Defector

by Susanne Winnacker

  Major considered his answer for a moment. Was he planning to add another lie to the two I’d already discovered? “I assume that he left you because you hadn’t shown any sign of a Variation at that point and therefore weren’t of use to him. He isn’t someone who keeps people around for their emotional value.” Then Major and Abel should have gotten along perfectly. I didn’t think Major knew how to love anyone. If I lost my Variation today, he’d let go of me and never think about me again.

  “What about my brother? That must mean he’s a Variant?” I knew I had a brother, but he was a black void in my memory, a void full of what-ifs and childish hopes. My mother had never talked about him, and I couldn’t remember anything about him. The only thing I knew was that he was two years older than me.

  Major leaned back in the chair. “I can’t tell you. But I hope for his sake that he has a useful Variation, or Abel would have gotten rid of him by now.” He said it like a mechanic might talk about a defective car.

  I held on to the backrest of the chair in front of me. I wasn’t sure if my legs were going to hold me for much longer. This was all too much to take in. “You really think he’d kill his own son?”

  “Oh yes. If you knew Abel as well as I do, you’d believe it too.”

  How well did Major know Abel? How much wasn’t he telling me?

  “What about my mother? Did she know about Abel?”

  “Your mother has always been weak. Exactly the kind of woman people like Abel prey on. She was under his spell. He knew what he was doing. And then he knew when she was no longer of any use to him.” There was a hint of emotion in his voice that I couldn’t place.

  “But I still don’t get why you kept it a secret? I deserve to know about my family,” I said.

  “I knew it would only bring you grief if you found out.” Since when did Major care so much about the emotional welfare of others? He was a highly rational man who didn’t let emotions get in the way of what he thought was necessary.

  “Sir, I know the man who kidnapped Holly mistook her for me. But if they know who I am—if they know about my eyes—why would they take her?”

  “In the confusion of the attack, mistakes can happen. And since they know about your Variation, eye color isn’t really something they could trust. Plus the chaos likely made it hard to look very closely. You could have been anyone in the auditorium. If they saw Holly’s appearance flicker, they could have easily mistaken her for you.”

  Major folded his hands. “We should also consider the possibility that they took Holly as bait. They know they can’t ever be sure you are who you are, but Holly is your best friend, and they might hope that you’re going to be part of the mission to rescue her. That would lead you straight into their arms. But this is just speculation.”

  “But if Abel realizes I’m not going to look for her, and if we aren’t able to find her right away, what will they do to her?”

  “I have agents who are working incessantly on finding Holly and the other missing agents, Tessa. We are doing the absolute best we can.”

  That didn’t answer my question. “Will they hurt her?” The mere thought made my hands shake.

  “Her invisibility is a useful talent; she’s worth keeping around. I don’t think Abel will harm her. If Holly is smart, she’ll pretend to go along with whatever he asks of her.” Major’s tone was indifferent. It was clear that this topic wasn’t his main concern.

  “I want to help. Let me search for her,” I pleaded.

  Major rose. “No, Tessa. I can’t allow that. Didn’t you hear what I just told you? That’s exactly what they want.” I had to bite my lip to stop myself from saying I didn’t care if this was a trick to lure me into their trap. I needed to save Holly; that was all that mattered.

  “Abel will stop at nothing to get his hands on you, and if he does, you’re lost. There are people in his army who would twist your mind. And if they couldn’t get you to work for them, they’d kill you. You can’t help Holly if you’re dead. If you get yourself captured, you’d only make things worse for all of us. You can’t leave headquarters until things have calmed down.” The phone rang, but Major kept his gaze trained on me. “You understand that, don’t you?”

  I swallowed before I nodded. “Yes.” But I wasn’t sure I did. Right now, it felt like I didn’t understand anything. Major picked up the phone. I knew this was my clue to leave and that our conversation was over.

  Slowly I walked out of his office and closed the door. Alec was already waiting in the corridor. Had he followed me?

  Alec pushed himself away from the wall he’d been leaning against. “What did he say?”

  “He confirmed that Abel is my father and demanded I stay in headquarters. He doesn’t want me to help rescue Holly.”

