He closed his eyes and prayed he’d go back to sleep. A nightmare was preferable to thinking about his best friend dying.
Fuck.
Dinner.
Seth stumbled through his day, changing his mind about going at least once every five minutes. He barely made it through his morning classes and was glad that at least today he didn’t have any labs.
Kaden and Leah had been his two biggest supporters when he decided to go back to college and get his nursing degree. After the Army he’d spent years in construction, but with the housing bust that was far from a great occupation. After the divorce from hell-bitch number three, he’d decided why not make a clean break in all ways? His credit wasn’t totally fucked, so at least he’d been able to get a good student loan and a couple of grants for tuition. He’d had medic training in the Army and enjoyed helping people. Besides, it was one of the few occupations where demand constantly exceeded supply, especially in Florida.
At six o’clock, Seth took a deep breath and stepped into the shower. A steady diet of Tylenol and ginger tea all day had finally eased the worst of his hangover.
The bombshell pressed into his mind every few minutes. He’d be thinking about his classes, trying to run through things in his mind, then suddenly the thought.
Kaden’s dying.
Trying to memorize something.
Kaden’s dying.
Like a horrific heartbeat in his brain.
Kaden’s dying.
What the fuck would he do without his best friend? He was closer to Kaden than he was to his own brother. Emotionally, at least. He knew Leah hadn’t liked any of his three exes. Neither had Kaden, but they’d done their best to include the women into their close triad of friendship, welcomed them in.
How many times over the years had he wished he could find someone like Leah?
He wasn’t excusing his own behavior. His first doomed marriage—Kelly—was, in retrospect, an attempt to find another Leah. She’d been the spitting image of his best friend’s wife. Even Leah gently teased him about it in private.
Paula was a money-grubbing bitch who was more interested in how high Seth could raise her credit card limit.
Then, of course, there was Jackie. She’d sworn for richer or poorer, but when he told her he might have to file corporate bankruptcy because of the housing market tanking and his business going under, she’d taken off like a scalded cat.
Seth closed his eyes and rested his forehead against the cool shower tile.
Kaden’s dying.
Fuck.
He’d fought the urge—and lost—to look up pancreatic cancer at the university library between classes. After five minutes of reading he closed the book and shoved it back onto the shelf.
No, Kaden wouldn’t want to go out like his father had, wasting away in a hospital bed, sick for months before that from chemo and weakened by surgery to try to remove the tumors on his lungs.
As Kaden’s friend, after sitting on the sidelines and watching it unfold, Seth couldn’t blame him either.
Seth dug a pair of khaki slacks out of his closet and found a button-up shirt that didn’t need ironing. Normally he would just wear shorts and a T-shirt. Tonight was different.
He wasn’t sure what Kaden was asking of him. The knowledge that his best friends had this secret life for decades still shocked him. They were so…
Normal.
Kaden was a successful corporate lawyer, for chrissake. Leah didn’t work, but she volunteered tirelessly for a couple of charities and nonprofits. Hell, when they went swimming in their pool she wore a one-piece bathing suit. He’d never seen her in anything racier than a sports bra and jogging shorts.
It’d shocked him several years ago when he’d seen a tattoo on Kaden’s arm, circling his left bicep, an intricate vine pattern highlighting a small, round symbol of some sort. Kaden with a tattoo?
That was almost as shocking as seeing Santa in a lace bra and panties.
At the time, when Seth asked about it, Kaden had smiled and shrugged, said Leah liked it, and left it at that.
Seth sat in his car outside his brother’s house, simultaneously trying to talk himself into and out of dinner. If he didn’t go, maybe that would mean this wasn’t real.
But he’d promised.
Over the years, Kaden and Leah had been better to him than he could have ever asked. They’d never asked for or expected anything in return.
Ever.
Was he really going to pull the chickenshit move now that Kaden was finally making a request of him?
Just to hear him out.
