“Babe,” she breathed, rushing at me.
Great, another one, I thought as she flung her arms around my entire upper body, almost knocking me down.
I allowed it for a total of three seconds before stepping away. She looked as healthy as could be. Her jade eyes were bright and there wasn’t a mark on her dark skin. A heavy frown settled on her face as she looked me over. “Calista,” she murmured. “What the hell has he done to you?”
Arlen made a sound in her throat that sounded suspiciously like a laugh turned into a cough. I refrained from rolling my eyes.
Two people had obviously seen them and hadn’t responded by looking at me like they just found out that I killed puppies for fun.
I followed Arlen’s lead and cleared my throat.
“He fucked me really hard, Jinx.” I said slowly.
“And…you let him do this to you? You like this?” Her tone was incredulous. I saw the heavy judgment in her eyes and I didn’t appreciate it. She’d likely faint if I told her murder and torture made me wet.
I wasn’t sure how to answer her questions. It wasn’t like I could stop him, and as for liking it, hell yes. I wanted more. I was a greedy pain slut when it came to him. My body felt like it had gone through the wringer and I was still craving more.
“I love it,” I shrugged, wheeling the food cart over to the bed so I could sit down.
I didn’t care if she liked it or not, I was done hiding who I was to spare someone’s sensitivities.
“You said you were her friend,” Arlen cut in when Jinx continued staring at me with a frown.
“I am her friend, which is exactly why I can pass judgment,” Jinx snapped.
“Well, I’m her friend now, too, and you don’t see me being a judgmental cunt. Let her get off however she sees fit,” Arlen retorted. “As long as she’s okay with it, you should be too. We both know Romero wouldn’t legit fuck her to death. Not literally,” she added as an afterthought.
I bit my cheek to stop from laughing as they eyed one another with open disdain.
“Girls, no catfights,” I interjected, lifting the silver lid off my platter.
I was so hungry I didn’t even care what kind of meat was in the soup in front of me.
I dug in with vigor. It tasted amazing and it was warm. Arlen took a seat on the window ledge and Jinx sat in the chair.
“So what’s it like out there?” I waved my hand, indicating outside.
“It’s full of your boyfriend’s cult members. And Tito’s here, if you were wondering,” Jinx answered, disapproval heavy in her tone. From the corner of my eye, I saw Arlen shoot daggers at her.
“I wasn’t wondering, actually. Whatever he got himself into with the Savages started far before I came along.” I dropped my spoon and reached for my bottle of water, feeling the sudden need to clarify something she’d just said. “Romero is more than my boyfriend. He’s my soul.”
“You mean soul-mate?”
“No, he’s my soul.”
Jinx eyed me like I’d officially lost the plot.
Arlen grinned at me, understanding my sentiment perfectly, maybe because she was there the day I made my deal with him. More than likely, it was because Arlen fit right in without trying.
“Right,” Jinx drew out. “So what’s the plan? We have to get away, you know that, right? We can’t be sitting ducks while we wait for Romero and his band of merry men or army of misfits to decide what they’re going to do with us. And the sooner we go, the better. It’s getting crazy out there.”
“Misfits? Is that what they’re calling them these days?” I took another bite of soup and met her gaze head on. Hers was frustrated, mine was glacial. I couldn’t pinpoint why I suddenly felt so defensive over Romero’s followers, but hearing her so openly judge them pissed me off. They were part of Rome’s life and that made them a part of mine. Not to mention, she might as well have been talking about me.
“Cali isn’t going to leave Romero. She’s fuckin in love with him,” Arlen scoffed.
What? “Um, no I’m not.”
Jinx didn’t hear me. She was on her feet raving.
Me and Arlen shared a look.
We both knew there was no getting out of here, not without heavy planning. And where the hell would we even go? Three women out on their own in the Badlands with no goods to sell except their bodies and zero funds, it was pitifully comical.
I’d just survived two weeks and that was begrudgingly with Tito’s help. I didn’t want to struggle for survival day in and day out. And then there was the whole pregnancy detail I hadn’t breathed a word about. I’d be far safer in the lion’s den.
“We have to leave,” Jinx finished with a huff. I wondered if she knew she’d just said that fifteen times in ten minutes.
“Leavin here would be a fuckin suicide mission,” Arlen retorted. “I saw the shit just about to hit the fan as Grimm was bringin me here. It’s safer for us under the Savages’ protection. And you know she can’t go for obvious reasons, so I don’t really understand you suggestin she do.”
I agreed, but I wasn’t going to try and reason with her; that would be pointless, so I kept it simple. “I can’t. Even more so, I don’t want to.”
“Callista. Yes, you can.” She ignored the last part of my sentence completely.
“She isn’t going anywhere.”
Shit.
“Shit,” Arlen echoed my thought aloud.
Romero strolled into the room followed by Grimm, Cobra, and a guy I’d never seen before.
He was a little shorter than Rome, well built, had a head full of brown hair and the brightest pair of green eyes I’d ever seen.
Grimm’s dark orbs fixed on my face and his mouth tilted up on one side, offering me the closest thing to a smile I’d get. I quickly returned it just as Jinx did the stupidest thing she could’ve done.
