"Don't worry about it. I'm sure it'll surface sooner or later." Rai winced as Jesse cleaned a deep gouge on the palm of her right hand. "You got yourself pretty good. I wonder how you got under the bed?"
Rai shrugged. "I must have crawled under there trying to escape from this huge bird with razor-sharp claws in my sleep. I even scraped up my knees kicking at the bed." Rai pulled the blanket up to show Jesse.
"Wow, when you're fighting off beds you really put everything you got into it, don't you?" Jesse snickered, and then tended to those cuts as well. "The giant bird sounds new. Or am I mistaken? I don't remember you mentioning a bird from the previous dreams."
"The bird was new. The dream started off the same, but this time I walked away from the figures in the mist." Rai continued describing the dream while Jesse salved and bandaged her wounds.
"Did you recognize the woman on the beach?" Jesse asked.
"No ... I don't know. There was something familiar about her, and I feel like I should know her ... but I just can't place her."
"Perhaps her identity will come to you in time, if she is someone from your past." Finished bandaging, Jesse gathered the items back onto the tray. "What's interesting about these dreams is your recurring theme of guilt: guilt for trespassing in the forest, punishment for trying to open the door, being blamed by the woman for going to the Cove where you weren't welcome. It makes me wonder if maybe your amnesia is a result of some disobedience to your old Sept, or if your subconscious guilt somehow keeps the amnesia from lifting."
"You may be right, but it's hard to know what I regret precisely because of the amnesia."
"I'd have to disagree with that, Sis. Even though you have the amnesia, your dreams keep offering up more clues to your past. It's just a matter of time before it all comes out." Jesse picked up the tray and walked toward the door. Something about the phrase 'all coming out' gave Rai a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. Rai caught the scent of anxiety on Jesse too. Rai wasn't the only one worried about what might surface.
"I'm not sure how much more of this I can take, Jesse," Rai said, lifting her hands up to make the point. "What's next, me breaking the furniture or my bones? I'm sure our guests aren't too pleased at me screaming my head off either!"
"Oh, I don't worry about that, darling! It's a little after midday, so most everyone is out in the town now. However, I can't have you serving our guests food and drink through the night with your hands all cut up and bandaged."
"I'm sorry, Jesse. You know I'd never try and hurt business."
"I know you wouldn't. No sane person attacks a bed. I have some errands around town that need doing, and I'm thinking you'd benefit from the walk and the fresh air those require. Hilse can fill in for you tonight."
"That sounds great." Being cooped up inside was especially unappealing after awaking up in a confined space. "I'll be right down."
"No rush. Take your time finding your clothes. You know, 'cause that's a little bit of a challenge for you today!" Jesse said with a chuckle as she exited the room, closing the door behind her. Rai knew by now Jesse always had the last laugh, but this time the bewilderment at not knowing what she'd done with her nightshift curdled her humor.
Alone again, Rai stood and unwrapped the blanket from around her body, laying it back on the bed. Walking to her dresser, Rai opened it and selected her preferred garb; dark blue leather pants and a matching loose, flowing soft flaxen tunic. Pulling these items on with some difficultly due to her cuts and scrapes, Rai sighed with disappointment when she hadn't managed to find her nightshift in the dresser.
Pulling on socks and her calf-high black boots, Rai scanned the room for possible nightshift-hiding locations while lacing up her boots. She'd only been in the Waystation for a couple of weeks, so her room was still relatively bare. In her visual inventory Rai counted a bed, a dresser, a desk and chair, a couch, two floor rugs, and some curtains. Having already inspected the rather obvious choice, the dresser, Rai looked in the desk drawers, behind the couch cushions and drapes and under the floor rugs, all to no avail.
Perhaps in her rush to leave the confines under the bed she'd missed spotting the nightshift. Rai crouched down onto her knees to check. Placing weight on her bandaged scrapes stung and burned, but Rai endured it and peeked, half expecting to encounter a sharp-taloned bird. The only thing under the bed was dust; no evidence of the nightmares or nightshift remained.