  Alec wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Maybe you should listen. Major has fought against Abel’s Army for many years. He knows what he’s doing. You can’t help Holly by putting yourself in danger.” It was almost exactly what Major had said.

  He and Major, they always acted like they had my best interest at heart, but I couldn’t ignore the fact that they had lied to me twice. And they weren’t just small fibs. They were huge, earthshattering lies. How could I be sure that they’d told me everything? How could I trust them to tell the truth this time?

  “I’m tired,” I said. It wasn’t true. I was physically exhausted, but my mind was wide-awake. I wanted to get away from Alec’s piercing eyes. From the way my body yearned to be close to him, despite my mind’s warnings.

  Alec’s brows dipped. “Are you sure you don’t want some company? Maybe you shouldn’t be alone right now.” His face was so full of concern, it made me want to acquiesce. I shook my head and slipped out of his embrace. “No, really, I need some time to myself.” The weak part of me wanted to snuggle against his chest and let him whisper soothing lies into my ears, but I was tired of being lied to—even if it was to protect me. I needed to know the truth about Abel’s Army and, more importantly, about me. And from the look in Alec’s eyes, I was pretty sure he knew. If I asked him to go against Major’s order to help me save Holly, maybe he’d do it. But first I needed to find out what was really going on. Alec took a hesitant step toward me until our chests were almost touching. I gave him a small smile, and he took it as permission to plant a soft kiss on my lips. I relaxed into his embrace and allowed myself to forget everything for just a moment—the lies, the hurt, Holly. Alec was there for me—he had always been and would always be.

  “I meant what I said yesterday, you know? I love you.”

  I touched his cheek briefly. “I know.” Disappointment flickered across his face. Before the conversation could go any further, I turned around and walked away. Maybe he’d expected me to say it back. But I couldn’t do it. I did love him, there was no doubt about it. I’d loved him for a long time, but in the last few days, in the last few hours even, so much had happened that had shaken me and made me doubt the world I thought I knew. I needed time. And I needed to reveal the real dimension of secrets, because I had an inkling that Major hadn’t told me the truth, not even half of it. He was probably the only one who knew the full extent of things. And there was only one way to find it out. I would become him.

  CHAPTER 12

  I waited for nightfall before I headed down to the laundry. I took the stairs down to the ground floor and then walked all the way to the back of the complex, to the swimming hall. The laundry room was right next to it, so the wet towels didn’t have to travel a long way.

  The black letters on the white door were chipped and faded. I looked around before I pressed down the handle and slipped inside. I stared into the darkness and carefully slid the door shut before I felt the wall for a switch. The stench of bleach, detergent, and starch crept into my nose. After a few seconds, the room was bathed in bright light from the halogen lamp on the ceiling. My eyes stung. After the time in the dark on my w
ay here, they had to get used to the sudden intrusion of light.

  It was only my second time in the laundry. The last time had been almost two years ago, a few months after my arrival. I’d forgotten a photo in the pocket of my jeans—the only remaining photo I’d had left of my mother and me from my childhood. The woman who worked in the laundry had watched me with wide eyes while I’d searched everywhere for the photo, but I hadn’t found it. Of course, the woman wasn’t there now. Heaps of dirty clothes stood piled in front of the five huge washing machines on the naked concrete floor. In the corner with the ironing boards—Major thought a mechanical press didn’t do a good job—I spotted a batch of freshly pressed white shirts, and beside those was a row of suits and uniforms on hangers. I grabbed one that I recognized as Major’s, along with a white shirt. Then I spotted Holly’s pink shirt with Ernie and Bert as a gay couple emblazoned on the front on top of a pile of clothes. I picked it up and pressed it to my nose, as if it would smell of her perfume. But all I could smell was the freshness of detergent. I considered putting it back down, but then added it to the stash of Major’s clothes over my arm and headed for the door. I turned the light off before I peeked out into the corridor. Everything was dark and silent. I crept out and gently clicked the door shut behind me.