She whirled around, glaring at Romero, and stepped over the line I considered personal space. “You can’t keep her here like some hostage. What do you even want her for? Who do you think––”
The rest of her sentence was cut off with a loud and painful yelp. Romero lifted her up by the throat and slammed her back into the wall.
“I don’t know who the fuck you think I am, but if you ever talk to me like that again, it’ll be the last thing you do. Consider this your only warning, courtesy of Cali.”
Jinx made a keening sound and scratched at his hands. I slowly rose from the bed, earning a slight headshake from Grimm, warning me not to intervene.
“Cali’s a queen. You’re nothing but a hole for Tito to dump his come in. Judgmental bitches like you don’t deserve to breathe the same air as her. Just know from this point on that she’ll always be well fed, she’ll always be safe, and she’ll always be thoroughly well fucked for the rest of her life.” He tossed her across the room like she weighed nothing; she nearly landed in the hall with a small sob.
“Lock her up,” he ordered.
“I got it,” the brown haired man volunteered, striding right back out of the room.
“Brat,” Grimm called to Arlen.
She went to him without rebuttal, squeezing my hand on her way past.
As soon as they were gone and the door shut with Cobra following behind them, Romero turned to me. “You don’t love me?” His voice was as tense as his muscles. The question sounded like a threat, and I wasn’t expecting him to ask it.
It was the first time I could say I’d ever been tongue tied. I wish I could rewind time and take it back.
I couldn’t just split open my chest and spill my guts. Not when it came to discussing that. Nothing had ever scared me more than what I felt for him. I wanted to give him everything but I knew if he abused it or didn’t feel the same, it wouldn’t just crush me; it would severe my lifeline.
But, I wasn’t going to avoid the herd of elephants in the room any longer. I once wished I could be with him without having to pretend otherwise, and now I could. It was freeing, liberating, to think of mysel
f and what I wanted without worrying about betraying someone.
“You don’t trust me. I don’t trust you, not fully. I know you’ll keep me safe, fed, and thoroughly well fucked,” I teased to lighten the mood, “But I don’t know if you have some hidden agenda to screw me over.”
He studied me like the idea of what I was saying was preposterous.
“You left me to ‘die’ on a bridge and walked off with David without looking back.”
“Cali, I’m not good at heart to hearts and we really need to get past this little hang-up so we can focus on what we’re going to do next. I need you to use your fucking head and put two and two together.
“Why would I leave you and my brother together if I wanted you dead? He was in that car with you. He was shot. None of that was supposed to happen. That situation could have gone so much fucking worse. I could have lost both of you. And I know I hurt you, but there wasn’t anything else I could do.
“I tried to protect you and fucking failed. I was trying to stop David from getting you back.” He shifted and then straightened to his full height, staring down at me with cold eyes.
“I fucking hate that I had to walk away. I apologize for not telling you what was going on. I don’t apologize for a single thing I’ve done.”
Swallowing, I tipped my head back and let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. Romero Deville just apologized—sort of. Where was the confetti? I looked back at him and met his penetrating gaze head on.
“You didn’t fail because he doesn’t have me, and now I’m even more…” I trailed off. How did you tell someone you no longer gave a shit about right and wrong? I wondered if he knew about the chaos festering inside me or the venom running through my veins that ached to be released.
Turns out, I didn’t have to question any of it. I should have known better. This was Romero I was dealing with. He was the reason I was strong as I was. When I’d been down, he forced me to get up.
I learned to face my past the day he locked me in a room with a bishop and handed me a knife.
He’d pushed me towards the darkness from the very beginning, patiently waiting in the shadows so I wouldn’t be alone.
“Like me,” he filled in after an elapsed silence stretched between us. “You’re even more like me.”
I nodded, tracing invisible patterns into the comforter. “It doesn’t ever end, does it?” I knew he’d pick up on what I was really asking. Would I always be stuck on this fucked up linear timeline of grief? I’d gone straight from acceptance to anger and depression.
He shook his head and released a deep sigh. “Nothing ever numbs the pain. No matter how deep you bury it, it always fights its way back to the surface, so you learn to live with it.”
I looked up at him in surprise, almost falling off the bed. I’d expected him to be a lot more vague.
He didn’t discuss feelings—at least, not his.
The Badlands grapevine would attest that he had none. All anyone seemed to focus on was the reputation that’d made him so notorious for all these years. He was an outcast, an undesirable, and sick in the fucking head. He had his own law and his own rules, taking what he wanted and never apologizing for it.
None of that was untrue.
He was supposed to be this unstoppable force that never showed emotion and didn’t feel anything. But at the end of the day, he wasn’t made of stone. The devil felt pain just like the rest of us. He turned it into power.
At my prolonged silence, he continued.
“We did make a deal, you and I, but all fourof the other bishops are in hiding. There’s been no sign of them, and David went back underground as soon as he found out that I have no intention of ever giving you up.”
Well, fuck. I should have known that would happen. David was like a phantom when he wanted to be.
That was one of the reasons I’d needed the Savages’ help in the first place. Where the fuck did the man go when he was off the grid?
