“Still the best.” I squeezed her hand.
“I didn’t mean to run your boyfriend off,” Catherine said. My gaze instinctively moved toward the still open door before settling back on her. I’d never explicitly stated that I didn’t have a boyfriend over the past two months, but I had assumed my lack of reference was an answer in and of itself.
Also, ewww…
“Aster isn’t my boyfriend. He’s my older brother.” I pretended not to notice how her face lit up with those words. Shaking my head, I squeezed her hand. “I’m glad you stopped by. My parents were here yesterday, but they haven’t been by today yet.”
“Of course, dear. So has your actual boyfriend come to visit yet?”
I grinned. “Catherine… are you fishing?”
“Me? Whatever do you mean?”
I busted out laughing. “You know you’re supposed to be subtle when fishing, right?”
“Subtlety isn’t my style.” She didn’t repeat her question, just raised her eyebrows expectantly.
“No. My boyfriend hasn’t stopped by, because he doesn’t exist.”
Catherine tsked. “That makes no sense. How is a girl like you single?”
“How is a woman like you single?” I countered.
She blushed before waving the conversation away. “All right, all right. Let’s get to business.”
“Business?”
“Yes.” She pointed to a wheelchair outside the door. “I thought you might want to see Nick.”
I smiled as she went to grab the wheelchair, not waiting for an answer. Truthfully, I did want to see him, which didn’t make any sense considering he never wanted to see me. You would think I’d have grown tired of him, or annoyed. But I hadn’t. Maybe because he was never outright rude, and I saw plenty of things that made me believe in his inner goodness.
How he pulled the chair out for his mother when she sat down at the table. The way he always corrected her when she said something negative about herself. His use of “please” and “thank you.” And not just to his mother.
And although he didn’t trust me, he was still considerate of me. Like how he got up to fill my ice water when he noticed it was empty.
They said actions spoke louder than words, and Nick’s actions were screaming at me. He was a good person. He thought of others and did nice things, but for some reason, he was trying his hardest to hide it.
“What do you think?”
“I give it a week,” he answered.
“A week, really? That’s insane…”
“Nope, that’s Nick. He’ll be itching to get back in the kitchen within a week.”
She tsked. “I think you’re wrong. He’s smarter than that.”
“We rarely make wise decisions when our passions are involved.”
“Is that so?” Her voice came out lower and with a hint of seduction. I heard him take a step closer to her.
“Yeah. Remember that time we thought it’d be a good idea to have sex on a—”
“Guys,” I interrupted, my eyes still closed. “I can hear you.” I cracked open one eye to see my two best friends standing next to my bed, mere inches separating them. They both gazed down at me. Lindsay had a shit-eating grin on her face and Kevin looked like I’d just cock blocked him.
I arched an eyebrow. “Really? You thought you’d get lucky in my hospital room?”
He shrugged as a lazy grin crawled up his face. “You never know.”
“You weren’t about to get lucky. I knew he was awake. But you, my dear Nicky, probably could have used the story. How long has it been since you’ve had sex? And it was a really good story…”
“Surprisingly, hearing about my two best friends having sex is not a turn-on. And you knew? Why the hell—”
“Why were you pretending to be asleep?” she tossed back before I could finish.
“Because I was hoping you would leave.”
Neither was affronted by my reply.
“Exactly. That was your punishment.”
“But it was also supposed to be a reward since he hasn’t gotten laid in months?” Kevin asked.
Her dark eyebrows furrowed. “Shut up. You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am.” Kevin kissed the corner of her mouth. “Always, baby.”
I rolled my eyes. One of these days they would get stuck in the back of my head thanks to these two, which would be unfortunate since I was now on my way to a full recovery.
The last of my injuries had pretty much healed up, and after spending almost twenty-four hours in the ICU following the transplant, I would only be in this room for a few more days before being discharged. To say I was ready to get back to my life would be an understatement. Ma was hovering, fretting over every little thing, and she wouldn’t stop talking about Iris.