He pounded the steering wheel, which set off another round of throbbing in his iffy head.
Kaden’s dying.
He didn’t handle death well. Not his own grandparents or parents. And this was Kaden.
He started his car and pointed it toward Kaden’s house.
* * * *
At the front gate, Seth punched in the code he knew by heart and drove in. The small, luxury-gated estate community was comprised of large, wooded lots of over five acres each. It was hard to believe there were fifty homes in the development. He’d built some of them, including Kaden’s. Kaden and Leah’s home sat far enough off the road you could barely make out the lights through the trees.
He parked his beat-up Mustang behind Leah’s Lexus sedan. Kaden’s new Ridgeline was parked to the side.
They’d never lorded their wealth over him. He’d never asked Kaden for money even though there were times Kaden hinted to him that if he needed a hand he’d help him out.
It was the last thing Seth wanted to do, ever, to bring money into their friendship. Even when Leah begged him to handle building their house he’d reduced the final price, not wanting to make a profit off his friends. Kaden had nailed him on that, too, asking why the cost was lower than the others he’d built and wanting to pay full price. Seth had refused to let him do that.
He’d managed to make it on his own and would keep figuring it out somehow. He’d asked Kaden for help with plenty of things over the years, but money was never one of them. And never would be.
The silence as he shut off the engine nearly deafened him and allowed the mental heartbeat to return.
Kaden’s dying.
He forced himself out of his car and walked up the winding concrete path to their front door, rang the bell.
A moment later, Leah answered.
He noticed her normally beautiful green eyes first. Tonight they looked puffy, red, swollen. Kaden had obviously broken the news. His eyes traveled down her body…
Holy fuck!
She wore a short, black leather skirt that barely hung past the bottom of her ass. He didn’t know she owned shoes like that—black, strappy, stiletto fuck-me pumps—much less ever wore them. He’d never seen her dressed in anything remotely like this. Obviously braless, her short crop top was cut low enough to nearly expose her nipples, which was ironic, because it was high enough that it barely concealed her breasts. She wasn’t big-chested, just naturally perky, more than enough for a pleasant mouthful…
Holy fuck, what am I thinking?
She normally wore her shoulder-length brown hair either down, for dressier occasions, or pulled back into a plain ponytail. He rarely saw her wear makeup. Even then she was always very conservative. Tonight she’d not only set her hair in an alluring updo, but her makeup was just a few sexy breaths on the legal side of slutty. Around her neck she wore a dainty black leather collar, with a heart-shaped lock and small silver tag affixed to the buckle.
For the first time he realized she normally wore a delicate, intricately braided silver choker around her neck, with a small charm and tag attached.
A charm like the symbol in the tattoo on Kaden’s arm. But tonight, she wore the collar.
“Hi, Seth,” she softly greeted him.
Shock briefly overrode his ability to speak. He finally managed to open his mouth and make words come out. “How are you doing, sweetie?”
A weak smile caressed her face. He fought the urge to hug her like he normally would. He couldn’t do it. Not tonight. Not when she was dressed like this, looking hotter than hell and…
Jesus, what sort of sick freak am I?
His dick throbbed in his pants anyway. He was only human. He’d been best friends with his right hand for over a year.
“I’m okay,” she replied. Her voice sounded weaker than normal. He suspected it was from grief because she wasn’t showing the slightest bit of discomfort from his eyes crawling all over her. The Leah he’d known all these years was a strong, feisty, playful woman, never mean or cruel. The two of them had developed a pleasant friendship, teasing, almost like brother and sister with a little more spice to it. He’d always carefully steered away from blatant sexual talk with her, because she was his best friend’s wife.
But he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t attracted to her. He’d always thought she was beautiful.
Especially tonight, dressed like this.
“Is he here, Leah?” Kaden called from the kitchen.
Leah motioned Seth in and closed the door behind him, started walking toward the kitchen. “Yes, Master.”
Seth had started following Leah. At her words he stopped, as if plowing into a brick wall.
