by JD Nixon
“If you’ve only come in to swear at me, then piss off,” I said. “I’m busy.”
“We’re all so sad about Jakey dumping you,” smirked Rosie in a snide, insincere tone, pulling a fake sorrowful face. “Fair near broke Mum’s heart when she heard about it.”
“Yeah, fair near broke her heart from laughing over it,” sniggered Rick, never a master of subtlety.
“Good. Hope she chokes and dies on her laughter,” I said coldly. “Then you could have two funerals for the price of one.”
Rick punched a fist into an open palm a number of times in what I supposed he considered a threatening gesture. “Don’t talk about Mum like that, piglet. And don’t you dare disrespect Denny’s funeral.”
I laughed at him. “I’ll talk about whatever I want, and if you don’t like that, you can go screw yourself. Preferably with something spiky and poisonous.” I hoped the Sarge wasn’t listening in on my conversation – he might start thinking Fiona was having a bad influence on me.
Rick’s face reddened with anger, and I could almost see the smoke issuing from his ears as he struggled to think of a comeback.
“Jakey was always too good for a stuck up cow like you. Took him long enough to realise just what an ugly bitchface you are,” said Rosie.
“Suppose he should have known, hey? After all, he grew up looking at you all those years,” I retorted.
“Bitch.”
“Your command of vocabulary always impresses me,” I said with open contempt.
“Don’t you be thinking of coming to Denny’s funeral today,” warned Rick.
I rolled my eyes dramatically. “Yeah, okay, I got the memo. I’m not thick like some people I know. But I might have to be there in an official capacity if you bunch of savages don’t behave yourself. So consider yourself warned.” I leaned over the counter to hiss, “And if that unfortunate situation arises, and I sincerely hope it does, if any of you try to stop the Sarge or me from undertaking our duties, you’ll find yourself sitting in the Big Town watch house faster than you can say ‘amen’. Now, as I suggested before, piss off and piss off fast.”
Rosie laughed. “You talk so tough, don’t you, piglet? But I bet you were crying your little eyes out over our Jakey. Bet you’ve had a couple of soggy pillows these last few days.”
“I wouldn’t spill a tear for any Bycraft,” I lied.
“Bet you’re now thinking about how you’re going to grow older and even uglier and die all by yourself, because there isn’t another man in this world who’d want to be with a crazy bitch like you. And you know it.”
I stared at her unblinkingly, thinking about where would be the most satisfying place to pop her one with my gun. She leaned over the counter too, so that we were almost nose-to-nose, her huge boobs resting on the bench top. Her breath was rank, but I didn’t flinch or pull back. She wasn’t psyching me out.
“He sure hasn’t wasted any time thinking about you, bitch. He’s fucking Dorrie now,” she taunted.
“Good for him. So’s half the town. She’ll probably give him a disease. Now, for the third and last time, and don’t tempt me into using some persuasion to make you,” I warned, pulling out my OC spray. “Piss. Off.”
“Do as Senior Constable Fuller directed,” said the Sarge sternly from behind me. I didn’t turn around. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been listening.
“Just popping in to offer our condolences to a good friend over her recent relationship problems,” snarked Rosie.
“I strongly recommend you leave the station now,” the Sarge said, his voice hard.
Rosie sneered; Rick slavishly following suit. “We were just going anyway. Stinks like a farmyard in here. Too much dog and pig around for my liking.”
“Mine too,” echoed Rick.
“Have a nice funeral. Hope it’s fun. Say hello to Red for me,” I said in my sweetest voice, earning me a not-so-gentle jab in the back from the Sarge.
When they’d left, he turned on me. “Tess, that was low. I’m disappointed in you. No matter how revolting a bunch they are, they have lost a family member. And I’m sure I don’t need to remind you what he did for you.”
“They started it,” I said with a stubborn lack of regret.
“And I’m ending it. Stop riling them, and stay away from them for the rest of the day.”