Did you know Iris volunteers at the public library, teaching adults how to read?
Did you know Iris double majored?
Did you know Iris walks her neighbor’s dog every other day, since she’s old and can’t walk well?
Did you know Iris is currently solving the poverty crisis, curing cancer, and establishing world peace?
Okay, I made that last one up. But with the way my ma was talking, you’d think Iris was the greatest thing to ever happen to the planet.
I was still unsure of her. Yes, she had been great the past few months, but we still didn’t know her motives. And I was sure they’d come to light after the surgery, which made Ma’s fangirl moments all the more difficult to listen to. My mother was the type to cling to any girlfriend I had. She’d always wanted a daughter and I was concerned about the attachment she was forming to Iris. As Iris had pointed out months ago, it seemed unrealistic to expect anything from her. She had her own money and we were no one important. Realistically, what could I think she wanted? I didn’t have a clue. That was what terrified me.
But I also recognized how lucky I was. Most of the people I met at the dialysis center these past two months had been waiting for years, with no clue as to when they’d be getting a kidney. I went through the hours of treatment, feeling drained and dejected afterward, but I had the satisfaction of knowing I’d be receiving a transplant soon. They didn’t have that. My troubles, while exhausting, were small compared to theirs.
“Where’s your mom?” Lindsay asked, breaking me from my thoughts. I sat up and glanced toward the empty chair she’d been occupying when I drifted off.
“Huh. I don’t know. She must be still in the hospital somewhere. She wouldn’t leave without saying good—”
“Lindsay! Kevin!” The three of us looked to the doorway where my ma stood. My eyes immediately dropped to the person in front of her. Iris was sitting in a wheelchair, staring between my friends and me with a smile on her face.
“Hey.” Lindsay broke away and practically fell on Iris. Based on her wince, and my own pain, I knew it had to hurt, but she said nothing. I’d opened my mouth to say something, when Iris caught my eye and shook her head.
“We’re so grateful you did this for Nicky.”
“Of course.”
Lindsay pulled away, but before my ma could wheel her all the way in, Kevin was striding forward and holding out his hand. “Yeah. It’s an amazing thing, what you did.”
Iris shook his hand and waved his words away. “Just trying to help out.”
A slightly awkward silence descended, and we all just stared between each other. I didn’t know Ma was bringing Iris in here, and truthfully, I wished she hadn’t. My friends knew about her, but I’d never had any intention of them meeting. That would complicate an already troublesome situation.
Soft laughter floated through the room as Iris responded to something Lindsay said. My eyes lingered on Iris. She still looked exuberant. Even with my annoyance and distrust, she pulled me in. She was magnetic. There were dark circles under her eyes and general exhaustion pulled at her features, but she still glowed.
My gaze moved to her head, and I noted her flat hair from lying in
a hospital bed for the better part of two days. She wasn’t constantly fidgeting or trying to fix it, she just let it be. The ends curled near her breasts, and I couldn’t help but wonder if her hair was as soft as it appeared. It’d been almost a year since I ran my fingers through a woman’s hair, and up until this moment I hadn’t realized how much I missed it.
I forced myself to look away. I regretted it as soon as I met Kevin’s cocky stare and Ma’s hopeful smile.
“Any news on the guy who ran me off the road?” I asked. Nothing ruined a party more than that question, especially considering how fired up it got me. I knew how unrealistic it was to expect results considering no-contact car accidents left little to no evidence, but I still had to hope there was a way to bring the bastard to justice.
“No.” I felt like a jerk when my ma’s smile slipped, but the distraction worked. I didn’t need her getting any more ideas about Iris. She was a romantic who was hell-bent on finding me a girlfriend. She moved around Iris, who was still busy talking to Lindsay, as she shook her head. “Insurance is covering most of it. You’re working with them now—”
“No,” I bit out again. “I shouldn’t have to pay a dime. I’m willing to do anything to find this guy. He knew, he fucking knew what he’d done and he left.” My hands involuntarily formed fists, and the room got eerily quiet. I looked up, and sure enough Iris and Lindsay were both staring at me. I tried to soften my voice; it wasn’t my mother’s fault, after all.