  My bare feet were noiseless as I tiptoed past the entrance to the swimming hall. A wave of chlorine smell entered my nose, and I froze. Why hadn’t I noticed it on my way to the laundry? Holding my breath, I inched toward the glass door. It was ajar. Someone must have left it open. A dark shape appeared behind the door. I stumbled back, swallowing the scream that rose into my throat.

  The door glided open, and the shape moved away. It was too dark to make out much, but when he came closer, I recognized Devon’s blond hair. “Tessa?” he whispered. I was glad that he had the sense to keep his voice down.

  “Yes,” I answered. I moved very close to get a better sense of his reactions, but it was too dark to make out more than the white of his eyes. “What are you doing here?”

  “I don’t sleep very well, since . . .” He trailed off. He didn’t need to say it. I knew his sister’s death kept him awake at night. “I was taking a swim.”

  “In the dark?” I asked.

  “I didn’t want anyone to see me and ask questions.”

  I reached out to discover whether his hair was wet, but I misjudged how close we were, and my fingers brushed his naked chest. He sucked in a breath while mine caught in my throat. I snatched my hand back, feeling my cheeks heat, glad that he couldn’t see it. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled.

  “You thought I was lying,” he said. There was a hint of amusement in his voice.

  “Sorry,” I repeated. My fingertips still tingled from the touch. “I should probably head back to my room.”

  “Hey,” Devon said quietly. His warm hand touched my shoulder, and I was acutely aware that I didn’t know what exactly he was wearing. I glanced down, but I couldn’t make out much. “You didn’t tell me why you’re sneaking around in the dark yet.”

  I hesitated. “There’s something I need to find out, and I have to do it in private.”

  “I won’t tell anyone,” he said. “Will you tell me what you’re looking for?”

  “I can’t right now. But maybe later.”

  “Okay,” he whispered and released my arm. “Good luck then. Sleep tight.”

  “Thanks. Maybe later,” I repeated with a smile before I hurried away. I wondered if his dimples had shown during our conversation. And as soon as I did, I wanted to kick myself for that thought. I should have been worried that Devon had caught me sneaking around. But he hadn’t seen Major’s clothes, and somehow I knew that even if he had, Devon wouldn’t run to Major and tell him about it.

  Back in my room, I hastily put on the stiff white shirt and the rest of the uniform before I let the rippling wash over me and changed into Major’s appearance. For a moment I stared at my reflection. Physically, I was identical, but something about the way I held my mouth wasn’t quite right. Maybe I wasn’t bitter enough to carry off Major’s expression. Not yet, at least. The next part of my mission was the trickier part. I wasn’t sure about the security measures Major had put in place and what I’d have to do to overcome them. I decided against taking the elevator down beyond the basement. It was off-limits at certain times of day, and it was quite possible that an alarm would inform Major if someone pressed a button that led there after-hours.

  My breathing was slow and even as I descended to the floors that lay belowground. I became calmer the closer I got to the restricted parts. Maybe because no matter what lay before me, I was finally getting closer to the truth.

  When I arrived on the floor marked −2, I hesitated before the huge metal door. This was it. The ultimate breach of rules. If I got caught, I’d get in serious trouble. Surprisingly, the door wasn’t locked when I turned the handle. I strode through the hall. The floor was bare, uncoated concrete. The white of the walls had grayed over the years, and cobwebs crowded the ceiling and corners. Even the cleaning personnel didn’t have access to this part of the building.

  At least a dozen metal doors led to catacomb rooms I’d never set foot in. Which was the right one? It would take me weeks to search them all. But then I spotted the door at the end of the hall. A red light was blinking beside it—the only door with that level of security. I hurried toward it. The red light was coming from a small square box equipped with a fingerprint reader and an eye scanner. As Major, that would be a piece of cake for me. But the accompanying keypad could turn out to be a problem. I pressed my fingers—Major’s fingers—against the touch pad, and a moment later the outline of my hand glowed green. “Accepted” flashed across the screen above my hand. My fingertips tingled when I removed them from the touchpad. A mechanic female voice instructed me to use the eye scanner next. I froze and looked around, as if someone could have heard it, though everyone was sleeping several floors above me.

