The driver pulls up to the curb, pops the trunk, and all I can do is sit here.
If I go upstairs, I’ll be forced to face the truth.
If I don’t go upstairs, I’m allowing him to win.
Either way, she was mine first, and this is my current home. Since I’ll be working here in New York now, I’ll start fresh on Monday. A new job needs a new apartment. There’s no way I can sleep in the room next to her while knowing Jace is curled around the body that I crave. The one that I’ve memorized each and every curve of. The one that’s had my mouth all over it. The one that I’ve been inside of, and understand the deepest darkest secrets of. I can’t help but wonder if she screams his name like she does mine as I ride the elevator up to our floor.
Standing in front of our door, my pulse beats loudly. I’m almost convinced that Belle can hear it on the other side. Like it’s knocking, asking for permission to enter. Instead of sulking, I pull my shit together as I take my key and open the door. The lights are dim, and for a brief moment, I slow my stride. Taking in the room around me, trying to gauge if they might be asleep or even worse—wrapped up in each other’s arms in her bed. When my eyes adjust, I notice the back of a man’s head on the couch staring at the TV on the wall. One arm is resting on the side of the sofa, while the other rests on the cushion behind him.
Clearing my throat, Jace startles and turns to me, giving me the “shush” sign to his lips as he points to a sleeping Belle in his lap. I push my bags to the side of the room all while keeping my eyes on him. Slowly, he pulls himself out from underneath her and walks toward me.
I offer my hand, him taking it with two hands, welcoming me home.
“She didn’t say you were coming home tonight,” he says as he leans against the kitchen island.
“She didn’t know. I wanted to surprise her.”
“Oh, she’ll be surprised alright.”
“Why do you say that?”
“No reason…”
Silence falls between the two of us. A part of me wants to strangle all the life out of his lungs, allowing me to take back what’s mine. Then the other part of me wants to thank him for taking care of her. If I didn’t know better, I’d say the angel and devil are both battling it out on my shoulder.
* * *
Kill him.
Thank him, you fool.
No, he took your girl… Deck him at least.
Hush it, he’s feeding her, watched over her. Thank him, and be friends.
* * *
Mentally I tell them both to shut the hell up. This is my problem, and I have to live with this.
“Alright, well I’m going to head home. Be gentle when you wake her,” is all Jace says before pushing off the counter and heading to the door.
I run his words around in my head, “be gentle.” Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve always treated her well and never would hurt a hair on her body.
As the door clicks shut, I take my bags to my room. Nothing’s changed. My bed’s made, the throw pillows that Belle insisted on me having are tossed to the top. It’s warm and inviting. I don’t run back out to her; instead, I sit on the edge of the bed trying to catch my boundaries. After a few minutes, I go back out to the living room.
Standing at the foot of the sofa, I take her in. The way she seems so peaceful snuggled in the blanket that I bought her a few years ago for Christmas. It’s thick, fuzzy, and oversized—just the way she likes them. Stepping forward to wake her, I stop and decide to let her sleep just a little longer. I know I’m a pussy. Instead of facing the truth, I walk away. Seems that’s what I’m good at. Exploring the kitchen, I find a few leftovers in the fridge. When I open the container, I know this is not Belle’s cooking. Jace must have made it for her. I place it back in and grab a granola bar from the pantry and a glass of water. There’s no way at this moment that I want to eat something he’s made for her. Yes, I’m the one sulking now as I try to figure out a way to understand this. How is it that he slipped in and took my place? He’s not the first guy that she’s dated, but he is the first person to step in when I’m ready to claim her as mine forever. I can’t help but wonder if there’s a fighting chance still for the two of us. Being dirty, I slide my phone out of my back pocket and text the one person that I know will be honest with me.
Me: Hey, I’m home finally, but a little confused about why Jace and Belle were snuggled on the sofa. She’s asleep, and I just need to be prepared for this.
With no time at all those three dancing dots appear on the screen. I stare down at them, pleading with the words to tell me what I want them to say.
Brooke: Is he still there? Do I need to call the cops? Sorry, Paxton, this is one time I’m not getting involved in this. You and Annabelle have a ton to talk about.
What the hell does this message even mean? Brooke is, and has always been, the one person I know to tell it like it is. If she thinks I’m being an ass, no matter where I am, she tells me. Brooke’s also the only one I trust other than myself to keep an eye on Belle. Letting out a frustrated sigh, I push off the counter and stop dead in my tracks when I turn.
Belle’s standing before me in her pajama shorts, a thin yellow tank top, messy hair and a sleepy smile. But that’s not the thing that has me speechless. She’s either gained weight from all of the cooking Jace has been doing or something else is going on. Her midsection is round like a bump. She must notice my stares because her hands instantly grab it in a protective way. My chest restricts from the sense that she feels that she has to protect herself from me. Never in a million worlds would I lay a hand on her. Confused, I turn my head as I stare at her, almost as if I look from a different direction, things will appear different. Nope, still the same. It dawns on me that what she had to tell me wasn’t the fact that she and Jace are dating, but that they are having a baby together. I swallow my pride, or what’s left of it, and stride up to her. Carefully, I wrap my arms around her. I don’t know what to say for the first time in all the years we’ve known each other. I go with a simple, “Congratulations. I’m going to hit the hay and you can tell me all about you and Jace tomorrow.”