Picking herself up off the floor, Rai sat upon the bed and tried to reason out other possible locations for the nightshift. She knew the last time she'd seen it when awake; she'd had it on in the bed. Perhaps she'd pulled it off and left it under the covers? Standing up, Rai looked afresh at the bed, but this time the simple act of looking at the bed raised the hair on the back of her neck.
The covers and beige sheets met the beige pillowcases along a rough line near the top of the bed. However, somewhere near the center of that line Rai's eye caught on a tiny fringe of white. Her white nightshift. Hesitantly she reached out and grasped the sheet at the corner of the bed, although it hurt her hand to do so. Rai's breathing grew shallow and fast as she pulled back the covers. Tears clouded her vision and streamed down her face as she retreated in shock from the unbelievable sight in front of her. The covers continued to peel off the bed as Rai shrunk away, unable to release the sheet and thus pulling it and the blankets onto the floor in a mound at the base of the bed.
Rai ran into the desk, and leaned on it for moral support while staring at the bed, unable to avert her gaze. There, benignly lying flat against the bed was her nightshift. Its existence in the bed wasn't surprising, but its state was utterly unnerving. It lay neither crumpled in a ball nor heaped into a pile. Rai remembered sleeping curled up on her left side in the bed, and there the nightshift still mirrored that pose--except now it proclaimed a disturbing caricature of form: torso flattened to the left, left sleeve folded up at the elbow, right sleeve angled down and across the skirt.
Rai knew she hadn't taken off the nightshift. It would have been impossible to lay it out like this and replace the covers while sleepwalking. No, she hadn't taken it off. She'd left it. Exited it.
One question encompassed Rai's being: not who, but what, was she?
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Rai's day of errand running passed by in a blur. She returned to the Waystation with the last item from Jesse's impromptu list--a selection of her favorite specialty jams--and entered the storehouse via the stable yard. She stored the tiny jars with the other kitchen pantry items.
None of Jesse's tasks had been challenging, but her internal self-doubts made each item a strain. Exiting the storehouse Rai looked up into the fading sunlight. With the coming of nightfall, weariness rolled over her but she had no inclination to return to her bedroom.
Her inward battle to make sense of her dreams and the impossible events from earlier had driven her to the point of numbness. Keeping busy throughout the afternoon had helped, but nothing removed the image of her nightgown laid out in her own sleeping shape upon the bed from her mind. No rationalization she tried even came close to explaining the phenomenon. Yet there it was, still vivid within her mind even though she'd torn all of the sheets off her bed that morning.
"Good evening, Mistress Rai," Hilse said, appearing from the doorway leading to the main dining hall. "Were you able to get all of Mistress Jesse's shopping done?"
"Good evening, Hilse," Rai replied. "Yes, I got back with the final item just now. Did you come to get something out of the storehouse? I can help you carry it back inside if needed."
"Oh, don't you bother yourself, Mistress. I'm just running out for some salt, and I assume I can carry that back on my own! How are your bandages holding up?"
"Fine, no problems there, Hilse," Rai replied. Rai only wished her problems were as simple as dirty bandages. "I think I'll head up to bed now ... get some extra rest and all. You'll let me know if you need any help, won't you?"
"Don't you worry yourself one bit, Mi
stress. Hilse will keep things running just fine down here. You concentrate on getting some decent sleep!" Hilse continued toward the storehouse.
Although Rai doubted trying harder might offer her a better night's sleep, she appreciated Hilse's good-intentions. "Thanks Hilse, I'll go hit the hay right now!" Rai lied.
"Good to hear it, Mistress. I'll see you in the morning." Hilse disappeared into the storehouse.
Knowing Hilse would tell anyone who asked she'd gone to bed; Rai took the opportunity to slip out of the Waystation unnoticed. More walking might not help, but Rai was convinced sitting and staring at her bed for the next few hours might just drive her insane. Besides, there was something calming in the act of walking. Even though Rai couldn't solve the puzzle of whom she was or what had happened while she'd slept, she could still put one foot in front of another and at least make that--albeit simple act--happen.
