by Lexie Davis
Ryker leaned forward and rested his forehead between her breasts. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay exactly as they were forever.
“Wow.” Ella stroked his sweaty back. “That was better than I imagined.”
Mustering what little strength he had, he pushed up off her. His chest was aching with the need to tell her how much she meant to him. Instead he swallowed down his emotions and moved to her side.
They lay like that for a while. Ella curled up against him and it felt so damn nice. Normal. Like something two lovers did after great sex. He couldn’t stop his mind from roaming to a fucked up place. He needed a hit. Instead, he’d settle for a smoke.
“Where are you going?” she asked when he sat up.
“I need a smoke.”
She rubbed her hand along his chest. “Stay with me.”
He met her gaze. She was so damn gorgeous it physically hurt him to pull away from her. He smiled instead and leaned down to kiss her swollen lips. He’d stay with her. He’d fucking hold her all night long if that was what she wanted.
****
Ella didn’t know what time it was when Ryker crawled over her to stand beside the bed. She groaned in protest but he smoothed his hand along her bare thigh.
“I’ll be back.”
She lay there watching as he pulled his pants on. His bare ass was tight and perfect, like the rest of his body. He had tattoos all over his chest, arms, and back. She tried to read some of them, but some she didn’t understand. The theme seemed to be dark and somewhat mysterious. Devils and bikes. A naked pinup girl was on his back. He had stars along his side and she didn’t know what that represented. Ella studied him for a moment. The sexy bad boy he’d been as a teenager hadn’t changed much over the years. His brown eyes still held a sense of mystery about them. She liked it too. She liked that he didn’t try to impress her the way other men in her past had. He didn’t go out of his way to be fake with her. He held her hand, listened when she talked, and asked her about her life because she believed he genuinely cared. And he’d made her first time better than she could have ever imagined.
“Where are you going?”
He glanced back at her. He had a weird expression on his face and she sat up, curious as to what he was up to. It lingered in the back of her mind that he’d get in trouble for being with her. She didn’t understand what the Roaming Devils MC was really about. Why a bunch of grown men wanted to get together and form a club with drugs and naked women all around was beyond her. Maybe he wanted to leave and didn’t know how to tell her. The questions made her stomach ache as she waited for him to answer her question.
“What?” she probed. “Where were you going?”
“I need to get some fresh air.” He clenched and unclenched his fists. “I’m jittery and I was trying to hide it from you.”
She frowned, staring at him. “Jittery from what?”
He ran his hands through his hair. “Drugs, Ella. I’m clean. I have been for a few years. I just get cravings for them at weird times of the day. I can usually smoke it away.”
She reached for an afghan to wrap around her body. “Smoking is likely to increase cravings.” When he didn’t say anything, she tried a different approach. “That’s a real struggle for you, isn’t it?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I’m doing okay so far. It fucking sucks most days, though.”
She stroked her hand along his back. “I’ll go with you.”
He leaned in to kiss her. “Baby, you’re not leaving this apartment naked. I’m a big boy. I can smoke by myself.”
Even though he said it, he didn’t push her away. If she didn’t know better, she’d say he wanted her company. Wanted her to stand next to him while he battled with his addiction. He held her close to him and she liked it. He wasn’t a needy man but she liked that he made her feel wanted. Special even. Like she was the only one he’d ever be vulnerable with. If she had to guess he rarely let his guard down with his friends. And while he didn’t exactly let it down around her often, admitting to her that he still had cravings was a big deal.
“Maybe. But something in your mind triggered the craving. Do you know what it was?”
He pressed his lips against her forehead. Instead of answering her question, he grabbed his cigarettes and went outside. Ella stared at the closed door, wondering how she could help him. Finding her clothes, she pulled them on and went outside with him. He leaned against the railing of her apartment building and puffed on a cigarette, eyeing her.
“I can prescribe you something. There are several medications that increase GABA production in the brain and they have been proven effective in coping with cravings and addiction.”
He blew out a long stream of smoke. “Thanks, baby, but I’m okay.”
“Do you get headaches? Nausea?”
He pulled her to him, careful not to burn her with his cigarette. “I should have known better than to tell my problems to a doctor.”
She rested her chin on his chest, loving the way he felt against her. “I’m worried about you.”
“I appreciate it,” he said before kissing her. “But I’m okay.”
“Have you ever relapsed?”
“Not yet.” He took a drag off his cigarette.
She smoothed her hand along his chest. “How long did you use?”
“A few years.”
“A lot?”
“Enough.” He laid his cheek against her forehead. “Please stop worrying about me.”
But she did worry about him. The club used drugs heavily and with Ryker being around it all the time, he was at a high risk of relapsing. She’d seen the effects of a relapse and they were often worse than the initial addiction. He struggled with the craving. She could see it in his temperament. He didn’t want to look at her. His hands shook as he raised the cigarette to his lips.
She smiled. “Easier said than done.”
Caring for people wasn’t something she could readily turn off. She cared for complete strangers without any rhyme or reason. Her professors in med school considered her an oddball in today’s society. Most were narcissistic and out to get what they could. She supposed that was why she fit so well with the free clinic program at the hospital.
