by Guy Bass
“Shhhhh! Don’t wake the double!” whispered Dinkin, snapping Edgar’s jaw shut.
“It’s just my clothes . . . and a little Bully-B-Gone spray . . . ”
A moment later, the window swung open and Arthur the ghost swept into the room. “It’s freezing out there! Honestly, if I’d known how cold the afterlife was, I never would have stuck around . . . ,” he moaned.
“SShhH!! Don’t wake the double!” whispered Dinkin, pointing to the bed. Suddenly, the air was filled with an almighty BUUUURRP! and Herbert the monster crawled out from under the bed.
“SHHH-HH! Don’t wake the—never mind,” said Dinkin as Danger’s snoring filled the room. “Just follow me!”
Dinkin ushered The Frightening Things out onto the landing. After a quick explanation of the terrifying events of the day, Dinkin spelled out the plan.
“So you see, the only solution is to get Danger back to his own dimension. We have to find out where he’s hidden my mirror!”
Dinkin and The Frightening Things decided it was best to split up to look for the mirror . . . but then they immediately realized that was much too terrifying, so they searched as a team. Three hours and thirty-three minutes later, they had scoured the entire house, even the incredibly scary bits, including:1. ) The downstairs toilet (32% risk of alligator attack)
2. ) The bit of discolored carpet by the back door (54% risk of stain-festation)
3. ) The garage (77% risk of catching a nasty chill, even in the height of summer)
But there was no sign of the mirror. The only place they hadn’t dared to check was the attic, which they had sworn never to go in after all that “creature from the attic” business. Dinkin and The Frightening Things stood beneath the hatch, staring upward.
“Arthur, couldn’t you just take a peek up there?” said Dinkin, shivering with fear and exhaustion. “I mean, you are a ghost—it’s not like anything can hurt you . . . ”
“No way! I’m not going into the attic!” said Arthur. “I’d rather go to the middle of a volcano! I’d rather go to the lost land of less than lovable lizard-ladies! I’d rather . . . I’d rather go into the garden shed!”
“The garden shed?” repeated Dinkin. “That’s it! The one place we haven’t looked!”
“AAAAH! Not the shed!” cried Arthur. “I’d rather go into the attic!”
Dinkin steered The (reluctant) Frightening Things downstairs and into the kitchen. After unlocking the fifteen locks on the back door, they stepped cautiously outside and stared into the moonlit garden. Everything that used to be just terrifying (trees, flowers, fish pond) now looked hideously horrifying. And there, lurking in the shadows, was THE SHED.
Dinkin had always been afraid of the shed, for three very good reasons:
1) It was crawling with SPIDERS. Spiders, as anyone who has ever been scared will tell you, were the First of All Scary Things. Before tornadoes and volcanoes and dinosaurs, before tidal waves and comets and mutant centipedes and man-eating vegetables, there were SPIDERS.
2) It was where Dinkin’s dad kept his disturbingly large collection of SEEDS. Though they were marked with names like “Freesias” and “Sweet Peas” and “Nasturtiums,” Dinkin knew what the seeds really were: an Easy-2-Grow Army of Unspeakable Plant People!
3) It was home to the Fearsomely Ferocious Foot Eater, otherwise known as THE LAWNMOWER. Not only did it cut grass, trim borders, and eat feet, but it made such an earsplitting noise that Dinkin was convinced that it caused earthquakes on neighboring streets.
But these were terrors for another time. They had to search the shed, no matter what.
“You know, considering how scared we are of everything, we do spend an awful lot of time doing scary things,” said Edgar, his bones rattling with dread. “Couldn’t we just hide in the closet until all of this goes away?”
“I like that plan!” said Herbert.
“Me too!” said Arthur, with excitement.
“But Danger’s not going to go away!” said Dinkin. “In fact, unless we find that mirror and send him back, he’s going to stay here forever! Is that what you want? Do you want to be stuck with a duplicate version of me, whose idea of a good time is picking fights with the biggest boy in school?” Dinkin didn’t wait for an answer. He set off down the garden, closely followed by The Frightening Things. They crept across the lawn, their eyes darting around for any signs of unexpected scariness.
“D-don’t stop moving,” whispered Dinkin.
“And no screaming, unless absolutely necessary.”
“What, not even a ghostly moan?” asked Arthur.
“Okay, b-but keep it quiet,” said Dinkin.