  I brought my eyes in line with the two red lasers so they could read them. I had to force myself not to blink as the red flashed across my pupils. My eyes started to water from keeping them wide open. After a moment it flashed green, and the voice rang out again, asking for the four-digit password.

  My fingers hovered over the keypad. I had no clue what the password might be. Major wasn’t the type to use his birthday. Maybe some random numbers? But that would probably go against Major’s sense of order. And would he really be that careful? Would Major expect anyone in headquarters to have the audacity to walk down here and try to break in? Without access to his fingerprints and eye shape, there weren’t many people who could have done it. Actually, there was only me. I rested my fingers on the keys and then entered 1948, the year when the FEA was officially founded. I held my breath while “Processing” flashed on the screen, and released a sigh of relief when the green light flashed and I could hear the lock open.

  I walked into the storage room and closed the door behind me before I turned on the light. Dust tingled in my nose, and the smell of old paper and musty staleness filled the air. There were rows upon rows of gray metal file cabinets in the room. A fine coat of dust covered everything. An aisle of maybe three feet was left in the middle for walking. I ran my eyes over the tags on each drawer, lingering on one named “Mallard.” That was Tanner’s last name. I didn’t recognize the others, but it seemed the drawers weren’t sorted by alphabet. Almost at the end of the aisle was one with “Abel Crane” written on a tag, and the one immediately next to it was labeled “Heather Crane.” I did a double take. Heather was my mother’s name. I stared at the tag for a moment. Crane. Was that my real last name? My mother and I had changed our names so often, I didn’t even know my real last name. She’d always refused to reveal it to me. Tags with different last names followed after those two drawers—various names my mother and I had used over the years—with the estimated period of time when we had used them. So the F
EA had kept tabs on us—on me. Sure enough, the last drawer in the line was labeled “Tessa Crane.”

  I was about to go straight to that one when I noticed the fine print under the names. Below my mother’s name was a tag that said “Volatile.” I couldn’t move. Volatile? That was a term used to describe Variants who were labeled a risk because they were either prone to mental illness or because they’d lost control of their Variation. I’d never seen my mother display any kind of extraordinary talent, and she had never mentioned anything to me—nor had Major, even after I’d directly asked him about my father. Another lie—or, as Major would probably call it, an omission.

  I opened the drawer and pulled the first file out. The cardboard was soft and creased from use, as if someone had held it and opened it many times. I cracked it open and peered down at the yellowed pages. My eyes flew over the letters, drinking it all in. It said that my mother’s Variation was regeneration. I had to pause for a second to let that sink in. My mother was a Variant, just like me. And yet she’d hated me for what I was.

  Regeneration. Her cells could repair themselves, she didn’t ever have to grow old. It had been more than two years since I’d seen her, but I knew that she’d had wrinkles and crow’s-feet. My eyes scanned the page. It said she’d joined the FEA when she was fifteen and had lived in headquarters for twenty years following that. That didn’t make sense. She’d been in her midtwenties when she had me, and I definitely hadn’t been born at headquarters. That could only mean she’d used her Variation to make herself appear younger.

  What had happened then? Had she joined Abel’s Army? Did Abel’s Army even exist then? Or had she and my father lived together as a family? I was about to pull out the next page and read what was written there when a distant noise made me pause. A soft whirring, like the sound of the elevator. It was moving up. Someone had called it. If someone was looking for me, that didn’t give me much time, and I still hadn’t looked into my father’s and my files. I slid the file back into its slot and closed the drawer before I moved on to the one with Abel’s name on the front. My hands shook as I pulled it open, and for a moment I was scared to take a look. But the thought of helping Holly gave me strength. I needed to find out as much about Abel’s Army as possible. I grabbed the first folder. Taking a deep breath, I swung it open and stared at a photo of my mother and me—the same photo that I thought I’d lost more than two years ago. How had it gotten into the file? Anger bubbled up inside me. The laundry lady must have found it and taken it to Major, who had decided to keep it. Or maybe he’d stolen it from my room in the first place. But why?