“We’ve always lived on the East Coast,” she reminded them. “We could try the West Coast! Maybe go to California? Disneyland is there. We could move close to it and be able to go all the time! Wouldn’t that be fun?” Desperation was starting to set in. “Or maybe we could go to Texas and you could be cowboys! How cool would that be?”
“But what about Rob?” Joseph asked. “Why do we have to move away from him? He’s been really cool to us and I just thought that…that…” He looked away. He quickly stood and tried to walk away.
“You thought what, baby?” she prompted, reaching a hand out to stop him before he could move. He looked at her with tears in his big, brown eyes.
“I just thought you guys were getting along great and that we could stay here with Rob and maybe he could be our new dad.”
Nothing could have braced Jordan for that statement. Dammit! This was exactly what she had feared when she’d first invited Rob to join them for dinner, and here it was becoming a reality. How did she explain to a child the complexity of a relationship she didn’t even understand? How could she make a twelve-year-old understand his mother was too afraid of messing up again to take a chance on a relationship when she couldn’t clearly rationalize it herself?
“We were getting along, Joe, but we can’t just assume he’d want to marry me and become a dad. Things like that just don’t happen overnight.” Oh, but they did. “We can see Rob again without living here, you know.”
“No we won’t. We’ll move away and then we’ll get busy and so will he, and next thing you know, he’ll forget all about us. Just like Dad did.”
Her heart lodged in her throat at Joseph’s words. There was so much truth and wisdom in them that Jordan wanted to cry out in frustration. This isn’t fair!
“I am so sorry, guys. I’ve made a mess of everything,” she admitted sadly. “I keep thinking I’m doing the right thing for us but it all keeps turning out wrong.” She stood and walked to the sink to get herself a glass of water; her head felt ready to explode. Glass in hand, she turned to grab the bottle of ibuprofen and hoped it would magically work immediately when the room began to tilt and spin.
Jordan blindly reached out for the countertop to steady herself but missed her mark. The last thing she heard before everything went black was the terrified screams of her sons.
“Mom!”
* * *
The light is too bright.
That was the first thought that registered in Jordan’s mind sometime later as her eyes began their attempt to flutter open. Her head was pounding and even the hushed voices around her sounded as loud as a marching band parading through her head.
With eyes tightly closed because the light had been too hard to handle, Jordan raised a hand to where her head hurt the most. There was a lump there and just touching it lightly made her wince.
“Easy now,” came a soothing voice. “Don’t touch that. We’ll get you some ice.”
Was that Rob’s voice?
Forcing her eyes to open, Jordan looked over and saw Rob sitting beside her. Before she could say anything, a nurse appeared on her other side, hovering over her and asking her a bunch of questions, which Jordan answered to the best of her ability. Irritably, she wished the nurse would just shut up.
“What’s going on?” Jordan finally asked. It even hurt her head to hear her own whispered words. Joseph stepped toward her, his face full of worry.
“You fainted, Mom,” he said through teary eyes. “You hit your head real bad on the counter and you were bleeding. I called 9-1-1 and then Rob and…and…” He started to cry again. He looked terrified, and Rob walked over and placed a reassuring arm around him.
Jordan looked over at Rob and he nodded somberly in agreement at Joseph’s words. Jordan drank in the sight of him but couldn’t get him to quite meet her eyes. Before she could say anything, the nurse started bustling about again.
Just listening to Joseph recount the story had Rob’s heart racing. When he had answered his cell phone earlier and had seen Jordan’s number on the caller ID, he’d felt more alive than he had since driving away from her bungalow that fateful night. But once he’d answered and heard the boy’s frantic voice… It was a feeling he never wanted to experience again. He was in his car and driving toward the bungalow before Joseph had a chance to finish telling him all that had happened. And when he had arrived and seen Jordan bleeding on the ground… He had never known such fear. He was afraid to move her and cursed every moment until the EMTs arrived.
“What is the last thing you remember, Mrs. Manning?” the nurse asked, interrupting Rob’s thoughts.
“The boys and I were sitting around the table and talking. I had a headache. I got up to get some water and ibuprofen and…that’s the last thing I can remember,” she said solemnly. Rob took her hand in his and held it firmly, his expression grim. Jordan felt a little hope in that one simple gesture.
Simply nodding at Jordan’s words, the nurse turned toward Rob. “Do you have the number for your wife’s doctor back home?” Before Rob could even register the question, she went on, “It would be helpful for us if we knew the extent of her injuries. Your son mentioned she’s suffered from dizzy spells before but, as you can imagine, there are dozens of reasons why a person can get dizzy. Have you noticed an increase in these spells since the accident?”
He knew his jaw was moving, but no words came out. Looking at Jordan, he silently willed her to step in and fill in the blanks. The feeling of helplessness was beginning to grate on his nerves.
She waited to see if Rob would correct the nurse, but luckily that subject got glossed over. Knowing he had no idea of the extent of her medical issues, she knew she’d have to be the one to answer all the questions, even though just whispering caused her great pain.