Arthur moaned his quietest, fear-filled moan as they made their way to the shed. It loomed over them: They could almost smell the horrors lurking inside. Dinkin reached out a shaking hand toward the door and turned the handle. It clicked and clunked ominously, and then gave way.
“Shhhh!” said Dinkin instinctively, and poked his head around the door. The moonlight seeped in through the wooden planks of the walls, bathing everything in a menacing glow. The shed was arranged with an unsettling neatness, probably to set a good example for the Unspeakable Plant People. Dinkin and The Frightening Things crept in, their eyes peeled for spiders and seeds. They did their best to look around, but everyone was so afraid of moving or touching anything that they mainly just stood in one place and shivered with fear.
Suddenly, Dinkin spotted something propped up in the corner. It was a large, rectangular shape . . . covered by a bathrobe.
“I see it!” whispered Dinkin.
“See what? I can hardly see a thing in this darkness,” mumbled Herbert. “Except that big spider web, of course . . . ”
“Did you say . . . spider web?” whispered Dinkin. There was a pause.
“AAAA-AAHH!” screamed Dinkin and The Frightening Things together. “SPIDERS!”
The prospect of coming face to legs with a spider was simply too terrifying to bear. Arthur started whizzing around the shed like a spinning top, while Edgar shook so hard his leg fell off. Herbert collided into Dinkin, who stumbled back into the door, pushing it open. He fell onto the cold ground and looked up. A face very much like his peered down at him.
“Looking for something, Dinkin?”
It was Danger!
DANGER’S SECRET
Mirrors located: 1
Sinister secrets revealed: 1
Chance of everything turning
out fine and there being
nothing at all to worry about:
0.00000000000001%
Dinkin scrambled to his feet and slammed the shed door shut, leaving The Frightening Things still inside.
“We weren’t looking for anything, honest!” he blurted quickly.
“You mean you didn’t find . . . I mean, you weren’t looking for . . . ,” began Danger.
“Nope! And we definitely didn’t find it, either!” cried Dinkin.
“Dinkin, we found it! We found the mirror!” cried Arthur, poking his head through the shed wall.
“The mirror? Oh no! Whatever you do, don’t uncover it!” yelled Danger. He pushed Dinkin out of the way and burst into the shed! There were Arthur, Edgar, and Herbert, huddled around Dinkin’s mirror. Herbert had Dinkin’s bathrobe in his claws.
“Cover it back up! It’s after midnight!” cried Danger.
“Why? What happens after midnight?” asked Dinkin.
Suddenly, the mirror began to shake and rattle, sending tremors through the ground, and steam began to pour out of the glass!
“It’s The Frightening Things!” cried Danger. “RUN!”
“The who?” said Dinkin as Danger shoved him aside again and started to run back up the garden. As confused as Dinkin and The Frightening Things were, they didn’t wait around for an explanation—they ran out of the shed after Danger, slamming the door behind them. They were almost at the house when Dinkin looked back . . .
The door of the shed burst open! Dinkin st
ared in horror as three huge, nonhuman shapes emerged from inside. He could barely make them out, but it was already clear what they were. The first was a huge skeleton with fire smoldering in its skull, illuminating its eye sockets from inside. Next came a ghoulish spirit, like an angry cloud of greenish-white smoke, which swept into the air. Finally there was a giant monster, almost big enough to fill the entire shed! Its body was covered in horns and spikes, which glistened with slime in the moonlight. It gnashed its huge, fang-filled jaws in rage.
“DANGER . . . WE’RE COMING FOR YOU,” hissed the skeleton.
Dinkin froze in horror. Suddenly, it all made a terrifying kind of sense.
They were The Frightening Things from Dimension 9!
And they were actually frightening!
ATTACK OF THE ACTUALLY FRIGHTENING THINGS
Skeletons: 2
Monsters: 2
Ghosts: 2
“Into the house!” yelled Dinkin as The Actually Frightening Things began moving up the garden. As soon as everyone was inside, Dinkin slammed the door and locked the locks.
“What in the name of all-that-is-horrendous are those things?” shrieked Edgar. “They’re like . . . us! Sort of . . . ”
“I know what they are—they’re Danger’s Frightening Things, aren’t they, Danger?” said Dinkin. “That’s why you didn’t want to go back! You were scared!”
“No! I’m not scared of anything!” said Danger as he cowered behind the kitchen bin. “Well, except them . . . ”
“I should have guessed! I knew something was up when you were scared of my Frightening Things. Why didn’t you tell us about them before?” Dinkin asked.