As if her body just blazed up in flames, I let go and back away, taking one more glance at her protruding stomach. In this moment, all I want to do is go back to the playground when we were ten years old. I want to pull out a piece of paper and mark my corner. The start of a new game. Or even to our junior year in college when I ran away from her. Instead of taking this job, I should’ve stayed. I should’ve turned into the person that she needed, not the one who just threw the towel in on everything that was us. No longer will we be Pax and Belle. It’ll be Paxton, the friend that she grew up with. I’ll have to accept that my new role will be on the sidelines watching her raise her child as she loves another man. When I close my door, I don’t bother changing my clothes before I flop down on my bed.
I’m not sure how long I lie here staring up at the ceiling, thinking, wishing before sleep finally consumes me.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Annabelle
I knew the moment I stood and saw Pax in the kitchen that things were fixing to get real. My eyes roam the apartment searching for Jace only to find him already gone. Was he here when Paxton arrived? What am I going to say? I’ve rehearsed this moment in my head for the last three months, thinking that I had the perfect words to break the news to him. With him here now, each and every one of them are gone. My voice is gone. Not to mention, that my heart’s breaking as I stare up at him. He sees it… He doesn’t know… Tell him, Belle, tell him it’s his and not what he thinks. I can’t. The words won’t come out. The closer he gets to me, my chest rises and falls as I search for those words. His voice is defeated when he tells me he’s going to bed. I wish I could go back before tonight and have already prepared him. If only I did, this welcome would be different.
Standing here alone, the fireflies are no longer in the pit of my stomach waiting for the anticipation of telling him that we’re going to be parents. It’s crazy
to think of how fast things change in our lives. One moment I’m here enjoying a lovely evening with a friend. While the next, I’m watching the love of my life walk away from me with my heart in his hands. I’ve never asked him about his true feelings for me, I always thought I just knew. I’d always pictured Paxton sweeping me off my feet and we’d ride away in a carriage in the sunset. Now, I think both of our hearts ran in different directions. Should I go to him? Do I tell him tonight, or wait until the morning after he’s rested? Tiptoeing to his door, my hand lands on the knob. Instead of opening, my head falls to it in hopes that it would magically open and his arms would be wide with welcome. With no such luck, I turn and head to my room where once again I’ll go to sleep without him next to me.
* * *
I’m not sure what time I finally fell asleep last night. My body’s protesting the fact that it’s morning. All I want to do is roll over, pull the covers back over my head, and sleep a few more hours. With my bladder screaming at me, I decide to get up and face the day. I need to sit down with Paxton and explain to him what’s been going on. Maybe he’ll share his news with me first to break the ice. After coming out of the restroom, I notice his door’s open. I pop my head in and look around for him. His bed’s made and empty. Not hearing him in the kitchen, I go out to see where he is.
Empty… That’s what I find. An empty apartment with no trace of Paxton even being here. For a brief moment, I wonder if I dreamt him coming home last night. It’s not until I see the piece of paper attached to the coffee pot that I know it wasn’t a dream.
* * *
Belle,
I wasn’t sure if you could drink coffee, so I didn’t start it for you. If you’re wondering where I am, I left to go stay at Howard’s until I can find a place of my own. You’re going to need my room for the baby, and I don’t want to interfere with you and Jace. Let’s get together for lunch or dinner when you can. If you need something, just call me.
Love always,
Paxton
* * *
“Screw you, Paxton West, for running out on me in the middle of the night,” I say as I read over his letter again. Who runs out in the middle of the night like a coward? Oh, that’s right—it’s Paxton West, the guy that runs from everything. Furious, I take out my phone and call Brooke.
“How’s things,” is the first thing she says when she answers.
“How dare he walk out on me without even allowing me the chance to tell him?”
“Slow down, Annabelle, and tell me what you’re talking about.”
“Paxton, he came home last night and surprised me. Saw my belly and went to bed. I woke up this morning thinking we would talk, but he’s gone, Brooke. He wrote me a note and left.”
“What do you mean left?”
“Like took his bags and left. Told me I’ll need the room for the baby, and he didn’t want to interfere with me and Jace. But what the hell does he mean by that? Jace has nothing to do with this.”
“Hun, we all know this, but step back and look at things from his eyes. Jace to him is the other man. He probably thinks he knocked you up.”
“Doesn’t he realize that I’m totally not Jace’s type? I mean, he’s batting for another team and that’s not me.”
“We know this, but Paxton’s not been around. Where’d he go?”
“Howard’s, and I have no idea why he would waste his money on a place when he’s never here. We could figure this out. Oh and he signed the fucking letter—Paxton.”
“You need to calm down and eat. Let’s meet for breakfast. I’ll call Miranda.”
“Fine, see you in twenty,” I say before I hang up. I stare back at Paxton’s words still furious, but a part of me understands. I want to call him, but I need to calm down a little more before I can do this.
