Fairy Tales from the Brothers Grimm

by Philip Pullman

  ‘Well, what a hero I am!’ he said. ‘I’d better let the town know about this right away.’

  He seized his scissors and quickly cut out a sash of crimson silk, and sewed on it in big letters of gold: ‘SEVEN WITH ONE BLOW!’

  He put it on and looked in the mirror.

  ‘The town?’ he thought. ‘The whole world must know about this!’

  And his heart skipped for joy like a lamb’s tail wagging. Before he set off to show the world, he looked around for something to take with him, but he could find only a bowl of cream cheese. He scooped that up and put it in his pocket, and ran downstairs and off through the streets. Outside the town gate he found a bird caught in a bush, and he put that in his pocket too. Then off he marched to see the world.

  He was light and agile, so he didn’t tire easily. He followed the road all the way to the top of a mountain, and there he found a giant sitting on a rock taking his ease and admiring the view.

  The little tailor marched up to him and said, ‘Good morning, friend! Are you out to see the world? That’s what I’m up to. How about joining forces and going along together?’

  The giant looked at the little fellow with deep scorn. ‘You, you pipsqueak! You, you runt! Join forces with an insect like you?’

  ‘Oh, is that what you think?’ said the tailor, and unbuttoned his coat to show his sash. ‘This’ll show you the kind of man I am.’

  The giant carefully spelt it out letter by letter: ‘SEVEN WITH ONE BLOW!’ And then his eyes opened wide.

  ‘Respect!’ he said. But he felt he still ought to test this fellow, so he went on: ‘You may have killed seven men with one blow, but that’s no great feat, if they were all little mice like you. Let’s see how strong you are. Can you do this?’

  And he picked up a stone and squeezed it until his hand was trembling and his face was bright red and the veins were standing out on his head. He squeezed the stone so hard that he even managed to squeeze a few drops of water out of it.

  ‘Let’s see you do that, if you have the strength!’ he said.

  ‘Is that all?’ said the little tailor. ‘Nothing to it. Watch this.’

  And he took the cream cheese out of his pocket and squeezed that. Of course the cheese was full of whey, and it was soon dripping down all over the tailor’s hand and on to the ground.

  ‘That was better than your effort,’ he said.

  The giant scratched his head. ‘Well,’ he said. ‘Umm. All right then. Try this.’

  He picked up another stone and threw it as high as he could. The stone went so high that it almost disappeared.

  ‘Not bad,’ said the little tailor, ‘but look, here it comes down again. I can do better than that.’

  He took the bird out of his pocket and threw it up into the air, and as soon as the bird felt its freedom, it flew upwards and vanished.

  ‘When I throw something into the air, it never comes down,’ he said. ‘What d’you think of that, my extra-large friend?’

  ‘Umm,’ said the giant. ‘Well, you can squeeze and you can throw. But here comes the real test: let’s see what you can carry.’

  He led the little tailor to the edge of the forest, where a great oak tree had just been cut down.

  ‘Help me carry this,’ the giant said.

  ‘With pleasure. You take the trunk and I’ll carry the leaves and the twigs, which are heavier anyway, as everyone knows.’

  The giant bent down and held his breath and then hoisted the trunk on to his shoulder. Seeing that the giant couldn’t look behind, the little tailor jumped up and sat himself comfortably among the leaves, whistling ‘Three Tailors Bold Rode Out One Day’, while the giant staggered along the path carrying the whole weight of the tree on his shoulder.

  The giant couldn’t go very far, because it was a huge tree, and pretty soon he came to a stop.

  ‘Hey, listen! I can’t go any further,’ he called out, and the tailor jumped down quickly before he could turn round, and took hold of a bunch of leaves and twigs with both arms, as if he’d just been carrying them.

  ‘A big fellow like you,’ he said, ‘and you can’t even manage half a tree? Dear oh dear, you need some exercise.’

  They walked on a little way until they came to a cherry tree. The giant took hold of the topmost branches and pulled them down low, showing the tailor the ripest fruit.