“If I stand up too quickly or sometimes when I step out into the sunlight, I get a bit dizzy, but I haven’t noticed it happening much until the last week or so,” Jordan said quietly. “This is the first time it happened along with a headache.”
Another simple nod. “The doctor will be in to see you shortly but we’re going to keep you overnight for observation,” the nurse stated as she made some notes on Jordan’s chart.
“No. No, really, I’m fine. I can’t stay here overnight. I have children and…” She tried to sit up but a firm hand on her shoulder eased her back down.
“It’s all being taken care of, Jordan,” Rob said softly. “I called Laura from the car earlier as we followed the ambulance and she’s on her way. I’ll stay with the boys until she gets here.”
Jordan stared at him helplessly, her brown eyes huge. He looked and smelled wonderful and just the sight of him had made her feel better. She didn’t want to be here in the hospital. The last time she had to stay in one was after her accident, and just the thought of being in one again filled her with anxiety. Couldn’t they see that?
There was nothing she wanted more in this world than to go home with Rob. As much as she loved her sister, it wasn’t Laura she wanted taking care of her. If she could just convince them to release her, maybe she could regain control of the situation to her benefit and Rob would be forced to talk to her and hear her out.
Unfortunately, it was not to be. Her eyes begged him not to leave her here, even if it was only overnight, but Rob’s attention was now focused on talking with the nurse. She continued to drink in the sight of him and if she could get his attention for just a minute, Jordan was sure she could get him to see how pointless it was for her to stay.
Jake and Joseph came to stand beside her, their little faces tear-streaked and full of worry.
“I’m fine, guys. Really,” she reassured them with more confidence than she actually felt. They would be okay as long as they knew she was fine. So no matter how much Jordan did not want to be there, no matter how badly she wanted to kick, scream, cry, and demand not to have to stay overnight, she w
ould let her children believe she was okay with the whole thing. “I’ll be home tomorrow and you get to hang out with Aunt Laura in the meantime. That should be fun, right?” It was important that they see their mom was positive with the situation. There was no need to make them feel any more anxiety than they already were.
Both boys nodded their heads, their expressions serious. “I don’t want you to worry. Everything is going to be fine, okay?” Again they nodded and Rob walked back over and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. They leaned into him and Jordan had to close her eyes. The sight of the three of them like that reminded her of what she’d always wanted. The reality was he was here because he’d been forced to be. Joseph had called him and he didn’t want to make a twelve-year-old handle this mess all by himself.
If he had well and truly wanted to be with her, with them, he wouldn’t have needed an emergency call to bring him back. The fact that he wouldn’t even make eye contact with her hurt more than the bump on her head.
That thought caused Jordan to grimace. “Are you okay? Should I get the nurse?” Rob asked, his own voice shaking with anxiety.
“No, please. I’m fine,” Jordan responded weakly. There was no way she wanted that damn chatty nurse hovering over her again. Experience had taught her she’d have a night full of hovering nurses ahead of her, so why invite one here now?
“Why don’t you go ahead and take the boys home? There’s no point in hanging around here waiting for me to get moved to a room. Sometimes it can take hours.” She looked down at her hands, unable to look at Rob’s handsome face and see everything she wanted but could not have. “Sorry you had to get dragged into this mess. Hopefully, Laura will get here soon and you’ll be able to get back to your own life. She’s a pro at looking after us.”
Rob looked at her, his expression closed. Taking a deep breath, he nodded his head. “Give your mom a kiss, guys, and let’s get out of here so the nurses can get her to her room and she can rest.”
The boys obeyed his command, and Jordan watched Rob usher them out of the room. They each waved to her as they walked through the door.
Rob didn’t look back at her or say good-bye. She closed her eyes to hold back the tears.
* * *
Never before had Rob been in a situation like this one; part of him wanted to call Claudia and have the boys spend the night with her and her family because leaving Jordan alone in the hospital made his whole body tighten with anxiety. He’d seen the fear on her face when the nurse stated she’d have to stay overnight. Rob might not have been back in Jordan’s life for long, but he knew enough about her recent past to know she was fighting her own demons by being forced to be in a hospital again.
Then there was the fact that he wanted to talk to Jordan and fix everything, but unfortunately, now was not the time. She had fainted and no one seemed to know why, so for him to stand there and demand that she listen to him so that he could feel better would be beyond selfish.
Looking over his shoulder at the two boys in the backseat of his car upset him the most. They looked utterly devastated and lost. How many times had they had to sit back and have someone else take care of them since Jordan’s accident? They must be used to it by now, but that didn’t make it right and it didn’t mean it was a good thing.
A lone tear slowly made its way down Jake’s cheek and Rob’s grip tightened on the steering wheel. A quick glance at the dashboard clock showed it would be at least two hours before Jordan’s sister would arrive. He had to do something to lighten their burden and take their minds off what they had witnessed that afternoon.
Making up his mind quickly, he started the engine and plastered a smile on his face before turning and facing the boys.
