by Ria Cantrell
The day after Christmas, Morag approached the young woman who had brought such startling changes for her dear Jamie. It was time to talk to her frankly for in less than twelve days, Sinead would wed and Morag had to prepare her as best she could. There was still so much Sinead needed to know and Morag realized the only one who could guide Sinead in her journey was one who was like her. Morag was that woman. Her gift had caused her untold misery at times and Sinead needed to know what to expect, should she walk through time again. Even Morag had not the particulars for it seemed it was quite different than the way the lass experienced it. It was hard to predict how her gift would play itself out, for it seemed that though it was similar, Sinead’s purpose was much different than Morag’s had been. One thing Morag knew for sure was that the gift came with a steep price and if she could, she would try to prepare Sinead for what to expect, should her descent into time have not been a one-time occurrence. With the Gift came great responsibility and also sometimes great sacrifice. The lass had already sacrificed much just to be in a time that was so foreign to her. Love had bound her, though and Morag hoped that would be enough to see the young woman through. Morag suspected that if the lass wished, she would be able to will herself back to her own time, if the need or want was great enough. She had only her own experience to guide her but she was never able to just be stuck in one time. Morag was quite certain it would be the same for Sinead now that the doorway through the eras had opened for the girl.
When Sinead saw the old woman approaching her, she sensed that Morag wanted to talk to her. She smiled happily and said, “Are you looking for me?”
“Aye lass, I am. I have a gift for ye’. And I also wanted to speak to ye’.”
“Of course. is something wrong?” Sinead could see the lines of worry etching their way into the creases on Morag’s weathered face. She looked positively resolute and serious, when most of the people in the keep were filled with jovial mirth. Something was not quite right; Sinead could feel it.
“Come with me, lass. There is much I want to discuss with ye’.”
Sinead looked concerned and she said, “What is it, Morag? Should I be worried?”
Morag’s silver eyes searched the aquamarine depths of her newest protégé. She had no wish to frighten the girl or to make her doubt her choice to stay, but she needed to know what her decision could mean. Aye, Morag was overjoyed that Jamie had found his soul’s mate at last, but this was not an everyday romance, indeed. It was filled with complications and Morag had to give the lass as much information as she could handle in order to stay the course, since she had willingly chosen to give her life to being Jamie’s wife.
Morag clucked her tongue and said, “I dunna’ wish to trouble ye’, lass. I just need to tell ye’ some things that I think ye’ should know. Part of the story has nay ever left my lips for it has been too hard to remember, much less to be told. I need to confide these things to ye’ now for ye’ have walked the path that I was given so long ago.”
Sinead gave a nervous little laugh and she said, “You are starting to scare me, Morag. I don’t like the sound of this. It seems quite dire.”
“T’is not dire, lass, but it is serious. Come. Let us have a mug and sit in the warmth of the solar to talk.”
Sinead did not like the vibe that Morag was presenting, but sensing the importance of Morag’s concerns, she willfully followed the lady up to Morag’s favorite space in the now familiar solar of the keep. To make matters seem even more nerve wracking, Morag gave the room a cursory check, by looking behind tapestries and doors to assure they were indeed alone. Sinead gave a nervous little laugh and she said, “You are scaring me a little, Morag. What’s going on?”
As if someone had anticipated their visit to the solar, two steaming mugs were set upon a table near one of the seating benches. Clearly, someone had recently been there, so maybe Morag was right to check their privacy. Morag motioned for Sinead to sit and she gathered her skirts and tucked her legs up under her as she made herself comfortable on the cushioned bench that had been built into the wall. Natural light flooded into the solar and despite the cold outside, the room was warm and inviting; except for the tense auspices of their meeting.
Morag sat beside Sinead and took a mug into her arthritic hands. Cradling the mug for a moment and relishing the feel of the warmth of it as it seeped into her stiff fingers, Morag said, “First I am happy to say that ye’ and Jamie have found love. I just knew it from the moment ye’ came here. I know he loves ye’ verra much, lass. It is hard to miss.”