He stared down at me, his eyes intent. I was half-defiant and half-miserable at his reprimand.
“I wasn’t trying to disrespect Denny. You know that, don’t you, Sarge?”
“Yes, I know that.”
“I want to go his funeral. It’s all of them stopping me from going.”
“And the Super,” he reminded me dryly. “Don’t forget her.”
“What happens if they cause any trouble today? We’re going to have to intervene. We just can’t stand by and let them wreak havoc on the town.”
“It’s a funeral, Tessie. Surely even the Bycrafts can behave themselves through that.”
The phone rang and the Sarge raised an eyebrow. Taking the hint, I picked it up.
“Senior Constable Tess Fuller.”
“Tessie, it’s Abe.”
“Hey, there. What’s up?”
“I just thought I’d let you know that Rosie and Rick swung by the bottle shop earlier today, practically the second it opened.”
“They must have come by here afterwards because I could smell grog on their breath.”
“They bought a lot of alcohol. And they were pretty abusive, almost physically aggressive, to poor Deepak when he made a light-hearted comment about the amount. He was really upset about it.”
“Aw, poor kid.” Deepak was one of the town’s nice teenagers, on the point of developing a sweet romance with Romi, if he could distract her from her crush on the Sarge. “Thanks, Abe. I presume this means they’re planning on some sort of wake after the funeral.”
“They’re not coming into the pub if they’re going to be drunk and rowdy,” he said fiercely. “I’m going to kick their arses out without a second thought. It’s times like this I wish I had a bouncer. Or three.”
“You mightn’t have anything to worry about, Abe. It sounds more like it’s going to be a home event if they’ve bought that much booze.”
“Unless they drink it all before the funeral. Or God forbid, even during the funeral. Wouldn’t put it past them, the pack of bastards.”
“At least when the four jailbirds turn up, they’ll have Corrective Services officers with them.”
There was an awkward silence. “Speaking of Corrective Services officers, I didn’t want to intrude, Tessie, but I’m really sorry about you and Jake.”
“Um, yeah,” I mumbled, not wanting to talk about it, particularly with the Sarge listening.
“To me, he’s finally showed his true colours. It just proves he’s like the rest of them. You were always too good for him.”
“Thanks, Abe,” I said sincerely.
“Perhaps when we get through today, you could come over for dinner. The girls would love to spend some time with you, and we could . . . you know . . . talk about stuff. It’s been a long time since we did that.”
“That would be really nice. Thank you.” I appreciated his offer – as one of my oldest friends, I knew how much he cared about me.
“I had some news to tell you, but this probably isn’t a good time, considering everything.”
“Tell me. Now’s as good a time as any, and it would drive me crazy not to know.”
“Jenny’s pregnant.”
“Wow!” I said. “Congratulations, Abe. That’s such wonderful news. The girls must be over the moon.”
I could hear the pride in his voice. “They sure are. They want to have a little brother. Probably to boss him around,” he laughed.
“Do you know if it will be a boy yet?”
“Not yet. In about another month we’ll be able to find out.”
“Jenny will have to take time off work.”
“No, we’ve talked about it
, and she’s decided to leave the force. I don’t want her working as a cop when she had a baby. She’s going to join me here. We’re going to run the pub together.”
“That’s so exciting for you both.”
“And . . . we’re getting married,” he blurted.
“Oh, my God! Abe. How wonderful.” I was so happy for the both of them. I couldn’t have been more thrilled that Abe had found love again in his life after what had happened to his first wife.
“Thanks, Tessie. I . . . um, I wasn’t sure if I should mention it, because . . . you know . . .”
“Abe, I’m really delighted for both you and Jenny. I really am, and thanks for telling me such great news. You deserve it.”
“Thanks, Tessie.” He sighed. “Look, I better get back to work. Let’s hope that today is a fizzer and not a stick of dynamite.”
“Let’s hope. See you, Abe.”