Master?
Holy fuck!
He had a feeling that would be a common expression for him tonight, if what he’d just seen was any indication.
As she continued walking he spotted her tattoo, one he never knew she had. Her skirt rode low on her hips, exposing her lower torso in a way he’d never seen. In the center of her hips, just above where he imagined the cleft of her ass started, she had a tattoo, a vine design similar to Kaden’s, with the round insignia over her spine.
Leah apparently sensed he wasn’t following and turned. “Seth? Are you okay?”
He dumbly nodded and followed her.
He still hoped that at any moment the two of them would break into broad, beaming grins and laugh that they’d really suckered him in this time, setting up the next round of practical jokes amongst them.
In the kitchen Kaden stood, barefoot and dressed in jeans and a chambray shirt. He chopped vegetables at the counter. He looked up and smiled as Seth walked in.
“There you are.” He looked at Leah. “Are the steaks ready?”
She nodded. “Yes, Master.”
He leaned over and kissed her. “Good girl. Go put them on, please.” He wiped his hands on a dish towel and shook with Seth while Leah picked up a plate of steaks and took them outside to the screened lanai.
Seth’s eyes followed Leah as she disappeared through the sliding glass doors. Realizing Kaden was watching him watch his wife, Seth jerked his eyes back to his friend.
Kaden smiled. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
Seth dumbly nodded.
Kaden’s smile faded. “Just hear me out, please. Watch and listen. At the end of the evening, maybe you’ll understand a little more what and why I’m asking this of you.”
Kaden’s dying.
Stunned, Seth nodded again.
Kaden’s smile returned. He clapped Seth on the arm. “Thanks, buddy.”
* * * *
Seth settled on a barstool on the other side of the counter, his usual perch where he normally sat when he came over. He watched as Kaden prepped the rest of the vegetables. He skillfully and confidently chopped them with the large butcher’s knife, the blade making snick snick sounds against the cutting board. Leah returned from the lanai and washed her hands, then smiled at Seth before shooting a pointed look at Kaden.
Kaden met her gaze and nodded.
She turned back to Seth. “Would you like a beer?”
“Yes, please.” He suspected he’d need something a lot stronger than that when he got home.
She walked to the fridge and retrieved a bottle—his favorite brand, he realized—and she opened it for him before handing it over.
Leah always stocked his favorite brand. She always opened the bottle before handing it to him.
There were a lot of things, crazy puzzle pieces suddenly slipping into place, things he’d never noticed before and now saw in a new light.
When he’d had hernia surgery a few years earlier, between wives two and three, Kaden and Leah had insisted on bringing Seth home from the hospital to their home for a week. He’d spent the night before the surgery with them. Leah took him to the hospital the next morning, waited there for him, met him in recovery, and got all of the doctor’s discharge instructions before bringing him back to their home. Back then they’d lived just south of downtown Sarasota. Seth hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary between his friends in the time he’d stayed with them. They’d been perfectly normal.
Except the way Leah took care of him.
In a way his exes never took care of him.
The way Leah always seemed to focus on Kaden, as if anticipating his every need.
The way she focused on Seth, too, it seemed, when he was a guest in their home.
“Thanks,” he muttered, watching them.
Kaden finished with the vegetables and poured them into a foil pouch, topped it off with some seasonings before he sealed it, and handed it to Leah. “Here you go, love. Stay out there with the steaks, make sure you don’t let Seth’s go too long. You know he likes his very rare.”
“Yes, Master.” She left again. Seth found himself unable to keep his eyes off her.
Kaden leaned against the counter and took a pull from his own beer, a different brand. “You okay?”
Seth nodded, numb.
“I’ve already told her about me, as I’m sure you’ve guessed. I’ve also told her about my plans.”
Seth finally met Kaden’s intense gaze. “You cannot tell me she’s okay with this.”
“Of course she is. Ask her yourself.”