I’m the first person to arrive at the café. Ordering a juice, I wait for my friends to show up. It seems the longer that I wait the more annoyed I become. Finally, I spot Miranda and Brooke entering, and I wave them over.
“Hey, little momma, how ya feeling?” Miranda announces loudly as she plops down next to me. A grumble comes from my mouth, as the words that I want to say need to stay pushed down for a little longer. “That good, huh,” she replies.
In silence, we figure out what we want and order as soon as the waitress appears. When I finish my order, I notice them all glaring at me.
“What, I’m hungry and I don’t know what I want, so I’ll eat a little of everything.”
“You do know that when you have this baby we’ll have to roll you to the hospital,” Brooke states.
“Maybe, but at least I have the two of you to roll me. It’s more than what the jackass will be doing.”
“Wow, okay, Annabelle, you need to calm down.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down. You aren’t the one growing a baby inside you nor the one who’s going to be doing this all alone.”
“Hey, I take that as an insult. You have the two of us, and that’s better than having anyone else,” Miranda says.
“I’m sorry, guys. I’m just upset, and I saw this going a different way.”
“We know,” Miranda says as she places her arm around me, giving me a gentle squeeze. I place my head down on her shoulder and let out a sigh.
“He texted me last night,” Brooke announces as if she’s committed a sin.
“Who?” I question.
“Paxton, silly.”
“Well, what did he say or, better yet, what did he want?”
“Wanted me to tell him about you and Jace. I simply told him that he needed to talk to you. There was no way I was getting involved in this one.”
“You could’ve told him there was no Jace and me. I don’t get why he didn’t see the signs of Jace being gay.”
“Paxton hasn’t been around, how was he to notice. It took all of us a few weeks to get the courage up to verify our speculations.”
“True, but I’m furious with him.”
“This we know too. But you need to call him,” Brooke states.
“I need time, I can’t right now. He walked away again, and I’m not sure what’ll happen when I tell him. What if he walks out afterward? I’ll never recover from that.”
“You need to give him more credit. Yes, he might, but in the end, he’ll return to you. You two are like magnets. You know when you have them facing opposite directions and they pull to each other, then when you flip them over they push apart. That’s how the two of you have always been.”
“Are you calling me round?”
“No, but if you keep eating like this you’ll be a big round magnet,” Brooke says right as our breakfast arrives.
I stare down at my plates, figuring out which one I want to start with. Just as I go to jab my pancakes with my fork, I hear the bell over the door. Something tells me to look up, and I do. In walks Paxton with Howard fast on his heels. Paxton loves the omelets here, for which I’m not surprised to see him arriving on his first morning back to the States. Trying to offer up a gentle smile, I can’t. My eyes leave his and focus back on the buffet of food before me. I lose myself in my food and don’t realize that they are both standing at the edge of the table when Brooke clears her throat.
“Morning, Paxton,” she says as Miranda welcomes him home.
“Thanks, you remember my boss, Howard, don’t you,” he says as he points to the man standing next to him.
“Yes, it’s great to see you again,” Brooke says, and all I can do is stare at Paxton with broken eyes.
“I’m sure you guys are excited to have Paxton back. We’re looking forward to him being in the office now,” Howard says as he pats Paxton on the back. That sure got my attention. Heck, it got all of our attentions. With three sets of eyes glaring up, Paxton smiles and nods. I’m pretty sure Howard wasn’t supposed to say that, but now that the cat’s out of the bag he needs to explain.
“Thanks for ruining that surprise, Howard,” Paxton says with a hint a laughter.
“Oh…” f
alls from Howard’s mouth as the realization hits him that not one of us here knew about this. “I’m going to go get us a table. It was good to see you ladies again.”
I watch as Howard quickly disappears in the mass of people. It doesn’t take long for Paxton to speak.
“Well, that was my news. I’m back for good. Took a desk job with very little to zero travel.”
“Oh,” is all I can say before I stab the stack of pancakes again and pop a huge piece in my mouth. I’m pretty sure I just let a growl slip as I taste the syrup.
It seems the two of us were hiding two big secrets from each other. I shouldn’t be pissed, but I am. It only adds fuels to the anger that I have from him leaving this morning. With my shoulders square, I look Paxton in the eyes and say. “Let me know when you find a place, I’ll send your mattress and dresser over. I won’t need it as a baby needs a crib.”
Brooke and Miranda snap their heads back at me so fast I’m spinning from it.
“Will do, it was good to see you, Brooke, Miranda.” And just like that, Paxton turns and heads over to where Howard found a table for two.
“Rude much?” Miranda says.
I look over at Brooke, bracing myself for her wrath. Instead, she shakes her head at me for a moment before speaking. “You need to control that mouth of yours and get the hell over this. This is not you. Did you eat the old Annabelle?”
“No, and this is me. It’s the me who’s protecting herself and her unborn child.”
“Bullshit, and you know it. You got your panties in a bunch and need to face the facts. That man loves you and just changed his whole career for you. You need to tell him and tell him now.”
I don’t respond because I know Brooke is right. Even Miranda’s shaking her head as she agrees.
Tic Tac Love Page 10
