by Linda Wright
She kept looking at the time. As always, Leo was late. He always had so little consideration for her time. With the sense of dread in her, it was especially torture tonight. After waiting nearly an hour, she heard his key turning in the lock. He walked in, put the food down, and kissed Paige as if nothing was wrong. Paige had been prepared to wait till after they had eaten, but her nerves were so bad, she decided just to get right to it.
She launched right in with, “So apparently you didn’t realize, but you sent me the wrong message the other day.”
“Yeah, so?”
“It was something about going to your sister’s house yesterday. Who did you go to your sister’s house with? Especially going from New York to St. Louis.”
“What are you accusing me of?”
“Are you cheating on me, Leo?”
“See this is what I be talkin’ about. You always comin’ at me with something dumb. I send you one message by mistake and all of a sudden I’m cheating’.”
“What did it mean, Leo?”
“You know what? I don’t have to take this. You wanna make me the bad guy, fine, I’m the bad guy. I’m cheating’ on you then, if that’s what you wanna believe. But I’m not going to stand here and listen to this.”
At that he turned towards the door and walked out. For a minute Paige stood rooted to the spot, completely paralyzed by what he had just done. Not only had he tried to flip the script, but he had followed it up by storming out. Here she was expecting him to quell her suspicions and instead he only made matters worse. She made the immediate decision to go out and follow him. She hurried and grabbed her keys and ran out before he could get too far.
She jumped into her car and sped off down the road. She knew which way he usually took when leaving her place for home, so she took the left at the end of the block and began scanning the streets for his car. It did not take her long to spot the silver Maserati and she started tailing him, trying to stay a few cars behind. They weaved in and out of traffic, with her trying not to get caught. He got onto the freeway and she followed. After driving for 45 minutes, he took the off ramp and began meandering through a beautiful neighborhood. After taking a few twists and turns, he pulled into the driveway of a beautiful brick home with a perfectly manicured lawn and one car already in the driveway. She pulled over a few houses down and turned off her car.
She watched as he got out and walked up to the house. He did not knock on the door or ring the bell. He pulled out his keys, stuck one in the lock and walked right in. Paige sat in a trance trying to figure out her next move. It was possible that it wasn’t what it looked like, but it could hardly be denied. After sitting there for 10 minutes she decided the longer she sat there the more her resolve would wither, so she got out of the car and made her way to the house. She walked up the driveway, across the walkway and came to a stop on the porch. After standing there a few minutes steadying herself, she stepped forward and rang the doorbell. One single ring. She considered turning and running away, but forced herself to stay planted in the spot. After a few short minutes the door opened and on the other side stood Leo.
For a minute it looked as if he had seen a ghost, but then a short, pretty woman came up behind him asking, “Honey, who is that at the door?” Leo took a step into her viewpoint and threw over his shoulder, “Just a woman who is lost. I’m going to try to direct her back to where she is trying to go.” At that he stepped out onto the porch and closed the door behind him. For a moment Paige thought that he might begin to beg and plead, but those thoughts were interrupted by the enraged look on his face. Through gritted teeth he spat, “How dare you come here?”
Paige was completely dumbfounded by his audacity. She could not believe that on top of everything he had the nerve to be upset with her for coming here and not at all apologetic about the situation. Before Paige could launch a verbal attack on him he went on, “Get out of here now and I will deal with you later.”
At this Paige spoke up and said, “You don’t have to deal with me ever. Give me my keys and never speak to me again.” Leo looked for a moment as if he might rebut, but instead reached into his pocket, took out his keys, picked Paige’s out and slid them off of his ring. As he reached to place the keys in her hand she stared at the ring on his ring finger. She continued to be shocked as the information crashed over her once more. Without giving her an opportunity to say anything else, Leo stepped back, opening up the door to the house and speaking up for his wife to hear, “Yeah, just go on around the McDonalds and you should run right into it. Good luck.” He gave her one more look before closing the door.
Paige stood there a moment more, still in total disbelief. Gathering her strength she unstuck her feet and turn to go to her car. As she walked away she felt eyes on her back and for a moment she thought it was Leo realizing what he had done. However, when she turned her head to look, she instead saw the face of his wife staring after her through the window. As she looked into this beautiful woman’s face she saw in her eyes a look of recognition that told Paige that she knew exactly who she was. Paige felt a compulsion to turn around and explain that she had no idea and that she would never knowingly have a relationship with another woman’s husband. Yet something in the look passing between them told her that the wife understood all too well, and there was a look of almost pity there as if she knew what Paige was feeling. Before Paige could be sure, the woman had replaced the blinds and receded back into the house. Paige carried on to her car, got in, put it in drive, and drove away.