Sinead blushed. She loved Jamie, too, and she was absolutely certain that their new romance was quite apparent to even people who might not know much about either of them. Putting a hand up to her flaming cheek, she saw the old woman smile and her silvery eyes shone with joy. “I am gladdened by yer’ love fer my laddie. He is like a son to me I have always worried he would nay find ye’.”
“Are you saying you knew he would meet me?”
“Well I knew there was one destined fer him…when I first saw ye’, I knew ye’ to be that one. I worried that he would ever block the one meant to free his heart.” With a wicked little cackle, Morag added, “I can see he has opened himself to ye’.”
The way Morag said the last made Sinead blush further.
“Lass, I am nay so old that I dunna’ remember the flush of passion. Aye, t’was a long time ago that I tasted of its fruit, but a woman remembers it long after it has passed.”
“Morag, even though I am from a modern time, it is a little embarrassing to talk to a woman like you about my ‘flush of passion’ with Jamie.”
“Why, because I am old?”
“Because you are like my grandmother and I would not have a conversation about the man I am having sex…I mean…sleeping with…oh damn and hell, well I would not talk about it with my grandmother, that’s all.”
“But I am nay yer’ grandmother, lass. I am still a woman, even though I have lived a long time. I am nay a woman who is embarrassed by such things. In my beliefs, the role of woman as a partner with a man in the physical sense is considered a great gift of beauty given by the Mother. T’is nay something to be ashamed of.”
Sinead thought about the ancient beliefs of some of the Celtic people and she realized that Morag would have been considered a pagan or maybe even a Wiccan in her world, but in Morag’s world it was quite the norm. Morag eyed the younger woman with a glint of knowing. She said, “Girl, witches in this time are no less valued. My own mother was put to death by those who would nay understand the working of the Ancients.”
“Oh, Morag, I had no idea. I am so sorry.”
Morag shrugged; the memory of it lingered, but it was not something she allowed herself to dwell on. It was long in the past and Morag could not afford to call that memory to the surface for it was bitter and it reminded her of the path she now walked because of her mother’s sacrifice.
“I don’t know what to say, Morag.”
“There is nothing to say. My mother was a good woman and because of her I have ne’er denied this path. It seems I have lived so long a life to help others find their destined way. T’is like the Ancients granted me a long life to counter the brief life my dear mother was given. This brings me to why I wished to speak to ye’.”
“Wait, but how did you know what I was thinking?”
“Lass, I have walked many years on this green earth and I have learned many things about the people who inhabit Her. Some things are told in the eyes of others…some is told in the way one stands and sometimes it is told by the deeds they have done. Your eyes told the tale.”
“I swear it was as if you read my mind.”
Morag smiled knowingly. She neither confirmed nor denied it, but she said, “Now, then, about our Jamie. Lass, he is truly a changed man since ye’ have loved him.”
Sinead smiled realizing the old lady had effectively changed the subject to evade the questions she may have been about to ask. There were so many layers to this
woman that Sinead was once again thinking that she should try to write down her story so that in times forward, people would know about Morag and who she was. She thought it would be a fitting project for her now that she may never find her way back to her former life. In agreeing to marry Jamie, Sinead thought she did not mind so much now that could be her own reality.
“Lass,” Morag said, much more seriously. “I want ye’ to know that since I have been the only one to have the gift ye’ seem to share, I can merely share what it has been like fer’ me. The thing is that when the time comes for me to move through the Wheel, it has either been because I have desired it with my entire spirit or that the Guardians saw fit to move me. I need ye’ to know this because I believe that one does not travel within the eras once and then it is done. Yer’ time awaits ye’ still and should ye’ wish to go, I am certain, ye’ can.”
“If I wanted to go, don’t you think I would have already? I mean when I first landed here, all I could think of was that I should have stayed in my time.”
“Did ye’, lass? Really? Because I think ye’ did nay. I think something deep inside of ye’ made ye’ need to stay, else ye’ would have returned to the world ye’ left behind.”
