really don’t want to talk about that today. I’ve been spending the whole morning trying not to think about it.”
“It is about what your family said when we met them. It connects to what you and Mechanic Talis just discussed.”
Mari gave him a puzzled glance.
Alain checked to ensure no one else was too close and that the background noise of the people and horses on the road would cover their conversation, but still lowered his voice. “It is about Marandur.”
Mari’s tension grew as she frowned at him. “What about Marandur?”
“Your family spoke of the Imperial agents who had questioned them.”
“Yes.” Mari nodded, looking ahead as she concentrated on the memory. “The agents asked about Marandur. I thought that was probably part of the Imperial attempt to discredit me by linking me to Mara, or trying to learn how we got in and later escaped.”
“Your mother said the agents asked why you went to Marandur,” Alain said. “They asked if you had found anything there. And if you had brought anything out.”
“That’s because the Imperial Ban doesn’t allow—” Mari inhaled deeply. “We did bring out something. The banned technology texts. Do you think the Imperials are starting to put two and two together?”
Alain let himself frown slightly to show his own puzzlement. “Put two together? Two what? With what?”
She shook her head at him. “I mean, do you think they’re starting to figure out that we got those texts from Marandur?”
“I fear so. And not just the Imperials. Mechanic Talis said that the leaders of the Mechanics Guild have been trying to learn as much as they can about what you have. They want to see copies.”
Mari nodded. “We’ve been leaking information to the Guild that someone in Guild headquarters at Palandur has been providing us with copies. You heard Talis tell me that the Guild is still conducting witch hunts to try to find whoever is supposedly helping us. Why do you think they would change their minds and focus on Marandur?”
Pillars of Reality 5- The Servants of the Storm Page 9
