My aunt placed the tumbler on my TV tray. “Here’s your RC, hon.”
“Thanks. Aunt Jenny, I just had the best idea…” My voice trailed away as I registered the grave look on her face. “What’s wrong?”
Aunt Jenny stood in the middle of the living room, staring at me.
Strange, her face was without its usual warm smile. In fact, it looked a little pale. I hoped she wasn’t catching the flu from me.
“Are you feeling sick, Aunt Jenny?” I asked fearfully. “I’ve been trying hard not to cough in your direction.”
Aunt Jenny shook her head, and then glanced at the TV where the opening credits of “Search for Tomorrow” were in progress. “Can I turn off the television for a few minutes, hon? We need to talk.”
“But ‘Search for…” I began to protest, but then I saw the tightening of her jaw, and my stomach dipped. Never in my life had I ever seen such a stern look on Aunt Jenny’s face. What on earth was wrong with her?
“This is more important than a TV show,” she said. She walked to the television set and turned the knob. Like water circling down a drain, the screen blackened, leaving only a white spot in the center, accompanied by a magnetic hum before disappearing altogether. My aunt turned back to me, her lips set in a thin, grim line.
Oh, Lord, I thought. What have I done wrong? And then it hit me. Maybe I’d worn out my welcome here. Maybe Aunt Jenny was just sick and tired of having to wait on me since I’d been down with the flu. The poor woman had been fetching and cleaning and dosing me with aspirin and fixing me treats for three or four days now. No wonder she was sick to death of it.
Aunt Jenny sat down in an armchair across from the sofa and nervously smoothed out the folds in her full skirt. Her gaze darted around the room, looking everywhere, it seemed, except at me. The color in her cheeks was high as if she’d dipped too heavily into the rouge pot. I opened my mouth to make it easy for her and volunteer to leave, but before I could utter a word, she spoke, “Lily Rae, you know I love you with all my heart. You’ve been like a daughter to me, and if I could have a daughter, I’d want her to be just like you, you know that.”
I nodded, drawing the blanket closer around me as the rain pounded on the tin roof. It was something that nobody ever talked about, the fact that my aunt and uncle couldn’t have any children of their own. Lord knows that Aunt Jenny would’ve made a wonderful mother, but for some reason, they hadn’t been blessed that way.
Aunt Jenny sighed and looked out the window at the dreary weather. “Oh, dear. I just don’t know how to say this.”
“It’s okay, Aunt Jenny,” I said. “I think it’s time I should go home, too. We could call Sylvie Lou Blankenship, and have her get a message to Daddy to come get me this weekend.”
“What?” Her surprised eyes connected with mine. Then understanding dawned. “Oh, no, honey! That’s not it at all! I love having you here. I get lonely during the day when Virgil is at work. No, it’s just…” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath then met my gaze. “Lily, the doctor told me you’re…expecting.”
I stared at her blankly. “Expecting what?”
The color in her cheeks deepened. She took a deep breath and said, “A baby, Lily. You didn’t realize?”
I blinked. My aunt’s words lingered in the silence, pounding through my head like a heartbeat. A baby…a baby…a baby.
No. Jenny had to be mistaken. It couldn’t be true. After that first time, Jake had used a rubber. Every time. Well, almost every time. There had been that one stormy afternoon in his daddy’s hay-loft. Could I have been so unlucky?
I shook my head and murmured, “No, it’s not possible.”
But my mind raced as I tried to remember when I’d last had a visit from my monthly course. It hadn’t been since I’d arrived in Louieville, and I’d been here just over three weeks. Then I remembered, and an icy coldness swept over me. I’d been on my period over the fourth of July. I knew that because a bunch of kids from school had planned a day of swimming and picnicking at Lake Cumberland, and I’d been disappointed because I couldn’t go in the water, and had ended up skipping the whole thing.
But in August, my period hadn’t come. I hadn’t really been concerned because when I’d mentioned my lateness to Daisy, she’d told me she’d read somewhere that major life changes and stress could interfere with the female workings of the body. And for sure, I’d been under a lot of stress in August, preparing to leave home.