  ‘Just hold on to this for a moment while I take a stone out of my shoe,’ he said, and the tailor took hold of the branch. When the giant let go, the branch shot back up, and the tailor, not being heavy enough to hold it down, was whisked up into the air.

  But he was agile, and he was lucky enough to fall on a grassy bank where he could tumble down without hurting himself. He even managed to turn a neat somersault and end up on his feet.

  ‘Not strong enough to hold it down!’ said the giant. ‘Ha!’

  ‘Not at all,’ said the tailor. ‘A man who’s killed seven with one blow can hold any number of trees down. The fact is that those hunters over there were about to shoot into the thicket, and I thought I’d better get out of the way. I bet you can’t jump as high as I did. Have a try, go on.’

  The giant took a run-up and tried, but he had a lot of weight to get off the ground, and he crashed into the top of the cherry tree and ended up tangled in the branches. So the little tailor won that contest too.

  ‘Well,’ said the giant, when he had clambered down to the ground again, ‘if you think you’re such a hero, come and spend the night in our cave. I live with a couple of other giants, and we’re not easily impressed, I can tell you.’

  The tailor agreed with pleasure, and they set off for the cave. It was dark when they got there, and the two other giants were sitting next to a blazing fire. Each of them had a whole roast sheep in his hands, and was gnawing at it vigorously, with horrible grinding sucking noises.

  The little tailor looked around. ‘It’s a lot bigger than my workshop,’ he said. ‘Where am I going to sleep?’

  His giant showed him a gigantic bed. The tailor climbed up and lay down, but he couldn’t get comfortable, so while the giants were mumbling together by the fire he climbed down and tucked himself up in a corner of the cave.

  At midnight the first giant, thinking that the little tailor was asleep, took a massive club and with one blow smashed the bed in half.

  ‘That’ll squash that grasshopper,’ he thought.

  Early next morning the giants woke up and lumbered off into the woods. They’d completely forgotten about the little tailor. But he’d woken up bright and cheerful, and he came skipping after them, whistling and singing, and when they saw him they were struck with terror.

  ‘He’s alive!’

  ‘Help!’

  ‘Run for your life!’

  And off they ran.

  ‘Well, so much for giants,’ said the tailor to himself. ‘Let’s go and look for another adventure.’

  Following his nose, he wandered here and there for several days, until he came to a splendid palace. Flags were flying, soldiers were changing guard, and the tailor sat down on a grassy bank to admire it all. Feeling sleepy, he lay down and closed his eyes, and in a moment he was fast asleep.

  While he slept, several passers-by caught sight of his crimson sash with the gold letters saying: ‘SEVEN WITH ONE BLOW!’ And they started talking:

  ‘He must be a great hero!’

  ‘But what’s he doing here?’

  ‘This is a time of peace, after all.’

  ‘I’m sure he’s a duke or something. Look at the nobility in his face.’

  ‘No, I reckon he’s a man of the people, but he’s certainly seen combat. You can see his proud military bearing, even in his sleep.’

  ‘Seven with one blow – imagine!’

  ‘We’d better tell
the king.’

  ‘That’s a good idea. Let’s go right away!’

  A group of them immediately sought an audience with the king, who listened with close attention. If the worst should happen and war were to break out, they said, at all costs they should try and obtain the services of this hero.

  ‘You’re absolutely right,’ said the king, and called for the chief of the defence staff. ‘Go and wait till that gentleman wakes up,’ the king told him, ‘and offer him the post of field marshal. We can’t afford to let any other kingdom get his services.’

  The chief of the defence staff went and waited by the little tailor until he woke up.

  ‘His majesty would like to offer you the post of field marshal,’ he said, ‘with immediate command over the whole army.’

  ‘That’s exactly why I’m here!’ said the little tailor. ‘I’m ready and willing to enter the service of the king, and all my valour is at his disposal.’