Sinead thought on Morag’s words and she said, “I don’t really know anymore. It seems like an eternity already…like I never lived there. I know it’s only been a few weeks since I left that world, but strangely I feel like I have found what it means to finally belong. I think I always felt out of sorts and maybe it was because I was meant to be here…here with Jamie and all of you.”
“Hm, mayhap. I watched Jamie take the fall for Ruiri’s terrible loss and I worried that he would end up being more damaged than his brother. Ruiri’s grief is always on the surface and his life is ruled by it but Jamie…ach, Jamie carried it deep. Jamie feels the burden of so many responsibilities weighing upon him and the least is Ruiri’s tragedy. The next is the line of lairdship. Jamie has no want or need to ever be laird, but he thinks it is his lot.”
“Well, isn’t it? He is the eldest son. I thought by line of first born, that would be his inheritance, whether he wants it or not.”
“Not always. Things are different in the Highlands. Aye, normally, the first born son would be the rightful heir of the title, but Caleb has never been one to follow rules set by other men. He is a man who judges the mettle of leaders by their hearts and honestly, Jamie does nay have the heart to lead the clan. He will, if that is what is deemed so, and he will be a strong leader just the same, but Caleb knows that Jamie is better used for other roles within the clan. Only time will tell in that regard and may The One God protect our laird with a long life so that the decision is many years in the future to pass the Lairdship down to his sons.”
“One God? But I thought that you were….”
“A heathen?”
Morag chuckled when the girl openly stared with her mouth agape at that answer.
“Lass, yer’ Christian God is the High King of Heaven. He rules over all other things and I have come to know of Him. That does not mean that the path that I follow is so far removed from it. It is just a different way of thinking, but sadly those who do not understand wish to destroy anyone who may be different. What I believe is not so different from what the Great Master taught when He walked the earth. T’is only mankind that has set the sides to opposites.”
“So, you are a Christian?”
“I am of the Old Ways. Those are the ways set before titles and distinction separated the world.”
“I am not sure I understand.”
“No matter. If it be yer’ path, ye’ will come to learn. Ye’ see, there are many things that we humans try to rationalize with science and logic. Sometimes things canna’ be explained away and the reality is that simple faith can do what science cannot.”
“Like traveling through time.”
“Exactly. Faith and love…lass, those are the most powerful of all things.”
“Faith and love….”
“See, Lass. Are not those the tenants of your Christian beliefs?”
Sinead never considered herself to be religious, but Morag was right. Those were the basis of any spiritual beliefs she had been taught. Perhaps they weren’t so different after all.
“So, I just wanted ye’ to know that ye’ have the power to embrace yer’ gift, should ye’ want it. Choose it wisely because there are consequences for its use.”
“You mean if I want to go home?”
“I mean that nothing comes without a price.”
“But I love Jamie. I realize that now. We both do. I don’t want to be apart from him.”
“There may come a time when ye’ have to choose.”
“I have already chosen, Morag. I choose Jamie. I’m marrying him.”
“Alright, lass. Just remember my words.”
“I would only choose to leave here if, God forbid, something happened to him.”
Morag looked down into her mug. She swirled the liquid and said quietly, “Sometimes there is worse things than death, lass.”
“What do you mean? You mean if something were to happen to Jamie and I decided to go home? Please tell me what you mean?”
Sinead was starting to feel upset. Perhaps this old woman could see the future and she knew that something was bad was on the horizon.
“I mean that sometimes there are worse things than dyin’. Sometimes a man’s heart would rather die than to lose the reason for living.”
“Morag, you are speaking in riddles. And you are making me nervous. Do you know if something bad is going to happen?”
“Sinead, life is full of wonderful things. Embrace those and when the trying ones happen, the memories of the good will outweigh anything that is perceived as bad.”
“Perceived? There are bad things, Morag. You, yourself have admitted to it, why with what happened to your mother.”
“Aye, but we dunna’ always understand the purpose. My mother sacrificed her life so that I could follow the path of the Ancients in safety. My path has had many turns, and there have been people who have benefited from my meddlings. None of us know what is truly the outcome of a situation until we live through it. Even then, we dunna’ always understand that greater good can come from what we think is not.”