“You know you can come to me if you need anything, right?” She pulled back so that she could stare into his eyes. The darkness did little to hide his surprised reaction. “You’re not the only one with a school boy crush. I liked you too, you dork.”
And she did. He was fun to be around. Even when they’d been younger they hadn’t spoken much, but his presence had made her smile. She felt safe around him. She thought about what she’d been like at fifteen and that sheltered girl probably would have went out with Ryker if he’d asked her. But he hadn’t. Even when he’d been busy flirting with the other girls, he’d always stopped to smile at her. There was an attraction between them that she couldn’t deny. It had grown even stronger when they’d met up again, after she’d moved back to the city to start her residency.
“You had a crush on me?” He grinned. “I guess that explains why you didn’t let me get anywhere near you.”
She rolled her eyes. “You didn’t make huge advancements either. Put that nasty, cancer-causing stick out and come back inside with me.”
He smashed what was left of his cigarette against the railing. “And then what?”
She gripped his hand and tugged him toward her. “And then you can kiss me.”
“I can kiss you right now.” To prove his point, he did. A five o’clock shadow had darkened his jaw, lightly scraping against her as he moved in. Ruggedly handsome and the epitome of a bad boy, he had the most kissable lips. Ella couldn’t get enough. “We don’t need to go inside for that. There wasn’t even tongue.”
She brought his hand to her stomach and pushed it lower until his fingers brushed against her crotch. “Here.”
“Oh, that. I can definitely do that.”
Ella pulled him back into her apartment and let him press h
er up against the door after they’d closed it. He kissed and licked along her neck while his hands held her hips to him.
“I changed my mind.” Ella pushed lightly at his chest. Her hands dropped to his pants, quickly undoing them. “I want you inside me instead.”
“Ah, Ella.” He groaned when she wrapped her fingers around his cock. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
Her thumb stroked along the tip of his cock. He went hard almost instantly and she couldn’t help loving that she had that effect on him. Cupping her cheeks, he kissed her. His tongue sought entrance to her mouth and succeeded, stroking along hers in its own fucking-like rhythm.
“Condom.” He pulled away briefly to find the condoms they’d left near the bed and grabbed one. She watched as he stepped out of his pants and came to her, quickly rolling the condom on in a smooth, practiced motion. He yanked her shorts down and lifted her, pressing her body between his and the door.
With his fingers gripping her ass, each glorious inch of his cock pressed into her. She gasped at the fullness, their position making him feel bigger than he had on the bed. How the hell she’d gone so long without sex was beyond her. He seated himself inside her, then proceeded to fuck her hard against the door.
Leaning forward, he sucked her nipple into his mouth. She dug her heels into his perfect ass, gasping as he thrust into her hard. This was what she wanted. Her arms went around his neck as she combed her fingers through his hair. She tugged his hair hard enough to pull his lips from her breast and kissed him, biting at his fleshly lower lip before sucking it.
Their groans mingled in the otherwise silent room as he pulled her away from the door and buried himself inside her. Ella held on to him as he carried her to the bed. He dropped her onto it, then stood at the edge. Ryker pulled back, staring down at her while his hips pumped into her. His cock repeatedly hit a place inside her pussy that made her eyes roll to the back of her head. She gasped, clutching the sheets beneath her, straining as he drove her to ecstasy. Pleasure coursed through her, hot as fire and no less intense. Her back arched off the mattress while her pussy squeezed him.
He leaned over her and pushed harder and deeper, coming in her arms as she wrapped them around his sweat-slicked body. She wanted to wrap herself in him. To hold him and love him like he did her.
“I think you woke the neighborhood with that one.” Ryker chuckled against her cheek before kissing her. “Damn, I need something stronger than a cigarette.”
Ella closed her eyes as he withdrew from her. He took care of the condom and checked his phone.
“Do you need to leave?”
He glanced up at her. “Nah.” He paused. “Do you want me to go?”
She laughed. “Not anytime soon.”
He walked toward her and settled them both in the bed. She curled up next to him and kissed his chest. She tried to remember anything about his family and came up blank. His grandfather took him to school and when he got his license, he rode his motorcycle. She’d been a girl tempted by the leather jacket and cocky attitude and she’d wanted to ride on the back of that bike with him.
“I know you won’t talk about the club with me, but can I ask you something personal?”
“You can ask me anything you want.”
She chewed on her lower lip. “I know about your father. I’ve seen your grandfather pick you up from school a time or two. Did you have a mother? Was she around while you were growing up?”
He blew out a harsh breath. “No. My father raised me. My mother was just a woman he used to get him the offspring he wanted.”
She frowned at him. “You never knew her?”
“Nope.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “The only family I have is club.”
She thought about it for a while, though she didn’t say anything. She couldn’t imagine growing up without her mother. Her father was great but he had a very different role in her life than her mom. She rubbed Ryker’s chest, wondering what it would have been like to live that kind of life. He didn’t have a huge sense of family commitment, or commitment in general. He was loyal to the club but she knew quite well that she’d never be considered part of that life. It made her pause, questioning where they fit together or if they did fit together.