“Who’s up for some ice cream?” At the sight of their slight smiles, Rob knew he’d walk through hell and back for these boys and nothing was going to stop him doing everything in his power to make sure they never felt alone again.
* * *
Just as she had predicted, the night was unbearable. Nurses woke her every hour or so to check her vitals. How was anyone supposed to get any rest under these circumstances? The only positive point to all these disturbances was it forced Jordan to put her own personal misery aside for brief periods of time while she was poked and prodded by uncaring medical personnel. Right now she’d kill for a sleeping pill that would let her sleep through the next couple of days. Maybe she’d wake up and find out the last week had been a bad dream. That she and Rob hadn’t fought; they were still together, in love, and making plans for the future.
Unfortunately, there were no drugs to dull her senses, and her mind was fully alert to all that was going on and all that had gone on before. None of it brought her any comfort. Thinking back on that night made her ache. She knew she had some lingering control issues. If only she had just responded differently. If she’d had the confidence to engage Rob in a logical conversation, things would be a lot different right now.
Eventually she was going to have to face the reality that Rob was nothing like Eric. She needed to stop letting her ex-husband have this kind of control over her, making her doubt her every move. Jordan knew she was an intelligent woman who was more than capable of taking care of herself and her children. There was going to come a time when she was going to have to learn to trust in herself above all and not let her past keep ruining her future.
As she lay there in the darkened room, her thoughts were of the accident. She remembered how she had been riddled with anxiety over whether she would recover enough to take care of her children on her own and how desperately she’d missed them.
This time around, she had similar concerns, but they were compounded by a broken heart. Jordan felt miserable and alone. Her sons, no doubt, had already gotten their hopes up at seeing Rob again tonight.
Maybe he could explain to them why he wasn’t going to be around in a more diplomatic way than she could. Should she have mentioned that to him? No. The closed expression on his face before he left showed he had no feelings left for her. She had blown it. She had broken his heart for the last time.
She had broken his heart. That thought made her angry. He had no right to claim a broken heart over their initial breakup because it was completely his fault! All she could be guilty of was moving on with her life! Leave it to a man to turn the tables—and shift the focus of blame.
Her emotions and memories seesawed through the night. One moment she was locked in the past, and the next, she was banging her head on the brick wall of reality. By the time the sun was starting to streak through the flimsy window blinds, Jordan knew what she had to do.
As much as it pained her, she would have to return home to Raleigh with Laura; their vacation was over. No matter what diagnosis the doctor came to her with this morning, Jordan did not want to take the chance that something like this would happen again and force her boys to handle it on their own.
Sighing wearily, she closed her eyes and waited for the shift change that would bring a new nurse in to check on her. It was when her body finally accepted the hopeless truth with resignation that Jordan fell into a deep yet dreamless sleep.
* * *
Sometime later, she was awakened again, but this time by a doctor.
“Good morning, Mrs. Manning. It looks like I may have some wonderful news for you!” he beamed.
Great. A morning person, Jordan thought bitterly. Her head was pounding and she wanted nothing more than just to get out of here and go home. Forcing a smile, she waited for his news.
“I’ve consulted with your neurologist back in Raleigh as well as looking over your x-rays from last night, and they’re all clear.” When she gave him a puzzled look, he continued. “We feared you might have a blood clot, possibly from your accident, but that’s not the case. You do, however, have a rather nasty inner ear infection. That essentially is what caused you to get dizzy when you stood, therefore causing you to f
aint.”
Jordan heaved a sigh of relief. “And my head?”
He waved his hand dismissively. “Just a minor bump from the fall.” He smiled and made some notes on Jordan’s chart. “No signs of a concussion. Our main concern in keeping you overnight was your medical history. Luckily it’s just an ear infection. We’ll give you your first dose of antibiotics now and as soon as you’re ready, you’re free to go.”
“Thank you so much,” she said with relief and a grateful smile.
“Your husband is waiting outside for you in the waiting room. I’ll tell him he can come in,” he said as he exited the room. She heard the man converse with someone briefly and figured it was probably her brother-in-law Mark, who had most likely driven down with Laura. She was sure that after last night, Rob would not willingly come back into this situation.
Jordan was climbing out of the bed and nearly fell over when Rob entered the room. He looked like hell. There were dark circles under his eyes, and it looked to Jordan as if he hadn’t slept all night. Or was that just wishful thinking?
“What are you doing here?”
“I thought it would be too hectic for Laura to bring the boys in to pick you up, so I told her I’d come and get you.” He moved only a foot into the room, afraid to get too close, gauging her reaction to his being there.
“Oh.” They stood there for long moments, struggling for something to say. “What time did Laura arrive last night? Did she get settled in okay? Is Mark with her?”
“She got in around eight,” he said flatly. “When I left, the boys were moving her luggage into your bedroom and trying to convince her to let them stay up and watch some TV.”
“I’m sure they probably played the sympathy card and, knowing my sister, she caved. She normally lets them get away with just about anything for the first few days she’s with them, and then goes back to being tough as nails.”
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