The Sarge raised a quizzical eyebrow, so I filled him in on Abe’s news, leaving his update about the Bycrafts’ alcohol spending spree until last.
“I don’t like the sound of this. We need extra boots on the ground,” he said. “I’m ringing the Super.”
I groaned. “Do you have to? Then she’ll remember that she hasn’t called me up there for my bollocking about last night.”
“She won’t be ordering you to Big Town when she hears this.”
I had to be satisfied with that, but sat on the edge of my chair as he spoke to her, listening intently.
The conversation didn’t seem to be going well from what I could hear of his half. Not that he was actually given an even half to put his case, many of his responses reduced to, “Yes, ma’am, but . . .” and “No, ma’am, but . . .”
When the call ended, he returned the phone to its cradle with a slam.
“She has no extra uniforms to spare.”
“What the hell? Did you tell her about all the alcohol they’ve bought?”
“You heard what I told her. I told her everything.”
I put my head in my hands. “Oh, man. I hope it’s going to be okay.”
“She did give us two concessions though.”
“Two? She’s going soft.”
“The first one is that she’s now not calling you up to Big Town today for what she so charmingly referred to as the ‘motherfuckingest motherfuckers of all arse hammerings’. But that was only because I pointed out to her that would leave only one cop in town.”
“Thanks, Sarge. That’s a huge relief. One less thing to worry about today, I guess. What’s the second concession?”
“She is now saying we need to maintain a presence at the funeral.”
“What? God, what a turnaround. Does that include me?”
“I did say we, not me.”
“Did she say what she means by a presence?”
“Pretty sure she doesn’t want you standing with the family at the graveside or anything.”
“Obviously.”
“I think we should take the car and park out the front of the cemetery. Everything going on is visible from there, isn’t it?”
I considered. “Yep, should be.” I glanced at him. “Perhaps we should do a reccy now.”
“Was just thinking the same thing, partner.”
I gave him a small smile. “Are you still angry with me about yesterday?”
“Tessie, considering you’re probably going to do something that will make me angry tomorrow, or possibly even today, I just need a break now and then from all that angst. I’m really not liking all these grey hairs you’re giving me.”
“Stop being so vain, Maguire,” I laughed, flinging my cap at him. “You haven’t even got any grey hairs.”
He caught my cap and brought it back to me, fixing it on my head. “The second I find any, I’m going to bill you for all the hair dye I’ll need to cover them.”
“Good luck getting any money out of me.”
He gave my shoulder a gentle shove towards the door. “Come on. Let’s go reccy, or we’ll run out of time before the funeral.”
In the car, I thought about Abe’s good news, and without thinking said, “Gee, there won’t be any female cops left around here if all the pregnant ones leave.”
His glance was intently questioning. “Tessie, is there something you want to tell me?”
Feeling guilty about even mentioning Mr X and Blondie’s pregnancy when I’d promised to keep it a secret, I said, “No, I better not. I don’t want to say anything to anyone about it.” I couldn’t believe I’d inadvertently broken a confidence, worried about what Mr X would say if he found out. “Oh boy. I’m in so much trouble now if he finds out.”
An expression crossed his face that I couldn’t interpret. “Tessie, I’ll do what I can to help. I honestly mean that. I don’t expect that Jake is going to be interested. Not now.”
“Why would Jake care?” I asked, looking out the window, not wanting to bring up the topic of him again.
“I can see now why you were so concerned about that girl and her baby.”
“To be honest, I barely know one end of a baby from the other. That delivery was a real eye-opener.”
“You’ll learn in time.”
I stared at him. “Why would I want to? I don’t really have any interest in babies at the moment.”
He stared back at me, puzzled. “You’ll have to learn. But now I understand why you worry so much about money all the time.”
It took me a while to twig to what he meant. “It’s not me! I’m not talking about me. I’m not the one who’s pregnant. God! Why would you think such a thing?”
