by Ria Cantrell
“For what?”
“For warming my fingers. I didn’t realize how fast the cold would get to them. And for believing me. I’m not mad, Jamie, so I must be telling the truth.”
Jamie felt the heat of her lips even through his thick leather gauntlets. Why did she do that? He looked into her eyes as she stood before him, gazing up at him and he felt his heart twist within his chest. St. Columba preserve him! She was the most beautiful woman he had ever remembered being near. He swallowed deeply and he almost kissed her, but she looked down and released his hands.
“Oh my. Who is this?” Sinead bent down and put her hand on the head of the little lamb.
“T’is one of the lambs orphaned by the raid of the MacDoug…er, I mean by those who stole her dam. T’is weaned, but it still needs its mother. I guess it thinks I’m its mum.”
Sinead grinned at the notion of Jamie MacDougal being a foster mother to a little lamb. The nursery rhyme Mary had a Little Lamb started going through her head and she could not control the giggles as she sang out, “Jamie had a little lamb, it’s fleece was white as snow and everywhere that Jamie went the lamb was sure to go.” All at once, Sinead was laughing so hard, tears formed in the corner of her eyes. For sure they would freeze but she couldn’t help it. All the while, Jamie stood there with a silly grin on his face. If he thought that Sinead was sane a few moments ago, he was once again having his doubts. Still, her laughter rang out, in the quiet of the morning and to Jamie, it was like the sound of magical bells. Sinead composed herself and she said, “Sorry…now you must think I am truly mad.”
“Well,” he said with a smile. “Now, that ye’ mention it….”
Sinead laughed again, suddenly feeling the tension of the last two days drain away at the recital of the little rhyme and the look on Jamie’s face, which was a combination of wonder and amusement. She tried to not laugh, but the image of that little lamb trotting after a man like Jamie was too much for her and she burst forth with laughter again. This time, he could not help laughing a little with her. It was contagious, but he had no idea what she was thinking or where she had come up with that little song. It truly sounded like the musings of a person closer to lunacy than not.
“No, really…Jamie…it’s just that the sight of that little lamb following a big man like you; thinking you are its mother…I’m sorry, it just struck me funny.”
“Struck you funny?”
“It’s an expression. It made me laugh.”
With a widening smirk, Jamie could understand how such a thing would be quite amusing. If his brothers would have witnessed it, they would have ribbed him unmercifully. With a deep laugh of his own, Jamie joined the beautiful woman in her momentary respite from the nature of serious things. The more he laughed, the harder her giggles erupted. Sinead used the fly plaid to dab at the corner of her eyes and she hiccupped air to try to stop. She had to get a hold of herself, but in all honesty, it was good to see Jamie laughing. She had barely seen him crack a smile since she practically fell into his lap and the rich sound of it tugged at her heart; almost as much as the sight of a baby lamb bleating after him had. She sobered and said, “It is also very sweet, Jamie.”
It was his turn to roll his eyes and he groaned. “Dunna’ mention this to my brothers. They will nay let me rest and will use it against me until the day I die.”
Looking back up into his handsome face, Sinead said honestly, “Well, hopefully, at least, now that won’t be for a very long time.”
Jamie felt himself being pulled into the gaze of the woman he had declared off-limits and without much further thought, he pressed a finger gently under her chin and tilted her head back. He said, “Lass…I…well, thank ye’ fer’ that.”
With a soft nod, never breaking eye contact, she said, “You’re welcomed.” And then he leaned in and kissed her and this time, Sinead did not pull away. Somewhere, buried down deep, she knew she should resist him for there was nothing that could possibly come of anything between them, but even now, that thought scattered on the breeze as she succumbed to the lure of kissing him. She had to stand high on her toes to reach him, but it was worth it.
His arms moved around her and he drew her inward to his chest. Her arms curled around his neck and he pressed his mouth to hers in a possessive kiss. In that moment, he had claimed her for his own and all thoughts of the improbable fled, only to be replaced with a need Jamie had not even realized he had. He murmured, “Yer’ lips taste sweet with laughter, Sinead.”