“I didn’t want you to think I was like you!” exclaimed Danger. “The Frightening Things are the only things I’m afraid of. They come after midnight, whether I like it or not. They play tricks on me, tie me up, steal my things, keep me awake—and scare me!”
The back door shook as something crashed against it. They could hear the monster’s growls from the other side. Then came a tap-tap-tap at the kitchen window. Everyone looked up to see the face of the skeleton peering through.
“LET US IN, DANGER . . . IT’S WAY PAST YOUR FRIGHTENING TIME,” it said, its eyes glowing in the darkness.
“G-go away!” cried Danger, but the ghost had already begun to seep through the door. As Dinkin, Danger, and The Frightening Things looked on, too terrified to even sniffle fearfully, a face emerged from the cloud of billowing smoke. Two hollow, black eyes peered at them, and a shadowy grin spread across its face. A moment later, the ghost wrapped its tendrils around the locks, and undid them. The door swung open, and, within moments, Dinkin and his friends were face to fang with The Actually Frightening Things.
“WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS, DANGER?” said the skeleton. “YOU KNOW WE DON’T LIKE YOU TO HAVE FRIENDS . . . ”
“Th-they’re d-dimensional d-doubles,” whimpered Danger.
“ARE THEY? SO THEY ARE!” said the skeleton, pointing a sharp, bony finger at Dinkin. “WHY, THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE YOU! AND THERE’S A LITTLE GHOST, A SMALL SKELETON . . . EVEN A TINY MONSTER!”
“N-nice to m-m-meet you,” said Herbert, always at his most polite when scared stiff.
Suddenly the ghost blew a puff of greenish-white smoke in his face and Herbert fell to the floor, fast asleep!
“SPEAK WHEN YOU’RE SPOKEN TO, OR YOU GET SENT TO SLEEP,” laughed the skeleton. “AND WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT, GO AND MAKE SURE THE GROWN-UPS DON’T WAKE UP UNTIL MORNING.” The ghost swept out of the room and up the stairs.
“M-mom! D-dad!” whispered Dinkin. He contemplated trying to warn them about the atrocious intruders, but then decided it was probably best if they just slept through it.
“NOW THEN, TIME FOR SOME FUN! WHAT SHALL WE PLAY?” hissed the skeleton. “OH, I KNOW! WHO WANTS TO PLAY ‘WHO CAN SCREAM THE LOUDEST?’”
The monster roared, shaking the walls!
“NOT YOU, YOU IDIOT!” said the skeleton, covering his ear holes. “YOU DON’T GET TO PLAY THIS GAME. YOU ALWAYS GIVE ME A SKULL-ACHE WITH THAT HORRIBLE ROARING!”
As the skeleton gave the monster a scolding, Dinkin had just enough time to look for an escape route. The monster blocked the back door, while the skeleton barred the entrance to the hall. In desperation, Dinkin looked up and spotted Arthur hovering above his head in helpless horror. Slowly, he reached out and grabbed Edgar’s bony wrist and then nodded to Edgar to grab hold of Danger’s collar. Then, even though Danger was more scared than any of them, he managed to grab a sleeping Herbert by the arm.
“SORRY ABOUT THAT—I’M AFRAID THE MONSTER CAN BE SO RUDE,” said the skeleton. “SO, WHERE WERE WE? OH YES, SCREAMING! WHO WANTS TO START?”
Dinkin raised his arm. His hand was 1.4 inches away from Arthur’s.
“WE HAVE A VOLUNTEER! EXCELLENT!” Dinkin took a deep, terrified breath, and screamed: “ARTHUR, GRAB MY HAND!”
Arthur looked down at Dinkin’s outstretched hand and instinctively grasped it, turning everyone ghostly. They could pass through anything! “Get us out of here!” yelled Dinkin. Arthur flew into the air, taking Dinkin, Edgar, Danger, and the unconscious Herbert with him. The monster roared in rage as they flew through the skeleton’s ribcage and out into the hall.
“AFTER THEM!” hissed the skeleton.
“Arthur, fly us upstairs. We have to hide!” shouted Dinkin, possibly more terrified than he had ever been. Arthur flew the dreadfilled daisy chain of unlikely allies up the stairs and onto the landing where they were met by the swirling, cloud-like ghost.