No longer having one of Jesse's tasks to distract her, Rai thought of her situation as the sun set on the streets of Kiya's Grace. After today's events, Rai realized she could no longer hide from her talents and avoid the questions of her past. These issues weren't something she could ignore and hope got better. The guilt she'd experienced in the dream was overwhelming. Even now, the dread ate at her belly. Obviously her subconscious felt she deserved punishment, and it wasn't about to give up without making its point. However, how could she atone for a transgression she didn't even remember?
Her recurring nightmares were, well ... continuing to recur. She'd awoken violently on each of the three occasions, each time trying to fight off unseen attackers. Although Rai considered taking some of Jesse's much-touted faown to force a deep and dreamless sleep, becoming addicted to a medicinal meant for animals didn't strike her as a good alternative. Yet it wasn't simply the dreams. Her other skills kept surfacing, and she needed to understand how they defined her.
The largest part of Rai's resentment was that avoiding using her talents hadn't kept the nightmares at bay. Rai'd hoped to bury her oddities: both from herself and from her Sept. The fact that the deal hadn't worked was a betrayal of her mind against her. It just wasn't fair! The happiness and peace she wanted with the Durmah was slipping away between her fingers.
Night had fallen, bringing with it profound darkness as none of Az'Unda's three moons had risen. Looking up, Rai saw the stars above her, serene and deaf to her fears. She wound through the dimly lit city streets, debating what path would be safest for her to pursue. She could continue suppressing and ignoring her talents or try learning about them and accept whatever risks accompanied that knowledge. After all, if she did nothing there was still the possibility that she'd hurt others or attack more furniture. Exploring her gifts might also bring an enhanced level of control. That would keep everyone safer.
Rai located a trash bin on a corner and stopped, pulling at her bandages. She unwound them and tossed them into the bin. Inspecting her hands, Rai saw the scratches didn't need another wrapping. Digging into a pouch in her belt, Rai located the salve Hilse had given her earlier and rubbed some more into her wounds to speed what was left of the healing.
Turning down another street, Rai wandered her way to the park in front of Headmaster John's school. The tranquility of this large, empty space broken only by occasional trees or boulders called to her. The soft, grassy turf was a comfort to Rai's feet after the stone and cobble streets she'd walked all day long. Deep in the center of the park, there was a large, thick tree whose branches rose into the stars above her. Looking around, the empty park faded off into the darkness. This reminded her of the beautiful rolling hillsides north of the Baris Spine. This calmed her raging mind and brought her emotions into long lost focus.
The time had come to stop hiding the truth and take action. Quiet action, but action nonetheless. Pacing under the tree, Rai first decided that keeping her adoptive Sept unaware of her hidden endowments was still priority number one. The Durmah's were uncomfortable with the affect Rai's amnesia and nightmares had on her ability to function within the Sept. If they found out Rai believed she could read people's emotions, including their own, they'd think she was insane or plague-ridden. Such a revelation was not something you'd expect to win other's confidence with.
She didn't know of anyone whom she could trust, inside or outside of the Durmah Sept. Somnu and Matriarch Bauleel she distrusted on instinct alone. Rai supposed that Jesse was the person she could trust most, but she didn't know if Jesse would protect her if she deemed Rai a threat to Durmah. Ponar had a good heart and felt trustworthy, but Rai somehow doubted that bringing him into her confidence would be a reasonable option. After all, how do you get past an attempted strangling and inappropriate intimacy with someone? It was just too much to ask.
Rai decided to use her senses to their fullest in hopes she'd gain better control over them and perhaps learn more about herself. Yes, there was always the risk someone might realize she displayed unusual talents. For instance, that man in the market. Looking back at that brief encounter, Rai regretted not finding out who he was, as it would have helped her to understand herself. At the time, she'd assumed that the man was a threat, but there was no real evidence to that point, just her own paranoia warning her to keep her identity hidden. Either way, Rai felt that she had to push herself forward and discover the true range of her abilities.