With a soft gleeful sound, she responded. As her tongue tentatively lifted against his and she felt the strength of his arms around her, she forgot that it was cold and that she was in a place she did not belong. For that moment in time, she was exactly where she was supposed to be; she was exactly where she wanted to be. She breathed into his mouth with a sigh and said, “Live, Jamie. You must live.”
At those words he kissed her again. They tugged at a place he had not wished to acknowledge; that place where his brother Ruiri’s grief reminded him that to love a son of the MacCollum clan was too dangerous. Just as he felt Sinead sinking further into the kiss and kissing him with a rising ardor that was stirring him as well, Jamie put her away from him. He saw the look of confusion on her face and he said, “I’m sorry, lass. I can’t…I just canna’ do this.”
Sinead felt as if she had been slapped. She stepped back and she suddenly felt mortified. She was a fool to think kissing him would bridge all their differences. She knew it as surely as he had made that plain in his rejection of her. She backed away from him and mumbled an incoherent apology. Grabbing her skirts into her hands, she turned and despite the recently forgotten pain in her thigh, Sinead ran.
She felt like an idiot. How could she have been so stupid? She did not even care if she slipped in the snow, although she hoped she would not for it would further her embarrassment, but she needed to put as much distance between Jamie and herself as she physically could. She thought she heard Jamie calling, “Wait, dunna’ go…Lass, wait,” but Sinead refused to turn back and look at him. She had forgotten her place. In this world, a woman did not make her desires known and she certainly did not initiate a kiss with a man she only knew for less than two days. It was enough of a reminder that there could never be anything between them and the sooner she could find her way home, the better.
It was just that even in her mortification, the thought of putting that much distance between Jamie and herself was a bitter pill to swallow and she thought that she would gladly take the shame to the latter.
Chapter 21
“Damn and blast!”
The expletive flew from Jamie’s lips, startling the lamb that still padded under his feet. He had to go after her. He had to explain even though that small voice in his head reasoned that he owed her no explanation. She was not his woman. She did not belong to him, despite what his kiss had claimed. No woman would belong to him. It was too costly. He may not have known the lass for very long, but he already knew that he wanted nothing to harm her. The thought of what had happened to Ruiri’s woman had sobered Jamie. He could never let anyone hurt Sinead and above all, he did not want to cause her pain in any way. He should never have kissed her. She did not belong to him.
Aye, he did not need to tell her anything, really. But didn’t he? She had saved his life, after all, with her warning. Did that nay grant her the right to hear why he could ne’er endanger her? She had already been hurt because of him, fighting a fight that was not her own. He would not see her dead because his enemies wished it so.
What he would not say was that he could not threaten his own heart. When Ruiri lost Caitlyn, he became a changed man. The brother he had known was no more. He was a man driven to fight all wrongs and he was a man tormented with the memory of his loss. Jamie did not want to become that sort of man. He had decided long ago that he was content to just remain unwed; and more than that, he would never give over his heart at the risk of breaking it. He had more important things to do than to go thr
ough life like some love-sick swain, not that his brother Ruiri was. In fact, Ruiri was like a man driven to avenge misdeed, especially if it involved misdeeds to women.
Most men his age were long wed so Jamie had resigned himself to the destiny that he had carved out. When that nagging voice reminded him that once he was laird, he would need an heir but deep down, Jamie felt that he would never take that position upon himself. He was not the best man for the job and he just did not ever think it would rest upon his shoulders.
Still, he had to tell Sinead something. Jamie was not so daft to not know he had wounded her pride and that she felt his rejection fully. She had responded so easily to his kiss and she was comfortable in his arms. He should never have kissed her like that and so now he needed to face her and try his best to explain that it was not as it appeared.
He picked the little lamb up in his arms and he carefully placed it inside the protection of the sheepfold. So long as it did not snow again, for a time, the water in the heating kettle would be fine as it was and if it got too hot, he would just add more snow to cool it once he came back.