But it hadn’t come again this month…
I swallowed the acrid taste of fear in my mouth and began to tremble. Aunt Jenny was staring at me, her face the color of the elaborately-dressed porcelain dolls encased in a curio cabinet in the corner of the living room.
“Honey,” she said gently. “You know I’m not going to judge you. I want to help you if I can.”
At her sympathetic tone, I burst into ragged sobs, covering my face with shaking hands. “Oh, my God! No! It can’t be true! It just can’t!”
In an instant, Aunt Jenny was beside me on the sofa, drawing me into her arms. I clung to her in desperation as the horror of the situation sank in. I imagined the stunned, disbelieving faces of my parents. The shame and condemnation in their eyes. Then I thought of Landry and what his reaction would be. I cried harder, burying my face in my aunt’s floral-scented shoulder. Somewhere in my consciousness, I heard her murmuring words meant to comfort. But there were no words that could change the facts. That could make it all go away.
I was a girl in trouble. I was a bad girl who’d done bad things…and got caught.
I wanted to die. I might as well be dead, I thought frantically, a new wave of grief shuddering through my body. I would be dead to my family. They’d disown me. Especially once they found out it was Jake who’d got me into trouble.
“Lily Rae, hush, now. It’s not the end of the world, and you’re not alone.” Aunt Jenny rubbed my back. “Sweetie, listen to me. I’m here for you, and you’re going to get through this. I promise you.”
I drew away and looked at her through my tears. “They’re going to hate me, Aunt Jenny. Oh, my God! Mother! What will she say? What will she think about me? How will she ever be able to go to town again with her head high after what I’ve done?”
Jenny brushed damp hair away from my face. “Your mother doesn’t have a mean bone in her body. I’ve never known her to judge a soul. And there’s nothing you could ever do, Lily Rae, that would make her stop loving you.”
I shook my head as fresh tears welled in my eyes. Landry! Oh, how ashamed he was going to be of me. His sheer goodness made my wickedness even worse. How would he ever be able to look at me again? And Daddy. As religious as he was, he’d probably call me the spawn of Satan. And what would Norry think? Norry, who idolized me. Who thought I could do nothing wrong. I began to cry harder, burying my face against Aunt Jenny’s motherly shoulder.
“You’re not the first girl to get in the family way,” she murmured, stroking my hair.
I pulled away to meet her gaze. “Yeah, we all know what kind of girls get in the family way, don’t we? Bad girls. Evil girls.”
Jenny gazed at me steadily. “It happened to me. Do you think I was an evil girl?”
My mouth fell open.
She nodded. “Yes. I was pregnant when Virgil and I got married. And just like you, when I found out, I was scared and didn’t know where to turn.”
“What did you do?” I whispered, still reeling from her admission. How was it possible? Aunt Jenny was so good. So sweet and…well, it was just hard to believe that she and Uncle Virgil had…done stuff like that before they were married.
“When I missed my period, I went to my older sister, Carla. She took me to her doctor, and when we got the news, she went with me to tell my parents.”
“And it was awful, wasn’t it?”
Aunt Jenny nodded. “It wasn’t fun. But I knew it wouldn’t stop them from loving me, and it didn’t. But that’s why Virgil and I ended up at the justice of the peace befor
e he shipped off to the Pacific.”
“But then…” I began. My voice trailed off.
Aunt Jenny nodded, her blue eyes misting over. “I miscarried. It happened four times before they told me I’d never be able to carry a baby to term.”
I bit my bottom lip. It wasn’t fair. Jenny, who’d be the most perfect mother imaginable, was denied a baby, while I…oh, God. I was too young to be a mother! Life was just starting for me. How could God be so cruel?
Well, don’t you deserve it? This is what you get for sinning. You should’ve known you wouldn’t get away with it.
“But let’s get back to you,” Aunt Jenny said, drawing an embroidered handkerchief from her pocket and daintily dabbing at her eyes. “I heard you were dating a boy in your class. Is he the father?”
I shook my head, still hearing the harsh voice of my conscience snarling at me. “We broke up last spring. It’s somebody else.” My jaw tightened as I forced myself to meet my aunt’s gaze. “I love him, Aunt Jenny.”