“How did you lure him out this time?” I asked.
“Me and David had been in contact for months when you came along. He has a pattern. Every six months, he moves to a new location. I fucked up the first time. He reached out to me again when he found out I had you. Knowing all he does now, don’t count on that happening again.”
Great. We were on a strict timetable and hunting a ghost. Four ghosts.
Wait…“Four other bishops? We already got rid of two. Shouldn’t there only be four total?”
“No, his son is a higher up now. I think his name’s Noah.”
“Noah?” My stomach rolled and my heartbeat turned sluggish at mention of him. He was a fucking bishop at twenty-one?
The last time I saw my baby brother, he was forcing his dick in my ass and then kicking the shit out of me. I tried to school my features but must have failed because Romero paused mid-sentence.
“What did he do to you?”
The hair on the back of my neck rose at his tone. I sent a thank you up that it wasn’t personally being directed at me.
“He was my brother, but that didn’t miraculously make him any different from the rest. He’s the one who left me on the side of the road.” I shrugged, glancing away. I’d never hidden what was done to me but it was still hard to talk about.
I had to tell the man I belonged with that half my colony had had a turn between my legs. There was no way to dress up the truth and make it sound pretty. It was what it was.
“So we need a plan, then. Do you know why David wants me back?” I smoothly redirected the conversation.
I could tell he wanted to push me on what I’d just confessed, but fortunately, he dropped it.
“David’s been looking for you for a long time, Pixie. You’ve just been left in the dark for way too fucking long.”
“Why has he been looking for me?” I asked incredulously. I didn’t expect him to know the answer, but I should have.
“You’re the spitting image of your mother, and he’s still hung up on her.”
I opened my mouth to respond, and then closed it, running a hand over my face. What the hell? “How do you know…you knew my mom?”
I didn’t know how that was possible. Maybe he was aware of who she was; I mean there, were only five years between us. He couldn’t have known her too well.
From what I’d been told, I was removed from my mother’s stomach without her having a choice in the matter.
The second I was cut out of her womb, she was left for dead on someone’s dining room table. It wasn’t a huge secret in The Order; it was a tale I’d heard numerous times. I was a black sheep born to be a whore. That’s what I was taught, and I was treated as such.
“Tell me how you two know each other. You and David.” I said after a beat when he didn’t answer me.
He cocked his head and tsked. “I thought you would have figured that out by now. Where do you think I came from, Cali?”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
I blanched and my stomach dropped. “What? No. No fucking way.” I vigorously shook my head back and forth, looking him over from head to toe.
He was covered in tattoos and built like a Greek god. He was the leader of the Savages, king of a cult. Men in The Order didn’t look like him and they sure as hell didn’t get to branch off like he did.
“You never wondered how Grimm knew exactly where the church by the lake was? The one where Azel held his meets?”
I stared at him long and hard and suddenly felt like I should have figured this out long ago.
It semi-explained the inverted cross tattooed under his eye that served as the official symbol for the Savages, why he had his own vendetta against David, and how they knew one another.
But even as the pieces clicked together, I couldn’t wrap my head around it.
“H How did you get out? How did three of you get out at once? The Order never lets anyone go. Those who don’t follow David’s bullshit doctrine are immediately executed.”
“My father was told to get out, an
d he took me and Grimm with him. Cobra wasn’t part of it. That’s not where we met.”
His. Father.
I pulled in a quiet breath and softly let it out. I knew he wasn’t lying because that wasn’t his style. He just liked to spew facts in a not easily decipherable way.
There was a sleuth of missing details in what he was telling me, like how the hell they got to leave alive and why they were told to go in the first place.
I wasn’t going to push him about it, not when he didn’t push me about the Noah thing. Eventually though, he would be telling me all about it. He never spoke about his past or his parents, but he logically had to have come from somewhere. I knew he had a closet full of bones.
And now, with answers came so many more questions. And fucking shame.
I knew his reaction when I told him things was genuine, but knowing he was part of that world meant he was a little more keyed in to the inner workings than I thought.
I guess because I was David’s flesh and blood, outsiders thought I’d be spared, when that only made it worse.
My past was a heavy book I never wanted anyone to open up.
The pages were full of ugly stains and smudged fingerprints. There was still so much I hadn’t told him about.
What would he think if he knew they used to make me come? That when they realized I’d never get off with their dicks inside me they’d switch to using their mouth or hands. Sometimes, they used a sister so they could watch. Rarely was I with just one person a day. Whether I was sick, sore, or bruised to the point I couldn’t move, they used me.
It didn’t matter how many days passed or how many showers I took; I would always be that unclean, filthy little girl.
He shoved off the wall and took my face in his hands, forcing me to look up at him. “I don’t give a shit about the things in your past. That would be pretty fucking hypocritical on my end. All I care about is the gorgeous, dope ass queen in front of me right now.”
“How can you say that? Do you know how many people have seen me naked?”
“They saw you naked. They never saw you. I do. Grimm does. Shit, even Luther and Bryce do. Cobra and Arlen do, too. We fucking see you, baby.”
Deviants Page 9