“You remember what the doctor said, right? If that other car hadn’t come along a minute or two later like it did, I’d be dead.”
“But he did, Nicky—”
“The guy didn’t know that, Ma. He committed a crime and I don’t care how difficult a no-collision car accident is to solve, I want him found.”
Ma sat down on the bed and wrapped her hand around mine, relaxing the fist I’d formed. “We understand, Nick. And they’re not giving up.”
I looked at Kevin and Lindsay, who were nodding in agreement. But Iris seemed confused. I didn’t know why since I knew my mother had told her this at one of our weekly dinners.
“Being the angel you are, I suppose you think I should forgive him?” I asked her.
“Nicky,” Ma admonished. For once I didn’t care. I kept staring Iris down, brow raised.
“It’s fine, Catherine,” Iris said as she looked at her with a smile. And for some reason her reasonable, adult-like response pissed me off even more. When she turned back to me, there wasn’t anything other than polite indifference on her face. “I guess I don’t understand the point of holding a grudge against someone, especially if you don’t know the circumstances.” She waved her hand my way. “What is being angry getting you? And maybe he had a good reason… maybe there was an emergency or—”
“I was having a fucking emergency.” Fuck, was she serious right now?
“There was another car. He thought—”
“Exactly. Thought. Not knew. Thought. He was gambling with my life.” Iris was silent for a moment, and I could practically feel the collective breath being held by my friends and mother.
“I’m not trying to defend him for his sake. I’m doing it for yours. Holding on to your anger won’t help you. He’ll just be taking more from you. I’m not saying what he did was right. But maybe there was no right decision. Maybe he did the best he could.”
“Or maybe he’s an asshole,” I refuted. But even as I said it, I knew it wasn’t the truth. I remembered the woman’s screams. Was she injured in the accident? If so, why didn’t the cops put it together? I had too many questions and absolutely no answers. And while Iris may be able to assume the best and move on, I couldn’t.
“Maybe I should go back to my room,” Iris said softly. I ignored my mother’s apology on my behalf and Kevin and Lindsay’s mumbled goodbyes. My gaze stayed out the window, not looking at anyone until my ma and Iris shuffled out.
“That was kinda harsh, Nick.”
I didn’t say anything. Part of me agreed, but another part knew that despite my gruff delivery, I was right. If I had died on that road, if that other car had kept driving, this would be an entirely different situation. Just because it happened to have a happy ending didn’t change the fact that the driver leaving me was wrong.
Right was right. Wrong was wrong. And all that “the world has shades of gray” bullshit was just that… bullshit. Seeing the world through that lens was dangerous. It gave people a convenient excuse to justify their mistakes.
Maybe it was easy for Iris to see the world that way because she’d never been on the receiving end of someone’s shitty choices. She was never left with the consequences of a shattered world.
There was a right and wrong choice to be made that night. The other driver made the wrong one. And maybe next time he did, the results wouldn’t be so happy. Wrong decisions had to be punished, even if everything turned out okay.
Black and white made clear lines. The world had no room for gray.
I stared at the plate of food in front of me. It was hard to be in the restaurant and not run back to the kitchen and start cooking. If Kevin didn’t show up soon, I might just do it. I still had a couple of weeks before the doctor wanted me returning to work, but I was itching to get back to it. Cooking for myself at home wasn’t quite the same.
Kevin had been right at the hospital. People rarely made good decisions when passion was involved. Passion was like a drug. And I was a junkie who needed his fix.
People might have looked at me and called me a workaholic, and in the technical definition, I suppose that was true. But it was different for me. This wasn’t just work, it was my passion. When they said if you did what you loved you’d never have to work a day in your life, they were right.