She was in la la land, completely unconscious of where she was going. Part of her wanted to call Deanna, but she was too ashamed. She had the same feelings towards her other friends and family. She did not want to have to tell them what a fool she had been. She kept replaying it over and over in her head. She had begun the week in love with a man she was sure she was going to marry, only to find out that would never happen because he was already married. She was too out of it to cry.
Before she knew it she was pulling in front of a building that initially she didn’t recognize. It took her a while to realize that it was Jeremy’s building. She had no sense of what time it was. All she knew was that Jeremy was the only person in the world that she wanted to see at the moment. So she picked up her phone and dialed his number. It seemed like the phone barely rung before he was saying hello. Caught off guard, she blurted out, “I’m sorry.” She barely got the words out before Jeremy was saying, “Don’t worry about it. What’s going on?”
Paige replied, in a voice she barely recognized, “I need to talk to you.” With his usual serenity, Jeremy answered, “Come on.” At that Paige got out of the car, barely conscious of whether she hung up the phone and walked to the door. She pushed the buzzer and he immediately pressed to open the door. She Johne up in the lift, holding the wall for balance. As soon as the door open and she stepped out Jeremy was standing on the other side waiting. Without even thinking she stepped into his arms and completely let herself go limp. As if anticipating this, he caught her and pulled her over to the couch where he sat down with her in his arms. She wept there for what felt like eternity. He didn’t say a word.
The next thing Paige knew she was waking up. For a moment she could not remember where she was. Then she saw the painting of the blue girl on the wall. Along with her location, she immediately recalled everything that had happened the night before. She realized that she had cried herself to sleep in Jeremy’s arms. Her head and eyes hurt and she felt physically ill.
She could hear Jeremy moving around in the kitchen and smelled food cooking. She immediately felt incredibly unattractive and wanted to run for the bathroom and try to clean herself up. Before she could even kick her feet over onto the floor she heard Jeremy coming out of the kitchen. Her instinct was to cover her face. She did not want him to see her like this. Unfortunately, he had already seen her pretty much at her worst twice now. She could barely look up into his face.
As always, it seemed that Jeremy knew exactly what Pa
ige was thinking. Before she could say anything Jeremy began, “I realize it’s been a traumatic night for you and you probably don’t want me to see you like this, but its fine. If you would like to get showered up, I have towels in the linen closet in my bathroom, along with some extra tooth brushes. My bathrobe is hanging on the back of the door and if you want something else to wear you can look in my laundry basket and get some things out. I’m making some breakfast so it’ll be waiting for you.”
Paige couldn’t believe how kind he was being. They had not known each other long at all, though they had developed somewhat of a friendship. She tried to think what could be driving him to be this helpful. She was trying not to be suspicious, but considering what she was going through with Leo she couldn’t help but fear that she was being setup for more hurt. She took a moment to look into his eyes and see if she could get answers. He was still impenetrable. Finally she just came out and said, “I appreciate the help, but I’m curious why you’re being so wonderful to me. I just showed up on your doorstep in the middle of the night and you’ve been great. Excuse me, but why are you being like this?”
Jeremy took a beat to think about it. Paige really hoped that she hadn’t offended him, but she could not deal with the mystery, not in her fragile state. Jeremy stepped around and took a seat next to her on the couch. After taking another minute he responded, “I know this is a vulnerable time for you right now and I understand your trepidation. It’s probably not a good time to be a man around you, but I’m not out to hurt you. The little bit that I’ve gotten to know about you leads me to believe you are a good person. I’ve genuinely enjoyed the time we’ve spent together. I think you have good energy, a good aura, and it’s no great risk to be kind to you. I feel like if I had shown up at your place you would have done the same things for me. So its fine, I don’t feel put out and I’m glad that I can be here for you. There are so many other unhealthy things you could be doing right now. Better you be here with me.”
Paige never felt prepared for the things Jeremy said. She still couldn’t decide who he was. He seemed like a truly good guy, but he was so mysterious. For every new thing she found out about him, she had many more questions that demanded answers. For now she decided that he had given her no reason to doubt that his intentions were good. So she took his word for it and was grateful that there still was a good guy in her life. With that she leaned in and gave him a big hug. As she laid her head on his shoulder she allowed herself to be swallowed up in his arms. Jeremy gave the absolute best hugs; so warm and full of meaning. She felt safe in his arms and was so glad that she had ended up in front of his building last night.