She nodded, and some of the tension seemed to leave her eyes. “Well, that’s good. That’ll make it easier on everybody.”
I wished I could believe her. But when my family found out I was going to have a baby, and worse, that Jake Tatlow was the father…well, it was going to be hell on earth.
Then an even worse thought occurred to me. When Daddy found out what Jake had done to me, he might just grab a shotgun and go after him. Look what had happened when he’d caught me playing house with him in the woods.
My stomach spasmed at the thought. If only there was a way I could talk to Jake. Warn him. If I could tell him first…
In my mind, I saw the two of us standing in front of Scoot Clyde, Russell Spring’s Justice of the Peace. Jake would be wearing his Sunday best, and I’d be in a white suit, holding a bouquet of lilies. They were my namesake flowers, and I didn’t care if some people thought they were flowers meant for a funeral, not a wedding.
Jenny gave my arm a reassuring pat. “I’ll talk to Virgil tonight, and if you’re feeling up to it on Saturday, we’ll take you home, and I’ll stay with you while you tell your folks…if you want me to.”
“No!” My protest sounded abnormally loud, even with the drumming of rain on the roof.
Aunt Jenny stared at me in shock. “Well, if you don’t want me to…”
“Not that.” I shook my head emphatically. “I can’t tell my folks. Not until I’ve had a chance to talk to Jake first. Aunt Jenny, do you know how old you have to be to get married without your parents’ permission?”
“I think 18 is still the legal age in Kentucky,” she said slowly. “Do you think the father…this Jake…will marry you?”
I didn’t hesitate. “Of course. He loves me. We’ve loved each other ever since we used to play together out near Tucker Creek when we were younguns. Otherwise, I would never have…” My cheeks grew hot, and I looked down, tracing a finger over a blue velvet patch of the crazy-quilt Aunt Jenny’s mother had made. “…let Jake take liberties with me.”
Take liberties. What an odd way to describe the delicious way he’d made me feel with his touch. Even now, knowing the trouble I was in because of those forbidden pleasures, I couldn’t wish it hadn’t happened.
“Lillian?”
My head shot up at the odd tone of Aunt Jenny’s voice. And she never called me Lillian! My aunt was staring at me, her face white. “Are you telling me Jake Tatlow is the father of your baby?” The shocked whisper hung in the air between us.
Anger swept through me. I’d always thought Aunt Jenny was an angel on earth, but apparently, she was just as shallow as everybody else, judging Jake because of his name. Tatlow. It might as well have been Low-down Trash.
Defiantly, I met her gaze. “Jake is my baby’s father. And I’m not a bit ashamed of loving him. Maybe it was wrong to do things with him without being married. I might be ashamed of that, but I’m not ashamed of loving him. He might be a Tatlow, but he’s not trash. And if you knew him like I do, you’d know that.”
Aunt Jenny’s expression softened. “Oh, honey. I didn’t mean that to come out like it did. I was just…surprised.” She reached out and gave my hand an absent-minded squeeze, her dark brows furrowed in thought. “Maybe you’re right,” she said finally. “Talk to Jake first. If he’ll marry you, it’ll make it easier to break the news to your folks.”
“He will,” I said confidently, feeling a sudden calm settled over me. “He loves me.”
He loves me as much as I love him. And because of that, he’ll love the baby we created. And everything will be just fine.
CHAPTER NINE
Jake was wearing his Gulf cap, which meant only one thing. His boss, Slim Jessup, was inside the station. I chewed on my bottom lip and watched from across the street as he leaned over the hood of a blue Packard and cleaned the windshield, his bare forearms gleaming golden in the afternoon sun against the rolled-up cornflower-blue sleeves of his uniform shirt.
My heart pounded beneath my sleeveless cotton blouse. It was still hot in central Kentucky this third week of September, and my underarms were slick with perspiration. But maybe that wasn’t because of the heat. It was nervousness. Now that the moment was at hand, and I was about to tell Jake he was going to be a father, a niggling doubt had crept into my mind. Maybe his reaction wouldn’t be what I hoped for, what I’d imagined.