Walking in a circle around the tree, Rai breathed deeply in hopes of picking up a stray scent. Aromas of tree sap, grass, moss, and moist dirt filled her senses, but nothing relating to a human presence came to mind. Considering she stood in an empty park at night, the lack of human scent wasn't surprising. Rai resolved to refine her skill in the Waystation and market, where human interaction was commonplace.
Closing her eyes, Rai listened to the world around her. The insects chirruped, wind rustled through the leaves, and a bird cooed softly the distance, possibly quieting its young. Focusing harder, she could just make out the sound of footsteps on the street at the far end of the park, about a thousand feet away. She recognized two distinct sets of footfalls, one heavy, and one light. Opening her eyes, Rai turned and squinted in the direction of the sound. The trees obscured their movements, frustrating her attempt to locate them.
Behind her, an unexpected popping noise startled her. Spinning around, Rai scanned the area for movement, but nothing caught her eye. Was she still alone? Rai walked in the direction the noise originated, carefully studying every nuance of the landscape around her. After placing this intense focus on visually seeking out the source for the noise, something new and odd happened to her vision.
Although no moon in the dark night sky, everything brightened and clarified in her vision. Lines gained distinction and shadows gained form. Colors remained flat in the darkness, but the granular detail allowed her to see as well as in the daylight. Rai ran her hands through her hair, pulling it away from her face. This talent will definitely come in handy. It seemed bizarre to Rai that she hadn't noticed the enhanced night vision before today. I can change how my eyes perceive light. Cool. Thinking back over the past couple of weeks, Rai realized she couldn't remember a time she'd been alone in the dark without a candle or lantern. She hadn't had cause to push herself.
Well, well. I guess I don't need candles anymore.
Entranced by her new night vision, Rai had almost forgotten about the popping noise. A slight movement, something she'd never have noticed without her altered vision, caught her eye. Rai spotted a rock she didn't remember being there. She approached within ten feet of the stone, and what at first glance had appeared a short, roundish rock between three and four feet in height was clearly a form shrouded in a large, draping cloak. A slight movement of the wind pulled at the folds of the fabric, breaking the illusion of hardened stone.
Rai wanted to sit on the pseudo-rock, or kick it, purely for entertainment value. However, her gut warned whatever motivation a person might have for pretending to be a rock; they might not take well being ridiculed for the pretense. She might have walked away, but
after discovering the trick she needed to let this person know she wouldn't be snuck up upon unobserved again.
"May I help you?" Rai addressed the stone that was not stone. Rai's hand reached for and grasped the dagger sheathed at the small of her back, hidden under the billowing folds of her shirt.
Her words met with no response. The rock chose to call her bluff. Rai took another few steps toward the enshrouded form, stopping two arms lengths away. The dagger now rested hidden in her palm, warmed from its proximity to her flesh.
"By 'you,' I mean the 'you' not so successfully attempting to personify rockiness."
A deep, snide laugh answered Rai's jeer. The rock lost shape and shifted as the form within rose. The man stood and threw back his hood, glaring at her. Rai took a step back, recoiling from the venom in his gaze. She knew this Guardian. He'd accompanied the Durmah's from Raven's Call, and he'd forced Jesse into the overnight stay at the hospice. The strength conveyed by his stance gave Rai pause. This man, in the name of safeguarding the city, could eliminate any threat per his discretion. Rai wondered if her talents were some form of plague-related sickness. Had this Guardian been following her to assess her for illness? Did he know she was different?
"Have you been following me?" Rai asked, trying to figure out why she'd seen this same Guardian three times in as many weeks. It couldn't be coincidental.
"I was transferred just recently to Kiya's Grace from Raven's Call. I patrol this sector of town. You happen to live in it."
His voice grated against her ears. She hadn't seen him every day, but then again, how would she know for sure? If it hadn't been for her enhanced night vision, she'd never have noticed him. "How long have you been following me?"
"I noticed you when you entered the park." His eyes studied her. "I don't often find anyone here at this hour. Never alone." He alluded to the question but never asked it.
The Dream Sifter (The Depths of Memory Book 1) Page 26