After pulling away she got up and headed to the bathroom. She forced herself to look in the mirror and, though she didn’t look as bad as she’d thought, she did look like a booger in search of a nose. Her hair was everywhere, she had makeup in splotches all over her face, including mascara that was running down her cheeks and her face was dry from all of the tears. She took a nice long, hot shower. While in there she heard the door open and worried that he was going to try to come in with her, but a minute later it had closed again. She shrugged, finished her shower and brushed her teeth. She looked down and realized that her clothes were gone. Finding a comb in a drawer, she tried to put her hair in some semblance of order. She had found a hoody and some basketball shorts in his laundry basket and put them on.
Just as she was getting ready to head back to the kitchen, she realized how hungry she was. Following the wonderful smells permeating through the loft, she found her way into the kitchen and sat down. Jeremy took a plate out of the microwave and sat it down in front of her. He had made scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon and sausage. It looked absolutely delicious. As she settled in and began to eat she realized that Jeremy now knew things about her that no one else knew; things that she wouldn’t have wanted anyone to know. She thought it was time for her to get some more information on him.
After swallowing a bite of food she started, “Okay, so at this point you know way too much about me and I still don’t feel like I know much about you.” Jeremy hoisted himself on the counter and said, “What do you want to know?” Paige had to take a moment to think about it. There was so much that she wanted to know, she didn’t know where to start. She thought it best to start at the beginning. She asked, “Where are you from? Where did you grow up?”
“I was born just outside of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. My mother was an archeologist. We moved all around the world on her digs and putting together her research. Unfortunately, while I was still young my mother died. From there I moved with my grandfather who was also an archeologist so we moved around quite a bit as well. When it was time to go to college I chose one in the states. The rest as they say is history.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother. What about your dad?”
“He was never involved in my life. I barely knew him. I only saw him a few times in my life, by accident. I’m related to RJ on his side, which is why I wasn’t really around them for the most part. I moved here just a few years ago.”
“You said knew him and was.”
“He died some years ago. Killed by one of his women.”
“Wow that’s awful. What about your grandfather?”
“He was killed in Portugal. He had a bad habit of sleeping around and living recklessly. It finally caught up with him. He’s it from that side of my family. I don’t have anybody left. They either died or I never knew them. I’m a loner.”
“I see. What made you move here?”
“Bad memories every other place I want to live. I got pretty close with my paternal grandmother, so I moved to be closer to her.”
“Oh, is she the grandmother RJ lost last year?”
“Yeah”
“That’s a lot of loss.”
“Yep”
“I guess that explains why you’re a loner. You’re not seeing anybody?”
“No. I haven’t been in a relationship in quite some time.”
“Any reason in particular. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want.”
“The women I meet are usually, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. It’s like they have been indoctrinated by Rom-Coms and romance novels and all they want is generic, cliché relationships.”
“You haven’t met one woman that you liked?”
“I’ve been on dates, but they usually find me unsuitable.”
“You??”
“I’m not the prince charming they were looking for.”
“So who are you?”
“I’m a lot of things. Not what people typically expect.”
“I think you’re a great guy.”
“Well, like you said, you don’t really know me.”
“What am I missing?”
“I can be a bit sterile. I’m not a warm, fuzzy type of guy usually. I can take or leave people. That’s usually a turnoff.”
“I can understand that. You’ve lost a lot of people. It makes sense that you wouldn’t like to get close to people.”
A faint smile crossed Jeremy’s face. He was obviously impressed by Paige’s reading of him. Paige felt much more comfortable with him now. It felt less lopsided now that she knew things about him too. She decided to keep going. She asked, “You don’t get lonely?”
“I prefer to be alone. People have never understood me. They’re not comfortable with my silence. They think it means I’m sneaky. There are a lot of assumptions made when it comes to me. Based on how I look and that I keep to myself. That I’m stuck up, arrogant, vain, cold, calculating.”
“You can’t stay alone forever.”
“I have friends. Not a lot, but some. I have a relationship with some of my family. I’m not really alone.”
“But what about being in love? Don’t you want to get married and have kids?”
“Not really”
Paige was taken aback by this answer. She had never met anyone who didn’t want to be married with children. She thought it was want
everybody wanted. It was the most natural thing in the world. She could see how women would be turned away by him. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be married? There was no future in it. So now it all made sense why such a beautiful man would be single. She took a moment to think and said, “Wow. You’re right that is different.”
“You think of me differently now.”
“I don’t really know what to think. I’ve always wanted to have a husband and a family. Having neither is like a nightmare. So what do you want?”
“I don’t really think in those terms. I just take things as they come.”
“You don’t have any plans for the future?”
Jeremy shrugged and said, “I don’t know what tomorrow brings. One day you have a mother, the next you don’t. Not to use you as an example, but I’m sure before last night you thought you knew what your future would bring. Now look. You have to completely retool your thinking.”