I was still lost in my thoughts when my phone vibrated across the bar, my ma’s name flashing and her smiling face staring up at me. Guilt lodged in my throat as I debated not answering. Things had been tense between the two of us the past couple of weeks. The fight I’d had with Iris hadn’t been addressed when my ma came back in the room. I knew she was disappointed; she didn’t have to say a word. And she knew it, so she let me stew in my discomfort.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hi, dear.”
I immediately became suspicious—her voice held way too much enthusiasm for someone who was still semi-pissed at me.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Nothing. I was calling to see if you’d come over for dinner tomorrow night.” Some of the tension left me.
“Yeah, sounds good.”
She paused. “Okay, around seven?” And before I could say anything else she added, “Oh, and Iris is coming over too.”
So nonchalant, like she was a normal part of our lives. Technically for the past few months she had been, but I thought that would stop once the surgery was finished.
Exhaling roughly, I dragged a hand through my hair and gripped the ends. “Ma—”
“No,” she bit out, a sudden fierceness to her voice that I wasn’t familiar with or prepared for. “I know what you’re going to say. But just because you don’t understand her generosity and you’d rather prepare for the worst instead of hoping for the best doesn’t mean Iris has ulterior motives.”
“Ma—” I tried again.
“I get it,” she whispered, all the venom gone as quickly as it came. “It’s what you have to do to survive. You have to think that way. But can’t you understand that the way I see the world is what I need? That Iris sees the world the way she needs to? I know you’re a good person, Nicky, and that you’re struggling, but please do this for me. Come to dinner and actually try.”
Taking a deep breath, I willed myself to calm down. She was right. I was being a jackass. Though neither of these two things were news to me.
“Okay, and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to become too invested. How about this… I’ll try and be a little nicer, as long as you try and keep your distance? Just a little bit?”
She did
n’t say anything for a few minutes. “Sure, dear. If it means that much to you, I’ll be a little more careful.”
“Thank you.” And just like that, we were good. I exhaled in relief as a large hand came down on my shoulder. I turned to find Kevin grinning down at me while Lindsay moved back behind the bar.
“Hey, Ma? I gotta go. Kevin and Lindsay just got here. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Sounds good. Love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I hung up and swiveled on my stool.
“How ya doing, man?” Kevin asked with a slap to the back.
“Not bad. Ready to get back to work.”
“You can’t rush these things,” Lindsay chimed in, nodding her hello while she tied her apron around her waist. I knew she was thinking about her stepfather, whom she was very close to, and the complications he had from his surgery. He went back to work too early and ended up back in the hospital for a week. And even though his surgery—septal myectomy—and job—construction foreman—made the likelihood of problems far greater than mine, I kept my mouth shut. That time had been hard for Lindsay, and despite the differences, I knew she was only looking out for me.
Besides, my friends had been surprisingly understanding about my behavior at the hospital, and I didn’t need to be alienating anyone else.
“You’re right.” I smiled and knocked on the bar to get her attention. “I’m taking it easy, I promise.” She gave a smile of gratitude and understanding.
“Why don’t we order some food?” Kevin asked, grinning between us. “It won’t be as good as Nick’s, but it’ll fill us up.”
Lindsay looked up at Kevin with hearts in her eyes. Leaning against the bar, she shifted her gaze between us. “What’ll you guys have?”
“Damn, I could really go for your wings,” Kevin murmured to me, his eyes glazing over. “Surely making only one thing wouldn’t do any harm—”
“Kevin Macy,” Lindsay said sternly, using his middle name, which he hated. I chuckled, just like I did every time he got reprimanded and she used his middle name to do it.
“Fine,” he grumbled. He didn’t look too annoyed—I doubt he ever could. He and Lindsay had been together since the first day of high school, and now they were getting married in a couple months.
Pure Hearts Page 5