He hurried into the keep to try to find the woman who had stirred more than his heart with their too brief kiss.
⌘⌘⌘⌘⌘⌘
Sinead did not want to go to his room so she ran blindly through the corridors in an attempt to find a quiet place where she could be as far from anything that remotely reminded her of Jamie MacCollum. She peeled off the plaid and fought through the burning in her thigh as she tried to force her humiliation down into the pit of her stomach. Her face was flaming nearly as hot as her leg; branded in the rejection by the one who had brought her here in the first place. She had not even realized that she was crying until she nearly collided with Old Morag in her haste to find solitude.
When Morag saw her, she said, “Whatever has happened, love?”
Sinead shook her head and she swiped at the tears that had trekked down her cheeks. “It’s nothing. I just don’t belong here.”
“Don’t ye’, girl? T’was none of us that brought ye’.”
“What do you mean? I did not do this. It was him! He called to me and I…”
“Think back to the moment before ye’ came here, lassie. Was it his call or was it something else?”
“I…don’t remember.”
“I think ye’ do. Ye’ have nay remembered many things. Did ye’ hurt yer’ head somehow, then?”
Sinead sniffled. She was as embarrassed by her unusual show of tears as she was by Jamie’s rejection of her overly forward advances.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Think, lass. It is important.”
Sinead thought back to those moments before she had been tossed seven hundred years into the past and she remembered that wish. That blasted Solstice Wish! John O’Rourke had said to be careful when you combined a Christmas wish with a Solstice one. Morag was right. It had been all her fault. It was never that Jamie had called her. It was that she wished herself right back in time to save him.
Sinead raised watery eyes to Morag and she whispered, “Yes, it was me. I did it. I wished it to be so. It wasn’t Jamie at all. Oh my God, I am a total idiot. I had some romantic notion of it all. No wonder he rejected me.”
“The lad rejected ye’? In what way?” Morag’s eyes had gone from silver to pewter at the mention of Jamie’s rejection of her.
“Oh, never mind. It was all my fault. How did I expect him to react to a woman like me? I represent all the things he hates.”
“I dunna’ think that is true, my girl.”
“Isn’t it? I am a MacDougal. I am a pushy girl from New York…from Modern times and he is a medieval man.”
“Medieval?”
“Yes, it is what we call this time in which you live. Your sensibilities are quite different from the ones we have in my time.”
Morag got a momentary faraway look in her eyes at the mention of the modern era Sinead had come from. After a millisecond, it cleared and she focused her attention back to Sinead. “These sensibilities of which ye’ declare; I am afraid I dunna’ understand.”
“Morag, women in my time are equal to men. They speak their minds. They are…oh how shall I put this delicately for I don’t wish to also offend you...well when a woman is interested in a man, we don’t always wait around for him to notice so we…well we show them.”
“Ahhh,” Morag said with a lopsided grin. “And I take it ye’ showed our bonnie Jamie, then.” It wasn’t a question, but Sinead answered, “Yes.”
Morag fairly clapped her hands at that statement. “I knew it. I knew ye’ were the one.”
“What? What did you say?”
“Oh never mind. I am a meddling old fool. The point is, lass, ye’ are interested, as ye’ say, in Jamie. A finer lass he could nay hope to find.”
Sinead shook her head. “No, Morag. He doesn’t even like me very much.”
“Well, t’was he that kissed ye’.”
“Wait, how do you know that?”
Morag cackled, but it sounded more like a giggle. “I saw ye’. Now lass, I was nay spyin’ on ye’, but I was up on one of the parapets greetin’ the dawn and I saw ye’ and Jamie in the bailey. I’m sorry for I should have turned away, but I was afeared that ye’ would clout ol’ Jamie for being so forward.”
“Forward? You think Jamie was being forward?”
“From what I could see, he kissed ye’ first. Aye, ye’ kissed him back, but t’was his lips that first touched yers’.”
With a sad laugh, Sinead said, “Well, he soon thought better of the idea and he pushed me away.”