“AAAH!” screamed everyone, except the sleeping Herbert, as the ghost fired a blast of sleep-inducing breath. Arthur arched upward, flying everyone through the ceiling, and into the attic!
“AAA-AAH! THE ATTIC! Get us out of here!” screamed Dinkin. Arthur immediately flew back through the floor onto the landing, only to find the ghost waiting for them. It blew another cloud of breath into Arthur’s face, and he immediately fell asleep, dropping Dinkin and company onto the landing. As Arthur drifted drowsily down the hallway, Dinkin scrambled to his feet.
“Into my room. Quick!” yelled Dinkin. He shoved Danger into his room and then turned back to help Edgar with Herbert.
“He’s too heavy!” said Edgar as he and Dinkin tried to drag the sleeping monster along the ground. “I told him to lose weight! This is what happens when you eat in your sleep. You end up—”
Suddenly, two massive shadows loomed over them. Dinkin and Edgar looked up to see the skeleton and the monster blocking their paths.
“. . . huge . . . ” whimpered Dinkin.
“YOU’RE SLIPPERY LITTLE CREATURES, AREN’T YOU? BUT YOU CAN’T GET AWAY FROM US THAT EASILY! NOT WHEN THE GAMES HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN!” sneered the skeleton, reaching down and scooping up Dinkin and Edgar in its bony claws.
“Please don’t eat me!” pleaded Edgar. “I’ve had my fill of being ingested!”
“EAT YOU! WHAT AN EXCELLENT IDEA! THAT SHOULD GET THE FEAR FLOWING!”
The skeleton brought Dinkin and Edgar closer to his flame-filled skull and opened his jaws.
“Wait! Please, don’t . . . ,” began Dinkin.
CHOMP!
BONES
Bones in the human body: 206
Bones mixed up together: 412
Bones put together in the wrong
order: 32
“YOOOOW!” yelled the skeleton, and he started hopping around on one foot! Dinkin and Edgar looked down. It was Herbert—he’d sleep-eaten the skeleton’s big toe! The skeleton stumbled back into the monster, knocking them both back down the stairs! The skeleton flung Dinkin and Edgar into the air as he fell!
“YAAH!” screamed Dinkin as he soared through the air. He reached out in a panic, grabbing the lampshade that hung from the ceiling at the top of the stairs.
As he held on for dear life, he looked down to see Edgar, the skeleton, and the monster tumble to the bottom of the stairs. The two skeletons smashed into pieces as they hit the
floor, sending bones flying everywhere.
“Edgar!” cried Dinkin.
“DON’T JUST SIT THERE, YOU MINDLESS MONSTER!” cried the skeleton’s head as the monster struggled to its feet. “PUT ME BACK TOGETHER!”
“Dinkin, save yourself! And me if possible,” cried Edgar’s head, hoping he wasn’t about to be crushed under a giant, monstrous foot. Dinkin watched in horror as the monster tried to piece the skeletons back together. But it just wasn’t sure what bones belonged to which Frightening Thing!
“WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, YOU BRAINLESS BEAST?” bellowed the skeleton’s helpless head as the monster tried desperately to reassemble it. “NO, THE KNEE BONE CONNECTS TO THE THIGH BONE! THAT’S NOT THE THIGH BONE! THAT’S NOT EVEN MY BONE!”
The monster roared in frustration and tried to squeeze the skeleton’s head onto Edgar’s body, and Edgar’s onto the skeleton!
“NO, NO, NO! DOES THIS LOOK RIGHT TO YOU, YOU CLOTH-BRAINED CREATURE?” boomed the skeleton.
“Well, this is certainly easier than going to the gym,” said Edgar, so impressed with his new, gigantic frame that he almost forgot to be terrified.
Finally, as the monster started to figure out what went where, Dinkin looked down at the floor. It was a painful, nerve-rattling drop to the top of the stairs, but the alternative was waiting around to be caught. Then, suddenly . . .
“Dinkin, look out behind you!” cried Edgar. Dinkin turned to see the ghost about to fire another blast of sleep-breath. Dinkin had no choice but to let go and hope he didn’t break anything. But Edgar had already leaped into action! With his new, massive skeleton body, he raced up the stairs in seconds, catching Dinkin as he plummeted downward! Edgar put Dinkin safely down on the landing, but caught the full brunt of the ghost’s breath. Poor, mismatched Edgar tumbled, unconscious, back down the stairs.