“I still don’t understand.”
“I am just sayin’ that ye’ hold the secrets within yerself’. I canna’ always help, but if I can, I will try. For me, I was able to control when I walked through time’s boundaries. I think t’will be the same fer’ ye, lass, should ye’ wish it. But there are always consequences. T’is never just merely black or white. Only yer’ heart can guide ye’, as it has to our Jamie.”
“Alright, Morag. I am sufficiently freaked out right now. I think I need to clear my head. It’s not like I asked to have this happen. It just did.”
“Oh, but did ye’ nay? Have ye’ nay thought what it would be like to be loved by a man like Jamie? Have ye’ nay wished for a man like Jamie to set yer’ heart aflame? Mayhap ye’ have come here because in yer’ time, the men are nay like they are here in this time. There are many spaces in time throughout the many years, lass, but ye’ were brought only to this one. Here, in this moment, is where ye’ find Jamie.”
“Yes, that is true…and I really wish you would stop reading my mind. It is very unnerving. Look, how I picked this moment to step back through the pages of history is beyond me. I only know that when I read about the attack on Jamie, I felt an overwhelming sadness; like I wished I got to know him first before he met his untimely end. And here I am, not only have I met him, but I have fallen in love with him. Do you think that because I am here now, that I remembered and that I knew I loved him?”
A slow half smile lifted Morag’s weathered mouth. “T’is possible. Ye’ are starting to understand.”
“All of this is giving me a royal pain in my skull. I need to process all of it. I don’t want to think about something happening to Jamie. I would do anything to protect him
, if I could.”
“And ye’ must know, he would die to protect ye’.”
Sinead stood up abruptly. She was getting a very bad feeling from this conversation, like that of a pall hanging about the room. It was as if Morag’s words were a portent of some impending doom and Sinead needed to get outside right away. She felt the floor tilt beneath her feet and she steadied herself. “No,” she said to no one in particular. “No, not now. I am not going back.”
Sinead was not going to be sucked back before she had enough time with her love. She wondered if there would ever be enough time and she hurried out of the solar. She needed some fresh air in a hurry. She ran through the corridor toward Jamie’s chambers and she pushed the door with all her might. Jamie was not about and Sinead was glad for it because she knew he would try to stop her. She thought about just putting on her jeans and leaving the gown off, but she did not really want to draw too much attention to herself. Instead, Sinead pulled her jeans on under her skirts and quickly fastened them. Grabbing her sneakers from inside the trunk at the foot of the big bed, Sinead quickly pulled off her boots and laced the comforting familiar trainers on each foot.
She wrapped the plaid around her shoulders and hurried down the stone steps leading toward the main entrance of the keep. The gates had been manned, but left open for guests during the festivities and Sinead used it to her advantage. Picking her skirts up slightly, Sinead darted through the gates and jogged out onto the hard packed path. The snow had been cleared somewhat and what was left had been trampled down by horses and the many revelers that had besieged the keep. Sinead felt the bite of the cold, but it was a welcome change to the suddenly stifling heat in the upper solar.
If she expected someone to stop her, no one did, so when she was out of eyeshot of most of the streaming villagers, Sinead hiked up her skirts and tied them around her belt, freeing her legs so she could run unencumbered. That was what she needed. All this time-space continuum stuff was mind boggling and the dire tone Morag’s talk had taken had really upset Sinead for reasons she could not even understand. She murmured to herself that the cold crisp air was just what she needed to clear her mind and a run now would do the trick. It had been too long since she had trained, anyway and today she really needed to feel the solid ground beneath the beat of her feet; marking a cadence that was soothing and thought-dulling at the same time. She breathed deeply. The piercing cold felt like icy shards piercing her lungs, but Sinead welcomed it. It permeated her clotted thoughts and she felt the freeing essence of the frigid clean air. Even though it was still a little slippery, Sinead felt the bliss of flight as she picked up the pace. It felt good to run again and she realized how much she had missed it. She pushed thoughts of what else she would miss now that she had decided to stay. She wanted to purge her mind, not add more worries to it.