I watched as Jake finished cleaning the windshield of the Packard and pocketed the bills handed to him. As the car pulled away, he saluted the driver with a forefinger to the brim of his cap, grinning in the way that always made my heart beat faster.
I took a deep breath. It was time to bite the bullet. To take the bull by the horns. To get the show on the road…there must be a million clichés to choose from, but they all boiled down to one thing. It was time to act. If I didn’t do it now, Aunt Jenny would be back to get me before me and Jake had a chance to decide what to do. Ten minutes ago she’d dropped me off down the street once we’d driven past to see if Jake was working.
Steeling myself, I looked both ways, and then crossed the street. Jake was already halfway to the station office. I knew I had to catch him before he went inside. Slim Jessup knew everybody in Russell County, and was a worse gossip than any old busy-body. His shaggy white eyebrows would shoot sky-high if he heard me talking to Jake. And then it would be all over town before the sun came up that Lily Rae Foster was canoodling with Jake Tatlow.
“Hey, Jake, wait up!” I called out, hurrying to catch up with him.
He turned, and my heart lifted at the way his eyes lit up when he caught sight of me. A smile of pure delight crossed his face. “Hot damn! Is it really you, Lily Rae, or am I dreaming?”
Suddenly it didn’t matter if the whole world saw us. Euphoria swept through me. I ran up and threw my arms around him, burrowing my face into his sweat-dampened shirt, breathing in the heady scents of gasoline, motor oil and healthy male. “Oh, Jake! I’ve missed you so much!”
His big, oil-stained hands had automatically tightened on me, but now, as if he’d suddenly remembered we were standing out in the middle of the Gulf station parking lot in Russell Springs on a busy Saturday afternoon, he pushed me away and stepped back. “Lord, Lily! Ain’t you always the one to say we have to be careful not to be seen together?”
I grinned at him, blinking back tears. “I know. But it’s just so good to see you. It feels like it’s been years since I went away.”
He glanced uneasily at the door to the office. “I thought you weren’t coming back until the middle of October.” He took off his cap and ran a tanned hand through his rumpled, damp hair.
My pulse quickened. Oh, how I loved Jake’s hands, so slender, yet strong. But when I realized he was waiting for an answer to his question, my smile faltered. “Well…that’s why I’m here. To tell you that I quit school. And the reason why…” My voice trailed off. I looked down at the grease-stained asphalt, my cheeks flaming. How did you go about breaking news like this? Just come
right out and say it?
“Yeah? I’m listening.”
I let out a tremulous breath and lifted my head. “Jake, I found out something while I was in Louieville.” My cheeks were on fire, and the way he was looking at me told me he’d noticed.
A lazy grin crossed his face; his blue eyes began to glow like they did when he was touching me in secret places. “What was that, Lily Rae? You found out you missed me?” His voice lowered to a seductive rasp, “You found out you missed having a man lovin’ on you, didn’t you?”
The heat intensified on my face. “Jake, this is serious!”
He sobered. “Okay, so what is it you found out?”
The door to the station office opened, and a fat man in a Gulf uniform identical to Jake’s lumbered out, his pudgy fist wrapped around a bottle of Dr. Pepper. His eyes, like blue marbles stuffed into a rising batch of biscuit dough, shot from me to Jake, then back again.
“Why, Lily Rae Foster! What brings you around these here parts?” Slim Jessup bellowed. “Heard tell you was up in Louieville going to sec-a-tery school.”
I stared at the gas station owner, and couldn’t think of one intelligent thing to say.
Jake came to my rescue. “She was just tellin’ me her daddy is stalled up the road a-piece in that old Chevy of his. I told her I’d go take a look, and see if I can get it runnin’ again.”
Slim took a long swig from his Dr. Pepper, then scratched his protruding belly and let out a deep, rumbling belch. “Well, I reckon you better get to it then. Take the wrecker jus’ in case you can’t git it goin’. I told him last week, ‘Edson,’ I said, ‘you need to trade that old junker in and git yerself one of them purty new Buick Skylarks.’”
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