“I really need this to be something more than a one-night stand.” Ella rubbed her hand along the ripples of muscle making up his toned stomach. “Please tell me that there is more between us.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. Ella thought he’d actually gone to sleep before she glanced up and saw him staring at the ceiling. She propped herself up next to him and rested her chin on his chest.
“What’s wrong?”
He took a deep breath. “Nothing.”
“Ryker, you can talk to me.”
“I know.” He tried to give her a reassuring smile. “We’re more than a one-night stand.” He leaned over to kiss her. “You should probably get some sleep. You’re going to be dragging tomorrow morning when you go in for work.”
“I’m on-call. I don’t have to go in unless I’m paged.” She caressed his stomach. “There are times when you look so happy, Ryker. And then there are times when you’re a million miles away looking like someone killed your dog.”
He rolled over and pulled her ass against him, wrapping his arms around her. “I’m fine.” He kissed her shoulder. “Quit worrying about me.”
Ella lay there until his breathing became deep and even. She listened to the sounds of him sleeping, feeling less convinced that his words were true. Whatever he had on his mind was off limits with her. She kissed his fingers, loving how his large hand fit in her small one. Maybe he would open up to her completely one day. Until then, all she could do was love him.
Chapter Five
The moment Ryker stepped into the club, he knew Razor was pissed at him. The old man couldn’t hide his feelings well, and he didn’t even try where Ryker was concerned.
“I see you’ve decided to grace us with your presence.” Razor propped his chin on his hand, staring at him. “You don’t answer your phone now? We had important club business to handle and you’re shacked up with that fucking doctor.”
Ryker snorted. “Important club business? Like what?”
“Does it fucking matter? You didn’t answer your goddamn phone.” Razor stood and came over to him. “I’m starting to think that you don’t take your position as sergeant-at-arms seriously. That pussy has clouded your vision and your place in the club.”
He didn’t say anything. Most of the time, letting Razor say his piece was the best option instead of arguing with him.
“I’m not going to tell you this again. Stay away from her. She’s bad for you and she’s bad for the club.”
Ryker stared at him. “Or what?”
Razor tilted his head back. Nobody challenged Razor. Ryker didn’t know what the fuck was wrong with him, but his father’s attitude pissed him off. He’d always had it out for Ella. Even when they were teens. He told him that girls like that with fathers like hers didn’t mix with their kind. He thought the old man was scared of her father, but the more Ryker listened to him talk, the more he thought Ella scared him. She threatened his legacy. She threatened to take Ryker away from the club.
Ryker knew damn good and well that he’d never leave the Roaming Devils MC. He didn’t want to. The club also had leverage on him that they would hand over to the police in a pretty package with a fucking bow if he even threatened to leave. It was a forced commitment and usually the last option they had when members left. In prison, they’d forced him to need them for protection. But they’d made him earn it.
He wasn’t stupid. He knew the lifelong commitment that came with the club. He knew it and had seen what it did to those that came before him. He didn’t know what card the old man wanted to play, but to protect Ella, he needed to stay away from her. God, he kept telling himself that, but like the junkie he was, he kept going back to her for more. He’d never forgive himself if she ended up hu
rt or dead because of him. With the look in Razor’s eyes, the entire situation was heading down that dark road.
“Don’t test me, boy.”
Ryker rubbed his eyes. “Ella is not a threat to this club so drop it. I’ll be right there, ready to ride when everyone else is. You blow things out of proportion.”
Razor stared at him. Ryker didn’t think for one second that his father believed him. “We’ve got a shipment coming in today. Go get it.”
Ryker nodded. “Okay.”
“No more bullshit, Ryker.” His father’s eyes darkened. “Next time, I won’t be so understanding.”
Yeah, he knew that. Ryker disappeared to take a shower and change his clothes. When he came back to the main room, Ghost waited for him. Ryker snorted. His father didn’t trust him, so he sent the VP to go with him. That made sense. He didn’t say anything as they walked out. Ghost really shouldn’t have been in the hierarchy of the club but especially not VP. However, the bastard had more loyalty than Ryker and he could kill when he wanted to.
Now he was Razor’s bitch boy.
“Your father sent me to help,” Ghost commented. “No need to get pissed off about it.”
“Right.” Ryker started the engine of his bike and waited for Ghost to take the lead.
The pickup site for the cocaine was on the opposite end of town. Their supplier smuggled it in from Peru and shipped it to them. The pure grade, uncut kilos were packaged and waiting for them like a present at Christmas time.
They collected the ten kilos and left. With as much drugs as he had on him, he had to be even more aware of the police. He and Ghost went the back roads in Atlanta, taking the product to an off-the-road warehouse where they processed it. The drug business supplied the majority of club money but Ryker knew that Razor was trying to dabble in the gun trade. If he landed a deal, Ryker wanted to switch. It would—he hoped—put the cravings behind him for good.
“I’m not going in. You can take them in,” Ryker said once he and Ghost had parked.
“You can take them,” Ghost scoffed. “I’m not doing it for you.”