He shook his head in confusion. “It was what you said. The way you said it.”
“No. Someone told me in confidence they were having a baby, and I felt bad that I’d blabbed to you about it.”
“I’m glad that you’re not. I really am.”
“So am I. It’s the last thing I need at the moment.”
We looked at each other and laughed.
“Were you talking about X and his girlfriend?”
“How did you know?” I asked in disbelief.
“Everybody knows.”
I shook my head in amusement. “Obviously either Mr X or Blondie isn’t too good at keeping a secret themselves.”
“The Super told everyone yesterday when we were gathered trying to coordinate your rescue.”
“It was hardly a rescue,” I butted in. “I was about to walk out the door with Annabel when it burst down with all those muscle men.”
“She was berating X about something to do with work, telling him pretty much that he’d better pull his head out of his arse if he wanted to have any chance of being a good father. So then he had to confirm it to everyone, and five seconds later everyone in the station knew.”
“How did the Super find out? I can’t imagine either of them confiding in her about it yet, especially as it means she’s probably going to lose a probie cop.”
“It’s a mystery to everyone. Perhaps she has Bum eavesdropping on everyone for her?”
“Bum?” I said scornfully. “He’d be as subtle at spying as an elephant at a mouse conference.”
“She obviously has some sort of sixth sense or something.”
“She sees stupid people. Especially when Bum’s around.”
We stopped at the terminus of Dead End Street where the old town cemetery was located. It was closed to new ‘tenants’, but there were family plots from some of the pioneering families that were still used on occasion.
The Fullers had a family plot, which was unfortunately rather full. The Bycrafts had one as well, though it was positioned in a far corner of the cemetery, quite a distance from the rest of the plots. Their plot was badly neglected as evidenced by the overgrown grass. Many of their homemade gravestones had either rotted or rusted completely away. Other Bycrafts weren’t cared about enough for anyone in their family to have even bothered making them one.
“Let’s drive in there,” the Sarge said, so I jumped out to open
the creaking gates that did nothing to prevent vandals and kids looking for a thrill – mostly all Bycrafts, of course – from entering.
As I did, I notice that the Fuller gravestones had been defaced yet again. Sighing to myself, I knew that would mean a long weekend for me scrubbing offensive comments off my ancestors’ gravestones. I never told Dad about each act of vandalism as I figured he didn’t need to be bothered about one more thing in his life. He was no longer able to visit, as the cemetery wasn’t wheelchair friendly, consisting of dirt paths between the graves that turned into mud puddles in wet weather.
We drove slowly down the main path. It was mostly used by hearses and maintenance workers from the local council attending to the annual mow and clean up of the cemetery grounds.
“There’s something about cemeteries that make them eerie, even during the day,” commented the Sarge.
“I think it’s the utter silence.”
“It’s not as if you want anyone talking back to you,” he smiled.
“Definitely not.”
I directed him to the Bycraft plot. He parked and we got out to survey the overgrown patch. It saddened me enormously to see the grave dug out and ready to receive Denny, particularly when I hadn’t been very nice to him during his life.
I suppose that my melancholy must have shown on my face, because the Sarge placed a kind hand on my shoulder.
“He died a hero, Tessie. That’s not something that happens to many of us.”
“It’s not like he had a choice about it.”
“He did. He could have done nothing to save you.”
“Most of his relatives wouldn’t have lifted a finger to save me.”
“Exactly. And I won’t deny that I’m grateful it’s him who’s being buried today and not you.”
“Thank you, Sarge.”
He checked out the surroundings. “We can mostly see what’s happening from the car if we park outside the gates. At least the ground is flat.”
“Yeah, but those trees are going to impede our view,” I said, pointing to the fig trees planted a hundred years ago and now behemoths, their roots cracking tombs and toppling headstones.
“I don’t want to go closer than the gates, Tess. The Super said to maintain a presence, not join the ceremony.”
“But we could just go to –”