  A guard of honour was formed, and the little tailor was received with great ceremonial, and given his own apartment in the palace. He was also allowed to design his own uniform.

  However, the soldiers he was going to command were very doubtful about the whole thing.

  ‘Suppose he takes a dislike to us?’

  ‘Or suppose he gives us commands we don’t like, and we try and argue with him?’

  ‘Yes! He can kill seven of us with one blow. We’re just ordinary soldiers. We can’t fight against someone like that.’

  They talked about it in the barracks, and sent a delegation to the king.

  ‘Your majesty, we ask to be released from your service! We can’t stand up to a man who can kill seven of us with one blow. He’s a weapon of mass destruction!’

  ‘Let me think about it,’ said the king.

  He was dismayed by the situation. To lose all his faithful soldiers just because of one man! But if he tried to get rid of the little tailor, who knew what would happen? The tailor might kill him and all the army, and then set himself up on the throne.

  He thought long and hard about it, and finally had an idea. He sent for the little tailor and said: ‘Field marshal, I have a task that only you can perform. A great hero like you won’t refuse, I’m sure. In one of my forests there’s a pair of giants who are running riot through all the countryside, robbing, murdering, plundering, burning houses, and I don’t know what else. No one dares go near them for fear of their life. Now if you can get rid of these giants, I’ll give you my daughter in marriage, and half the kingdom besides for a dowry. And you can have a hundred horsemen to back you up.’

  ‘That’s the sort of offer I’ve been waiting for,’ thought the little tailor. ‘Your majesty, I accept the task with pleasure!’ he said. ‘I know how to deal with giants. But I don’t need the horsemen. Anyone who has killed seven with one blow doesn’t need to be afraid of two.’

  So he set off, and he let the hundred horsemen come too, just for the sake of display. When they came to the edge of the forest, he said to them, ‘You wait here. I’ll deal with the giants, and when it’s safe to come in, I’ll call you.’

  The little tailor marched boldly into the forest, looking this way and that. He soon found the giants. They were both asleep under an oak tree, snoring so hard that they blew the branches up and down. The tailor didn’t waste a moment. He filled his pockets with stones, climbed the tree and clambered out on to a branch till he was directly above the giants.

  Then he dropped one stone after another on to the chest of one of the sleepers. The giant didn’t feel anything at first, but at last he woke up and clouted his companion.

  ‘What d’you think you’re doing, throwing stones at me?’

  ‘I’m not throwing stones!’ said the other giant. ‘You’re dreaming.’

  They fell asleep again, and the tailor started throwing stones at the second giant, who woke up and thumped the first one.

  ‘Oy! Stop doing that!’

  ‘I’m not doing anything! What are you talking about?’

  They grumbled a bit, but they were tired after all their plundering and pillaging, and they soon fell asleep again. So the little tailor chose his largest stone, and took careful aim, and hit the first giant right on the nose.

  He woke with a roar. ‘That’s too much!’ he shouted. ‘I’m not putting up with this a moment longer!’

  And he shoved the other giant so hard against the tree that it shook. The little tailor clung on tight so as not to fall off, and then he watched as the two giants set about each other in earnest. They thumped and bashed and kicked and walloped, and finally they were so angry that they both pulled up trees and hit each other with them so hard that they both fell dead at the same moment.

  The little tailor jumped down. ‘Good thing they didn’t pull this tree up,’ he thought. ‘I’d have had to skip out like a squirrel. But my family have always been light on their feet.’

  He drew his sword and gave each giant a good few slices around the chest, and then he went back to the horsemen waiting outside.

  ‘It’s all done,’ he said. ‘I finished them both off. It was hot work for a minute or so, because they pulled up trees to try and defend themselves, but it didn’t do them any good. I can kill seven with one blow.’

  ‘You’re not hurt?’

  ‘No, not a scratch. Well, my jacket’s a bit torn – see that. Go and have a look at the giants’ bodies if you don’t believe me.’