“Come with me, lass. I wish a warm cup of mulled cider and we will talk on this further.”
“There really isn’t much else to say, Morag. He isn’t interested in me. Can’t you at least help me get back home? You said you have done this many times. Can’t you please show me how it is done?”
“If that is what ye’ really want, I can show ye’ how it sometimes works for me. Sometimes it does and sometimes it does nay. I think the Guardians make the final call and if it is to be so, They will help ye’.”
Morag left out a very important factor about the whole mystery of time walking. If the heart really wants it to be so, the Guardians usually grant the passage. Morag suspected despite her words of protest, Sinead MacDougal wanted to be right where she was, else she would have never landed in these days in the first place.
“Come, lass. I’m in need of a brew to warm my old bones.”
Sinead tagged along. For someone who was so old, the woman had quite a stride and Sinead’s thigh was throbbing again from the exertion. She tried to put those old feelings of rejection aside but admit it or not, Jamie had made her feel like her last boyfriend who had ultimately rejected her. She had remained in a state of forced celibacy from that point and it seemed that had suited her; until now, that is. Jamie fired her and made her feel things she hadn’t felt in a long time. As she quickened her pace to keep up with Morag she said, “What did you mean about me remembering things, Morag? I need to know what you meant.”
Morag turned back and her cool grey eyes shimmered like the silver of frosted glass once more. She said, “Ye’ need to remember it yerself. I am nay supposed to tell ye’. Do ye’ not remember anything else about how ye’ came to be here?”
“Well no, not really. Except for making that silly wish…I mean I was reading the manuscript which told the tale of Jamie’s death and I felt so sad when I read it. That’s when I made the wish.”
Morag nodded and said, “Aye, the writin’ of one who wanted ye’ to remember the story.”
Sinead had a sickening feeling that washed over her. She had touched upon it when she thought of it before but she refused to believe it then and she would not believe it now.
“Morag! What are you saying?”
When Morag did not answer, Sinead felt panic rising inside her and she blurted out, “Morag, you think somehow, I wrote those words?”
“Ah, lassie, ye’ are starting to remember. Give it time.”
Sinead felt all previously flushed color drain from her cheeks. She felt like she was going to vomit.
“But if I wrote those words, that means I was here before. I don’t understand. Then Jamie was supposed to ….”
“Apparently not, lassie.”
“Was I here before? Morag, do you remember me?”
“I can nay answer that, lass. For I dunna’ know yet. Ye’ have set the changes in the Wheel of Time, lass. Ye’ have to see how the Wheel turns.”
Chapter 22
Jamie looked into great hall, hoping to find Sinead amid the people gathering for their morning meal, but she was not there. He was heading up to his chambers, thinking he might find her back there, when he spotted her walking with Morag up toward the solar. He called out to them and the two women turned. Morag was smiling knowingly as she was so oft to do; which irritated Jamie to no end at times. He saw Sinead hastily wipe at her eyes before turning. Had she been crying? Sinead seemed so very courageous, Jamie had not thought that he would have hurt her enough to make her cry. When she turned to face him, he could see she looked pale. She had just been flushed with the rosy glow of ardor only moments before. Surely, his stupid actions had not caused her to react so!
“I would speak with ye’, Sinead.”
Pasting a smile on her lips, she said, “No need. I completely understand. Now, if you will excuse me, Morag and I have much to discuss. It seems there is a great deal I do not know about this time nor about how I should find myself to return where I belong.”
“Ye’ are leaving?”
Raising beautiful but saddened eyes to his, Jamie could see the hurt there and he knew it had been his fault. She said, “Well, I can’t rightly stay here, can I?”
As much as Jamie wished he could tell her he wanted her to stay, he knew in his heart that she was speaking the truth. He had no right to ask her to stay in a world she did not belong. He could offer her nothing and so he would have to let her go. He said, “I suppose not. I just had thought…well t’is of no matter, now. I did wish to apologize for my actions before if they have hurt ye’, lass.”