“You are not serious?”
He studied his bottle. “She’s upset, of course. She doesn’t agree with my decision to not get chemo. I’m sure she’s mad about that, but it’s something we’ll work through. She also understands why I want to do this for her.” He looked up. “Seth, she knows you. She likes you. You’re the closest thing she’s got to family besides me and mine. There isn’t anyone else I would trust with her.”
“I can barely keep my own shit together, Kade. How the hell do you expect me to take care of someone else? It’s not like I’ve got a great track record.”
Kaden’s voice lowered, nearly a whisper. “Maybe you never met the right woman before. Did you ever think about that?”
Seth didn’t answer. It was too close to a thought he’d had many nights over the years.
“She needs someone strong, Seth. I’m going to get sick, and I’m going to die.” Kaden took a deep breath. Seth sensed his friend was once again close to tears. “She needs someone to get her through this. She’s going to need someone to take care of her.”
That didn’t make any sense to Seth. “You realize lots of women lose husbands and go on to do just fine, right?”
Kaden shook his head. “Not Leah. You’ll understand when you learn more about her, about us.”
“I think you’re underestimating your wife. She’s a fucking strong woman.”
“She’s brilliant. She can do nearly anything she puts her mind to, and God help the person who gets in her way,” Kaden agreed. “But there are things she needs that keep her…that keep her sane. That keep her grounded. And there are too many assholes out there who only want a willing sub to use. They wouldn’t do for her what she needs done.”
“You’ve lost me.”
“You need to see for yourself.” He took another drink from his beer. “I talked to my friend Tony this morning. He just moved back here from Denver a few months ago. If worst comes to worst he’ll take her on as his slave, but he can’t love her the way I do.” His eyes met Seth’s. “The way you do.”
Seth reddened and dropped his gaze. “Fuck, man. She’s your wife. I don’t lov
e her.” That was a lie, and he knew it.
He just prayed Kaden didn’t know it.
“I’m not a moron. You’re not gay. You’ve got a hard-on right now. Admit it.”
Seth felt his face redden even deeper. They never talked about sex. There was one drunken night after high school graduation, before Kade went to college and he went into basic training. A bottle of tequila and a willing coed later, they’d had an incredible three-way, yet over the years they never talked about their sex lives.
“Fuck, you parade her around here dressed like that, and I’d have to be dead not to notice her.”
“She’s wearing a lot more than she normally wears.”
This couldn’t be real. Seth looked at Kaden, who wore a sly smile.
Kaden continued. “Normally she’s only got her collar on when we’re home alone. The hair and makeup aren’t normal when we’re home. That’s special for you tonight. I wanted her to look her best. Usually she wears a slightly longer skirt and shirt when we go to the club or private dungeon parties.”
“Club?” Dungeon parties?
“Yeah. There’s a private BDSM club we’re members of up in Sarasota. We usually go once a week. You’ll have fun.”
Seth sat back and held up his hands. “Whoa. Dude, I said I’d hear you out. I never promised I’d agree to this. I don’t think I can just…beat a woman.” The thought turned his stomach.
The thought of Kaden beating Leah damn near made him sick. And angry.
Kaden’s face hardened. “I do not beat my wife. I have never hit her.”
Okay, now he was confused. And more than just a little relieved. “Then what the fuck are we talking about? Isn’t that what BDSM is all about?”
“It’s one of those things I have to show you. Trust me, there’s a huge difference between what we do—which is carefully scripted and I’ve spent thousands of hours practicing so I don’t injure her—and some fucking peckerhead who takes a swing at his wife.”
He took another swallow from his beer. “As I was saying, Tony agreed that if worst comes to worst he can take her on as his slave, but there won’t be the emotional connection for her. I’m worried it wouldn’t be enough for her. If you agree to this, you can be there for her. I won’t have to worry about her after I’m gone.”
The Reluctant Dom (Siren Publishing Ménage and More) Page 2