  The horsemen rode in, and found the two giants just as he’d said, lying in their own blood with uprooted trees all around them.

  So the little tailor went back to the king, expecting the reward. But the king had had time to think about it, and he regretted promising his daughter to this man, who might be dangerous, after all.

  ‘Before I give you my daughter and half my kingdom,’ he said, ‘there’s another task that calls for a hero. In the woods there’s a frightful rhinoceros that’s causing all sorts of damage, and I want you to capture it.’

  ‘Nothing to it, your majesty,’ said the little tailor. ‘One rhinoceros is even less trouble than two giants.’

  He took an axe and a coil of rope, and marched off to the woods, once again telling the regiment that had come with him to wait behind. It didn’t take him long to find the rhinoceros. It came charging towards him with its horn out in front as if it wanted to spear him through, but he just stood quite still until the beast was only a yard or so away, and then he skipped aside. Right behind him was a tree. The rhinoceros ran straight into it, and its horn stuck fast.

  ‘Well, my pretty little beast,’ said the tailor, ‘you’re caught now, aren’t you?’

  He tied the rope around its neck and then chopped away at the tree with the axe until the horn came free again. The rhinoceros was quite docile by this time, and it let him lead it tamely out of the woods.

  He took it into the palace and presented it to the king.

  ‘Ah,’ said the king. ‘Well. H’mm. There is just one more thing. Before you marry my daughter I’d like you to capture a wild boar that’s digging up a lot of orchards and farms and things. I’ll send the huntsmen along to help.’

  ‘Oh, I won’t need any huntsmen,’ said the little tailor, which pleased the huntsmen, because they’d come across the boar a good few times and had no wish to do so again. They came with him, however, for the sake of show, and stayed outside the woods playing dice until he was ready to lead them back again.

  There was a little chapel in the woods. The tailor went there and waited till the boar came near, knowing it would catch his scent and charge. Soon the great beast came smashing its way through the undergrowth and charged right at him, foaming at the mouth and gnashing its razor-sharp tusks. As soon as he saw it, the tailor ran into the chapel, and of course the boar charged in after him.

  But the tailor jumped ou
t of the window and ran round to shut the door before the boar could work out where he’d gone. And there it was, caught. The huntsmen gave him a round of applause and blew their horns as they accompanied him back to the palace.

  The hero went and told the king, who had to keep his promise at last, whether he wanted to or not. So the wedding was arranged with great splendour but little joy, and the tailor became a king.

  A little while later the young queen heard her husband call out in the night: ‘Boy! Hurry up with that jacket, and patch the trousers, or I’ll clout you round the ears with a yardstick.’

  Next morning she went to her father. ‘Daddy,’ she said, ‘I think my husband’s nothing but a common tailor,’ and she told him what she’d heard the tailor call out in his dream.

  ‘D’you know, I suspected something of the sort,’ said the king. ‘This is what we’ll do. Leave your bedroom door unlocked tonight, and my servants will wait outside. As soon as he falls asleep, you tiptoe out and tell them, and they’ll come in and tie him up and put him on a ship that’ll take him all the way to China.’

  That sounded like a good plan to the young queen. However, the king’s little sword-bearer, who greatly admired the tailor, had heard everything, and he ran to tell the tailor the whole plot.

  ‘I’ll deal with that,’ said the tailor. ‘You leave it to me.’

  That night he went to bed at the usual time, and when his wife thought he was asleep, she tiptoed to the door. But the tailor, who was only pretending to be asleep, called out in a loud voice: ‘Boy! Make that jacket, and hurry up and patch the trousers, or I’ll crack the yardstick around your ears! I’ve slaughtered seven with one blow, killed two giants, tamed a wild rhinoceros, and captured the wild boar, and I’m supposed to be afraid of a few quivering servants standing outside the bedroom!’

  When the servants heard that, they were so terrified that they turned and ran as if the Wild Hunt was after them. None of them ever dared to go near him again.

  So the little tailor was a king, and he stayed a king for the rest of his days.